Punch: Punch (11.1846)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVART.

145

STRONG EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY.

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But it all is Trench's fault ; I said how 'twould be before he
Fixed your quarters, like a rebel's on the top of Temple Bar.

Here's the Don is so audacious as to say you can't come down, Sir,
Tho' the Press, the Public, Artists, swear you can and should
descend ;

Then come—for, tho' gold-yellow, you must feel you've been done
brown, Sir,

Thus dray-hoise-drawn, a butt to be, for jokes without an end !
Don G. They say you should come down, I say you can't,

[Statue nods his head.

Can you ? (ironically') Three weeks hence, eh ?

Statue (solemnly). I wilL

Don O. (with desperate audacity) You sha'n't.

Scene closes.

Sliopman. " It's my own invention, and warranted to produce a

lcxuriant crop of curls on the baldest head within four-and-twenty

Hotms-' Here's to those of the public who look through my eyes,

And here is to Wyatt and Son, sir.

TJiree weeks are supposed to have elapsed between the First and Second Acts.

ACT II.

Scene.—Don Giovanni's Dining-room. Supper on the table. Don Gio-
vanni discovered with Leporello in attendance. Don Giovanni
comes forward with a glass of wine in his hand and a bravura' air.

Duet. Don Giovanni and Leporello.
Air.—'' Here's to the maiden," 4 c.

Don G. Here's to Statue, of feet twice fifteen,
Dep. And here's to the Arch not quite sixty !
Don G. Messrs. Burton and Punch, you be—that is, I mean—
You may settle your sorrows betwixt you.

OUR DON GIOVANNI.

DRAMATIS PERSONS.
Don Giovanni .... Sir F. Trench.
Leporello . ... Punch.

Here's myself with a taste on which Rutland relies,
Dep. And here's the Committee with none, sir !

Ensemble.

ACT I.

Scene.—Hyde Park Corner, moonlight. Tlie Duke on the arch. Don
Giovanni in a state of great exhilaration. Then Leporello, looking
sad.

Don. G. (He lays great emphasis on the puns.)
The Statue in its site all London views,
Despite Times, Chronicle, and Daily News /
Burton looks thin, and the reverse of jolly—
Quite an " Anatomy of Melancholy."

[ Winks at Leporello, who smiles feebly and with much inward suf-
fering.

The book—you know ? [Leporello intimates that he sees the point.

I've silenced artists' slang,
And put down what a wag (with a significant glance) called the " ■press-
gang"
You take it—eh ?

Lep. (much dejected) Alas !
Don G. Let me explain—■

Lep. ( With eagerness, and very passionately)
No !—but for mercy's sake don't pun again.

Don G. Impudent rogues ! How cleverly we've rooked 'em,
And raised the Iron Duke to an Arch-dukedom.

[Leporello waves his hand deprecatingly—but seems unable to remon-
strate in words.
Statue. Oh, horrible ! most horrible !
Don G. Who spoke?

Lep. (alarmed) Some spirit, taken ill, sir, at your joke t
Don G. (gazing with pride on the Statue)
How do, your Grace ? ( With indecent familiarity) Hope you begin to
settle ;

( With a going-to-say-a-good-thing air)
A wag would say you are a man of metal.

[Leporello expresses great internal agony.
Statue. Hence, bold bad man ! What thou ha3t made me, see,
And do not insult add to injury !

Don G. (To Lep.) Speak to him, sirrah. Say, if he's not funning—
And will come down to-night—I '11 pay for punning.

Song—Lzporello.
Air.—"0 Statua."
0. Statue most ridiculous of a great commander Tory,

Lep.

Let three weeks pass !
The Don is an ass !
I warrant he equals the Statue for
brass !

Don. G.
Let three weeks pass
To prove Burton an ass,
And the Statue and self both un-
equalled for brass !

Don G. What ho ! strike up, my fiddlers, long and loud !
The job is done, and Taste to Trench hath bowed ;
The Statue stands, that great " Green Man and Still,"
" Fixed as the Monument on Pish Street Hill! "
To-night the three weeks end—still on the Arch.

Lep. Remember Caesar, and his Ides of March !

Don G. Pooh, pooh ! " the Competent" are silent too ;
He don't come down—till they say to him "Do."

[.4 tremendous knock is Jteard.
That knock ! go answer it ; perhaps, tho' late,
Our triumph Rutland comes to celebrate.

[Leporello going, starts back in horror.

Lep. Oh, Sir !

Don 67. What means this funk ?—I wish to know.

Lep. (pointing to door) The Monster Duke ! He comes in Statu quo.

Enter the Colossus.

Statue. Tho' to get through your door required a jam,
I've left my horse outside,—and here I am !

Don G. (with affected gaiety) What, down again ! Then it's all up
with me !

Statue (solemnly). Repent thy puns ! Hardened iniquity !

Come ! [_Seizes him.

Don G. Nay ! I listen not,—unless perforce,—
To overtures from you or your " Bronze Horse."
Statue. That pun shall be thy last. \_Raising him in the air.

Don G. (with reckless mirth). Why then, my brick,
I'm like the cobbler ;—to my last I '11 stick !

\Tlie Statue unscrews its head,and engulfs Don Giovanni in the hollow
of its body. As it replaces its head the scene closes.

Honest Christina.

The French papers give a very minute account of the various
robberies of plate and jewels committed by Queen Christina before
her flight to France. A few days ago, some rebellious Spaniard (he
had no doubt been in England) affixed to her carriage a placard,

Fardon for any jokes I've cracked on the place in which you are ; | bearing—" Goods carefully removed