Punch (12.1847)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

161

WONDERFUL ESCAPE FROM THE TREADMILL.

One of those farcical entertainments which have been played three
or four times lately every season in the neighbourhood of St. James's
Street, came off last week. Marlborough Street Police Office pre-
sented quite a gay and dashing appearance.

The vulgar "night charges" were supplanted by some score
gentlemen "of fashionable exterior," the haul of a police inspector,
made the night before at a Hell in Bennett Street. Of course there
was no proof against them. There never is. They were discharged.
They always are. We cannot conceive why or wherefore police
commissioners issue orders, and police inspectors make descents upon
such houses. The law used to say, " You must catch people playing."
This of course was very much as if it had said to the constable, " You
must catch the thief stealing." This mockery is now felt to be too
barefaced.

Gambling, within the last ten years, has become less fashionable.
Lords and Commons are no longer quite so tolerant towards the
hazard-table. So the law has been altered, and now runs, " You must
find gambling instruments." But it is only putting up an iron door
or two, strong enough to defy an inspector and a sledge-hammer, and
providing a convenient hiding-place for roulette-boards, rakes, dice-box,
«nd counters, and the hell-frequenters and hell-keepers, the demons
and their victims, may laugh at the law as safely as ever.

It is very curious, this law never wants proof to convict forger, or
thief, or burglar ; but gamblers somehow slip through its iron fingers

like eels. Certainly awkward effects might now and then follow if its-
grasp were a little more tenacious. It would be disagreeable to find in
the Times' police report, a list of the noble and distinguished company
present at Mr. Hardwick's matinee correctionelle at Malborough Street.
And the public feeling would be severely outraged by the occasional exhi-
bition of a noble lord taking out a summary "three weeks" at Brixton,
or of a distinguished popular leader on the wheel in Tothill Fields.

Otherwise there would be no great difficulty in the matter. But the
existence of such iron doors as guard these Hells, like Dante's—and-
which might fitly bear the same inscription,

"All hope abandon, ye who enter here,"

—may be made an evidence against the house and those found in it.
The presumption would not be too violent.

Gentlemen do not usually barricade themselves within iron-plattd
panels for purposes of innocent conviviality. We never remember
being asked to an inoffensive supper and sinless cigars, where we had
to run the gauntlet of three strong doors with a wicket in each, and a
gentleman of the Hebrew-Caucasian race taking a careful survey of our
person before admission. This fashion is peculiar to certain hospitable
first floors about St. James's ; and we cannot think their proprietors
would have any reason to complain if the rude hand of a Secretary of
State doomed them to the fate which has fallen on their suburban
brethren at Ascot and Epsom.

NEWS OF THE COMING MAN.

This important individual, who has been so long announced, and
who has so long disappointed the public, has been spoken with at
Jerusalem. When addressed, the only answer he gave was that of a
waiter—" Coming, coming, Sir." He is expected in London very
shortly, and will take up his residence at Mr. Disraeli's in Duke
Street. Immense preparation i are being made for him in a new 3 vol.
novel, which, it is rumoured, will about finish Tancred. Holywell
Strict wi'l illuminate on the ni^ht of the arrival of the Coming Man.

PROTECTION FOR SERVANT MAIDS.

We beg to call attention to the mischief arising from allowing the
Lriiii-h soldier to go about in his red coat. The police reports inform
us of the conviction, at the Middlesex Sessions, of one David Ratcliffe,
a grenadier, for purloining the purse of a servant girl, at a concert to
which they had gone in company. Mr. Serjeant Adams, in his
charge to the jury, said ihat—

" It was extraordinary to what an extent domestic servants suffered themselves to be
duped by soldiers. They were foolish enough to be charmed, as it were, by the tall and
portly figure of a fine young felow encased in a scarlet jacket, to such an extent that they
actually placed their reputation at stake for the mere pleasure of walking arm-in-arm
with him. He (the judge) was sorry to see girls were such fools, but he supposed it was
an infatuation they could not avoid."

The wise precaution which disarmed the soldier, whilst off duty, of
his bayonet, has prevented him from the commission of much man-
slaughter ; but it does not hinder him from committing woman-slaughter
to an extent which is truly frightful. He no longer gratuitously runs
people through the body, but he inflicts the most wanton injuries on the
female heart. It is absolutely necessary that he should be deprived of
the dangerous weapons which enable him to commit these outrages.
He really must not be suffered to be at large in his uniform. He must
doff the scarlet whilst he walks the streets, and exchange the military
cap for tho plain oil-skin or gossamer. We now begin to see that

Prince Albert had some reason for inventing his celebrated hat. In
that, perhaps, there is small danger. But let the soldier be divested of
his red coat when he mingles with his fellow-citizens. In the mean-
while, with what security or confidence can we intrust our nursing-
maid with our children, or our cook with our leg of mutton ?

THE NATIONAL THEATRES.

At the General Theatrical Fund Dinner, Mr. Macbeady, in Lis
capacity of chairman, is reported by the Daily News to have said—

" That the present was a theatrical assembly, and he would propose to them as a toast,
those great national theatres which had the civilised world for their audiences, which
contained many excellent actors, and what was far more, many great and good men,—
he meant the two Houses of Parliament."

Mr. Macreadt has given utterance to a notion we have long
entertained, that

" Parliament's a stage,
And honourable members merely players."

The House of Commons, as at present constituted, forms a strong com-
pany of comedians ; but since the time of Burke, whose famous dagger
scene is still remembered, it has been rather deficient in tragic talent.

Black and White Distinctions.

Four of the four thousand Ethiopian Serenaders at present in
England applied for berths on board the Cambria, to return to their
native Ethiopia, but were refused on account of their colour. It was
only when they had taken the soot off their faces, and had washed
their hands of the foul disgrace of being genuine blacks, that they
were allowed to associate with the American passengers. We wonder
the Yankees, in their hatred of everything black, do not, when they
represent Olhello, make him a white General.