Punch (30.1856)

February 16, 1856.]

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

GO

goodness, as of the broad marks of Evil, slashed and grooved in the
countenances of rogues and swindlers; whether it is this, or whether
it is too continuous a study of crowned heads on Mint metal—I, Mr.
Punch, will not decide ; but I must declare my conviction that, for the
most part, London tradesmen are so lamentably ignorant that they
cannot read a word of two syllables, namely, the word " Newgate,"
though it be written in the whole oval of a face, from the scalp
to the chin.
Otherwise, my dear Sirs, how could that transparent rascal — a
swindler as visible as a policeman's bull's-eye—that Captain Eitz-
millefleurs, have made such a razzia of the. whole West End?
How could Count Topemoff have made such levies ? How could the
Chevalier de Bunkem, with a mouth as open to conviction as the
Penitentiary Gate, how could he have sacked half Regent Street ?
No: London tradesmen cannot read faces: and it, was, at the least,
ungenerous in Lord Campbell to taunt them with their ignorance.
Well, my dear Sirs, the jury gave the young gentlewoman for damages
the sum of £20, and the virtuous public is indignant. "It ought to
have been five, ten, twenty times twenty," cry the Smiths, the
Browns, the Robinsons. And here it is, Gentlemen, that Mr. Punch
would—whilst condoling with you—rebuke these folks, so very thought-
less in the intense virtue of their profound indignation.

RECTIFICATION OF THE BOUNDARY OF
IIAMPSTEAD HEATH.
Now would be just Sir
IlIOilAS MaRYON
Wilson's time for
getting a bill ena-
bling him to enclose
Hampstead Heath
smuggled through
Parliament. Every-
body's attention
beingengrossedwith
matter so momen-
tous as the Peace
Negotiations and
our relations with
America, the inte-
rests of the Cock-
neys are little likely
to obtain the

Mr. Punch, then, says to these public censors: Granted, twenty j SggK XV •-■^mjS^^^Km^^mSk \:' slightest
pounds are not much; nay, as a reparation to the outraged lady, it is ! ^^^^^^^^^^^^to^ctMJ i of° consideration
very paltry. But, still consider the. condition of Messrs. Sowerby ajgg^jp^j===: '^^M^^^^^Ski Whether the mouth
and Tat ham. Poor men! There are law expenses; no trifle: and '^^t^^g^^^J^SSi of ihe Danube'shall
mrther, there may be a loss, a daily loss, to their very elegant esta- .-^^■^■fe==-jnr~ZKi. Mm?9M\ [-^raSHi be free is a question
blishment in what may not be taken over the counter. Timid ladies may ^E^—-_-- ^^^rw^l^ which 'bids fair to
pause at Ihe threshold, and nervously ask themselves, if they are quite —^ >__-- —_ ~ ff i".'~S.s exclude all solicitude
sure their money is good ? Their fluttering bosoms may be agitated fSglSSilllii^ Iff |l as ^Q ^ue extent of
by the idea of a policeman ; and they may be almost ready to drop—as M____- M —:f=5^~ ranrre which shall be
they often are—at a half-thought of the station-house and the searcher! '- '=^~r,jM-j,f77^^^^h accorded to donkevs
It is therefore, Gentlemen, that I, Punch, condole with you upon the \. ; _ ^^^^^J^S^^^ft-^.--' gn(j ^eir rj(]ers \n
aggregate misfortunes attending you, in the too prompt cashier, in the

unkind, to say the least of it, aspersion of Lord Campbell,—and in the
probable timidity of the feminine public aforesaid. In the depths of
my sympathy, I beg you to
Accept the assurance of my consideration,


and about the Vale of
Health. The rectifl
cation of the Czar'&
boundary will pre-occupy senators who would otherwise no^ be indifferent
or unconcerned respecting the limits prescribed to Wilson by his
father's will. Now, then, Sir Thomas Maryon Wilson may push

P.S. I would advise you-by way of memento-to have nailed to your ! }is ™l hf on Wlth ?°tod \°f °f f*CCf,?L JStll/1* ^
counter two half-crowns. Perhaps you may obtain the identical two least ,alar™edK' or tvf mteresftf b* >\\e P Tt o Hs iS he
all too rashly condemned by h J.vl, the cLhier, as tendered by Miss ™d'nf± ^t 'Z il^S^ l^Zt Jt

Ellen Greaves, the gentlewoman, carrying in her face heaven's " letter
of recommendation."

BORN PHYSICIANS OP THE STATE.
The creation of Mr. Justice Parke a peer for the term of his
natural life will, it is expected, give rise to much discussion in the
Upper House. It will be considered in the light of an attack on the
principle of hereditary legislatorship, regarded by many hereditary
legislator?, and their tailors, and other dependents, as one of the bul-
warks of the British constitution. By other noblemen it will be con-
sidered as a step towards rendering the Peerage a natural nobility. A
compromise may be proposed between those who consider that the
capacity of legislation has to be acquired, and those who deem it
hereditary. As the son of a doctor is not lecognised as a born physician

name of the Leases and Sales of Settled Estates Bill, which, according
to the Lord Chancellor, is a similar measure to one which passed
their Lordships' house last session ; but which, having been altered by
the House ot Commons, " with reference to a particular case," did not
become law. It is now going, or has gone, down to the lower House,
minus the alteration in reference to "that particular case." The
following remarks, which fell from Lord Colchester on the second
reading of the bill in question, will no doubt, set the Metropolitan mind
quite at rest with reference to the particular case in point : —
"Lord Colchester said, that the effect of the bill which had been introduced on
the part of Sir T. M. Wilson would not be, as was generally alleged, the Enclosure ot
Hampstead Heath, and would not he to deprive ihe public of any enjoyment they
derived from that favourite place of resort."
The vexatious vigilance and jealousy of the London public and its
representatives having been, as of course they will be, completely lulled
by the above assurance, nobody of course will take the trouble to

so neither let the son of a peer be, simply as such, accepted as a born inquire, whether Lord Colchester is mistaken or not in the vhw

lawmaker,
But, on the other hand, as in the medical profession, the seventh son
of a seventh son is popularly esteemed a naturally qualified practitioner,
so, not the eldest son, but the seventh son of the seventh son of a peer,
might be entitled, on the mere ground of birth, to a seat in the House
of Lords ; and if this plan were adopted, the hereditary element in that
august assembly would, without being abolished, be reduced to that
proportion, ia which it would operate most advantageously for the
national welfare.
A Bitter Plant.
Some wicked wag of a friend has planted a beggar at the gafes of
the British Embassy at Paris. He is in attendance every evening after
eight o'clock, and it is his business to offer, according to the Parisian
custom, toothpicks for sale to every one who leaves the Embassy. It
is quite clear that the beggar can only have been planted there from
the mere love of sport and practical joking; for upon inquiry we have
ascertained that, though he has been stationed at his post regularly
every night for the last two months, he has not yet sold a single tooth-
pick. In fact, every visitor, to whom he makes the offer, rejects it
with the greatest derision and contumely. He has narrowly escaped
being chastised for his impuderjee more than once.

" Best Seconds."—Quakers, or friends that give information to the
Police, so that you are not allowed to fight,

which he takes of the prospective operation of the bill that has been
introduced on the part of Sir T. M. Wilson. Sir T. M, by the
exercise of a little adroitness, will be in a position to reap the reward
of his long-suffering, and slip any little clause which may suit his
convenience under noses engaged upon another scent. The Heath
will then no longer be trodden by an unprofitable public; trim villas,
surrounded by green fences, and gleaming in the splendour of stucco
and compo, will arrest the gaze of the genteel and the progress ot tin;
vulgar; the mob will be restricted to the premises of its own Jack-
Straw, and well-dressed children will pluck flowers on the site of the
ponds where coarsely-clad urchins now catch sticklebacks.

Deterioration of the English Public.
In something more than three-and-twenty nights, the Drury Lane
Manager has, he tells us, taken £23,000. This is at about a thousand
pounds a-night. When Drury Lane was at its highest prices, it was
once made to hold £900. This was when George the Fourth, after
a long retirement, appeared in the Royal box, and the loyal public were
only too happy to pay to be allowed to stand in the lobbies or sit on
the staircases. And now, it seems, the present proprietor of Drury
Lane, at something less than half-prices, takes nearly a thousand pounds
per night! What does this prove, but that Englishmen have undergone
a frightful deterioration of bulk and stature since the reign of Ellis-
ton ; it being very plain two Englishmen of our time hardly occupying
the place of one in his day !