Punch: Punch (70.1876)

Mat 13, 1876.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

195

IN HIS EASTER TRIP TO VENICE

Mr. Punch tries on an Italian Uniform, and oh ! wouldn't he like to
wear it for twelve months !

WHITETHORN WINTER.

Christmas comes but once a year*;

So metarules the first of May,
Coming1 thus with cold severe,

Seems another Christmas Day.
Stormy sleet, and rain, and hail,

Pelt the plains with frequent showers ;
East and north-east winds prevail;

Sear the leaves, and bite the flowers.

Mid the crankled foliage green,

Bright still glows the scarlet berry.
Merry Christmas though we've seen,

Can't we make May likewise merry ?
Whilst the sky is full of snow,

Deck the wall with sprigs of holly,
Hang on high the mistletoe.

And indulge in rampant folly.

Drink until we've had enough,

And continue drinking after.
Hunt the slipper and blind-man's-buff

Play with merry peals of laughter.
As at Yule, to keep our souls

In our bodies warm,—poor fellows !—
Let us stir the blazing coals ;

Sing " Old Pose a?id burn the bellows! "

Merry Christmas folk so name,

Since 'tis made a festive season;
Merry May should have the same,

If it is to have a reason.
May, too, if but once a year

It comes with Polar blasts and breezes,
Surely ought to bring good cheer,

As it blows and snows and freezes.

A Happy Couple.

We believe we break no confidence in stating that
arrangements are being made in Baker Street for the
speedy introduction of a historical group, comprising
the Earl of Warwick, otherwise called the King-maker,
and the Right Hon. Disraeli, otherwise called the
Empress-maker.

Recreation for the Insane.*—Modern Burlesque.
(Pimch perfectly agrees.)

* See recent account of performances at the Leavesden Lunatic
Asylum.

MARTIAL IN LONDON.

" Die, Musa, quid agat Canius meus Eufus ?
* * * *

Vis scire, quid agat Canius tuus ? Ridet."

Epigram, iii. 20.

Oh merry Muse of whim and wit,

Whom I delight in wooing,
Just tell me, ere this rhyme is writ,

What is Disraeli doing ?

Does he bemoan the Suez loan
Twixt Bulls and Bears be-chaffered?

Does he with pity hear the groan
Of over-worked Sir Stafford ?

Has he a fancy in his brain

With something new to play tricks,
Now Russian dangers have been slain

By dubbing Imperatrix ?

Will he reverse the tide of Stock,
And end the worry we 're amid,

Pulling old Egypt into dock
By purchasing a Pyramid ?

Is he, while puzzling Bull and Bear

From Pekin to Ontario,
Planning a sequel to Lothair—

Its hero turned Lothario ?

Where'er his devious steps may wend,

Whomever he is chaffing,
At Whig and Tory, foe and friend,

Most, at himself—he's laughing.

THE BRITISH ARMY OF THE FUTURE.
[A Possibility.)

Scene—The Barrack Square. Present—Captain {Commanding
Detachment) and Colour Sergeant.

Captain. Well, Sergeant ?
Sergeant {saluting). All present, Sir.

Captain. Dear me. Very small muster. Give me the roll.

Sergeant {saluting). Here, Sir.

Captain {reading). Hem! Corporal Snooks.

Sergeant. Employed on special duty at the Admiralty, Sir.

Captain. Lance Corporal Jones,

Sergeant. Temporarily transferred to the India Office, Sir.

Captain. Privates Smith, Snooks, Singer, Songer, and Thomp-
kins. Where are they ? I see you have bracketed them together.

Sergeant. Yes, Sir, they are doing duty at the Audit Office.
| Captain. Good gracious! Then where are the rest of the
company ?

Sergeant. Military Clerks at the War Office, if you please, Sir.
That is to say, Sir, with the exception of Private Thomas Atkins,
Sir.

Captain. And where is Private Thomas Atkins ?

Sergeant. In the Guard Room, Sir. Prisoner, if you please, Sir.

Captain. You can dismiss the parade, Sergeant.

Sergeant {saluting). Yes, Sir.

Scene closes in.

a contradiction in terms.

They call England the Mother Country of the United States.
How can that be, when it is to the United States that England owes
her Beeing ?