Punch (71.1876)

60

PUNCH, OK, THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 12, 1876.

Rulers with the Denominationalists, and set up the hacks of the
Secularists, and Nonconformists, and Anti-Sectarians in the same
degree, and the House was left dividing—in a state wherein exas-
peration and perspiration seemed struggling for supremacy—till
half-past four on Friday morning !

Friday [Lords).—Lord Northbrook and the Marquis of Salis-
bury shook hands, like!well-conditioned gentlemen. The Baring-
reign is over, and the Marquis protests he never meant his reign
to be overbearing.

(Commons.)—Gradual recovery of reason after last night's de-
lirium. All as eager to agree, as they were in this morning's small
hours to differ. Mr. Forster moves repeal of the 25th section of
the. Act of 1870—the old bone of contention, over which there was so
much snarling in its day ; and Lord Sandon, instead, provides that
Boards of Guardians, everywhere, may pay the fees for children
whose parents can't pay, at the Schools of the parents' choice. So
the Act reaches Third Reading, after a narrow escape of shipwreck
in sight of port, on the rock of Pell's clause.

Bill for 'better Pollution of Rivers passed Third Reading, the
manufacturers having strained out of it the little stringency
Mr. Booth had left in.

HAPPY THOUGHTS.

A Thrilling Incident—An Arrest—Notes on Legal Forms_ and
Reforms, made on the Fusion Platform—The Bell just going to
Ring.

r~usTON Station.—Very few
I people. Consequently
Guard (with Irish brogue
—everybody seems sud-
denly to have an Irish brogue)
peculiarly civil.

Happy Thought.
—When going to
France, speak
French: when going
to Ireland, speak
Irish—that is, try

Supply. Education Estimates.

Mb. A. B. Hope and Lord Elcho spoke an urgent word for the
British Museum Staff, at once the most efficient and worst-paid body
under Government. The protest came with appropriate grace from
Hope—hope long-deferred. Mr. W. H. Smith promised that any
advance should be a discriminating advance.

It is wonderful how intensely careful the Treasury grows oyer a
proposed rise in the salaries of the one set of specially qualified
scholars and archaeologists in the Government service. Not a staff
of the most commonplace clerks in the most routine office but can
give the British Museum assistants long odds in the way of salary.
Yet when a rise to something like the usual official level is asked for,
what a marvellously nice conscience is brought to bear on their
case by Mr. W. H. Smith—"while the Government desired to do
justice to a staff of gentlemen, than whom none could be more able,
they were at the same time conscious of the responsibility which
rested on them not to give more in any case, or under any circum-
stances, than the just claims of the officers entitled them to receive."

By all means, Mb. Smith. Who asks you to do otherwise ? Only
do that, and the British Museum Staff, and Punch, will be perfectly
satisfied. But do that, if you please, Mr. Smith, and you, Messieurs
Treasury Clerks,

" Who, 'neath the eye of Lingen and of Law,
"Wield the cheese-parer, and the save-all stern,
Sacred to candle-ends,"

be fair to culture for once.

Lord Sandon's Education Estimates, English, show a rise of
£158,492 ; Scotch, of £81,817, with excellent results for the money ;
the Irish estimates, a rise of some'£21,810 in teachers' salaries and
allowances, against a reduction of some £15,000 in school-farms,
school-apparatus, and teachers' residences. The Act of last Session
has failed to improve the payment of teachers ; but Government
is still tinkering at it, rather than boldly making the proper pay-
ment of teachers out of a national rate compulsory. The im-
provement of the National School Teachers' position is the key to
all real improvement of Ireland, and the needful work has yet to be
done.

Sir W. Harcourt raised the nice question whether Mr. Sclater-
Booth's Rivers Pollution Bill is better than nothing. If Sir

William wants JL: ranch's opinion, that is precisely the right 'f^Sllf; ^H^^^^^^^^"-" the brogue. To'keep

estimate of it—just better, than nothing; how little better, Punch "-mBk&f^- 'ylfflBl wJH^OTt^m^—up this illusion, I
cannot hnd any word to express. . Jmu " - ^^^^^^^Ba^^^few IV r\ ' ' assume, occasion-

After an attempt at a Count-Out, another night was added to \ flaU ~~ ^i/^^^^^^^^^^mt , aiiy an(i diffident'

those already lost this Session in attempting to induce the House to \\\^R\Vg~'^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^P^^|i Ffrr^: ly, a brogue,
release the nine Irish political prisoners still in confinement. The imMIS^P—^—^K^^^^^"::5S^ ^n 0T^er to give
debate was remarkable for Mr. Bbight's appearance as an advocate WB^\Wlf'o^g^~~ZZl .^jf^^a^ the Guard an in-

for the release of the prisoners—including the two still in prison for JjfB» xlBBjJ^^ig^^^^j^^^^^^:^-^^^ terest in me over
the shooting of Brett, the Manchester policeman, and the soldiers — and above a shilling,

who have violated their oath of enlistment. Mb. Bright went ^^^^^^-^^S^^^g^s, — it would be as well

further than his best friends are likely to go with him. He /=s^-~ <^ _j fa pretend to be a

argued against the established rule of law, that concert in a joint
purpose to violate the law makes common guilt; and contended
that a soldier's breaking his oath is not a more heinous offence
than another man's. Punch finds it difficult to say which doctrine
strikes him as the more dangerous.

The weather was too hot for the subject, and the House broke out
more than once in highly inflammatory utterances. But the Motion
was lost by 117 to 51.

Wednesday.—The centre of interest was shifted from St. Stephen's
to the Mansion House, though with Disraeli and Derby absent.

Nobody would listen to Chairman Raikes on Parliamentary
Agents, and the Major's friends, without the Major, succeeded in
talking out Me. Smyth's Irish Sunday Closing Bill.

Thursday [Lords).—The Law Lords Cairns and Selborne had out
the Extradition argument. Lord Chancellor of Chancellors Punch
gives it for Lord Selborne against the Government. Lord Cairns
failed to make any better case than Lord Derby before him.

Foreign Office has blundered. Fish scores a triumph, and the
gallows-bird flits in safety to and fro across the Atlantic.

(Commons.)—Sir Wilfrid Lawson wailed over the rejection of
Mr. Smyth's Sunday Closing Bill yesterday, and fell foul of the
inoffensive Raikes for insisting on his talk about Parliamentary
Agents, who, as Raikes explained, were more interesting to him than
all the Sunday Closing Bills that ever were or would be.

Lord Hartington moved a protest against Pell his clause, and
Lord Sandon replied, and the House divided—182 to 120 ; and all
that trouble seemed at an end, when the ill-starred Sandon and
the rash Sir Staeeord, not satisfied with the week lost and the
heats raised, in this state of the weather too, by Pell's fire-brand,
must give countenance to that Haramzadeh, Lord Robebt Montagu,
in flinging all the fat in the fire by a clause compelling Guardians
to pay the fees of children whose parents are too poor to pay them,
at Denominational schools.

This exactly suiting the Roman Catholics' book, united the Home-

Fenian Leader, in
disguise, escaping, or a Home-Ruler in difficulties. The_ Guard is
eyeing me suspiciously, which is satisfactory (as, in travelling alone,
a journey should be made exciting, somehow), when a respectable-
looking person in black comes on to the platform, looks sharply
right and left of him, walks straight up to me, bows, asks me if I
am myself, and before I have determined upon a course of action—
that is, whether to admit, or deny, my identity—he produces two
envelopes, one long and large, the other small but bulky, shows me
the address, observes, " For you, Sir, I believe ? " and, as I murmur
an affirmative, he opens the bulky one himself, takes out two sove-
reigns and a few shillings, hands them to me, observing, " For you,
Sir, from Plumpton and Spry."

Happy Thought {undoubtedly).—Pocket the coin.
Suppose, even, that this is an amiable and harmless lunatic, who
goes about thinking himself Plumpton and Spry (whoever they
may be—clearly not twins), and giving people sovereigns, still,
evidently, one should not refuse to accept the gifts, if only to keep
him quiet. .

Guard watching intensely. He has made up his mind that 1 am
some one in disguise—Fenian probably—only the two sovereigns
have puzzled him. He has his eye on us.

" From Plumpton and Spry's," says the respectable man m
black. "Mr. Plumpton heard you were going away to Ireland
from Mr. Birkett, and so he thought he would just catch you before
you were off." Whereupon he hands me the long, legal-looking

envelope. _ .

I open the paper. It is headed, " In the High Court of Justice.
Is it a practical joke ? No ; the Clerk for Messrs. Plumpton and
Spry explains that I am subpoena'd as a Witness m a question ot
right of way. , , .

But what an awfully startling form to a nervous temperament is
this subpoena paper. The medical profession ought to protest
against it, on physical grounds ; the clergy on moral grounds. Let
me put the case. You are an innocent man, but a nervous one.