DOI Heft:
January to June, 1844
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16519#0049
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
51
Clerk of the Crown.
Now,—Stephen Parker, of St. Andrew's Street.
No answer ! Stephen Parker ! Hilly ! ho !
Ho, Stephen ! Come or forfeit fifty pounds.
No answer ! Well, then, let us call the next.—
Benjamin Eaton !
Mr. Eaton (springing forward.)
Eaton is my name !
My lord ! I lately from a scaffold fell :
Alighting on my back--
Chief Justice.
Hold ! hold, I charge thee.
We'll listen to your accident anon !
At present we but want the jurors' names.
[Mr. Eaton retires to the lack of the Court.
Clerk of the Crown.
The jury all have answered to their names,
And now we will proceed to swear them in.—
James Hamilton, you '11 please to take the book.
[Mr. Hamilton is sworn.
Now Captain Edward Roper.
Captai». Roper (advancing.)
I am he !
Time was, when I was stalwart, stout, and strong ;
But now I'm old—even my voice is weak.
This affidavit's stronger than my tongue.
[Hands in an affidavit.
Mr. O'Connell.
Permit me, Sir, to see that affidavit. [Looking at it.
Why, faith 'tis nothing but a declaration.
Captain Roper.
My lords, I'm dreadfully rheumatic also.
Chief Justice.
No matter ! Captain Roper must be sworn.
Quick—the next name !
Clerk of the Crown.
The next is Stephen Parker.
Mr. Parker.
My lord, my health-■
Mr. Vance (interrup'ing him )
I'm here for Stephen Parker 1
Chief Justice.
Who's that ? intruding thus upon the Court.
Mr. Vance.
My name, my lord, is Vance.
Chief Justice.
Let Vance be sworn.
Now, Sir, inform us who and what you are.
Mr. Vance.
My name is Vance ; I've sold your lordship drugs.
Chief Justice.
I do remember—an apothecary—
But what have you to do with Stephen Parker ?
Mr. Vance.
I have attended him for three long years ;
He labours under horrid nervousness.
I saw him after dinner, yesterday,
And he was then as nervous as the leaf
Which quivers on the aspen.
Chief Justice.
He's excused.
[Exeunt Messrs Vaxce and Parker, laughing In :he ',r .utcues
Clerk of the Crown.
Now give the book at once to Edward Clarke,—
There's no objection—Edward Clarke is sworn.
Benjamin Eaton.—Give the book to him.
Mr. Eaton (coming forward.)
Last May, upon a scaffold's giddy top
Full twenty feet above the earth I stood,
Some how or other—how, it matters not—
Whether 'twas sudden dizziness, or fear,
Or accident, or anything beside,
I know not—but I fell—and my poor back
C<uue on the kerb with fearful violence.
Chief Justice.
Enough, enough, the Court will hear no more ;
F»eiijamin Eaton—must be—is—excused.
Clerk of the Crown.
John Croker, Francis Faulkner, Henry Flynn,
As well as Henry Thompson, Anson Floyd,
Are called, and having answered to their names,
Have taken each the book, and each is sworn.
Chief Justice.
That's well ! and even more—'tis very well !
But, to the next.
Clerk of the Crown.
John Rigby is the next.
What, ho ! John Rigby—Rigby, John ! appear.
Mr. Rigby.
That I am Rigby, that my name is John,
And, therefore, I, John Rigby, I confess—
But yet I'm not John Rigby.
Chief Justice.
Pray explain.
Mr. Rigby.
If John and Rigby were my only names,
Then I should be John Rigby plain enough ;
But having been accustomed from my youth
To bear, besides the names which I have named,
Another name, that is not John or Rigby,
I do submit John Rigby is not I.
Chief Justice.
In mercy, sir, unravel straight this yarn
Which you have spun but to entangle us
In such a web of mystery and doubt,
That we can scarcely see our way at all.—
Are you John Rigby, sir, or are you not ?
Mr. Rigby.
If being John, and being also Rigby,
Makes me John Rigby, then, I own, I'm he ;
But if, by being more, I'm rendered less,
Then am I not John Rigby.
Chief Justice.
Pray explain.
Mr Rigby.
My parents, or my godfathers, or both,—
Or it might be, my godfathers alone,
For they have often in such things a voice,—
Gave me the name of John.
Chief Justice.
Zounds, Mister Rigby,
If you were christened John, you are John Rigby.
Mr. Rigby.
Nay, hear me out, my Lord. They called me John •
But more than that, they called me Jason, too.
And so, John Jason Rigby is my name.
Chief Justice.
Is it for this you have detained the Court,
Consumed the public time, delayed the trial,
And put my patience to a fearful test I
Swear him at once !
Mr. Rigby.
My Lord, I-
Chief Justice.
Swear him—swear s
Clerk of the Court.
John Rigby-
Mr. Rigby.
Jason Rigby, if you please.
Chief Justice.
Let him be sworn without another word
I'd rather be an usher of the Court,
And bellow " Silence ! " to the talking crowd,
'J ban let the Bench be fool'd as Rigby's fool'.I us.
Clerk of the Crown.
He's sworn, my Lord ; and so are all the re6t.
Chief Justice.
To trial, then. Let counsel do their best ;
And may our friends the public, gathered rtuud,
Be satisfied, whate'er the verdict found.
51
Clerk of the Crown.
Now,—Stephen Parker, of St. Andrew's Street.
No answer ! Stephen Parker ! Hilly ! ho !
Ho, Stephen ! Come or forfeit fifty pounds.
No answer ! Well, then, let us call the next.—
Benjamin Eaton !
Mr. Eaton (springing forward.)
Eaton is my name !
My lord ! I lately from a scaffold fell :
Alighting on my back--
Chief Justice.
Hold ! hold, I charge thee.
We'll listen to your accident anon !
At present we but want the jurors' names.
[Mr. Eaton retires to the lack of the Court.
Clerk of the Crown.
The jury all have answered to their names,
And now we will proceed to swear them in.—
James Hamilton, you '11 please to take the book.
[Mr. Hamilton is sworn.
Now Captain Edward Roper.
Captai». Roper (advancing.)
I am he !
Time was, when I was stalwart, stout, and strong ;
But now I'm old—even my voice is weak.
This affidavit's stronger than my tongue.
[Hands in an affidavit.
Mr. O'Connell.
Permit me, Sir, to see that affidavit. [Looking at it.
Why, faith 'tis nothing but a declaration.
Captain Roper.
My lords, I'm dreadfully rheumatic also.
Chief Justice.
No matter ! Captain Roper must be sworn.
Quick—the next name !
Clerk of the Crown.
The next is Stephen Parker.
Mr. Parker.
My lord, my health-■
Mr. Vance (interrup'ing him )
I'm here for Stephen Parker 1
Chief Justice.
Who's that ? intruding thus upon the Court.
Mr. Vance.
My name, my lord, is Vance.
Chief Justice.
Let Vance be sworn.
Now, Sir, inform us who and what you are.
Mr. Vance.
My name is Vance ; I've sold your lordship drugs.
Chief Justice.
I do remember—an apothecary—
But what have you to do with Stephen Parker ?
Mr. Vance.
I have attended him for three long years ;
He labours under horrid nervousness.
I saw him after dinner, yesterday,
And he was then as nervous as the leaf
Which quivers on the aspen.
Chief Justice.
He's excused.
[Exeunt Messrs Vaxce and Parker, laughing In :he ',r .utcues
Clerk of the Crown.
Now give the book at once to Edward Clarke,—
There's no objection—Edward Clarke is sworn.
Benjamin Eaton.—Give the book to him.
Mr. Eaton (coming forward.)
Last May, upon a scaffold's giddy top
Full twenty feet above the earth I stood,
Some how or other—how, it matters not—
Whether 'twas sudden dizziness, or fear,
Or accident, or anything beside,
I know not—but I fell—and my poor back
C<uue on the kerb with fearful violence.
Chief Justice.
Enough, enough, the Court will hear no more ;
F»eiijamin Eaton—must be—is—excused.
Clerk of the Crown.
John Croker, Francis Faulkner, Henry Flynn,
As well as Henry Thompson, Anson Floyd,
Are called, and having answered to their names,
Have taken each the book, and each is sworn.
Chief Justice.
That's well ! and even more—'tis very well !
But, to the next.
Clerk of the Crown.
John Rigby is the next.
What, ho ! John Rigby—Rigby, John ! appear.
Mr. Rigby.
That I am Rigby, that my name is John,
And, therefore, I, John Rigby, I confess—
But yet I'm not John Rigby.
Chief Justice.
Pray explain.
Mr. Rigby.
If John and Rigby were my only names,
Then I should be John Rigby plain enough ;
But having been accustomed from my youth
To bear, besides the names which I have named,
Another name, that is not John or Rigby,
I do submit John Rigby is not I.
Chief Justice.
In mercy, sir, unravel straight this yarn
Which you have spun but to entangle us
In such a web of mystery and doubt,
That we can scarcely see our way at all.—
Are you John Rigby, sir, or are you not ?
Mr. Rigby.
If being John, and being also Rigby,
Makes me John Rigby, then, I own, I'm he ;
But if, by being more, I'm rendered less,
Then am I not John Rigby.
Chief Justice.
Pray explain.
Mr Rigby.
My parents, or my godfathers, or both,—
Or it might be, my godfathers alone,
For they have often in such things a voice,—
Gave me the name of John.
Chief Justice.
Zounds, Mister Rigby,
If you were christened John, you are John Rigby.
Mr. Rigby.
Nay, hear me out, my Lord. They called me John •
But more than that, they called me Jason, too.
And so, John Jason Rigby is my name.
Chief Justice.
Is it for this you have detained the Court,
Consumed the public time, delayed the trial,
And put my patience to a fearful test I
Swear him at once !
Mr. Rigby.
My Lord, I-
Chief Justice.
Swear him—swear s
Clerk of the Court.
John Rigby-
Mr. Rigby.
Jason Rigby, if you please.
Chief Justice.
Let him be sworn without another word
I'd rather be an usher of the Court,
And bellow " Silence ! " to the talking crowd,
'J ban let the Bench be fool'd as Rigby's fool'.I us.
Clerk of the Crown.
He's sworn, my Lord ; and so are all the re6t.
Chief Justice.
To trial, then. Let counsel do their best ;
And may our friends the public, gathered rtuud,
Be satisfied, whate'er the verdict found.