DOI issue:
January to June, 1844
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16519#0070
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
73
WAYS AND MEANS.
hen the poor man's loaf
8 is taxed ; when the very
malt and hops of our
daily drink are tributary;
when an impost is levied
on tea, coffee, tobacco,
snuff, vinegar, pepper,
and the light of heaven;
when, in short, from
every necessary that sus-
tains, or luxury that
sweetens, existence, a
per-centage is extorted
for the maintenance of
the revenue ; when, to
crown all, we are saddled
with the Income-Tax ;
and when John Bull may be so truly said to resemble a sponge wrung
dry, or a lemon winch has yielded its last drop to the punch-bowl, that it
is difficult to determine which of the two he is most like ; surely to over-
look any obvious means of securing to the Exchequer contributions which
would be unfelt by the people, is a piece of culpable negligence on the part
-of the Government.
To those who have given the least attention to the subject of Finance,
many such sources of national income must have occurred. We will
mention one which has struck us : we have often to resolve ourselves
into a Committee of Ways and Means on our own account, and having
• dispatched our private affairs, we generally proceed to settle those of the
nation.
The metropolis abounds in statues of eminent men, and almost every
■ day adds to their number. They are erected with very laudable intentions,
namely, to honour the memory of those whom they represent, to adorn
•their respective localities, and to benefit the starved-out sculptors, with
whom the present times are very hard.
In all these objects, except the last, they fail most signally. They
are decided caricatures and undeniable eyesores, and gratify none but
•foreigners, to whom they afford high diversion at the expense of British
art.
Not being ornamental, then, the question is, could they not be rendered
useful? Undoubtedly they could. The use to which we would have
• them applied is precisely that made of certain other things that are
voted fit for nothing else;—dead walls, barriers, and the shoulders of
.poor people. Let them be made the vehicles of advertisements. The
serviceable, and have its deformities concealed besides, by being over-
spread with notices and bills, whose various colours, red, blue, green, and
yellow, would agreeably diversify it. By the by, the different police-vans,
otherwise termed Her Majesty's omnibuses, might be thus decorated to
great advantage.
O ft I <5 1 N V.
ro:r S 4 If-C_h (
For every advertisement a certain sum should be demanded, of an
amount proportioned to its size, the prominence and importance of its
situation, and the time for which it is to remain : the money thus raised
to be placed at the disposal of the Government.
THE AWFUL STATE OF IRELAND !
•sffigy of George the Third, for instance, might be invested in the tabard
which we so often see worn about the streets, recommendatorv of washable
'bats, tally-ho sauce, industrious fleas, and pictorial newspapers. To the j -^or mY own Part I don't mind saying I offen lays out a triffle with
Mister Punch,
I have offen red and herd of the friteful State of Ireland And
the Unsecuritty of life and Propperty in that distractid Country. But
if all is trew, witch sum times it isn't, even the most peasable parts
of the Isle of Herein can't be habittable for a Protestint Clergy Man
xcept he's an impregnable Knight in Armer or an invnlnerabel
Rinocerus.
I allude to the Lady's Letter as was brought forrard by Lord
Eldon in the Upper House. From witch it appear, as to I-burn-ye,
alias Ireland, even in the most bewtiful distrix insted of bein in
Parradis, the more youre Blest the more youre Cust. Cos why ? A
power of good wishes is all the same as a shower of slugs and a hearty
Bennediction on one's Flead as fatal as a fractured Perrycranum with
a Spaid or a turfin irun. Whereby it follows yure never safe in yure
Skin xcept you go clothed with Cusses as with a Garmint, or sum-
boddy is saying sumthing I can't repeat at yure Eyes or yure Blud or
yure Lims. But for fear of mistakes here is the hole account
verbatum :—
"It was with the most painful feelings that he (Lord Eldon) contemplated thoss disturb-
ances, and a letter which he had received a few days ago from Ireland, written by a young
lady, a relation of his, the daughter of a clergyman residing there, had convinced him that
the country could scarcely be in a more deplorable state than it was in at present. * *
After mentioning that the part of the country whence she wrote was in a peaceful state,
and that a thought of danger scarcely ever entered their heads, she continued:—' Not
so our neighbours. Some of them have fortified their houses, expecting nightly
massacres.' Her father said that he constantly received blessings from the poor people
as he passed along the road. They said, ' God Almighty bless your reverence, and shield
you from every danger,' or words to that effect; and they were people whose faces he was
unacquainted with, but who Beemed as if they knew that some danger was impending,
and wished to warn him. Thus, in a pariah tchere there were not tit pretent disturb-
ances, the clergyman ccinnot receive the blessings of his parishioners without their
exciting in him feelings of apprehension and alarm."
Now I have a dray horse, meself, bred by the cellibratted Joe
Miller, as draws Innfurrences. But he never drew sicli a heavy Inn-
furinse as that, nor couldn't. *No, not if you give him a Bushell of
Beens soaked in Beer. And if so be he could, he'd scorn to do it,
for tho he's strong he's marciful And never kicks at Human Natur.
royal right arm might be affixed a standard, inscribed with an invitation
"To persons about to Marry." A monster play-bill might dangle from
tJie charger's neck, and an Exeter Hall announcement be appended to
his tail.
The back of George the Fourth in Trafalgar Square is uncourteously
turned to the public ; a position very unbecoming to the first gentleman
(that was) of Europe. How appropriately it might be graced with a
notification of Moses's ! The Sovereign, in his life-time, was very tastv
hi dress.
Lord Nelson stands too high to bear an ordinary placard to any pur-
pose ; but he might hold a huge flag of the nature of a union-jack ; and
M. Jullien, who has a fine eye for a poster, could advertise his Concerts
thereon. His late Royal Highness the Duke of York might display a
"•Guid-e to 100 Loan Societies " in the same way.
a Begger for the sake of his good wurd for me with Heven, witch
most of us and even the best of us wants God knows. And not a
bad bargin nayther considdrin a man can git blest as cheap as he can
git shaved. Namely a penny a time. Besides witch sum of the
werry grateful ones will chuck you in a kind look gratis as does yure
Hart good to see. And so there's nuthin lost on ayther side. But
wat's to becum of Charrity and mutual feelings, not only between
Man and Man, But man womman and Child in different spears of
life, if so be the more Heven is axed to purtect me the more I
shout out for the Pollice And the faster and warmer I'm prayed for,
the sooner thinks I, there '11 be need of the Crowner !
If 1 was Lord Elldon witch I needn't say I hai.» not, sooner than
have red that Letter in Publick I'd have chawed it up into pappier
Lastly, the whole front of the National Gallery might be rendered very • roashy for a tobacker stopper or towards a tebord for the U-totl
ers.
73
WAYS AND MEANS.
hen the poor man's loaf
8 is taxed ; when the very
malt and hops of our
daily drink are tributary;
when an impost is levied
on tea, coffee, tobacco,
snuff, vinegar, pepper,
and the light of heaven;
when, in short, from
every necessary that sus-
tains, or luxury that
sweetens, existence, a
per-centage is extorted
for the maintenance of
the revenue ; when, to
crown all, we are saddled
with the Income-Tax ;
and when John Bull may be so truly said to resemble a sponge wrung
dry, or a lemon winch has yielded its last drop to the punch-bowl, that it
is difficult to determine which of the two he is most like ; surely to over-
look any obvious means of securing to the Exchequer contributions which
would be unfelt by the people, is a piece of culpable negligence on the part
-of the Government.
To those who have given the least attention to the subject of Finance,
many such sources of national income must have occurred. We will
mention one which has struck us : we have often to resolve ourselves
into a Committee of Ways and Means on our own account, and having
• dispatched our private affairs, we generally proceed to settle those of the
nation.
The metropolis abounds in statues of eminent men, and almost every
■ day adds to their number. They are erected with very laudable intentions,
namely, to honour the memory of those whom they represent, to adorn
•their respective localities, and to benefit the starved-out sculptors, with
whom the present times are very hard.
In all these objects, except the last, they fail most signally. They
are decided caricatures and undeniable eyesores, and gratify none but
•foreigners, to whom they afford high diversion at the expense of British
art.
Not being ornamental, then, the question is, could they not be rendered
useful? Undoubtedly they could. The use to which we would have
• them applied is precisely that made of certain other things that are
voted fit for nothing else;—dead walls, barriers, and the shoulders of
.poor people. Let them be made the vehicles of advertisements. The
serviceable, and have its deformities concealed besides, by being over-
spread with notices and bills, whose various colours, red, blue, green, and
yellow, would agreeably diversify it. By the by, the different police-vans,
otherwise termed Her Majesty's omnibuses, might be thus decorated to
great advantage.
O ft I <5 1 N V.
ro:r S 4 If-C_h (
For every advertisement a certain sum should be demanded, of an
amount proportioned to its size, the prominence and importance of its
situation, and the time for which it is to remain : the money thus raised
to be placed at the disposal of the Government.
THE AWFUL STATE OF IRELAND !
•sffigy of George the Third, for instance, might be invested in the tabard
which we so often see worn about the streets, recommendatorv of washable
'bats, tally-ho sauce, industrious fleas, and pictorial newspapers. To the j -^or mY own Part I don't mind saying I offen lays out a triffle with
Mister Punch,
I have offen red and herd of the friteful State of Ireland And
the Unsecuritty of life and Propperty in that distractid Country. But
if all is trew, witch sum times it isn't, even the most peasable parts
of the Isle of Herein can't be habittable for a Protestint Clergy Man
xcept he's an impregnable Knight in Armer or an invnlnerabel
Rinocerus.
I allude to the Lady's Letter as was brought forrard by Lord
Eldon in the Upper House. From witch it appear, as to I-burn-ye,
alias Ireland, even in the most bewtiful distrix insted of bein in
Parradis, the more youre Blest the more youre Cust. Cos why ? A
power of good wishes is all the same as a shower of slugs and a hearty
Bennediction on one's Flead as fatal as a fractured Perrycranum with
a Spaid or a turfin irun. Whereby it follows yure never safe in yure
Skin xcept you go clothed with Cusses as with a Garmint, or sum-
boddy is saying sumthing I can't repeat at yure Eyes or yure Blud or
yure Lims. But for fear of mistakes here is the hole account
verbatum :—
"It was with the most painful feelings that he (Lord Eldon) contemplated thoss disturb-
ances, and a letter which he had received a few days ago from Ireland, written by a young
lady, a relation of his, the daughter of a clergyman residing there, had convinced him that
the country could scarcely be in a more deplorable state than it was in at present. * *
After mentioning that the part of the country whence she wrote was in a peaceful state,
and that a thought of danger scarcely ever entered their heads, she continued:—' Not
so our neighbours. Some of them have fortified their houses, expecting nightly
massacres.' Her father said that he constantly received blessings from the poor people
as he passed along the road. They said, ' God Almighty bless your reverence, and shield
you from every danger,' or words to that effect; and they were people whose faces he was
unacquainted with, but who Beemed as if they knew that some danger was impending,
and wished to warn him. Thus, in a pariah tchere there were not tit pretent disturb-
ances, the clergyman ccinnot receive the blessings of his parishioners without their
exciting in him feelings of apprehension and alarm."
Now I have a dray horse, meself, bred by the cellibratted Joe
Miller, as draws Innfurrences. But he never drew sicli a heavy Inn-
furinse as that, nor couldn't. *No, not if you give him a Bushell of
Beens soaked in Beer. And if so be he could, he'd scorn to do it,
for tho he's strong he's marciful And never kicks at Human Natur.
royal right arm might be affixed a standard, inscribed with an invitation
"To persons about to Marry." A monster play-bill might dangle from
tJie charger's neck, and an Exeter Hall announcement be appended to
his tail.
The back of George the Fourth in Trafalgar Square is uncourteously
turned to the public ; a position very unbecoming to the first gentleman
(that was) of Europe. How appropriately it might be graced with a
notification of Moses's ! The Sovereign, in his life-time, was very tastv
hi dress.
Lord Nelson stands too high to bear an ordinary placard to any pur-
pose ; but he might hold a huge flag of the nature of a union-jack ; and
M. Jullien, who has a fine eye for a poster, could advertise his Concerts
thereon. His late Royal Highness the Duke of York might display a
"•Guid-e to 100 Loan Societies " in the same way.
a Begger for the sake of his good wurd for me with Heven, witch
most of us and even the best of us wants God knows. And not a
bad bargin nayther considdrin a man can git blest as cheap as he can
git shaved. Namely a penny a time. Besides witch sum of the
werry grateful ones will chuck you in a kind look gratis as does yure
Hart good to see. And so there's nuthin lost on ayther side. But
wat's to becum of Charrity and mutual feelings, not only between
Man and Man, But man womman and Child in different spears of
life, if so be the more Heven is axed to purtect me the more I
shout out for the Pollice And the faster and warmer I'm prayed for,
the sooner thinks I, there '11 be need of the Crowner !
If 1 was Lord Elldon witch I needn't say I hai.» not, sooner than
have red that Letter in Publick I'd have chawed it up into pappier
Lastly, the whole front of the National Gallery might be rendered very • roashy for a tobacker stopper or towards a tebord for the U-totl
ers.