Punch: Punch (6.1844)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE COMIC BLACKSTONE-

CHAPTER THE THIRTEENTH.—OF THE MILITARY AND MARITIME

STATES.

Besides the Militia, there is also the Yeomanry, who are more often
called into service, and have several times distinguished themselves by
keeping back the boys at processions and on other public occasions. We
had almost forgotten to mention the Volunteers, who formerly had the
command of all the parochial engines, pumps, and fire-ladders. That
these troops w ould have stood tire manfully there can be no doubt, for their
valour under an incessant pelting of water, was frequently put to the test
during showers to which they were so often exposed, that it was once
in contemplation to add an umbrella to the regulation bayonet. The
Lumber Troop must not be forgotten, whose last recorded exploit was an
encounter with the landlord of the public-house where the troop has its
quarters.

Martial Law is a sort of law in which the military authorities do as they
like with their own, and hang soldiers wholesale for the sake of preserving
discipline. This can only be done in time of war ; and it is now quite
settled, that if a lieutenant hang a private for the mere fun of the thing
in time of peace, it would be murder, for it is against Magna Char/a ; so
that it is fortunate for the heads of her Majesty's Foot that Magna Charta
was hit upon.

There is an annual Mutiny Act which provides for the government of
the army ; and, according to this, any soldier shamefully deserting a post-
such as walking away from the lamp-post at Storey's gate—or sleeping on
the said post (he must be a deuced clever fellow to manage that)—or

he Military State includes the whole
of the soldiery from the Com-
mander-in-Chief down to the raw-
recruit, or the private who has the
honour of being stationed at the post
of Storey's-gate, who is alluded to by
the poet, in the fine line—

" The post of honour is a private station."

In a free country, it is said that
the soldier is an object of jealousy,
chiefly we suppose, on account of the
impression made by a red coat upon
the fair sex. As to any other kind
of jealousy the soldier creates, we are
certainly not aware of it, unless it be
the natural jealousy felt by a police-
man at the superiority of the steel

bayonet over the wooden staff, and j giving advice to a rebel (unless perhaps he advised a rebel to be off
the cartridge-box over the lanthorn. A soldier does not put off the citizen ; about his business) —or making signs to the enemy (though surely he
when he becomes a soldier ; and consequently many of our gallant army might shake his fist at the foe)—would be liable to any punishment,
whose wives are washerwomen, carry out the clothes in time of peace, and from death downwards to a drill, or from the strong-room upwards to the
others lend a hand in the mangling—which, according to the old jurists, scaffold.

is not out of character with their slaughtering propensities. The laws of There are, however, privileges belonging to the soldiery, such as the
this country do not recognise a standing army ; so that even when on right of making a will when on actual service, by merely saying how he
service, the soldiers are said to go to the scat of war—thus showing that wishes to dispose of his property ; so that, in the field of battle, if a
a standing army is never contemplated. I soldier sees a cannon ball coming towards his head, he has only to say,

All historians agree in declaring that Alfred invented the Militia, when " I give and bequeath all I have to so and so ;" and if any of his comrades
every man in the kingdom was a soldier ; and, considering what sort of should have heard what he said, and live to repeat it and remember
soldiers the militia usually are, we should say that every man, woman, or exactly what it was, there is no doubt that the will would be a very good
child might have been. In those days, the
Dukes led the soldiers, and had such power, that
Duke Harold, although the wrongful heir, was
strong enough to push from off the throne one-
Edgar Atheling, the rightful heir—an event,
which if the Saxons had had a taste for melo-
drama, would have made a fine subject for a
piece, introducing " a grand combat of two "—
including all the popular business of Harold
cutting at Edgar Atheling's toes, while Edgar
Atheling jumped up exclaiming, "No, you
don't ! " with a wink at the prime minister.
Then, of course, would have come the grand last
movement of clashing of swords together across
the stage, till both disappear at the wing, when
Harold would have returned alone, with both
swords, in token of victory, and taken his seat
on the throne—in which position he might have
been "closed in " by the scene-shifters.

We have already, in a former chapter, spoken
of the necessity a Knight was under to go for a
soldier in case of war, but in peace the country
was protected by a statute of Henry the Second,
making it obligatory on every man to keep a cer-
tain quantity of arms ; but it does not appear
there was any law insisting on his knowing the
use of them. These persons were, however, now
and then called out, arms and all; and it is
presumed this was done- as Camden hints, " to
ennjoye a joyke at ye expennssa of ye people."

It is not, perhaps, generally known, that the
whole of the dreadful row between Charles the
First and the people, arose out of a dispute
about the militia—the King pulling at them one
way and the Parliament the other. The militia
all the while was in those days just what it is in
these—very indifferent.

After the restoration of Charles the Second,
the King's right to do what he liked with the
militia was recognised ; and there is still a
remnant of them who rent a coal-shed at Lan-
caster, which is called the depot, and from which
three corpulent sergeants—for they are all offi-
cers and no men—would emerge in case of an
invasion. During the election riots, the Lancaster

militia put itself under the protection of the two policemen in the town , ( will in its way, and certainly quite strong enough to convey as much

but, in the glorious language of the Constitution, " the militia are, after all,
our great defence against foreign aggression." " After all" means of course,
when everything else had been tried ; and then, we say, Let England throw
herself into the arms of the three sergeants at the coal-shed at Lancaster.

property as would probably be left by

The soldier who lives on his pay,
And spends half-a-crown out of sixpence a day.
The Maritime State is the next topic we have to touch upon ; and when

Vol. 6.

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