DOI issue:
January to June, 1844
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16519#0154
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
157
THE
HISTORY or the NEXT FRENCH REVOLUTION.
[From a forthcoming Hislury of Europe.]
CHAP. VIII. —THE BATTLE OF THE FORTS.
On the morning of the 2Gth October, 1884, as his Majesty Louis
Pliiiippe was at breakfast, reading the Debate newspaper, and wishing
that what the journal said about " Cholera Morbus in the Camp of
the Pretender Henri,"—" Chicken-pox raging in the Forts of the
Traitor Bonaparte,"—might be true, what was his surprise to hear
the report of a gun ; and at the same instant—whizz ! came an
selves at their theatres and cafes as usual; and a new piece, in which
Arnal performed, was the universal talk of the foyers ; while a new
feuiUeton, by Monsieur Eugene Sue, kept the attention of the reader
so fascinated to the journal, that they did not care in the least for
the vacarme without the walls.
eighty-four pound ball through the window, and took off the head of
the faithful Monsieur de Montalivet, who was coming in with a plate
of muffins.
" Three francs for the window," said the monarch ; " and the
muffins of course spoiled !" and he sate down to breakfast very
peevishly. Ah, King Louis Philippe, that shot cost thee more than a
window-pane—more than a plate of muffins—it cost thee a fair king-
dom and fifty millions of tax-payers.
The shot had been fired from Fort Potato. "Gracious Heavens!"
said the commander of the place to the Irish prince, in a fury, " What
li^s your Highness done ? " " Faix," replied the other, " Donegal
and I saw a sparrow on the Tuileries, and we thought we'd have
a shot at it, that's all." " Hurroo ! look out for squalls," here cried
the intrepid Hibernian, for at this moment one of Paixhans's shells
fell into the counterscarp of the demilune on which they were
standing, and sent a ravelin and a couple of embrasures flying about
their ears.
Fort Twenty-three, which held out for Louis Philippe, seeing Fort
Twenty-four, or Potato, open a fire on the Tuileries, instantly replied
by its guns, with which it blazed away at the Bourbonite Fort. On
6eeing this, Fort Twenty-two, occupied by the Imperialists, began
pummelling Twenty-three ; Twenty-one began at Twenty-two ; and
in a quarter of an hour the whole of this vast line of fortification
was in a blaze of flame, flashing, roaring, cannonading, rocketing,
bombing, in the most tremendous manner. The world has never,
perhaps, before or since, heard such an uproar. Fancy twenty-four
thousand guns thundering at each other. Fancy the sky red with
the fires of hundreds of thousands of blazing, brazen meteors; the
air thick with impenetrable smoke—the universe almost in a flame !
for the noise of the cannonading was heard on the peaks of the
Andes, and broke three windows in the English factory at Canton.
Boom, boom, boom .' for three days incessantly the gigantic, I may
say, Cyclopean battle went on ; boom, boom, boom, bong ! The air
was thick with cannon-balls ; they hurled, they jostled each other in
the heavens, and fell whizzing, whirling, crashing, back into the very
forts from which they came. Boom, boom, boom, bong, brrwrrwrrr!
On the second day, a band might have been seen (had the smoke
permitted it) assembling at the sally-port of Fort Potato, and have
been heard (if the tremendous clang of the cannonading had allowed
it) giving mysterious signs and countersigns. "Tom" was the word
whispered, " Steele " was the sibilated response—(it is astonishing
how, in the roar of elements, the human wliuper hisses above all !)—it
was the Irish brigade assembling. " Now or never, boys," said their
leaders, and sticking their doodeens into their mouths, they dropped
stealthily into the trenches, heedless of the broken glass and sword-
blades ; rose from those trenches; formed in silent order ; and
marched to Paris. They knew they could arrive there unobserved
—nobody, indeed, remarked their absence.
The frivolous Parisians were, in the meanwhile, amusing them-
TOM THUMB AND THE QUEEN.
Her Majesty has again commanded "the performances of Tom
Thumb, the Yankee Dwarf." This, indeed, was to be expected. We
had only to reflect upon the countless acts of patronage towards
the arts and sciences—had only to remember a few of the numerous
personal condescensions of the Queen towards men of letters, artists,
and philosophers—to be assured that even Tom Thumb would be
welcomed with that graceful cordiality which has heretofore made
Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle the homes of poetry and
science. De minimis curat Hcrjina ! Continental monarchs stop short
in their royal favours at full-grown authors and artists ; but the
enthusiasm of Her Majesty Queen Victoria, not content with
showering all sorts of favours and rewards upon the literary and
artistic spirits of her own country and age, lavishes with prodigal
hand most delicate honours upon an American Tom Thumb, whose
astounding genius it is to measure in his boots five-and-twenty inches .'
To this how small is A^ictor Hugo at the Tuileries : to this how
mean and petry Gothe at the Court of Saxe-Weimar !
Let us, however, witli due gravity, notice the second performance
of Tom Thumb at the Palace, as recorded in the Chronicle: —
"His personation of the Emperor Napoleon elicited great mirth, and this was
followed by a representation of the Grecian Statues, after which the General danced a
nautical hornpipe, and sang several of his favourite songs."
Let it be remembered that the Queen of the Belgians, the
daughter of Louis-Philippe, was one of the merry-makers at this
parody of Napoleon,—let M. Thiers and his party note well this
insulting circumstance, and, having noted it, let them make the
most of it.
Next comes Queen Victoria, to Englishmen the familiar cha-
racter of a rewarding spirit :—
" Her Majesty the Queen, at the conclusion of the entertainment, was pleased to pre-
sent to the General, with tier own hand, a superb souvenir, of the most exquisite handi-
craft, manufactured of mother-of-pearl, and mounted with gold and precious stones. On-
one side are the crown and royal initials ' V. R.,' and on the reverse bouquets of flower©
in enamel and rubies. In addition to this splendid gift, her Majesty subsequently pre-
sented the General with a beautiful gold pencil-case, with the initials of Tom Thumb,
cmd his coat of arms engraved on the emerald surmounting the case, accompanying the
royal souvenir with the expression of her Majesty's high gratification at the versatile
talent's of the General, and also a compliment to Mr. Barnum, his guardian (i. e., show-
man), on the aptness of his pupil. The General then made las congt, amidst the con-
gratulations of the royal party."
Tom Thumb being—according to the biography published by his
showman, Barnum—the son of a Yankee carpenter, we should much
like to know the General's arms. Did her Majesty, before the
" performance," send to learn them, that they might be duly engraved ;
or were they, as Mathews's French Shoemaker made his little boot,
struck off in " a moment of enthusiasm \ "
Her Majesty next praises the " versatile talents of the General."
In this laudation we, as friends of Brougham, see nothing less than
a marked slight of his lordship. How often has Brougham been to
the Palace—how versatile has he shewn himself when there—and
when, we ask it, was ever he praised by the Queen like Tom Thu mb 3
Let us advise his lordship, ere the next drawing-room takes place, to
learn to " personate Napoleon "—to " represent the Grecian Statues"
—to dance "a nautical hornpipe," and sing several Yankee songs.
Touching the royal gifts presented by the Qoeen to Tom Thumb,
Mr. Barnum, the showman, has, in the handsomest manner, offered
them, as additional objects of attraction, to a certain exhibition about
to be opened to the public. It is this. It having been suggested that
the many presents of jewellery, plate, books, pictures, and other rare
chattels, made by the Queen to the various men and women of genius
of her country, would, if brought together, amaze the most credulous
—such exhibition will take place at the very earliest opportunity.
The " mother-of-pearl" souvenir and " gold pencil-case," presented
by the Queen to Tom Thumb, will, we can assure our readers, form
the most striking objects in the collection.
Brougham Ag-ain.
It appears, by a late debate on the supplies, that sums of money have'
been paid to Lord Brougham " for defending himself in his official
capacity against improper attacks." Upon this principle of remuneration
for inflicted injury, we wish to ask if in future Lord Brougham is to be
paid for his own speeches '
157
THE
HISTORY or the NEXT FRENCH REVOLUTION.
[From a forthcoming Hislury of Europe.]
CHAP. VIII. —THE BATTLE OF THE FORTS.
On the morning of the 2Gth October, 1884, as his Majesty Louis
Pliiiippe was at breakfast, reading the Debate newspaper, and wishing
that what the journal said about " Cholera Morbus in the Camp of
the Pretender Henri,"—" Chicken-pox raging in the Forts of the
Traitor Bonaparte,"—might be true, what was his surprise to hear
the report of a gun ; and at the same instant—whizz ! came an
selves at their theatres and cafes as usual; and a new piece, in which
Arnal performed, was the universal talk of the foyers ; while a new
feuiUeton, by Monsieur Eugene Sue, kept the attention of the reader
so fascinated to the journal, that they did not care in the least for
the vacarme without the walls.
eighty-four pound ball through the window, and took off the head of
the faithful Monsieur de Montalivet, who was coming in with a plate
of muffins.
" Three francs for the window," said the monarch ; " and the
muffins of course spoiled !" and he sate down to breakfast very
peevishly. Ah, King Louis Philippe, that shot cost thee more than a
window-pane—more than a plate of muffins—it cost thee a fair king-
dom and fifty millions of tax-payers.
The shot had been fired from Fort Potato. "Gracious Heavens!"
said the commander of the place to the Irish prince, in a fury, " What
li^s your Highness done ? " " Faix," replied the other, " Donegal
and I saw a sparrow on the Tuileries, and we thought we'd have
a shot at it, that's all." " Hurroo ! look out for squalls," here cried
the intrepid Hibernian, for at this moment one of Paixhans's shells
fell into the counterscarp of the demilune on which they were
standing, and sent a ravelin and a couple of embrasures flying about
their ears.
Fort Twenty-three, which held out for Louis Philippe, seeing Fort
Twenty-four, or Potato, open a fire on the Tuileries, instantly replied
by its guns, with which it blazed away at the Bourbonite Fort. On
6eeing this, Fort Twenty-two, occupied by the Imperialists, began
pummelling Twenty-three ; Twenty-one began at Twenty-two ; and
in a quarter of an hour the whole of this vast line of fortification
was in a blaze of flame, flashing, roaring, cannonading, rocketing,
bombing, in the most tremendous manner. The world has never,
perhaps, before or since, heard such an uproar. Fancy twenty-four
thousand guns thundering at each other. Fancy the sky red with
the fires of hundreds of thousands of blazing, brazen meteors; the
air thick with impenetrable smoke—the universe almost in a flame !
for the noise of the cannonading was heard on the peaks of the
Andes, and broke three windows in the English factory at Canton.
Boom, boom, boom .' for three days incessantly the gigantic, I may
say, Cyclopean battle went on ; boom, boom, boom, bong ! The air
was thick with cannon-balls ; they hurled, they jostled each other in
the heavens, and fell whizzing, whirling, crashing, back into the very
forts from which they came. Boom, boom, boom, bong, brrwrrwrrr!
On the second day, a band might have been seen (had the smoke
permitted it) assembling at the sally-port of Fort Potato, and have
been heard (if the tremendous clang of the cannonading had allowed
it) giving mysterious signs and countersigns. "Tom" was the word
whispered, " Steele " was the sibilated response—(it is astonishing
how, in the roar of elements, the human wliuper hisses above all !)—it
was the Irish brigade assembling. " Now or never, boys," said their
leaders, and sticking their doodeens into their mouths, they dropped
stealthily into the trenches, heedless of the broken glass and sword-
blades ; rose from those trenches; formed in silent order ; and
marched to Paris. They knew they could arrive there unobserved
—nobody, indeed, remarked their absence.
The frivolous Parisians were, in the meanwhile, amusing them-
TOM THUMB AND THE QUEEN.
Her Majesty has again commanded "the performances of Tom
Thumb, the Yankee Dwarf." This, indeed, was to be expected. We
had only to reflect upon the countless acts of patronage towards
the arts and sciences—had only to remember a few of the numerous
personal condescensions of the Queen towards men of letters, artists,
and philosophers—to be assured that even Tom Thumb would be
welcomed with that graceful cordiality which has heretofore made
Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle the homes of poetry and
science. De minimis curat Hcrjina ! Continental monarchs stop short
in their royal favours at full-grown authors and artists ; but the
enthusiasm of Her Majesty Queen Victoria, not content with
showering all sorts of favours and rewards upon the literary and
artistic spirits of her own country and age, lavishes with prodigal
hand most delicate honours upon an American Tom Thumb, whose
astounding genius it is to measure in his boots five-and-twenty inches .'
To this how small is A^ictor Hugo at the Tuileries : to this how
mean and petry Gothe at the Court of Saxe-Weimar !
Let us, however, witli due gravity, notice the second performance
of Tom Thumb at the Palace, as recorded in the Chronicle: —
"His personation of the Emperor Napoleon elicited great mirth, and this was
followed by a representation of the Grecian Statues, after which the General danced a
nautical hornpipe, and sang several of his favourite songs."
Let it be remembered that the Queen of the Belgians, the
daughter of Louis-Philippe, was one of the merry-makers at this
parody of Napoleon,—let M. Thiers and his party note well this
insulting circumstance, and, having noted it, let them make the
most of it.
Next comes Queen Victoria, to Englishmen the familiar cha-
racter of a rewarding spirit :—
" Her Majesty the Queen, at the conclusion of the entertainment, was pleased to pre-
sent to the General, with tier own hand, a superb souvenir, of the most exquisite handi-
craft, manufactured of mother-of-pearl, and mounted with gold and precious stones. On-
one side are the crown and royal initials ' V. R.,' and on the reverse bouquets of flower©
in enamel and rubies. In addition to this splendid gift, her Majesty subsequently pre-
sented the General with a beautiful gold pencil-case, with the initials of Tom Thumb,
cmd his coat of arms engraved on the emerald surmounting the case, accompanying the
royal souvenir with the expression of her Majesty's high gratification at the versatile
talent's of the General, and also a compliment to Mr. Barnum, his guardian (i. e., show-
man), on the aptness of his pupil. The General then made las congt, amidst the con-
gratulations of the royal party."
Tom Thumb being—according to the biography published by his
showman, Barnum—the son of a Yankee carpenter, we should much
like to know the General's arms. Did her Majesty, before the
" performance," send to learn them, that they might be duly engraved ;
or were they, as Mathews's French Shoemaker made his little boot,
struck off in " a moment of enthusiasm \ "
Her Majesty next praises the " versatile talents of the General."
In this laudation we, as friends of Brougham, see nothing less than
a marked slight of his lordship. How often has Brougham been to
the Palace—how versatile has he shewn himself when there—and
when, we ask it, was ever he praised by the Queen like Tom Thu mb 3
Let us advise his lordship, ere the next drawing-room takes place, to
learn to " personate Napoleon "—to " represent the Grecian Statues"
—to dance "a nautical hornpipe," and sing several Yankee songs.
Touching the royal gifts presented by the Qoeen to Tom Thumb,
Mr. Barnum, the showman, has, in the handsomest manner, offered
them, as additional objects of attraction, to a certain exhibition about
to be opened to the public. It is this. It having been suggested that
the many presents of jewellery, plate, books, pictures, and other rare
chattels, made by the Queen to the various men and women of genius
of her country, would, if brought together, amaze the most credulous
—such exhibition will take place at the very earliest opportunity.
The " mother-of-pearl" souvenir and " gold pencil-case," presented
by the Queen to Tom Thumb, will, we can assure our readers, form
the most striking objects in the collection.
Brougham Ag-ain.
It appears, by a late debate on the supplies, that sums of money have'
been paid to Lord Brougham " for defending himself in his official
capacity against improper attacks." Upon this principle of remuneration
for inflicted injury, we wish to ask if in future Lord Brougham is to be
paid for his own speeches '