DOI Heft:
January to June, 1846
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16542#0164
196
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
FRENCH NAVAL INTELLIGENCE.
Our correspondent at Marseilles sends us the usual package of pull, as it is sometimes called—giving orders for the instant annihilation
Marseilles' quilts, and the following startling piece of information, of an English squadron. Number 2, is a pair of bifurcated snuffers,
which seems to say that quilting in another sense is in store for us on a swivel joint, so that they may be turned in any direction, and
from the same quarter. j thus be ready at all points to grab the flying enemy. Number 3,
A new apparatus has, it seems, been invented by a Frenchman for is an extinguisher, capable of being lowered over the English Admiral,
the use of the Gallic navy, enabling it to snuff out British vessels, and in case of his flaring up, and thus putting him at once hors de combat.
extinguish British valour, upon the old simple snuffers and extinguisher's The numerous vessels that are running away are supposed to be the
principle, which has long been applied to our bedroom candlesticks. British fleet flying in terror and confusion from before the French
As the contrivance is rather difficult to comprehend without ocular j funnel. The snuffers are so arranged that they may be used for
demonstration, wre furnish a drawing. Number 1, represents the ! snuffing off the flags of neutrals, as well as for putting out entirely all
Prince de Joinvtlle on the paddle-box of the Belle Poule—or the Bell- ! hostile vessels.
PUTNEY BRIDGE TO "PUNCH." HOW TO CURE IRELAND.
" Mr. Punch, \ §/ arious attempts have been made, from
" One of my toll-keepers having just read out to a waterman V \ // time to time, to rectify the disorders
the letter of Mr. H. Walker, of Halfpenny Hall, Fulham, that ap- \ W of Ireland ; but they have hitherto
peared in your paper, about the pennies taken for me on Sundays,—I, \ % ( i V, proved wholly unsuccessful. For the
Putney Bridge, herewith declare that the Bishop of London has TV a W > ) Auy^f most part, they have consisted in the
travellers •—■
" ' For every coach, chariot, Berlin, chaise, chair, or calash, drawn by six or more
horses, the sum of two shillings.'
(Any ditto, ditto, drawn by four horses, one shilling and sixpence.)
" ' For every coach, chariot, Berlin, chaise, chair, or calash, drawn by less than four
horses, the sum of—one shilling ! "
" ' For every foot-passenger on Sundays, ONE PENNY ! And on every other day,—
One Halfpenny ! '
"Now, instead of being abused by Mr. Walker, I ought to be, with
Billy Taylor, ' very much applauded for what I have done ;' for, in
the first place, I might by the Act of 1725 charge not less than ' one
shilling' for ony horse, whereas I modestly hold my hand out for only
sixpence. To be sure, I make it up on Sundays, for then I double the
toll (for the sake of religion), and will have twelvepence.
" I know I'm a very ugly bridge. I know the steam-boat companies
swear at me (as if people thought of steam-boats when my arches were
built!)—nevertheless, if folks don't like me, they can go round. There's
Hammersmith,—a fine gimcrack thing, cheaper than I am,—let 'em
try that. I stand upon my Sunday penny, and am your humble
servant, « Pdtney Bridge."
" [Private and Confidential.]—It is said that, with the march of
the times, my tolls must come down sooner or later. Nevertheless, I'm
determined, as long as I decently can (a little longer, some say), to levy
the Sabbath pence. It's so religious ! "
nothing to do with the matter : neither have the parsons of Fulham ^\^JlV j}'' 'Jl w- m empirical administration of steel and
or Putney any feeling whatever in the extra Sabbath halfpenny. ^VJ^M-*ea(*' comDine(i Wltn forcible restraint
" Mr. Punch, I was built upon the authority of an Act of Parliament, WMv^n hy means of a strait-waistcoat—a
an Act passed in the year 1725, when the Lords and Commons ~t^^^^Bs^l^^n j Practice which ma.y be pronounced to
determined as follows upon the fares to be levied by me on all ^^^^S^K^fm^y^ be the worst of treatment. Hemp,
RETIREMENT FROM PARLIAMENT.
also, has been largely tried ; but it
has only had the effect of aggra-
vating the symptoms. Percussion, or
thumping, has been vainly resorted to ; not as a means of diagnosis,
but of cure ; whereas, auscultation, or listening to the patient's com-
plaint, has been almost entirely omitted.
The following is the mode of proceeding we would recommend in this
difficult case :—
First, put the patient on a liberal diet : let one meal be taken three
times a day. The irritation of the system being thus allayed, lose no
time in determining absentee landlords to their proper spheres of action
on the surface of the soil. The most promising measure for this purpose
will be an appeal to the pocket, by the vigorous application of a poor's-
rate. Allay any remaining nervous excitement, resulting from long
mismanagement, by appropriate sedatives.
Amongst these may be suggested the extract of Monkshood ;
Friar's Balsam may also be applied to old wounds—though these re-
medies, it must be remembered, are dangerous in large quantities. As
the constitution gains strength, the patient may be allowed to take ad-
ditional exercise, in municipal and elective privileges ; all restrictions
in this respect being gradually relaxed as she progresses towards per-
fect recovery. At the same time, let everything calculated to oppress
the system be removed by a judicious regimen. Any obstinate erup-
tions or malignant excrescences, arising from vitiated humours, that
may now remain, may, in this improved state of the general health, be
safely removed by legislative operation ; and for the suppression of
any surviving agitation, the strongest antispasmodic in the State Phar-
macopoeia may now be successfully exhibited.
We are about to lose Plumptre. There can be very little doubt
that we must undergo the calamity of such an event, for he has given
it as his opinion, that " the conduct of the Government in reference to
Corn-Law Repeal is enough to make man disgusted with public life !"
He, moreover, looked upon the admission of foreign corn as only a fore-
runner of the destruction of our " wisely and prudently limited tion
monarchy!" There can be no doubt of it. If America sends us
EFFECTS OF FRIGHT.
The Peers have resolved, at a meeting of the Clarendon, to oppose by
every means the progress of the Corn-Law BLLl The British Lion b
so frightened that he has sent to Van Amburgh, applying for a situa-
wheat, she will be sure to smuggle republican principles in everv sack. PrHed by Tllil!im- ?-r,adbuJ7bof -N>,6, vork plaee'KsV"te Newinpon, and Fr^enck Muiiett
—- . . . , .,j yiiuuyra in cia; oavn.. fcyans, ol i\o. 7, Church Row, stoke Nemn^ton, both m the County ,ot Middlesex, Printers,
Barents niUSt keep their Children trom hot-rolls, lest eatinc them I »c 'heir Orfice in Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and pnb-
they should catch democracy ! 1 S^iXS^'Si?* Flee< Street'in the P*nsh °f St' B"ie'8'tathe °f Lond0Q-SAI"-
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
FRENCH NAVAL INTELLIGENCE.
Our correspondent at Marseilles sends us the usual package of pull, as it is sometimes called—giving orders for the instant annihilation
Marseilles' quilts, and the following startling piece of information, of an English squadron. Number 2, is a pair of bifurcated snuffers,
which seems to say that quilting in another sense is in store for us on a swivel joint, so that they may be turned in any direction, and
from the same quarter. j thus be ready at all points to grab the flying enemy. Number 3,
A new apparatus has, it seems, been invented by a Frenchman for is an extinguisher, capable of being lowered over the English Admiral,
the use of the Gallic navy, enabling it to snuff out British vessels, and in case of his flaring up, and thus putting him at once hors de combat.
extinguish British valour, upon the old simple snuffers and extinguisher's The numerous vessels that are running away are supposed to be the
principle, which has long been applied to our bedroom candlesticks. British fleet flying in terror and confusion from before the French
As the contrivance is rather difficult to comprehend without ocular j funnel. The snuffers are so arranged that they may be used for
demonstration, wre furnish a drawing. Number 1, represents the ! snuffing off the flags of neutrals, as well as for putting out entirely all
Prince de Joinvtlle on the paddle-box of the Belle Poule—or the Bell- ! hostile vessels.
PUTNEY BRIDGE TO "PUNCH." HOW TO CURE IRELAND.
" Mr. Punch, \ §/ arious attempts have been made, from
" One of my toll-keepers having just read out to a waterman V \ // time to time, to rectify the disorders
the letter of Mr. H. Walker, of Halfpenny Hall, Fulham, that ap- \ W of Ireland ; but they have hitherto
peared in your paper, about the pennies taken for me on Sundays,—I, \ % ( i V, proved wholly unsuccessful. For the
Putney Bridge, herewith declare that the Bishop of London has TV a W > ) Auy^f most part, they have consisted in the
travellers •—■
" ' For every coach, chariot, Berlin, chaise, chair, or calash, drawn by six or more
horses, the sum of two shillings.'
(Any ditto, ditto, drawn by four horses, one shilling and sixpence.)
" ' For every coach, chariot, Berlin, chaise, chair, or calash, drawn by less than four
horses, the sum of—one shilling ! "
" ' For every foot-passenger on Sundays, ONE PENNY ! And on every other day,—
One Halfpenny ! '
"Now, instead of being abused by Mr. Walker, I ought to be, with
Billy Taylor, ' very much applauded for what I have done ;' for, in
the first place, I might by the Act of 1725 charge not less than ' one
shilling' for ony horse, whereas I modestly hold my hand out for only
sixpence. To be sure, I make it up on Sundays, for then I double the
toll (for the sake of religion), and will have twelvepence.
" I know I'm a very ugly bridge. I know the steam-boat companies
swear at me (as if people thought of steam-boats when my arches were
built!)—nevertheless, if folks don't like me, they can go round. There's
Hammersmith,—a fine gimcrack thing, cheaper than I am,—let 'em
try that. I stand upon my Sunday penny, and am your humble
servant, « Pdtney Bridge."
" [Private and Confidential.]—It is said that, with the march of
the times, my tolls must come down sooner or later. Nevertheless, I'm
determined, as long as I decently can (a little longer, some say), to levy
the Sabbath pence. It's so religious ! "
nothing to do with the matter : neither have the parsons of Fulham ^\^JlV j}'' 'Jl w- m empirical administration of steel and
or Putney any feeling whatever in the extra Sabbath halfpenny. ^VJ^M-*ea(*' comDine(i Wltn forcible restraint
" Mr. Punch, I was built upon the authority of an Act of Parliament, WMv^n hy means of a strait-waistcoat—a
an Act passed in the year 1725, when the Lords and Commons ~t^^^^Bs^l^^n j Practice which ma.y be pronounced to
determined as follows upon the fares to be levied by me on all ^^^^S^K^fm^y^ be the worst of treatment. Hemp,
RETIREMENT FROM PARLIAMENT.
also, has been largely tried ; but it
has only had the effect of aggra-
vating the symptoms. Percussion, or
thumping, has been vainly resorted to ; not as a means of diagnosis,
but of cure ; whereas, auscultation, or listening to the patient's com-
plaint, has been almost entirely omitted.
The following is the mode of proceeding we would recommend in this
difficult case :—
First, put the patient on a liberal diet : let one meal be taken three
times a day. The irritation of the system being thus allayed, lose no
time in determining absentee landlords to their proper spheres of action
on the surface of the soil. The most promising measure for this purpose
will be an appeal to the pocket, by the vigorous application of a poor's-
rate. Allay any remaining nervous excitement, resulting from long
mismanagement, by appropriate sedatives.
Amongst these may be suggested the extract of Monkshood ;
Friar's Balsam may also be applied to old wounds—though these re-
medies, it must be remembered, are dangerous in large quantities. As
the constitution gains strength, the patient may be allowed to take ad-
ditional exercise, in municipal and elective privileges ; all restrictions
in this respect being gradually relaxed as she progresses towards per-
fect recovery. At the same time, let everything calculated to oppress
the system be removed by a judicious regimen. Any obstinate erup-
tions or malignant excrescences, arising from vitiated humours, that
may now remain, may, in this improved state of the general health, be
safely removed by legislative operation ; and for the suppression of
any surviving agitation, the strongest antispasmodic in the State Phar-
macopoeia may now be successfully exhibited.
We are about to lose Plumptre. There can be very little doubt
that we must undergo the calamity of such an event, for he has given
it as his opinion, that " the conduct of the Government in reference to
Corn-Law Repeal is enough to make man disgusted with public life !"
He, moreover, looked upon the admission of foreign corn as only a fore-
runner of the destruction of our " wisely and prudently limited tion
monarchy!" There can be no doubt of it. If America sends us
EFFECTS OF FRIGHT.
The Peers have resolved, at a meeting of the Clarendon, to oppose by
every means the progress of the Corn-Law BLLl The British Lion b
so frightened that he has sent to Van Amburgh, applying for a situa-
wheat, she will be sure to smuggle republican principles in everv sack. PrHed by Tllil!im- ?-r,adbuJ7bof -N>,6, vork plaee'KsV"te Newinpon, and Fr^enck Muiiett
—- . . . , .,j yiiuuyra in cia; oavn.. fcyans, ol i\o. 7, Church Row, stoke Nemn^ton, both m the County ,ot Middlesex, Printers,
Barents niUSt keep their Children trom hot-rolls, lest eatinc them I »c 'heir Orfice in Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and pnb-
they should catch democracy ! 1 S^iXS^'Si?* Flee< Street'in the P*nsh °f St' B"ie'8'tathe °f Lond0Q-SAI"-