DOI issue:
January to June, 1846
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16542#0203
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
205
IStmcatton fig lElectnc Cclegrapi).
T has been announced that a Submarine Electric
Telegraph is to be laid down from Dover to
Calais. If this great feat is accomplished, we
shall have, in addition to electrical eels, a quan-
tity of galvanic soles, and perhaps an immense
assortment of shocking herrings. We shall
have salmon amusing themselves by going
through a series of wonderful evolutions on the
slack wire, and other facetious members of the
finny tribe, hurrying to and fro upon the
great medium of communication between
France and England. It would be awkward
if gome mischievous old shark should snap
the wire in two, just as it might be in the act
of conveying some very important piece of
intelligence. He might cut short a royal
speech with a slight effort of his jaw ; or, with
a wag of his tail, abbreviate the most interest-
ing announcement. Our object, however, in
alluding to the Submarine Electric Telegraph,
is for the purpose of recommending that it
should be devoted to educational purposes.
We are aware that professors already advertise
their readiness to teach " French, compara-
tively in no time ;" but this language may
be acquired in that wonderfully brief space
of time distinguished as "the twinkling of a
bed-post" by the wonderful aid of the Electric
Telegraph.
Supposing branch wires to be connected
with the main line, they could be laid on to
all the schools in England, particularly about
BARON PARKE OX SERMONS.
" Me. Punch,
" I have read, in the case of ' Gatheecole v. Miall,' that
Me. Baron Paeke states that ' there was a wide distinction between
the act of a clergyman's preaching a sermon, and the fact of an indi-
vidual publishing a book. In the latter case, it was quite clear that the
publisher of a book invited criticism.'
" Now, Mr. Punch, it appears from this that the whole question is a
matter of printing. Now, I wish to ask you, if, as an actor, I am not
perfect in my part—(an event, by the way, that never happens)—and
I play the said part from a play not printed, whether I could not
recover against yourself for any reasonable abuse, seeing that as the
play was in MS., I did not ' invite criticism ?
" A line left at the stage-door, will oblige
" Your constant reader (in the shop-window),
"Paul Bedfobd."
A LADIES' CLUB.
It is announced, we perceive, that a Ladies' Clab is to be opened
in the ensuing May. We are glad to see that the Ladies of England
have spirit enough to take up the Club in their own defence,
and hope they will return, with compound interest, the heavy blow and
the great discouragement which Clubs have so long inflicted on them.
Your married gentleman of fashion will now know what it is to have a
partner come home the worse for tea, and perhaps none the better for
scandal. We shall willingly contribute any suggestions for arrange-
ments that may occur to us as suitable to this institution. For the
accommodation of mammas, a children's room should be attached to it;
and in addition to the chicken, lobster-salad, and pastry, constituting
the Kentish" coast" where"the experiment might *he ordinary bill of fare, a sufficiency of rusks, soojie, and "tops-and-
1 bottoms, should be kept constantly on hand. It would be well, also,
that a proper quantity of feathers, to burn in case of necessity, as well as
an adequate number of bottles of Leamington salts, should be accessible
on the premises. A cab, as an adjunct to a Club, will become requisite
to the young lady of fashion ; and we may hence expect the develop-
ment of a new animal creation, in the shape of a tigress. The Ladies'
Club, of course, will take in all the more elegant periodicals ; we need
hardly say, especially Punch. As necessarily will it contain a collection of
music, which should include the following new version of a certain
popular catch: — "We won't go home till evening—till candles do
appear." In short, it should be invested with every inducement to
ladies to stay out as late as possible, and enjoy themselves away from
the solitary drawing-rooms.
be tried in the first instance. A French
master stationed at the Calais end of the wire,
could direct his lessons along the line, and
the wires laid on to the various schools would
communicate to them all the instruction that the French master might
be capable of affording. The same system could, of course, be equally
well adapted to other studies.
SERIOUS ACCIDENT TO A MEDICAL GENTLEMAN.
" Me. Punch,
" I am a physician, and I sign myself as below, because the
appearance of my name in connection with any publication of wit or
humour, would be fatal to me in my profession. I reside near Belgrave
Square, and I wa3 sent for the other day to see an old patient in the
neighbourhood of the Mansion House, instantly. I directly ordered my
carriage, and proceeded as quickly as possible to my destination ; but
owing to the obstructions in Fleet Street and Ludgate Hill I was one
hour and twenty minutes before I got there. Judge of my feelings,
Sir, when I tell you that on entering the sick chamber I found a neigh-
bouring practitioner bleeding my patient in the jugular vein ! and
especially when I add, that the man has supplanted me in the family.
Let me conclude, Sir, by indignantly apprising you of the circumstance
that an omnibus-pole smashed my vehicle into the bargain.
" Your injured reader,
" Sydenham Haevey."
WHO IS THE GOVERNMENT BROKER ?
We every now and then hear of the Government Broker,
who, we are told, goes into the market and operates. Our idea of a
broker is a man who comes and seizes one's goods for rent, or who
keeps a sort of stall for old furniture, and lives in a place called Bro-
kers' Alley, in the uninviting neighbourhood of Holborn. What the
Government can possibly want with a broker, we are totally at a lo3s
to conceive. We sometimes think it may be a man kept by the Govern-
ment for the purpose of being put into possession when it is found ne-
cessary to distrain for assessed taxes. At other times we imagine the
Government Broker is the person who supplies the desks, chairs, &c,
&c, for the public offices. His operations in the market are, however,
beyond us altogether, and we give up the fruitless attempt to unravel
the mystery.
EDUCATION FOR SOLDIERS.
ue contemporary the Quarterly Re-
view has suggested, very properly,
that English soldiers should be edu-
cated as they are in most parts of the
Continent. We think the scheme a
very excellent one ; but it ought
to be extended to the officers, who
are often, comparatively, quite as
destitute as the men of educational
advantages.
Entering the army at fifteen or
sixteen, it is hardly to be supposed
that they can have completed an
education at an age when persons
in other professions are only begin-
ning it. We beg leave, therefore,
to recommend, for the benefit of our
brave soldiery, the immediate esta-
blishment of evening schools for
military adults. It is all very well
to talk about " teaching the young
idea how to shoot ;" but, unless
the " young idea " in the army can
do something beyond mere shoot-
ing, he will not be qualified to
shine in society.
We are quite sufg that the officers of the various regiments will at
once acknowledge the advantages of a course of instruction that shall
combine Latin exercises with the platoon exercise, au<J enable them te
205
IStmcatton fig lElectnc Cclegrapi).
T has been announced that a Submarine Electric
Telegraph is to be laid down from Dover to
Calais. If this great feat is accomplished, we
shall have, in addition to electrical eels, a quan-
tity of galvanic soles, and perhaps an immense
assortment of shocking herrings. We shall
have salmon amusing themselves by going
through a series of wonderful evolutions on the
slack wire, and other facetious members of the
finny tribe, hurrying to and fro upon the
great medium of communication between
France and England. It would be awkward
if gome mischievous old shark should snap
the wire in two, just as it might be in the act
of conveying some very important piece of
intelligence. He might cut short a royal
speech with a slight effort of his jaw ; or, with
a wag of his tail, abbreviate the most interest-
ing announcement. Our object, however, in
alluding to the Submarine Electric Telegraph,
is for the purpose of recommending that it
should be devoted to educational purposes.
We are aware that professors already advertise
their readiness to teach " French, compara-
tively in no time ;" but this language may
be acquired in that wonderfully brief space
of time distinguished as "the twinkling of a
bed-post" by the wonderful aid of the Electric
Telegraph.
Supposing branch wires to be connected
with the main line, they could be laid on to
all the schools in England, particularly about
BARON PARKE OX SERMONS.
" Me. Punch,
" I have read, in the case of ' Gatheecole v. Miall,' that
Me. Baron Paeke states that ' there was a wide distinction between
the act of a clergyman's preaching a sermon, and the fact of an indi-
vidual publishing a book. In the latter case, it was quite clear that the
publisher of a book invited criticism.'
" Now, Mr. Punch, it appears from this that the whole question is a
matter of printing. Now, I wish to ask you, if, as an actor, I am not
perfect in my part—(an event, by the way, that never happens)—and
I play the said part from a play not printed, whether I could not
recover against yourself for any reasonable abuse, seeing that as the
play was in MS., I did not ' invite criticism ?
" A line left at the stage-door, will oblige
" Your constant reader (in the shop-window),
"Paul Bedfobd."
A LADIES' CLUB.
It is announced, we perceive, that a Ladies' Clab is to be opened
in the ensuing May. We are glad to see that the Ladies of England
have spirit enough to take up the Club in their own defence,
and hope they will return, with compound interest, the heavy blow and
the great discouragement which Clubs have so long inflicted on them.
Your married gentleman of fashion will now know what it is to have a
partner come home the worse for tea, and perhaps none the better for
scandal. We shall willingly contribute any suggestions for arrange-
ments that may occur to us as suitable to this institution. For the
accommodation of mammas, a children's room should be attached to it;
and in addition to the chicken, lobster-salad, and pastry, constituting
the Kentish" coast" where"the experiment might *he ordinary bill of fare, a sufficiency of rusks, soojie, and "tops-and-
1 bottoms, should be kept constantly on hand. It would be well, also,
that a proper quantity of feathers, to burn in case of necessity, as well as
an adequate number of bottles of Leamington salts, should be accessible
on the premises. A cab, as an adjunct to a Club, will become requisite
to the young lady of fashion ; and we may hence expect the develop-
ment of a new animal creation, in the shape of a tigress. The Ladies'
Club, of course, will take in all the more elegant periodicals ; we need
hardly say, especially Punch. As necessarily will it contain a collection of
music, which should include the following new version of a certain
popular catch: — "We won't go home till evening—till candles do
appear." In short, it should be invested with every inducement to
ladies to stay out as late as possible, and enjoy themselves away from
the solitary drawing-rooms.
be tried in the first instance. A French
master stationed at the Calais end of the wire,
could direct his lessons along the line, and
the wires laid on to the various schools would
communicate to them all the instruction that the French master might
be capable of affording. The same system could, of course, be equally
well adapted to other studies.
SERIOUS ACCIDENT TO A MEDICAL GENTLEMAN.
" Me. Punch,
" I am a physician, and I sign myself as below, because the
appearance of my name in connection with any publication of wit or
humour, would be fatal to me in my profession. I reside near Belgrave
Square, and I wa3 sent for the other day to see an old patient in the
neighbourhood of the Mansion House, instantly. I directly ordered my
carriage, and proceeded as quickly as possible to my destination ; but
owing to the obstructions in Fleet Street and Ludgate Hill I was one
hour and twenty minutes before I got there. Judge of my feelings,
Sir, when I tell you that on entering the sick chamber I found a neigh-
bouring practitioner bleeding my patient in the jugular vein ! and
especially when I add, that the man has supplanted me in the family.
Let me conclude, Sir, by indignantly apprising you of the circumstance
that an omnibus-pole smashed my vehicle into the bargain.
" Your injured reader,
" Sydenham Haevey."
WHO IS THE GOVERNMENT BROKER ?
We every now and then hear of the Government Broker,
who, we are told, goes into the market and operates. Our idea of a
broker is a man who comes and seizes one's goods for rent, or who
keeps a sort of stall for old furniture, and lives in a place called Bro-
kers' Alley, in the uninviting neighbourhood of Holborn. What the
Government can possibly want with a broker, we are totally at a lo3s
to conceive. We sometimes think it may be a man kept by the Govern-
ment for the purpose of being put into possession when it is found ne-
cessary to distrain for assessed taxes. At other times we imagine the
Government Broker is the person who supplies the desks, chairs, &c,
&c, for the public offices. His operations in the market are, however,
beyond us altogether, and we give up the fruitless attempt to unravel
the mystery.
EDUCATION FOR SOLDIERS.
ue contemporary the Quarterly Re-
view has suggested, very properly,
that English soldiers should be edu-
cated as they are in most parts of the
Continent. We think the scheme a
very excellent one ; but it ought
to be extended to the officers, who
are often, comparatively, quite as
destitute as the men of educational
advantages.
Entering the army at fifteen or
sixteen, it is hardly to be supposed
that they can have completed an
education at an age when persons
in other professions are only begin-
ning it. We beg leave, therefore,
to recommend, for the benefit of our
brave soldiery, the immediate esta-
blishment of evening schools for
military adults. It is all very well
to talk about " teaching the young
idea how to shoot ;" but, unless
the " young idea " in the army can
do something beyond mere shoot-
ing, he will not be qualified to
shine in society.
We are quite sufg that the officers of the various regiments will at
once acknowledge the advantages of a course of instruction that shall
combine Latin exercises with the platoon exercise, au<J enable them te