Punch (10.1846)

284

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

BOAT FOR AN HOUR.

benevolently intends to give a fashion to the communion-table. The
divine elements are, in truth, " patronised" by the Mayor, and so.
with certain spa-waters and tonics, are the better recommended to the
use of the vulgar. Blessed City of Exeter ! blessed with such a
Mayor, who, by his spirited attendance at Divine Service, attracts
meaner men to church, and so imparts a popularity to religion !

And yet, there is something not altogether healthy in this curiosity,
if we carefully analyse it. On the face of the action it seemed kind in
Mb. Shandy to give the ass a macaroon. But, even while the ass was
munching the cate, what was the remorse of the philosopher ? " My
heart smites me that there was more of pleasure in the conceit of
seeing how an ass would eat a macaroon, than of benevolence in giving
him one,—which presided in the act."

Think, ponder on it, Mr. Mayor. For what—(your advertisement
makes it pretty nearly a parallel case)—what if your fellow-citizens
should say, or what is all the same, think—" Our hearts smite us that
there was more of pleasure in seeing how Mr. Mayor would communi-
cate, than of true religion in the purpose that took us to the cathedral?''
Say your prayers, by all means, Mr. Mayor—go to church—communi-
catee—perform all Christian observances—but they cease to be Christian
when you " blow the horn "—when you advertise them, Mr. Mayor.

CORN-LAW AMENITIES.

" To swear like a lord" is an old phrase ; " to scold like a lord " may,
since the Corn-Law Debate in the Peers, be added to it. Lord Ash>
burton, for instance, spoke of "some half-clergyman, or some low per-
son—half dissenter, or some one of that sort." Thus, with his lordship,
not to be of high church is to be of low standing : excellent orthodox}-!
The Earl of Warwick, with his notions of Christianity, called the
agitation of the League " blasphemous ! " the Corn Laws (there is,
of course, divine authority for the fact) being the especial work of
Heaven, for the benefit of the landlords. What a sharp and dangerous
weapon is the word "blasphemy!" and how many foolish folk have
cut their fingers by flourishing it. Earl Stanhope boldly denominated
the Commons' majority as "base sycophants, who, like filthy reptiles,"
&c. During the present session we have frequently thought it a pity
that a clause in the Police Act, that punishes byr a fine abusive
language, might be applied to costermongers, but not to Peers and
Members of Parliament.

GRAVESEND DONKEYS.

From late proceedings of the Commissioners of Gravesend, we learn
that it has been proposed by one of their body to limit the number of asses
at present abounding in that town. It is evident that the proposition
originated, on the part of the mover, in the grossest spirit of self-love
and monopoly.

" TO PERSONS ABOUT TO MARRY.

irccxars hare been sent to us—of which

A MAI UK, Al UHUKUli! the subjoined is a true copy—from the

Gretna Green Boniface. As runaway
young ladies — even of age—may not
^.h: "henceforth feel disposed to trust an
fy$ English parson, fearing lest the good
man should privately send the clerk to
U their aristocratic papas, and so break off
IgT' in the middle of the ceremony, leaving
the little flutterers only half-rivetted,
Punch publishes the announcement of"
Mr. John Linton ; he being evidently
a man not to be talked from his Hyme-
neal duty, by Earl, Marquis, or even
Duke

A copy of The Western Times, May 30, published in Exeter, has been
forwarded to us. Being nearly a month old, we should have thought
it a little too stale for notice, did not certain paragraphs, like spices,
embalm bodies of news for all time. The subjoined (printed in the
way of advertisement) is surely one of these conservative peppercorns :

THE MAYOR

PURPOSES to attend Divine Service, at the Cathedral, on SUNDAY
*~ next, at a quarter before Ten o'clock in the Forenoon precisely, and to

Communicate.

Guildhall, 25th May, 1846.

What are we—humble folks as we are—to gather from these tidings ?
There is a " mingled yarn " of joy and fear running throughout the
announcement. Our first emotion is that of gladness, to know that
the Mayor attends Divine Service on the 25th of May ; and then, a
chilliness, a faintness comes over us, with the thought that the
Mayor is, ordinarily, not a Church-goer. Otherwise, why should he
tax the corporation funds, at least three-and-sixpence, for an advertise-
rs nt to inform the citizens of Exeter that, at a certain time, and in a
certain pew, they may behold their Mayor—their own Mayor—at his
devotions ? We know that after such public fashion Mr. Tyler, of
the Zoological Gardens, advertises the exhibition of some new baboon,
or rarest goose,—but why should Mr. Mayor seek to make a show of! It thus appears that Mr. Linton's "customers " are so fond of the
his religion? Why should he offer himself to church-goers, as an ! ceremony, that they have continued to give him their support "for
especial treat on the 25th of May ? Is Divine Service, as performed j upwards of twenty years." And in the hope that they will still go on
in Exeter Cathedral, so unattractive, that a " star "—a Corporation marrying and marrying, he " will be most happy to see his customers
star—is necessary to obtain a sufficient congregation ? Are the folks | at all times." We think it necessary to put our too-confiding country-
of Exeter so stiff-necked, so darkened, so utterly careless of their [ women on their guard ; for it is but too plain from the above, that

"John Ltnton, Gretna Hall Inn. Gretna Green, begs to return his most sincere
thanks to those Friends who have so kindly favoured him with their Support for vtp* urdi
if Twenty Yeart, and respectfully informs them and the Public, that he transacts
Business at Gretna Hall, as usual, and will be most happy 1o see his Customers at all
timet. He also bess to caution them against the tricks of Mr. Hall, cf tne Coflee
House, and his Post Bovs, who occasionally mislead strangers, by driving them through
Gretna Green, to the village of Springfield, a small poor village half a mile from Gretna,
for the object perhaps of obtaining the greater part of the Fees paid by the Parties on
Matrimonial Excursions. A discerning Public will at once appreciate the Creditable-
ness of such proceedings, ana take their conveyance from the Bush, or the Royal Hotel,
to avoid being carried periorce elsewhere."

preacher, one of the " fishers of men," that they are not to be caught
in the Cathedral, unless he baits his apostolic hook with a Mayor ?
'"'Ihe Mayor purposes to communicate !" In a word, the Mayor

certain unprincipled individuals regularly visit Gretna as they visit-
Margate ; and for no other purpose than to take a new duck every
season.