Punch: Punch (11.1846)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

29

THE LITE AND ADVENTURES OF

MISS ROBINSON CRUSOE.

CHAPTER III.

continued to walk about on
the shore, much wondering
at the fortune that had saved
me, and grateful to my own
discernment, that at Margate
had prompted me to shun the
meaner pleasures of the place,
to learn to swim. And then
I suffered alternations of
happiness and despair. I
thought of my female com-
rades ; and believing them
to be in the deep, all thoughts
of rivalry charitably died
within me. I thought of
ardent hair and irregularity
of teeth with a pity—a sym-
pathy that surprised me. So true it is that no trouble, however great,
has not, in the core of i;s very greatness, some drop of comfort—(for the
human heart, like a bee, will gather honey from poisonous blossoms)—
that from my very solitude I snatched a triumph. Should I meet an
Indian prince—and, for what I knew, I might be in the empire of the
Mogul—there was no lady to contest with me his royal affections.
And again, this feeling was saddened by the thought that no other
woman could witness my conquest. For all my acquaintance were
gone ; I never saw them, or any sign of them afterwards, except a
jaconet muslin nightcap (the horrid pattern !) and a wave-tossed
rouge-pot.

And still my feelings of satisfaction began to abate, for looking
about me, I saw no habitation ; and though I listened—my sense of
hearing sharpened by my peril—I heard not the sound of a muffin-
bell. I therefore concluded that I wa3 in a land to which the blessings
of civilisation were utterly unknown. And besides this, I began to
feel that my feet were very wet ; and—though I struggled long—I at
length burst into tears when I thought of my evening blue buried
in the bosom of the deep. And then I began to have confused feelings
of hunger. A sea-bird screamed in the distance, and I thought of the
liver winy of a chicken. This threw me into terrible disorder. Only
that I knew nobody was there to catch me, or what could I have done
but faint ?

As a child, I ahw.ys screamed at a spider. As a woman—I throw
myself upon the sympathy of my sex—though fond of milk, I always

ran into the first shop or door-way, or grasped the first arm of the I about ten at nigut> vour mother—darning a stocking, or what not-
first geDtleman on meeting even a cow. What, then, were my feelings jlooks UP> ful1 at me—1 can't nelP &—1 tbink of a lemon ; then I think
when I thought of wild beasts ?—beasts that revenged the wrongs of' of whisky—whisky leads me on to a glass—a glass goes to nothing

For the first few minutes—ere fully awake—I thought I was at Mar-
gate ; and, so were images mixed and confused, that as the small
shingle was moved and shaken by the advancing and receding wave,
I thought I heard the rattling of the library dice. Moving, a sharp
thorn—the tree was full of them—brought me, as adversity lowers
pride, instantly to myself. With a heavy heart I descended the tree,
feeling it vain to wait for the breakfast bell. Again and again I looked
around me—I was such a figure ! It was foolish, weak ; but never-
theless, it showed the beauty of the female character. I dreaded lest
even some savage should see me in my horrible dishabille. And then
—though my nobler reason told me it could not be so—I shrank at
every motion of the sea and air, lest the Indian prince, or general
officer, should suddenly rise before me, and then—in such a dress what
icould he think of me '? In such a state, it seemed to me a blessing
when I could really think that I was upon a desert island, all alone !
Solitude was bad, but to be caught with my hair in such a fright—
with all my flounces limp (much starch was then worn,) and my gown
as though waxed about me—I felt it, I should have died upon the
beach.

After a time my pride abated as my hunger rose. I could not have
believed it, but I thought less of my hair and more of my breakfast.
A lesson to human arrogance,—for did I ever believe that the human
soul could so have hungered for a twopenny twist ? I walked upon
the beach : it was strewed with oysters. Nevertheless, though there
were thousands about me, it was June, and I knew that oysters were
not in. " At least," I thought, " and whatever fate in its bitterness
may have in store for me, as I have lived in the fashion, in the
fashion I'll expire." And this determination—mere men cannot con-
ceive its deliciousness—comforted me exceedingly. Nevertheless—for
I write down here every then emotion of my soul—though I abhorred
the thought of oysters in June as food, I could not forget them as
the probable depositaries of precious pearls. Famished and destitute,
I thought, being in the Indian seas—as I believed I was—I might be
destined to be one of those lucky people of the world, who have pearls
washed ashore at their feet, and never run the risk of diving for them.
Though I was as hungry as the sea, the thought like a sunbeam
played about me, that I might be destined to wear my own head-
dress of pearls, obtained from the living fish by my own hands, at
some future drawing-room ! And whilst I thought this, my hunger
was in abeyance ! Cleopatra dissolved her pearl, as ill-nature
dissolves the treasures of life, in vinegar ; but I enriched my pearls by
honied thoughts. (What would I give had either of the Misses
Whalebone, principals of the Blackheath Seminary, lived to read
this—this from their pupil ')

I continued, with my footsteps, to print the sand. And shall I
confess to what I believe is what is called an association of ideas, as
taught me by my venerable father ? Bear with the weakness, the
affections of a daughter, whilst I speak of it. " My dear girl," said
that revered man to me, "I'll tell you what is meant by 'sociation of
ideas. Thus it is, as it happens to your, blessed father. When, at

the beasts in cages, by eating the unprotected travellers on their
shores ? I had read horrid tales of bears and apes ; and when I re-
membered I had nothing but a pair of scissors (with one point blunt
too) to protect me, how I wept—how I repented of my folly, that had
brought me in search of a military husband, coming in a boat with
cocoa-nuts and yams, to perish at last, perhaps, in the claws of some
wild and foreign animal.

Daylight, as if in mockery of my terrors, waned fast away. Where
was I to sleep ? That I, who at the least dusk had never walked from
number nine to the Thompsons' at number six, without the man or the
maid—that I should sleep out all night, I knew not where, shocked
me past words to paint ! Respectability seemed sinking with the sun !
Suddenly, I heard a sound—whether the voice of a tiger or a frog I
knew not ; but equally alarmed, I ran to a tree. Instinctively looking
about to see that nobody observed me—and, for the moment, (silly
creature that I was,) thinking only of the country stiles of happy
England—I put one foot upon the lowest bough, and with an agility
that surprised even myself, continued to climb. At length I threw
myself into the umbrageous arms of a young hawthorn, and prepared
myself for rest. I put one peppermint drop in my mouth, and soon
sank to sleep. Even at this lapse of time I wonder at myself; but
I never even thought—vain as the thought would have been—of
paper for curling my hair.

I awoke, as usual, about eleven o'clock. It was a love of a day.
The sun shone beautifully hot, and the sea was like a looking-glass.

but hot water—hot water cries out sugar—sugar asks for a spoon
and before you can say ' Jack Robinson '—the name of your blessed
ancestor, who was a very quick chap, and came over with the Nor-
mans—I say to your mother, and all beginning with the lemon of
her looking at me, ' my dear ; the toddy!' And this, my darling girl,
is the 'sociation of ideas !"

And, in this way, as my footsteps printed the sand, so was I
resolved—if ever rescued from that desert island—to print my
thoughts and sufferings whilst living upon it. To this resolution I
will hold, as shall be shown in succeeding chapters.

Prophecy for the Whig: Administration of 1843,

IF IT LASTS SO LONG.

£ s. d.

1847.—Surplus...... 13 6

1848— Deficiency...... 2,834,000 18 10|

The Commissioners appointed for the Reduction of the National
Debt have met and carried to the balance of the United Kingdom the
sum of £2,833,999. 15s. 4^d., being the deficiency upon the two vears'
revenue of the Whig Administration.

Whitehall, August 2, 1849.