Punch: Punch (11.1846)

114

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

WESTMINSTER BRIDGE.

This poor and dilapidated old pile has at length become reduced to
that state of existence which makes it miserable to itself and useless to
others. It is to be hoped that the rubbish-carters will not be long in
putting it out of its agony. The poor old thing is a heavy burden upon
Father Thames, who can stand it no longer, and is naturally indignant
*.t having those to whom he has always furnished a bed, coming down
upon him at last, when they can no longer keep their heads above
water.

The mere doctors' bills for Westminster Bridge have been something
awful during the last few years. Half the money expended in trying
to keep it up with artificial strength would have supported the whole
family of metropolitan bridges in respectability, and even in affluence.
To add to the inconvenience occasioned by the wretched state of the

Bridge, it is now found impossible to go under it, except through one
arch, and the result is that the Thames navy is kept in a con-
tinual struggle for a passage through the solitary thoroughfare. Sea-
manship is certainly sharpened, but life is unfortunately jeopardised,
by this pushing for precedence through the only arch that is left open
to our Metropolitan fleet by the hopeless condition of the Bridge at
Westminster. The Lightning frequently falls foul of the fragile Pink,
and the thunder-struck Bride runs abaft the binnacle of the agitated
Bachelor. Such a state of things is no less detrimental to the tempers
of the captain and crew than to the security of the passengers.
" Down, down, derry down," must be the burden of the seaman's—we
mean the Chel-sea-man's —song as he passes near the Bridge of
Westminster.

PUNCH ON THE INCREASE OF FARES

BY THE SOUTH-EASTERN RAILWAY.

Show me the Company that dares,
When Parliament has ceased to sit,

To go at once and raise its fares ;
I '11 not believe it—not a bit.

But what is this before mine eyes ?

'Tis the South-Eastern's monthly bill ;
This is, indeed, a fearful rise—

Through all my veins there runs a chilL

To Ramsgate, eighteen shillings ! pooh !

The charge is very near a pound ;
IT this is not a fearful do,

No do can in the world be found.

Six shillings is the price by steam,

Five only in the cabin fore ;
This surely must be all a dream—

The rail can't cost twelve shillings more.

In time perchance the saving's found ?

No—vainly such a thought beguiles ;
The railway takes you round and round

Out of your way some thirty miles.

P'rhaps they 're as certain as the sun—

For punctuality you pay ?
No—scarce a single train they run

Arrives within the time they say.

What s the meaning of the rise ?

I m sure I cannot tell—can you ?
Yes, Fame with hundred tongues replies,

'"Tis, in one word, a no! a do! "

PUBLIC STUPIDITY.

No one but an Editor having access to the correspondence sent to a
work of extensive circulation can have any notion of the extent to
which public stupidity is carried. Among other specimens of this
quality received within the last few days we may particularise a note
complaining of the Marquis of Nobmanby, the new Ambassador to

Paris, for having put up at an hotel instead of going into decent private
lodgings in the French Capital. Our correspondent asks, " Is it not
shameful that our representative at the Tuileries should live at a mise*
rable auberge called the Hotel of the British Embassy ?"

Another correspondent deprecates the fuss that has been made about
the river Plate, and demands the names of the spoons that have been
making such a stir upon the subject.

The public will, we are sure, appreciate the amount of patience we
must be called upon to exercise under these annoying inflictions.

Aneurism in tfje <Ettg.

Among the diseases incidental to the City of London it is a wonder
that inquirers into the sanatory condition of the metropolis should have
entirely failed to notice Aneurism. Aneurism is a disease of an artery,
requiring, for its cure, that the artery should be taken up. A disease
of this kind is continually occurring in all the main arteries of London,
so that their being taken up and consequently all circulation through
them being impeded are matters of constant occurrence. The vessel
most frequently attacked is the main trunk of Fleet Street, and so
numerous are the operations upon it thus necessitated that, for all
practical purposes, it may be pronounced impermeable.

It is well known in Surgery that when an artery is obliterated the
circulation is carried on by collateral or anastomosing vessels ; but
this, though a beautiful provision of nature, cannot occur without
great disturbance of the economy. Thus, when the Fleet Street artery
is obstructed, the circulation is maintained by the anastomosing
branches of Chancery or Fetter Lane ; though, when Fleet Street is
tied up, it has to take a very circuitous route, proceeding from
Catherine Street, or some other ramification of the Strand, in a mean-
dering course through Drury Lane and its connections, to the great
channel of Holborn. The economy of the passenger is hence very
much disturbed, for this great extension or vagary of the circulation
necessitates a corresponding augmentation in the fare of cabs. Anasto-
mosing branches, too, enlarge in the body natural, but in the body
civic they do no such thing. When Fleet Strett is tied, Chancery
Lane becomes no wider, which is a manifest inconvenience. An
alarming confusion and disturbance are thus produced in the circula-
tion, always attended with danger—sometimes with loss of life.

Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 6, York Place, Stoke Newinjrton, and Frederick Mullett Evans,
of No. ", Church Row, Stoke Newinirton, both in the Gounty of Middlesex, Printers, at their
Office, in Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and pub-
lished by them, at No. 85. Fleet Street, in the Pariah of St. Bride's, in the City of London.—
Satusdai, SarTBXBii 12, 1846.