DOI Heft:
July to December, 1846
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16543#0130
122
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MARGATE THEATRICALS.
The dramatic prospects of Margate have this season materially
brightened, and the theatre has been restored to its legitimate use, after
doing duty as a broker's warehouse during the last two or three sum-
mers. The fortunes of the building fluctuate with the taste of the visi-
tors and the inhabitants. Sometimes it is an auction room, sometimes
a bazaar for painted tea-trays ; sometimes it is a literary institution ;
sometimes it is a wax-work exhibition ; sometimes it is a tea and coffee
house ; but this year it has become the sea-side asylum of the legiti-
mate drama.
A bill is now before us in which we find the following announcement:—
" On Thursday, a variety of entertainments, being by desire and under the Patronage
of the Captains, Officers, and Stewards of the Herne Bay Steam Packets."
We are glad that these gallant fellows are going to patronise the
Margate theatre, and we have no doubt that Captain Large will
become " larger than ever," like some gigantic goosebeny tarts we once
saw labelled with those words, in the window of a cheap pastrycook's.
We understand that a private box has been taken for the inhabitants
of Herne Bay on this occasion, and three places in the dress boxes for
the visitors, all of whom have promised to attend.
By the way, who are the " Captains, Officers, &c." of a Herne Bay
steam boat ? Is the stoker an officer ? or does the grade go no lower
than the brave Briton who rushes to the side of the boat with that great
thing like a porter's knot, technically called a fender, in the event of a
collision ?
We are given to understand that the " Captains, Officers, and Stew-
ards," will all attend the theatre in full uniform. Captain Large has
ordered four additional epaulettes, intending to wear one on each elbow
and two upon his breast, in addition to the ordinary pair upon the
shoulders. The man at the wheel has sent up to the Admiralty to
inquire what the regulation uniform will be in his case ; but the Stew-
ards have determined on adopting the costume of the unattached but-
lers, with the gold band of the Ancient Order of the Ale and Sandwich.
NEW BATHING COSTUME FOR 18-16.
WARDS IN CHANCERY.
Miss Mart Anne Johnson, of Hampstead, died last month, having
endowed—not a college, Dut a " dog and cats." To her " black dog,
Carlo " she gives " an annuity of £30 a-year during the dog's life, to j
be paid half-yearly." And "unto each of the cats, Blacky, Jemmy, and :
Tom, an annuity of £10 a-year for the three cats, to "be paid half- ,
yearly." Since this will has been made known, Carlo—the fact shows j
the spirit of trading competition—has been dreadfully annoyed by the i
solicitations of a host of tripemen ; whilst Blacky, Jemmy, and Tom !
liave been equally persecuted by the commercial rapacity of cats'-meat j
vendors and milkwomen. It is supposed that the heirs of Miss John- 1
son, not having yet arrived at the age of twenty-one, will—for the I
protection of their property—be made w^ards in Chancery. Lord
Cottknham will be petitic tied to give the run of his own Court to
Carlo ; whilst Sir Launcelot Shad welt may, it is hoped, be induced
to throw open his kitchen to Tom, Blacky, and Jemmy.
THE SPANISH MATCH.
All the jewellers and goldsmiths of Paris are at work on ornaments
for the marriage of that poor little victim the Queen op Spain, doomed
to be executed to her cousin. The finery is spoken of, by competent
judges of such matters, as being very superb. The diamonds are said to
be as bright and almost as numerous as the tears shed by the bride, and
the gold trinkets almost as heavy as her sighs. Her hymeneal manacles,
though they may gall her to the bone, will at least be magnificently
chased. No Hindoo widow was ever burned with greater splendour
than will attend the Spanish bride to the altar. She will be sacrificed
to marriage like a Queen. And when she has given her hand to her
cousin and promised to give her heart, the spirits of hypocrisy, and
guile, and fraud (especially invoked for the solemnity), will chant an
epithalamium expressly composed for the occasion by that great master
of domestic discord, the parent of all falsehood. An amnesty will, it is
said, be granted, and all political offences forgiven, on the marriage of
the Queen. Poor thing ! She herself may forgive her enemies, but, as
the Italian says, " it is not ordered that we should forgive our friends
and Isabella may bitterly remember that exception and privilege.
THE HALF-WAY HOUSE.
This last of the little Roadside Inns, which formerly dotted and
blotted the public thoroughfares, has at length been demolished. The
carts which once clustered round its little portal, causing an obstruction
to the noisy traffic of a busy world, now pass the spot unrefreshed.
The driver misses his accustomed half-pint of porter, and the sagacious
horse looks in vain for the trough in which he was wont to dip his
mouth, while some friendly hand rubbed his nostrils with the salu-
brious hayband. These are reflections which afford inspiration to the
poet: so here we go into a sentimental ballad,—once—twice—thrice—
and away.
No more upon the Western Road,—
Beyond the little bridge of Knights—
Shall carters stop with heavy load
To taste of beer the strong delights.
No more shall waggons choke the way,
Just at the entrance into town ;
'Tis vanish'd, like a summer's day—
The Half-Way House is taken down.
No more shall the suburban gig
Pause for a glass of pleasant ale ;
And ne'er again shall roadside pig
With deep-toned grunt the ear assail.
No more shall drivers, from their seats,
Upon each other fiercely frown ;
Tiiere's room when one the other meets—
The Half-AVay House is taken down.
Alas, thou venerable pile !
Could they not leave thee to decay ?
Within a very little while
Thou wouldst have clear'd thyself away.
Why should they force thee thus to go
In lots to Thomson, Smith, or Brown ?
I cannot say—I do but know
The Half-Way House is taken down.
Yankee Tactics.
The New York Herald says that '; an American citizen can learn
military tactics in twenty-four hours, when occasion may require."
Not a word about his learning to pay his debts, though those are tactics
which it is rather necessary a State, which talks so much about going
to war, should learn. If it takes a Philadelphiau citizen four-and-
twenty hours to discharge a musket, we wonder how long it would
take him before he could discharge a bill ?
A RISING NUISANCE.
Will Sir Peter Laurie oblige us and the British Public by
" putting down " Fleet Street at his earliest possible convenience ?
A Doomed Country.—We are afraid there is no hope now for Spain.
Its ministers have actually refused a Coburg ! A country hasn't a
chance like that every day !
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MARGATE THEATRICALS.
The dramatic prospects of Margate have this season materially
brightened, and the theatre has been restored to its legitimate use, after
doing duty as a broker's warehouse during the last two or three sum-
mers. The fortunes of the building fluctuate with the taste of the visi-
tors and the inhabitants. Sometimes it is an auction room, sometimes
a bazaar for painted tea-trays ; sometimes it is a literary institution ;
sometimes it is a wax-work exhibition ; sometimes it is a tea and coffee
house ; but this year it has become the sea-side asylum of the legiti-
mate drama.
A bill is now before us in which we find the following announcement:—
" On Thursday, a variety of entertainments, being by desire and under the Patronage
of the Captains, Officers, and Stewards of the Herne Bay Steam Packets."
We are glad that these gallant fellows are going to patronise the
Margate theatre, and we have no doubt that Captain Large will
become " larger than ever," like some gigantic goosebeny tarts we once
saw labelled with those words, in the window of a cheap pastrycook's.
We understand that a private box has been taken for the inhabitants
of Herne Bay on this occasion, and three places in the dress boxes for
the visitors, all of whom have promised to attend.
By the way, who are the " Captains, Officers, &c." of a Herne Bay
steam boat ? Is the stoker an officer ? or does the grade go no lower
than the brave Briton who rushes to the side of the boat with that great
thing like a porter's knot, technically called a fender, in the event of a
collision ?
We are given to understand that the " Captains, Officers, and Stew-
ards," will all attend the theatre in full uniform. Captain Large has
ordered four additional epaulettes, intending to wear one on each elbow
and two upon his breast, in addition to the ordinary pair upon the
shoulders. The man at the wheel has sent up to the Admiralty to
inquire what the regulation uniform will be in his case ; but the Stew-
ards have determined on adopting the costume of the unattached but-
lers, with the gold band of the Ancient Order of the Ale and Sandwich.
NEW BATHING COSTUME FOR 18-16.
WARDS IN CHANCERY.
Miss Mart Anne Johnson, of Hampstead, died last month, having
endowed—not a college, Dut a " dog and cats." To her " black dog,
Carlo " she gives " an annuity of £30 a-year during the dog's life, to j
be paid half-yearly." And "unto each of the cats, Blacky, Jemmy, and :
Tom, an annuity of £10 a-year for the three cats, to "be paid half- ,
yearly." Since this will has been made known, Carlo—the fact shows j
the spirit of trading competition—has been dreadfully annoyed by the i
solicitations of a host of tripemen ; whilst Blacky, Jemmy, and Tom !
liave been equally persecuted by the commercial rapacity of cats'-meat j
vendors and milkwomen. It is supposed that the heirs of Miss John- 1
son, not having yet arrived at the age of twenty-one, will—for the I
protection of their property—be made w^ards in Chancery. Lord
Cottknham will be petitic tied to give the run of his own Court to
Carlo ; whilst Sir Launcelot Shad welt may, it is hoped, be induced
to throw open his kitchen to Tom, Blacky, and Jemmy.
THE SPANISH MATCH.
All the jewellers and goldsmiths of Paris are at work on ornaments
for the marriage of that poor little victim the Queen op Spain, doomed
to be executed to her cousin. The finery is spoken of, by competent
judges of such matters, as being very superb. The diamonds are said to
be as bright and almost as numerous as the tears shed by the bride, and
the gold trinkets almost as heavy as her sighs. Her hymeneal manacles,
though they may gall her to the bone, will at least be magnificently
chased. No Hindoo widow was ever burned with greater splendour
than will attend the Spanish bride to the altar. She will be sacrificed
to marriage like a Queen. And when she has given her hand to her
cousin and promised to give her heart, the spirits of hypocrisy, and
guile, and fraud (especially invoked for the solemnity), will chant an
epithalamium expressly composed for the occasion by that great master
of domestic discord, the parent of all falsehood. An amnesty will, it is
said, be granted, and all political offences forgiven, on the marriage of
the Queen. Poor thing ! She herself may forgive her enemies, but, as
the Italian says, " it is not ordered that we should forgive our friends
and Isabella may bitterly remember that exception and privilege.
THE HALF-WAY HOUSE.
This last of the little Roadside Inns, which formerly dotted and
blotted the public thoroughfares, has at length been demolished. The
carts which once clustered round its little portal, causing an obstruction
to the noisy traffic of a busy world, now pass the spot unrefreshed.
The driver misses his accustomed half-pint of porter, and the sagacious
horse looks in vain for the trough in which he was wont to dip his
mouth, while some friendly hand rubbed his nostrils with the salu-
brious hayband. These are reflections which afford inspiration to the
poet: so here we go into a sentimental ballad,—once—twice—thrice—
and away.
No more upon the Western Road,—
Beyond the little bridge of Knights—
Shall carters stop with heavy load
To taste of beer the strong delights.
No more shall waggons choke the way,
Just at the entrance into town ;
'Tis vanish'd, like a summer's day—
The Half-Way House is taken down.
No more shall the suburban gig
Pause for a glass of pleasant ale ;
And ne'er again shall roadside pig
With deep-toned grunt the ear assail.
No more shall drivers, from their seats,
Upon each other fiercely frown ;
Tiiere's room when one the other meets—
The Half-AVay House is taken down.
Alas, thou venerable pile !
Could they not leave thee to decay ?
Within a very little while
Thou wouldst have clear'd thyself away.
Why should they force thee thus to go
In lots to Thomson, Smith, or Brown ?
I cannot say—I do but know
The Half-Way House is taken down.
Yankee Tactics.
The New York Herald says that '; an American citizen can learn
military tactics in twenty-four hours, when occasion may require."
Not a word about his learning to pay his debts, though those are tactics
which it is rather necessary a State, which talks so much about going
to war, should learn. If it takes a Philadelphiau citizen four-and-
twenty hours to discharge a musket, we wonder how long it would
take him before he could discharge a bill ?
A RISING NUISANCE.
Will Sir Peter Laurie oblige us and the British Public by
" putting down " Fleet Street at his earliest possible convenience ?
A Doomed Country.—We are afraid there is no hope now for Spain.
Its ministers have actually refused a Coburg ! A country hasn't a
chance like that every day !