Punch (12.1847)

20

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

CHRISTMAS COMMERCIAL REPORT.

Beans and Chicory are in fair demand for Mocha Coffee.

Cotton—Since Professor Schonbein's discovery, goes off freely. Several speculators,
however, have hurnt their fingers, owing probably to its leaving no residuum.
Chalk participates in the prevalent briskness of the milk trade.

Horns look upwards, and are in brisk request, on Smithfield market days, for tossing poor
women and children.

RE-APPEARANCE OF THE AMERICAN SEA-SNAKE.

Mr. Thomas Brown, merchant,, examined —
Lives in the Old Jewry, and distinctly saw the
monster alluded to between the hours of ten and
eleven, a.m. At first, thought the thing had
neither head nor tail. Believed it, at first, to
be composed of a mass of unconnected bits that
gave it the semblance of a whole ; in the like
way that a shoal of very little fish has been mis-
taken for one big whale. On closer examination,
thought he made out something like a head.
Having steadily observed it for some time, saw
it had a head. It had a very sinister, in fact,
a very disgusting, appearance. There was a
wicked expression in its eyes—an affectation of
mildness and benevolence ; but it was plain to
be seen—to men who had ever used their
faculties—that the creature looked revengeful,
and sly, and calculating. It was very sinuous,
and moved very slowly ; but was of a character
to create a great displacement wherever it should
appear. The thing had been called a "Message,"
but was confident, from its length, its sinuosity,
and continual doubling, that the thing was no
other than the great American Sea-snake.

John Joseph Lawson, printer, examined:—
The thing described by the foregone witnesses
was the North American Snake, and no other ,
knew it well, nobody better ; and could testify,
with the last witness, to the great displacement
of matter wherever it appeared. Some notion
of its voracity might be entertained from the
fact that it swallowed Dine columns of the Times.
Hoped never again to see it; as nobody knew so
well as witness its gluttonous qualities. The
thing had certainly been very much cut up ;
but had no doubt it would appear again.
Thought its head had a very Pennsylvanian
look, with something projecting over its eves,
like the broad brim of a hat. The end of the
thing tapered off not unlike the thongs of a slave-
driver's whip.

now then, six, look alivk.

T , MILITARY CATECHISM FOR YOUNG

Isinglass.— See Spectacles. LADIES
Iron.—Bars are stiff. Iron pigs, strange to sav, have not sympathised with the late
advance in Pork. Q- What is a soldier ?

Mines are also getting lower every day, and their prosperity is decidedly o'er. .4. If in the infantry, a dear ; if in the cavalry

Paper, Pens, and Pounce are all stationery. a duck.

Yarns, long.—See G. P. R. James. 1 who- of a11 men> best deserve the fair ?

A. The brave.

Q. Why should a woman prefer a soldier
above all other male creatures ?

A. Because he wears such a very handsome
dress ; carries gold upon his shoulders ; gold all
over his coat ; wears a sword at his side ; and
uring the last week the newspapers have given authenticated accounts a love of a feather in his helmet or cap.

of the appearance of the great Sea-snake somewhere off the shores ; Q. What is the nob'est work of woman ?
of Norway. The good Bishop Pontoppidan, in his veracious his- A. The work in regimental colours,
tory, avers that he once saw a mermaid arise off the same coast, Q. And when does she appear to the best
and heard her sing a touching melody. Hence, Norway would seem , advantage, as the refining comforter of man ?
a favourite spot for the private view of marine monsters. Be this as ' A. When, having worked the aforesaid colours,
it may,—on Wednesday the 30th ult., the great North-American sea- . she, in an appropriate speech about glory to the
snake was seen by thousands and tens of thousands of most respectable regiment, presents them,
people—people who keep gigs and carriages—residing in London and j Q. Describe your notion of military glory,
its environs. Nay, every one of our ministers saw it—the Governor ; A. A review in Hyde Park,
of the Bank of England beheld it, and lifted up his hands—Alderman 1 Q. And laurels ?
Laurie marked it, and doubtless thought it ought to be "put down" A. A ball, and supper afterwards.
—in fact, we cannot individualize the multitude, astonished on Wed-
nesday the 30th ult. at the advent of the long American Sea-snake.
This, however, we can do. We can give the evidence of a few of the
witnesses, as delivered before the Lord Mayor—that great Christmas Carrol—on the follow-
ing day :— GOLDEN RULES FOR FROSTY WEATHER

Mr. John Smith, banker, deposed : He was in the parlour of his counting house yesterday
morning, about eleven o'clock. He took up the Times, and became exceedingly alarmed by
the appearance of a compact mass of blackness that lay upon the page. Looked closer at
it, and thought he saw the "President's Speech," but was convinced from the length of the
thing—for it wound in and out, filling up nine columns ; a mass of darkness, with not a
speck of light upon it—that it was nothing les3 than the American Sea-serpent, that from
time to time has disturbed the usual current of news, overflowing the margin of the broad
sheet. Witness tried to look at the thing minutely and attentively with his spectacles,
but became so alarmed that he was compelled to desist. He could swear, however, that
the whole thing seemed wriggling and twisting, and bore a very black complexion from
beginning to end.

prevention is better than cure :

Therefore,

Policeman, it is your duty to pick up the old
gentlemen after they have broken their legs, aDd
not to prevent the little boys from establishing
slides oq the foot-pavement.

Humane Society's Man, it is your duty to risk
your own life in pulling skaters out of the Ser-
pentine, and not to prevent them from going on
to the parts marked " Dangerous."