Punch (14.1848)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

3

PURVEYORS TO THE QUEEN.

It would be nice employment for an arithmetician to ascertain the exact number of butchers in
and near the metropolis who are, or who call themselves, " By Special Appointment, Purveyors to the
Queen." Presuming that Her Majesty most graciously keeps her appointments, the consumption
of meat in the Royal household must be something truly terrific in order to give every Purveyor even
an occasional turn. We have no doubt that the sale of a kidney for Prince Albert's breakfast, or a
quarter of a pound of the thick end of a neck of mutton to supply one of the Royal infants with a
teacupful of oroth, would be instantly taken advantage of by the fortunate butcher as a pretext for
mounting the Royal Arms, collaring the British Lion with the golden collar, and writing up
" Purveyor to the Queenbut even the most homoeopathic amount of custom in each case could
hazily allow of sucn an extensive distribution as to account for the number of tradesmen who claim
the honour of ministering to the wants of the Royal household. Such a multiplicity of Purveyors as
we must assume to exist if the boasts of the butchers are true, would necessitate a constant relay of
horses and butchers' boys, continually traversing the road to Windsor Castle with baskets on
their arms

How the cooking of the meat supplied for the Queen's Family is accomplished, we are quite unable
to imagine; for, supposing every Purveyor to send in only an ounce per day on an average, the five

thousand soi-disant Purveyors would give
five thousand ounces, which, as any one
well knows who is learned in Troy weight,
or avoirdupois—we are not, by the bye—
amounts to ever so many pounds, or stones,
or hundred-weight, as the case may be.
The perquisite of the royal dripping must
be a fortune in itself to the culinary chef,
and we are sure there ought to be no
discontent among politicians of either
party; for with such resources as the
kitchen at Windsor Castle contains, there
need be no difficulty in supplying every

Expected Downfall of the Stage.

Considerable consternation has been
caused at the Dramatic Authors' Society
by the announcement of a decision just
come to by the criminal tribunal of the
first resort in Berlin, that translations
are a violation of copyright. If this
should become a recognised rule of law
in England, a poor:rate will have to be
collected for the British dramatists, nine-
teen-twentieths of whom will be thrown
instantly out of employ, and must starve
unless other occupations of handicraft
can be found for them. If the translation
branch of our dramatic literature is to be
lopped off, it is calculated that at least
three-fourths of the London theatres
must close for want of sustenance. The
dealers in French dictionaries, who have
hitherto derived a large annual income
from the acted and unacted British dra-
matists, will, we understand, petition
against the recognition of the principle
laid down by the Prussian tribunal. The
panic in the green-rooms and garrets of
the metropolis is almost indescribable, and
the inquiries at the office of the Dramatic
Authors' Society havebeen very numerous.

Signs of the Times.

The Monster season is setting in, if not
with quite as much severity as during the
great Dwarf year, when we had a continual
Tom thumb for several months, yet with
considerable indications of a hard winter.
The Spanish Goliah has already made his
appearance at the Cosmorama Rooms, in
Regent Street. The " Oldest Inhabitant"
does not remember anything of the kind
body with a " sop in the pan."" 1 half so big, or a quarter so ugly.

THE DEAD ALIVE.

Though it is an old saying, that " dead men tell no tales," it does
not by any means follow that, dead men write no letters to newspapers.
The Editor of the Times has been lately favoured with the following
polite communication, from a gentleman who ought, according to his
own showing, to be a regular " tenant of the tomb," instead of an
occupant of No. 25, Ludgate Street. We will, however, allow the
lively defunct to speak for himself:—

" Sib,—I presume in the hurry of business your correspondent has made a mistake-
viz., that of returning the name of ' Mr. Coll-ngwood ' as one of the Common Councilmen
for the Ward of Castle Baynard, who died last June. According to the advertisement
in your paper of to-day, you will perceive it to he your obedient servant,

" 25, Ludgate Street, Dec. 22. " William Henby Carlin."

It will be seen that Mr. Henry Carlin objects to the publication of
another gentleman's name " as one of the Common Councilmen, who died
last June," and adds, "you will perceive it to be your obedient servant,
William Henry Carlin," who, if there is any virtue in grammar,
"died last June," and ought to have been returned accordingly. We
cannot suppose that a being so sagacious as a Common Councilman
can have been so absurd as to write to a newspaper to announce his
own death, and we therefore find it difficult to look upon the note in
question as anything more than a ghostly production; and if we trust
to the letter, we must give credit to the spirit.

The King who is never Drunk.

There formerly prevailed an opinion that it was conducive to a
man's health to be drunk once a month. This is now considered to be
a popular fallacy. It derives, however, some confirmation from the
indisposition under which Louis-Philippe was observed to labour at
the late opening of the French Chambers. It is many months since
the King of the Prench has been drunk—at his subjects' tables.

christmas in ireland.

Christmas-day was kept a complete holiday throughout all Leland.
No business whatever was transacted. Not even a single landlord was
shot.

PUNCH AT WESTMINSTER.

The Westminster bovs last week performed the Adelphi of Terence
in the presence of the Queen and Prince Albert, and a more than
usually distinguished Adelphi audience. In the epilogue we observe
that Syrus calls Geta " viridis " or " green," a piece of Latimty which we
believe is borrowed from a canine passage in our own pages. We recognise
also several creditable attempts at joking on the subject of the late
General Election, and some respectable quizzing both of Free Trade
and Protection, as also of Pelides, and of the Country Party, and all
parties politically concerned. In particular we have to notice the joke
of non Muntzior intended in the sense of non mentior, which—pardon
the expression, ladies—is " I lie not." .

Now, whilst we acknowledge the force of the pun, we cannot admit
the justice of the innuendo, and we must say that there is no such word
as Muntzior in our book, any more than there is in AinswortKs Diction-
ary. This observation we feel called upon to make, because, from the
general character of the Epilogue, we perceive that one of the books
read at Westminster is Punch. We hope the Westminster scholars will
persevere in the study of our classic periodical, by their familiarity with
which they were mainly enabled to afford such high gratification to their
illustrious auditors, and will, we trust, give continually increasing satis-
faction to their parents and friends.

Canine or Canonical'

The Fermanagh Reporter advertises a sale of the effects of the late
reverend and celebrated Father Tom Maguire ; among them being his
"universally valued and justly-prized kennel of pure-bred greyhounds."
No doubt the worthy priest was a good pastor to his flock; but, in the
bullism of his country, we may take the liberty of observing, that he
was equally a good shepherd to his kennel.

playwrights and plagiarists.

The criminal tribunal of Berlin has decided that translations^ a
violation of copyright. At this rate there is a copyright in ideas.
Should our own Law Courts also affirm that principle, it will be a bad
job for some of our dramatic authors.