DOI issue:
July to December, 1849
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16604#0117
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 105
GLORIOUS CHANCE !
MESSRS. PLAGUE, PESTILENCE, & CO.
Beg to announce to their Eriends and the Public generally that they
have opened extensive premises in the Metropolis, with branches in all
the principal towns of England, for the regular supply of first-class
Epidemics, warranted to do the public business effectually and rapidly.
Their works comprise
1. A Complete Assortment of Intra-mural Burying Grounds;
in all stages of over-crowding, from which they are enabled to supply
the most highly concentrated Poisonous Gases in any quantity, and on
the most reasonable terms.
2. An Extensive System of Sewers,
in connection with Eleet Ditch and other centres of Metropolitan filth,
all entirely stagnant, and
former class includes a goodly portion of the latter. That is why the
Quack succeeds so much better than the regular Professor ; but I will
not bore you with philosophy.
In proof of the respect with which medicine is treated, allow me,
benevolent Public, to refer you to the spectacle of the Assistant Sur-
geons in your naval service, dining—honoured guests !—at the mid-
shipmen's mess.
I should almost be persuaded that you regard all medical men as
impostors, if I did not see that, you send for them whenever you are ill.
_ Now what intelligent or high-minded man will engage in a beggarly,
dishonoured profession, success in which, such as it is, can be obtained
only by means that are contemptible. Or having entered it, can he be
expected to follow it, if he can get a decent living otherwise ? Can
you wonder, worthy Public, that you have not so much medical talent
as you could wish—especially just now ?
You are troubled with an epidemic of which your doctors know about
as much as yourself. They theorise upon its cause as men once
theorised on that of thunder. Eor its cure they propose a host of
pseudo-specifics, differing only as the tropics and the poles,—charcoal
and calomel, brandy and ice !
Do you not, then, my enlightened Public, see that you are interested
in having the medical profession made one worth the while of men of
3. A Noble Plant of the most Approved Nuisances,
situated in densely peopled neighbourhoods, and in full operation, con- sense and ability to follow. Eh ? 3p2SjJC?§.
sisting of Bone-Boiling Houses, Glue, and Gut Manufactories, Dust-! _
heaps, Knackers'-yards, Slaughter-houses, Cattle-markets, and all the
other best-approved kinds of Apparatus for furnishing the strong, old,
favourite, Sulphuretted, and Carburetted Hydrogen, and the fine, heady,
Carbonic Acid Gas, warranted to kill in a very diluted state
DON'T REGISTER ! DON'T REGISTER!
The Registration is going on in the City. We do not understand
Specimens of superior Epidemics always on the premises, and samples muca aDOUt these things, but we beg the Commissioners, as a particular
sent to a distance. favour, not to register any of the undermentioned articles.
N.B. References kindly allowed to the various Parish Authorities and
Sir Peter Laurie.
A NEW ORDER OE MERIT.
No pictorial shirt of any kind, no matter whether it be in the fishing,
or shooting, or _sporting,_ or ballet style, or any shirt whatever, no
matter whether it opens in front or behind, or at the side, or even at
both sides, or at the top or at the bottom !—in short no shirt at all, ex-
cepting it be one that proposes most effectually to do away with the
misery of buttons.
No paletot or great coat, no matter what animal it may be made
from, or any other article of dress with an unpronounceable name bor-
rowed from the Magyar and Lancashire dialects, and which is warranted
to be " worn by Prince Albert."
No new wine, especially Port, even if it be favoured with an har-
monious name like " the Semi-demi-quaver," and no new Sherry, no
matter what undiscovered part of Spain it may come from, or how
" highly esteemed " it may be " by connoisseurs."
Nothing whatever that is " strongly recommended by the Eaculty."
We do not know whether the Registration Commissioners have any-
thing to do with the above articles, but we are tired of being "re-
gistered " from head to foot, and hope some rational stop will be put to
The Pope has, it is said, been confer-
ring upon several persons the order of
the Piano. We never heard of such an
order, which is probably quite a new one;
but as many orders are all mere fiddle-
stick, we do not see why the Order
of the Piano should not be as good as
the rest of them. Perhaps the Order
of the Piano will be followed by the
institution of the Order of the Eorte,
and the former, being confined to those |,
whose claims are of a courtly or diplo- i it. The real range of the Register is the stove, and it should never
matic kind, may be regarded as giving have gone beyond it. It is not agreeable to cry out, " Here, John,
credit to its possessor for the Piano in bring me my Aqua-scutum," nor do we like to press a Marquis who is
modo, while the Order of the Forte, being j dining with us " to try a glass of that old Semi-demi-quaver." We give
conferred on those distinguished for j notice we intend to buy the first Paletot this winter that declares it is
^registered. _
boldness of action, might be looked
upon as attributing to the bearer the
order oj> the piccolo. Fortiter in re.
THE " PROFESSION " AND THE PEEYALENT
EPIDEMIC.
(Punch to the Public.)
My dear. Public.
In connection with that at present very interesting subject,
the state of your health—with that only, mind—allow me for a moment
to call your attention to the condition of the medical profession.
Now, my Public, you have some thousands of medical men employed
as union-doctors. Their pay is generally very scanty ; in some instances
not covering the expenses of their office. This is no joke, I know ; but
bear with me. There are hardly any lucrative medical situations in
your gift; none that I know of open to competition. The offices of
physician and surgeon to your hospitals are obtained by private influence
and jobberv. True, these facts are very dull: nay, worse, they are
very sad. The disciples of Galen have no such prizes as Canonries,
Deaneries, Bishoprics, Attorney-Generalships, Lord Chancellorships, to
work for. Their highest remuneration is a large private practice; and
what is that, my Public ? Treating patients by rote and by wholesale.
There is no time for thinking about their cases. Time is money; every
five minutes is a fee. And how does the popular practitioner grow
rich, dear Public? By arresting death—by staying the plague—by
curing pleurisy, peripneumony, bronchitis, phremtis, fever ? By fanning
the feeble flame of life, by soothing mortal agony P No, dear Public ;
but, mainly, bv composing fashionable nerves, ministering to petty
ailments, and humouring the caprices of the sickly and silly; for the
EATING TOASTS IN GERMANY.
Ajiong the many particulars in which English civilisation has dis-
tanced that of continental nations, is the manner of public dining.
The Times relates how, on the 28th ult., a Festmahl, or banquet,
in celebration of the 100th birthday of Goethe, was held at Berlin.
It is melancholy that in the nineteenth century, and in the capital of
Prussia, such a display of barbarism should have taken place as that
described by our contemporary. The soup was placed on the table at
half-past three, and the dessert not introduced till eight. The company,
in the meanwhile, it may be supposed, were cramming and stuffing,
but this hypothesis is more creditable to their taste than their actual
conduct. Will it be believed ? they were positively singing and
speechifying over their plates !
The healths of the King and the Royal Eamily were given before
the cloth was removed, and a song in honour of the "King of Poets"
was followed " by a course of mutton-cutlets and Teltower turnips."
Perhaps it is the fashion in Germany to eat healths as well as drink
them, and " Gentlemen, charge your plates !" may be the signal to
prepare for a toast. If ever we go to Germany, we shall expect to
meet some individual who will wish us prosperity and happiness in
a mouthful of beef, or desire the pleasure of a slice of mutton with us
across the table.
A dinner, to have justice done it, requires undivided attention; and
the talk by which it is accompanied should be of the shortest and
smallest. Eancy the cold dishes—the coagulated gravy—which must
be the necessary consequence of harangues and songs at dinner time!
The city of London, m international charity, ought really to send
Mb. Habkeb, the toast-master, to the Berliners, and teach them how
to manage these things properly.
Vol. 17.
4—2
GLORIOUS CHANCE !
MESSRS. PLAGUE, PESTILENCE, & CO.
Beg to announce to their Eriends and the Public generally that they
have opened extensive premises in the Metropolis, with branches in all
the principal towns of England, for the regular supply of first-class
Epidemics, warranted to do the public business effectually and rapidly.
Their works comprise
1. A Complete Assortment of Intra-mural Burying Grounds;
in all stages of over-crowding, from which they are enabled to supply
the most highly concentrated Poisonous Gases in any quantity, and on
the most reasonable terms.
2. An Extensive System of Sewers,
in connection with Eleet Ditch and other centres of Metropolitan filth,
all entirely stagnant, and
former class includes a goodly portion of the latter. That is why the
Quack succeeds so much better than the regular Professor ; but I will
not bore you with philosophy.
In proof of the respect with which medicine is treated, allow me,
benevolent Public, to refer you to the spectacle of the Assistant Sur-
geons in your naval service, dining—honoured guests !—at the mid-
shipmen's mess.
I should almost be persuaded that you regard all medical men as
impostors, if I did not see that, you send for them whenever you are ill.
_ Now what intelligent or high-minded man will engage in a beggarly,
dishonoured profession, success in which, such as it is, can be obtained
only by means that are contemptible. Or having entered it, can he be
expected to follow it, if he can get a decent living otherwise ? Can
you wonder, worthy Public, that you have not so much medical talent
as you could wish—especially just now ?
You are troubled with an epidemic of which your doctors know about
as much as yourself. They theorise upon its cause as men once
theorised on that of thunder. Eor its cure they propose a host of
pseudo-specifics, differing only as the tropics and the poles,—charcoal
and calomel, brandy and ice !
Do you not, then, my enlightened Public, see that you are interested
in having the medical profession made one worth the while of men of
3. A Noble Plant of the most Approved Nuisances,
situated in densely peopled neighbourhoods, and in full operation, con- sense and ability to follow. Eh ? 3p2SjJC?§.
sisting of Bone-Boiling Houses, Glue, and Gut Manufactories, Dust-! _
heaps, Knackers'-yards, Slaughter-houses, Cattle-markets, and all the
other best-approved kinds of Apparatus for furnishing the strong, old,
favourite, Sulphuretted, and Carburetted Hydrogen, and the fine, heady,
Carbonic Acid Gas, warranted to kill in a very diluted state
DON'T REGISTER ! DON'T REGISTER!
The Registration is going on in the City. We do not understand
Specimens of superior Epidemics always on the premises, and samples muca aDOUt these things, but we beg the Commissioners, as a particular
sent to a distance. favour, not to register any of the undermentioned articles.
N.B. References kindly allowed to the various Parish Authorities and
Sir Peter Laurie.
A NEW ORDER OE MERIT.
No pictorial shirt of any kind, no matter whether it be in the fishing,
or shooting, or _sporting,_ or ballet style, or any shirt whatever, no
matter whether it opens in front or behind, or at the side, or even at
both sides, or at the top or at the bottom !—in short no shirt at all, ex-
cepting it be one that proposes most effectually to do away with the
misery of buttons.
No paletot or great coat, no matter what animal it may be made
from, or any other article of dress with an unpronounceable name bor-
rowed from the Magyar and Lancashire dialects, and which is warranted
to be " worn by Prince Albert."
No new wine, especially Port, even if it be favoured with an har-
monious name like " the Semi-demi-quaver," and no new Sherry, no
matter what undiscovered part of Spain it may come from, or how
" highly esteemed " it may be " by connoisseurs."
Nothing whatever that is " strongly recommended by the Eaculty."
We do not know whether the Registration Commissioners have any-
thing to do with the above articles, but we are tired of being "re-
gistered " from head to foot, and hope some rational stop will be put to
The Pope has, it is said, been confer-
ring upon several persons the order of
the Piano. We never heard of such an
order, which is probably quite a new one;
but as many orders are all mere fiddle-
stick, we do not see why the Order
of the Piano should not be as good as
the rest of them. Perhaps the Order
of the Piano will be followed by the
institution of the Order of the Eorte,
and the former, being confined to those |,
whose claims are of a courtly or diplo- i it. The real range of the Register is the stove, and it should never
matic kind, may be regarded as giving have gone beyond it. It is not agreeable to cry out, " Here, John,
credit to its possessor for the Piano in bring me my Aqua-scutum," nor do we like to press a Marquis who is
modo, while the Order of the Forte, being j dining with us " to try a glass of that old Semi-demi-quaver." We give
conferred on those distinguished for j notice we intend to buy the first Paletot this winter that declares it is
^registered. _
boldness of action, might be looked
upon as attributing to the bearer the
order oj> the piccolo. Fortiter in re.
THE " PROFESSION " AND THE PEEYALENT
EPIDEMIC.
(Punch to the Public.)
My dear. Public.
In connection with that at present very interesting subject,
the state of your health—with that only, mind—allow me for a moment
to call your attention to the condition of the medical profession.
Now, my Public, you have some thousands of medical men employed
as union-doctors. Their pay is generally very scanty ; in some instances
not covering the expenses of their office. This is no joke, I know ; but
bear with me. There are hardly any lucrative medical situations in
your gift; none that I know of open to competition. The offices of
physician and surgeon to your hospitals are obtained by private influence
and jobberv. True, these facts are very dull: nay, worse, they are
very sad. The disciples of Galen have no such prizes as Canonries,
Deaneries, Bishoprics, Attorney-Generalships, Lord Chancellorships, to
work for. Their highest remuneration is a large private practice; and
what is that, my Public ? Treating patients by rote and by wholesale.
There is no time for thinking about their cases. Time is money; every
five minutes is a fee. And how does the popular practitioner grow
rich, dear Public? By arresting death—by staying the plague—by
curing pleurisy, peripneumony, bronchitis, phremtis, fever ? By fanning
the feeble flame of life, by soothing mortal agony P No, dear Public ;
but, mainly, bv composing fashionable nerves, ministering to petty
ailments, and humouring the caprices of the sickly and silly; for the
EATING TOASTS IN GERMANY.
Ajiong the many particulars in which English civilisation has dis-
tanced that of continental nations, is the manner of public dining.
The Times relates how, on the 28th ult., a Festmahl, or banquet,
in celebration of the 100th birthday of Goethe, was held at Berlin.
It is melancholy that in the nineteenth century, and in the capital of
Prussia, such a display of barbarism should have taken place as that
described by our contemporary. The soup was placed on the table at
half-past three, and the dessert not introduced till eight. The company,
in the meanwhile, it may be supposed, were cramming and stuffing,
but this hypothesis is more creditable to their taste than their actual
conduct. Will it be believed ? they were positively singing and
speechifying over their plates !
The healths of the King and the Royal Eamily were given before
the cloth was removed, and a song in honour of the "King of Poets"
was followed " by a course of mutton-cutlets and Teltower turnips."
Perhaps it is the fashion in Germany to eat healths as well as drink
them, and " Gentlemen, charge your plates !" may be the signal to
prepare for a toast. If ever we go to Germany, we shall expect to
meet some individual who will wish us prosperity and happiness in
a mouthful of beef, or desire the pleasure of a slice of mutton with us
across the table.
A dinner, to have justice done it, requires undivided attention; and
the talk by which it is accompanied should be of the shortest and
smallest. Eancy the cold dishes—the coagulated gravy—which must
be the necessary consequence of harangues and songs at dinner time!
The city of London, m international charity, ought really to send
Mb. Habkeb, the toast-master, to the Berliners, and teach them how
to manage these things properly.
Vol. 17.
4—2