DOI issue:
July to December, 1849
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16604#0207
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
195
POST-OFFICE " MOTHS."
he author of "Eothen," says, "I wanted light;"
having pitched his tent in the Desert. " They
brought me a taper, and immediately from out
nf the silent Desert there rushed in a flood of
life, unseen before. Monsters of moths of all
shapes and hues, that never before, perhaps, had
looked upon the shining of a flame, now madly
thronged into my tent, and dashed through the
fire of the candle :"
Is it not the same with the human moths,
" unseen before?" Let a taper be lighted in the highway to dissipate
social darkness, and what a cloud of monster moths dash at ir. P Mar-
vellous is it to think of the strange, odd, spectre moths, death's-head
moths, and moths of every monstrous make—of every fantastic pattern
—that, as though resenting the intrusion of light, blindly beat it with
their wings! We have only to look at the Morning Herald to find
moths of this frantic sort—moths dashing through and through the
Sunday Post-office candle. We could not believe iu the existence of
such curious creatures were they not attracted from their holes and
corners by the suddenness of light. Who, for instance, could have
dreamt of such a Moth, as the "Constant Reader" Moth that, in
the Herald, flutters after this fashion ? The Moth has " heard " that
" strangers " are to be brought into the Post-office " on the ensuing
Sabbath," to do the Sabbath-work. Whereupon, the Moth asks of
English bankers and merchants—
" Will they tamely submit to such, an alternative ? Can they hare any guarantee that
the men who for money will break the fourth commandment wiU not also for money
tareak the eighth ? And that letters containing property will not be abstracted by
itrangers, during the Lord's day work."
Upon this reasoning of the Monster Moth, the Postmaster-General is
hardly to be trusted with a Sunday money-letter, seeing that he gives
his countenance to Sunday sorting.
This is only one specimen of the " Monster Moths " that, for the
past three weeks, have dashed wildly through the columns of the Herald,
—brought from the strangest places by the Post-Office candle. Expe-
rience had prepared us to allow much for human folly and human
perversity in the way of indignant correspondents, but—we confess it
—the Moths that have fallen foul of the early Sunday taper of Row-
land Hill, beat all our former experience in ugliness and wilful
stupidity.
The Herald himself—in a solemn leader upon the Thanksgiving Day
—steps out of his path; and—to show his piety—throws Post-Office
mud at the Ministry. He asks, with lacquered cheek—
" Are Ministers going to appear before God, professing to offer Mm thanks for his
goodness in removing the pestilence, and yet resolving to insult him by dragging
their poor clerks to the Post-office work on the day which He has set apart for his wor-
ship ? If there be such a sin as hypocrisy, where can we find it more legibly written
yian here ? "
Where ? Let the writer open his waistcoat, and take a good look
"nearest his heart." If—knowing, as he must know, that Sunday
labour has been greatly diminished by the last Sunday postal regula-
tions—if he does not see about the region of his lelt breast
HYPOCRISY
written "more legibly " than in the doings of Ministers—why, then,
the vice does not show through. Bad blood, unlike lemon-juice, cannot
be warmed into characters readable.
GUY EAWKES AND HIS FRIENDS.
{To the Editor of the " Standard.")
Sm,
It is beginning. They are at it already. The judgment-seat
is under the control of the Vatican. The Papists have actually com-
menced a persecution of Protestants under the form of law. Only last
week, a number of worthy people were brought up at the Thames Police
Office. For what? Theft, swindling, or being drunk and disorderly P
No, Sir. Merely for the expression of their feelings as Protestant
Englishmen, by letting off fireworks on the Fifth of November. Their
sole crime was the proper observance of the day. But this is a trifle to
what I am about to call your attention to. According to the Police
report—
" The first offender, in excuse for his conduct, said he let off fireworks in accordance
with the Act of Parliament, and on being asked what Act, he replied the Guy Fawkes
Act, which ought never to be forgotten, and he considered he was doing a very meri-
torious act."
Such has been the supposition of many a martyr to Popish bigotry
and intolerance. Now, Sir, what think you was the reply given to this
loyal and conscientious individual, whose conduct was dictated by
Protestant zeal and regulated by Act of Parliament P Read; but be calm
—if you can.
" Ms. Yardley good-humouredly observed, that the sooner the Guy Fawkes Act wot
disobeyed, and forgotten, the better, and discharged the defendant with a reprimand.''
What! is it come to this P A magistrate on the Bench actually
recommending disobedience to an Act of_ Parliament. And why P I
shall be told, because the Act in quesiion is mischievous and obsolete.
Obsolete, indeed! No, Sir ! In the words of the mighty, though
anonymous Bard, Gunpowder Treason " shall never be forgot." But
1 am persuaded, that was not the motive. I ask you, Sir, solemnly,
seriously, whether Mr. Yardley's language can be explained on any
other supposition than that of his having received from Rome a dis-
pensation to set at nought the laws which he is bound to administer P
Assuming this to be ihe case, should you not say that he is decid dly
guilty of High Treason ? Now, then, what ought to be done to him P
This is a grave question. I should sav—should not you P—1 hat the
man—not 1o say magistrate—who could make such a speech, would be
much too lucky to escape with transportation for life.
Sir, we ought to be up and stirring. Depend upon it the extinction
of the Pifth of November squibs will be preliminary to lighting of the
fagots of Smithfield, where I only hope that ere long you will not be
accompanied at the stake by
Your respectful Contemporary,
___$wm&
SIMON SUMMED UP.
Aldermen, Councilmen, City Commissioners,
Ye who say "Pooh" to the plain's of petitioners,
Who turn dull of hearing from doctors explanatory
And deem scarcely sane all who 're earnestly sanatory—
Oh listen to Simon, you 're own health inspector,
And think that 'tis, he and not Punch reads a lecture
On the various nastiness,
Hid in the vast iness
Of your " healthiest, wealthiest,
Best sewered, best watered,
Best governed city of Europe ! "
A mortality twice what its numbers should be,
Acres of cess-pool—a fetid Dead Sea;
Bone, gut, and tripe-works 'neafh aldermen's noses,
And other such trades whose mere mention a dose is.
Under the shades of each tall city steeple
Grave-yards " establish'd to furnish the people
With poisonous gas and a vault," from whose foison
Of fat putrefaction, the poisoned may poison!
Such is some of the nastiness,
Found in the vastiness
Of your " healthiest, weal'hiest5
Best sewen d, best watered,
Best governed city of Europe! "
Hundreds of slaughter shops Smithfield around,
Whereof fifty-eight ply their trade under ground;
Ev'ry year butchered, and cut up, a heap
Of some five hundred thousand of cattle and sheep;
Por Water, a compound too filthy to drink,
With soot to give flavour and sewers to give stink.
Thro' all this—of all minor cess-pools the main pool—
Mixed mud and malaria, the Thames, a huge drainpool;
Oh such is the nastiness,
Pound in the vastiness
Of your "healthiest, wealthiest,
Best sewered, best watered,
Best governed city of Europe!"
SHAKSPEARE IN AMERICA.
We learn from a Liverpool paper that a shipment has been made to
America—
" In the shape of 500 casts of the head of Shakspeare, taken from the monumental
bust of the Poet in the church of Stratford-upon-Avon, by Will Wabhbb, the artist of
that town. They are consigned to an eminent firm in New York."
Punch has since discovered that the casts have been ordered by
Mr. Forrest, who, in a praiseworthy fit of penitence, has resolved to
distribute the vera effigies of the world's humanising poet amongst the
benighted men hired by the actor to pelt and put down Macready.
We further understand that", as an especial mark of his remorse for
injuries committed upon the Bard bv Mr. Forrest himself, he has
ordered that beneath every bust shall be inscribed these words—
Good folks, when this you see
Oh, don't remeoibtr me
195
POST-OFFICE " MOTHS."
he author of "Eothen," says, "I wanted light;"
having pitched his tent in the Desert. " They
brought me a taper, and immediately from out
nf the silent Desert there rushed in a flood of
life, unseen before. Monsters of moths of all
shapes and hues, that never before, perhaps, had
looked upon the shining of a flame, now madly
thronged into my tent, and dashed through the
fire of the candle :"
Is it not the same with the human moths,
" unseen before?" Let a taper be lighted in the highway to dissipate
social darkness, and what a cloud of monster moths dash at ir. P Mar-
vellous is it to think of the strange, odd, spectre moths, death's-head
moths, and moths of every monstrous make—of every fantastic pattern
—that, as though resenting the intrusion of light, blindly beat it with
their wings! We have only to look at the Morning Herald to find
moths of this frantic sort—moths dashing through and through the
Sunday Post-office candle. We could not believe iu the existence of
such curious creatures were they not attracted from their holes and
corners by the suddenness of light. Who, for instance, could have
dreamt of such a Moth, as the "Constant Reader" Moth that, in
the Herald, flutters after this fashion ? The Moth has " heard " that
" strangers " are to be brought into the Post-office " on the ensuing
Sabbath," to do the Sabbath-work. Whereupon, the Moth asks of
English bankers and merchants—
" Will they tamely submit to such, an alternative ? Can they hare any guarantee that
the men who for money will break the fourth commandment wiU not also for money
tareak the eighth ? And that letters containing property will not be abstracted by
itrangers, during the Lord's day work."
Upon this reasoning of the Monster Moth, the Postmaster-General is
hardly to be trusted with a Sunday money-letter, seeing that he gives
his countenance to Sunday sorting.
This is only one specimen of the " Monster Moths " that, for the
past three weeks, have dashed wildly through the columns of the Herald,
—brought from the strangest places by the Post-Office candle. Expe-
rience had prepared us to allow much for human folly and human
perversity in the way of indignant correspondents, but—we confess it
—the Moths that have fallen foul of the early Sunday taper of Row-
land Hill, beat all our former experience in ugliness and wilful
stupidity.
The Herald himself—in a solemn leader upon the Thanksgiving Day
—steps out of his path; and—to show his piety—throws Post-Office
mud at the Ministry. He asks, with lacquered cheek—
" Are Ministers going to appear before God, professing to offer Mm thanks for his
goodness in removing the pestilence, and yet resolving to insult him by dragging
their poor clerks to the Post-office work on the day which He has set apart for his wor-
ship ? If there be such a sin as hypocrisy, where can we find it more legibly written
yian here ? "
Where ? Let the writer open his waistcoat, and take a good look
"nearest his heart." If—knowing, as he must know, that Sunday
labour has been greatly diminished by the last Sunday postal regula-
tions—if he does not see about the region of his lelt breast
HYPOCRISY
written "more legibly " than in the doings of Ministers—why, then,
the vice does not show through. Bad blood, unlike lemon-juice, cannot
be warmed into characters readable.
GUY EAWKES AND HIS FRIENDS.
{To the Editor of the " Standard.")
Sm,
It is beginning. They are at it already. The judgment-seat
is under the control of the Vatican. The Papists have actually com-
menced a persecution of Protestants under the form of law. Only last
week, a number of worthy people were brought up at the Thames Police
Office. For what? Theft, swindling, or being drunk and disorderly P
No, Sir. Merely for the expression of their feelings as Protestant
Englishmen, by letting off fireworks on the Fifth of November. Their
sole crime was the proper observance of the day. But this is a trifle to
what I am about to call your attention to. According to the Police
report—
" The first offender, in excuse for his conduct, said he let off fireworks in accordance
with the Act of Parliament, and on being asked what Act, he replied the Guy Fawkes
Act, which ought never to be forgotten, and he considered he was doing a very meri-
torious act."
Such has been the supposition of many a martyr to Popish bigotry
and intolerance. Now, Sir, what think you was the reply given to this
loyal and conscientious individual, whose conduct was dictated by
Protestant zeal and regulated by Act of Parliament P Read; but be calm
—if you can.
" Ms. Yardley good-humouredly observed, that the sooner the Guy Fawkes Act wot
disobeyed, and forgotten, the better, and discharged the defendant with a reprimand.''
What! is it come to this P A magistrate on the Bench actually
recommending disobedience to an Act of_ Parliament. And why P I
shall be told, because the Act in quesiion is mischievous and obsolete.
Obsolete, indeed! No, Sir ! In the words of the mighty, though
anonymous Bard, Gunpowder Treason " shall never be forgot." But
1 am persuaded, that was not the motive. I ask you, Sir, solemnly,
seriously, whether Mr. Yardley's language can be explained on any
other supposition than that of his having received from Rome a dis-
pensation to set at nought the laws which he is bound to administer P
Assuming this to be ihe case, should you not say that he is decid dly
guilty of High Treason ? Now, then, what ought to be done to him P
This is a grave question. I should sav—should not you P—1 hat the
man—not 1o say magistrate—who could make such a speech, would be
much too lucky to escape with transportation for life.
Sir, we ought to be up and stirring. Depend upon it the extinction
of the Pifth of November squibs will be preliminary to lighting of the
fagots of Smithfield, where I only hope that ere long you will not be
accompanied at the stake by
Your respectful Contemporary,
___$wm&
SIMON SUMMED UP.
Aldermen, Councilmen, City Commissioners,
Ye who say "Pooh" to the plain's of petitioners,
Who turn dull of hearing from doctors explanatory
And deem scarcely sane all who 're earnestly sanatory—
Oh listen to Simon, you 're own health inspector,
And think that 'tis, he and not Punch reads a lecture
On the various nastiness,
Hid in the vast iness
Of your " healthiest, wealthiest,
Best sewered, best watered,
Best governed city of Europe ! "
A mortality twice what its numbers should be,
Acres of cess-pool—a fetid Dead Sea;
Bone, gut, and tripe-works 'neafh aldermen's noses,
And other such trades whose mere mention a dose is.
Under the shades of each tall city steeple
Grave-yards " establish'd to furnish the people
With poisonous gas and a vault," from whose foison
Of fat putrefaction, the poisoned may poison!
Such is some of the nastiness,
Found in the vastiness
Of your " healthiest, weal'hiest5
Best sewen d, best watered,
Best governed city of Europe! "
Hundreds of slaughter shops Smithfield around,
Whereof fifty-eight ply their trade under ground;
Ev'ry year butchered, and cut up, a heap
Of some five hundred thousand of cattle and sheep;
Por Water, a compound too filthy to drink,
With soot to give flavour and sewers to give stink.
Thro' all this—of all minor cess-pools the main pool—
Mixed mud and malaria, the Thames, a huge drainpool;
Oh such is the nastiness,
Pound in the vastiness
Of your "healthiest, wealthiest,
Best sewered, best watered,
Best governed city of Europe!"
SHAKSPEARE IN AMERICA.
We learn from a Liverpool paper that a shipment has been made to
America—
" In the shape of 500 casts of the head of Shakspeare, taken from the monumental
bust of the Poet in the church of Stratford-upon-Avon, by Will Wabhbb, the artist of
that town. They are consigned to an eminent firm in New York."
Punch has since discovered that the casts have been ordered by
Mr. Forrest, who, in a praiseworthy fit of penitence, has resolved to
distribute the vera effigies of the world's humanising poet amongst the
benighted men hired by the actor to pelt and put down Macready.
We further understand that", as an especial mark of his remorse for
injuries committed upon the Bard bv Mr. Forrest himself, he has
ordered that beneath every bust shall be inscribed these words—
Good folks, when this you see
Oh, don't remeoibtr me