Punch: Punch (17.1849)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

DON MIGUEL AT HIS "POST."

A few days ago—as the Post with serenest satisfaction publishes—
Don Miguel and suite attended at the office of the Early Jenkins
" to inspect minutely the various departments of the establishment."
Jenkins had arrayed himself in his warmest plush, and dredged him-
self with his whitest, flour, whilst his gold-headed cane shone resplen-
dently from the best plate-powder for the occasion. The Prince
" gracefully recognised the consistent support afforded by the Morning
Post to the principles of legitimacy and good government." This was to
be expected, as a trifling acknowledgment for past and present favours.
The Prince was taken into the editor's room, and minui ely inspected
the ink-bottle through a microscope of peculiar power. The bottle
—the dregs very thick—showed all sorts of human animalculee—small,
crawling things that—as the cochineal insect dyes some red, and some
purple—turn white to black and black to white. The Prince was much
interested by the exhibition ; taking particular notice of the ink-bottle
insect that, by its peculiar crawling, traced the letters that made up
" infidel" upon any political opponent. The illustrious Prince observed,
that "he thought that sort of thing" was gone out in England, but
smiled very blandly when begged, upon the evidence before him, to be
assured to the contrary.

The illustrious Prince, in acknowledgment of the devoted sincerity of
Jenkins to the " principles of legitimacy," graciously bestowed upon
him the smallest Portugal onion.

THE PBOPER TIME FOR PUBLIC EXECUTIONS.

The Humble Peiitio?i of the Newgate Weekly Press

To the Commons in Parliament assembled.

We, the undersigned, proprietors of the Sunday Drop, the Scaffold
Weekly News, the Old Bailey Enquirer, and the life in Newgate, news-
papers published on the morning of the Sabbath, and for the benefit of
thattruly great,intelligent, and multitudinous British publicwhich cannot
afford to waste its week-day time in the perusal of the daily newspapers,
humbly submit to your Honourable House the great evil which is done
by the present system of executions in this country, or rather by the
neglect of a simple means by which the performance of the last sentence
of the law might be rendered a thousand times more useful, terrible,
and public as an example to the nation, and a warning to evil doers.

The injustice which is done to ourselves by the present system of
hanging on Mondays or Tuesdays is manifest, and calls for a remedy
at the hands of an equitable British nation. Fob Whereas, upon the
apprehension of a criminal, we notoriously spare no pains to furnish
the nation with his complete biography ; employing literary gentlemen,
of t legant education and profound knowledge of human nature, to
examine his birthplace and parish register, to visit his parents, brothers,
uncles, and aunts, to procure intelligence of his early school days,
diseases which he has passed through, infantine (and more mature)
traits of character, &c. And Whereas, we employ artists of eminence
to sketch his likeness as he appears at the police court, or views of the
farm-house or back kitchen where he has perpetrated the atrocious
deed. And Whereas, regardless of expense, we entertain intelligence
within the prison walls with the male and female turnkeys, gaolers, and
other authorities, by whose information we are enabled to describe
every act and deed of the prisoner, the state of his health, sleep, and
digestion, the changes in his appearance, his conversation, his dress
and linen, the letters he writes, and the meals he takes—it is manifestly
hard, cruel, and unjust, that having thus carried a man, with intense
sympathy and watchfulness, through his examination, commitment,
trial, and condemnation into his condemned cell, we should there be
unkindly separated from him, and that the daily prints should be
allowed to take him in hand.

In the ease of the late Ms. Manning we ask, what energy did the
latter-mentioned journals exhibit compared to our own ? Did one of
the morning papers present pictures of that party and the partner of
his bed and crimes ? Week after week, on the other hand, we kept the
British public acquainted with the minutest detads regarding Hie
prisoner's words, actions, and behaviour ; we supplied our readers with
elegant pictures, we ransacked every corner for particulars regarding
the very earliest lives of the beings about whom it was so important
that the people of England should know everything.

Now, it is manifest, that had the Judge but ordered Mb. and Mbs.
Manning to be hanged on a Saturday morning, the ends of justice
would have been answered equally; the public would have been in-
duced to purchase many thousands, nay, hundreds of thousands more
of our papers than we have been enabled to sell; and the people, after
perusing our accounts (written under the glow and enthusiasm of the
moment) would have had wholesome and solemn subject for Sabbath
conversation;—whereas, by the lapse of days between Tuesday and

Saturday, the enthusiasm has had time to wear away : the glow has of
necessity cooled ; or the reader has slaked his thirst for knowledge at,
other and less authentic sources than ihose which we supply. We
have sown, but others have reaped. We are but permitted to glean
a few straws and a little chaff on a field which by right should be
our own.

As then it is right that executions should be public, it is clear that
they should be as public as possible: to make them so public, it is
evident that the agency of the public prints is necessary: hence the
statesman will see that the more newspapers that are sold the better.
Let the weekly papers then, let trade and literature, let useful knowledge
and sound morality, be encouraged by Justice, and hanging on Saturdays
be henceforth the law of the land.

And your petitioners will ever pray, kc.

an eligible investment.

The Smashing Business.

Some of the London linendrapers seem to have united to their own
business, as a regularly recognised branch, the business of smashing.
We saw the other day an advertisement in which a firm was described
without any circumlocution whatever, as "Linendrapers and Bank-
rupts." It seems that in these days no large concern can go on for
any time without an Extensive Eailure, or an Alarming Sacrifice, to
give it a fillip. In some houses it has even been in contemplation to
keep a Bankrupt permanently on the premises. 1.0 superintend the
smashing branch, and preside at a counter specially set apart for
giving things away and going to ruin.

Encouragement to Young Beginners.

We have found a joke where we least expected it. As we are sure it
will surprise our readers as much as it did ourselves, we transcribe it
literally for their astonishment

" ' The Golden Calf is a most leaden bore" As a first effort, we call
it remarkably good, and we hope our witty contemporary will persevere,
and give us next week a joke in two syllables. We expect great things
after the above display, and we have great pleasure in congratulating
our new rival upon his successful debut, for, without any jealousy, we
must say, that unless we had seen it with our own eyes, we never should
have thought it was in the Alheneeum.

a message that should be carefully delivered.

We beg to remind Lord Clarendon of the Message that was once
addressed to the celebrated Mr. Eerguson, of illustrious memory. He
may find it useful in the event of Lord Roden's party making Dublin
too hot to hold them. It will apply capitally to the Orangemen :—
" Gentlemen, you don't Lodge here."