DOI Heft:
July to December, 1849
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16604#0231
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
219
PUNCH'S LAW REPORT.
The Great Earn Case, Regena v. Galleass.
Having observed an utter absence of Reason in some of the Law
reports, it has struck us that Rhyme may be employed as an efficient
substitute. We have therefore instructed our Attorney-General, Mr.
Briefless, to report for us the Great Ham Case, which came off the
other day in the Exchequer Chamber, when the Court sat in error,
and the learned Counsel argued in total error for at least half-an-hour.
The Case it was this—There was tried at the Sessions
A prisoner, guilty of divers transgressions,
And wishing at -last for a relishing cram,
His career he had finished by stealing a ham.
At the trial objection was made—that the joint
Had been badly described—and reserved was the point.
For the prisoner; Henniker rose in his place
To contend the proceedings were bad on their face.
He urged " that the article now in dispute
Had been very likely a bit of a brute,
An animal, ferce natures, whose hocks
Had been made into ham. (See the Queen versus Cox),
Where some eggs had been stolen, and there 'twas laid down,
The indictment was bad on the part of the Crown,
Because of the eggs 'twas not plainly averr'd
Whether those of a crocodile, adder, or bird."
Per Pollock, Chief Baron: " The question one begs,
In refusing to recognise eggs, Sir, as e?gs;
I'm convinced such objection could never be made
As to hold that an egg was improperly laid."
Per Patteson, Justice : " The point I see well,
For the whole of the argument lies in a shell;
But suppose with the eggs there had been an assault,
Will you venture to tell us, that justice must halt
If the egg's undescribed? on your law I can't flatter ye ;
To call it an egg is sufficient in battery."
Per Platt, Puisne Baron : " Suppose for a change,
An epicure fancies a dish somewhat strange,
And orders the ham of a fox. or a rat,
There'd then be a property surely in that ?"
Mil Henniker humbly submitted that dogs.
Whom he ventured to couple, in this case, with hogs,
(He made no reflection, and wished not to pass any),
Had become very recently subjects of larceny.
Per Platt : " But the law, Sir, had always its eye
On a toad in the hole, or a dog in a pie."
The learned Chief Baron conferred with the judges,
Who declared the objection the poorest of fudges.
The pris'ner's conviction accordingly stood;
The ham and indictment were both pronounced good.
A GOOD PRICE TOR A GOOD ARTICLE.
We are always told that "the English Constitution is the envy and
admiration of the world." We do not doubt this; we may be pro-
foundly admired, we may be deeply envied by every nation; but the
question is, if we do not pay a little dearly for this universal homage.
The cost for it is 45s. per head—a large sum to pay in taxes every year
to be envied and admired. It is said that we never can pay too much
for a good thing; and, according to this, the British Constitution
ought to be the very best of its kind, considering the large price that
every Englishman is called upon to give for it.
We thould be very sorry for England to lose this ' envy and admi-
ration of the world." It is a pleasant thing for an Englishman to
know that the entire population of the universe is looking at the
British Constitution with the water in its mouth; but we cannot help
thinking that we pay somewhat heavily for this water-rate, when it is
laid on at a cost of 45s. per head. Envy and admiration are at all
times expensive luxuries. We have known many a man ruin himself
in the vain endeavour to procure them. Millions have been spent
upon their purchase; and at the very moment when a parvenu has
thought he has succeeded in obtaining the envy and admiration of his
fellow-creatures, he has been compelled to walk through the Court.
England must take care that she is not ruined m the same way. The
very goodness of her Constitution may be the death of her.
After all, we suspect lhat this " envy and admiration of the world"
is a great deal of our own fabrication. The English Constitution may
be admired, as undoubtedly it deserves to be ; but the " envy " is quire
another thing. What nation is likely to envy a Constitution that
requires upwuras of £59,000,000 every year to keep it m repair ! Why,
such a Constitution, enviable as it may be, would be the annihilation
of any other country but England. We do not generally envy the man
that has a millstone round his neck.
Eor instance, it is very doubtful whether the Russian or the American
envies the Englishman so much. The Russian pays for his Consti-
tution 9s. 9c?. a year, and the American only 9s. 7d., and the Constitution
of the latter is not such a bad Constitution either. Is it likely that
they will envy a thing that costs nearly five times as much as they have
to pay ?
The Englishman is naturally proud of his Constitution, and takes a
national pleasure in the " envy and admiration " (whether real or ima-
ginary) which the world honours it with, but we think he would like his
Constitution all the more if he had somewhat less to pay for it. Cannot
we be envied and admired under 45s. a year ?
EXTRACT FROM THE LETTER OF A GENTLEMAN
IN
THE SERVICE OE THE EMPEROR SOULOUQUE.
******
The blood of African kings which flows in my veins having
rendered me an object of unjust persecution in my native country of
New Orleans, I resolved to come to Port-au-Prince, and try my fortune
there. I had the good fortune to please His Imperial Highness
Prince Benbow, Lord High Admiral, for whom I made the tight
embroidered pantaloons of his office, and have since been in consider-
able favour among the Court and nobility, as Court and fashionable
tailor. The coronation of the Emperor enabled me to exhibit my skill;
I invented a robe for the Lord Chancellor of the Empire, and a coatee
for the General Officers, which have been greatly admired, and I hope
will bear a comparison with the first efforts of European, or even
Broadway, artists.
The Court is at this moment in mourning. Mourning here, I need
not tell you, is not black, but a becoming light pink ; that of the Royal
and Imperial family is yellow. The Imperial House is at present en deuil
for the seventy-sixth wife of King Bosh, of the Niger, who had died
of a superfluity of rum, to the grief of her Royal consort.
White men are tolerated at Port-au-Prince, though of course not
admitted into society. At Church and the Theatre places are set apart
for them : and the domestics of their Majesties are selected from this
class of human beings. They are treated generally not unkindly, but
the hot blood of the African noblesse is proverbial, and the poor devils
occasionally suffer from this irascibility. I remonstrated the other day
with His Highness Field Marshal'Prince Pierrot, who was about
to whip an Oxford Gentleman employed as tutor to his two sons; and
had him tied up to a cocoa-nut tree, when I happily succeeded in
diverting the Prince from his intention.
At dinner, his Majesty is waited upon by six English footmen in
the Imperial livery of nankeen, laced with blue galloon. They were
selected from among the largest of their class in England; but not being
here allowed to wear stockings, their calves have a very' different
appearance to that of their brethren in their native country. When
the Emperor is pleased, or has had enough, he dabs a portion of the
meat from his own plate into the mouth of the Eield-Marshal, Prince,
or Grand Dignitary of the Empire, sitting next to him. When angry,
his Majesty flings his dish or his cup at the beads of the footmen in
attendance. It is fine to see the unflinching courage with which they
receive these marks of the Imperial discontent.
The cook, who has been created Duke of Caboosia, is an artist
from an English man-of-war. He, and the dancing-master of the
Imperial family, are of pure African blood: a Erenchman previously
acted in both capacities; but having made love to several of the
princesses, he was dismissed, and blown from the mouth of a 24-
pounder off Eort Banjo.
The dining hall is richly decorated with works of art. On the North
side of the wall there is a fine picture of Edward the Black Prince
serving King John of France at supper, and the Black Prince is a
fine likeness of His Imperial Highness the Grand Duke Bobo, the
eldest son of the Emperor.
CjESar falling at PoMPETf's Statue is another fine work in the grand
hall. GaESAR is a fine mulatto, and Pomtey a mandingo of the purest
national colour.—Both figures are considered very fine, 'specially
Pompey's.
The Empress and daughters sate for the beautiful picture of Cleo-
patra sailing down the Nile, and the Egyptian Queen is represented,
as History has painted her indeed, of the most brilliant Nubian jet.
The two pages are the two joungest sons of 1 lie Empress, Their Im-
perial Highnesses Prince Day and Prince Martin.
But I must lay down my pen and resume my scissors : an order
comes from his Majesty lor a jacket and pantaloons lor a Court
Ball: he says he will have epaulets on the latter—to hear is to obey.
Farewell.
219
PUNCH'S LAW REPORT.
The Great Earn Case, Regena v. Galleass.
Having observed an utter absence of Reason in some of the Law
reports, it has struck us that Rhyme may be employed as an efficient
substitute. We have therefore instructed our Attorney-General, Mr.
Briefless, to report for us the Great Ham Case, which came off the
other day in the Exchequer Chamber, when the Court sat in error,
and the learned Counsel argued in total error for at least half-an-hour.
The Case it was this—There was tried at the Sessions
A prisoner, guilty of divers transgressions,
And wishing at -last for a relishing cram,
His career he had finished by stealing a ham.
At the trial objection was made—that the joint
Had been badly described—and reserved was the point.
For the prisoner; Henniker rose in his place
To contend the proceedings were bad on their face.
He urged " that the article now in dispute
Had been very likely a bit of a brute,
An animal, ferce natures, whose hocks
Had been made into ham. (See the Queen versus Cox),
Where some eggs had been stolen, and there 'twas laid down,
The indictment was bad on the part of the Crown,
Because of the eggs 'twas not plainly averr'd
Whether those of a crocodile, adder, or bird."
Per Pollock, Chief Baron: " The question one begs,
In refusing to recognise eggs, Sir, as e?gs;
I'm convinced such objection could never be made
As to hold that an egg was improperly laid."
Per Patteson, Justice : " The point I see well,
For the whole of the argument lies in a shell;
But suppose with the eggs there had been an assault,
Will you venture to tell us, that justice must halt
If the egg's undescribed? on your law I can't flatter ye ;
To call it an egg is sufficient in battery."
Per Platt, Puisne Baron : " Suppose for a change,
An epicure fancies a dish somewhat strange,
And orders the ham of a fox. or a rat,
There'd then be a property surely in that ?"
Mil Henniker humbly submitted that dogs.
Whom he ventured to couple, in this case, with hogs,
(He made no reflection, and wished not to pass any),
Had become very recently subjects of larceny.
Per Platt : " But the law, Sir, had always its eye
On a toad in the hole, or a dog in a pie."
The learned Chief Baron conferred with the judges,
Who declared the objection the poorest of fudges.
The pris'ner's conviction accordingly stood;
The ham and indictment were both pronounced good.
A GOOD PRICE TOR A GOOD ARTICLE.
We are always told that "the English Constitution is the envy and
admiration of the world." We do not doubt this; we may be pro-
foundly admired, we may be deeply envied by every nation; but the
question is, if we do not pay a little dearly for this universal homage.
The cost for it is 45s. per head—a large sum to pay in taxes every year
to be envied and admired. It is said that we never can pay too much
for a good thing; and, according to this, the British Constitution
ought to be the very best of its kind, considering the large price that
every Englishman is called upon to give for it.
We thould be very sorry for England to lose this ' envy and admi-
ration of the world." It is a pleasant thing for an Englishman to
know that the entire population of the universe is looking at the
British Constitution with the water in its mouth; but we cannot help
thinking that we pay somewhat heavily for this water-rate, when it is
laid on at a cost of 45s. per head. Envy and admiration are at all
times expensive luxuries. We have known many a man ruin himself
in the vain endeavour to procure them. Millions have been spent
upon their purchase; and at the very moment when a parvenu has
thought he has succeeded in obtaining the envy and admiration of his
fellow-creatures, he has been compelled to walk through the Court.
England must take care that she is not ruined m the same way. The
very goodness of her Constitution may be the death of her.
After all, we suspect lhat this " envy and admiration of the world"
is a great deal of our own fabrication. The English Constitution may
be admired, as undoubtedly it deserves to be ; but the " envy " is quire
another thing. What nation is likely to envy a Constitution that
requires upwuras of £59,000,000 every year to keep it m repair ! Why,
such a Constitution, enviable as it may be, would be the annihilation
of any other country but England. We do not generally envy the man
that has a millstone round his neck.
Eor instance, it is very doubtful whether the Russian or the American
envies the Englishman so much. The Russian pays for his Consti-
tution 9s. 9c?. a year, and the American only 9s. 7d., and the Constitution
of the latter is not such a bad Constitution either. Is it likely that
they will envy a thing that costs nearly five times as much as they have
to pay ?
The Englishman is naturally proud of his Constitution, and takes a
national pleasure in the " envy and admiration " (whether real or ima-
ginary) which the world honours it with, but we think he would like his
Constitution all the more if he had somewhat less to pay for it. Cannot
we be envied and admired under 45s. a year ?
EXTRACT FROM THE LETTER OF A GENTLEMAN
IN
THE SERVICE OE THE EMPEROR SOULOUQUE.
******
The blood of African kings which flows in my veins having
rendered me an object of unjust persecution in my native country of
New Orleans, I resolved to come to Port-au-Prince, and try my fortune
there. I had the good fortune to please His Imperial Highness
Prince Benbow, Lord High Admiral, for whom I made the tight
embroidered pantaloons of his office, and have since been in consider-
able favour among the Court and nobility, as Court and fashionable
tailor. The coronation of the Emperor enabled me to exhibit my skill;
I invented a robe for the Lord Chancellor of the Empire, and a coatee
for the General Officers, which have been greatly admired, and I hope
will bear a comparison with the first efforts of European, or even
Broadway, artists.
The Court is at this moment in mourning. Mourning here, I need
not tell you, is not black, but a becoming light pink ; that of the Royal
and Imperial family is yellow. The Imperial House is at present en deuil
for the seventy-sixth wife of King Bosh, of the Niger, who had died
of a superfluity of rum, to the grief of her Royal consort.
White men are tolerated at Port-au-Prince, though of course not
admitted into society. At Church and the Theatre places are set apart
for them : and the domestics of their Majesties are selected from this
class of human beings. They are treated generally not unkindly, but
the hot blood of the African noblesse is proverbial, and the poor devils
occasionally suffer from this irascibility. I remonstrated the other day
with His Highness Field Marshal'Prince Pierrot, who was about
to whip an Oxford Gentleman employed as tutor to his two sons; and
had him tied up to a cocoa-nut tree, when I happily succeeded in
diverting the Prince from his intention.
At dinner, his Majesty is waited upon by six English footmen in
the Imperial livery of nankeen, laced with blue galloon. They were
selected from among the largest of their class in England; but not being
here allowed to wear stockings, their calves have a very' different
appearance to that of their brethren in their native country. When
the Emperor is pleased, or has had enough, he dabs a portion of the
meat from his own plate into the mouth of the Eield-Marshal, Prince,
or Grand Dignitary of the Empire, sitting next to him. When angry,
his Majesty flings his dish or his cup at the beads of the footmen in
attendance. It is fine to see the unflinching courage with which they
receive these marks of the Imperial discontent.
The cook, who has been created Duke of Caboosia, is an artist
from an English man-of-war. He, and the dancing-master of the
Imperial family, are of pure African blood: a Erenchman previously
acted in both capacities; but having made love to several of the
princesses, he was dismissed, and blown from the mouth of a 24-
pounder off Eort Banjo.
The dining hall is richly decorated with works of art. On the North
side of the wall there is a fine picture of Edward the Black Prince
serving King John of France at supper, and the Black Prince is a
fine likeness of His Imperial Highness the Grand Duke Bobo, the
eldest son of the Emperor.
CjESar falling at PoMPETf's Statue is another fine work in the grand
hall. GaESAR is a fine mulatto, and Pomtey a mandingo of the purest
national colour.—Both figures are considered very fine, 'specially
Pompey's.
The Empress and daughters sate for the beautiful picture of Cleo-
patra sailing down the Nile, and the Egyptian Queen is represented,
as History has painted her indeed, of the most brilliant Nubian jet.
The two pages are the two joungest sons of 1 lie Empress, Their Im-
perial Highnesses Prince Day and Prince Martin.
But I must lay down my pen and resume my scissors : an order
comes from his Majesty lor a jacket and pantaloons lor a Court
Ball: he says he will have epaulets on the latter—to hear is to obey.
Farewell.