PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 149

MONSTROUS BIRTH.

he olive planted by Victoria on

'era, and every man jack on 'em wore straps. I seed one chap a
manning the yards with a pair of Berlin gloves on.

" The Commodore was a-pacing of the deck with spurs. I axed S
he warn't the Colonel of Horse Marines? but they clearly didn't
her late^ visit to Ireland having understand me, for one chap, taking his chaps off, said 1 'was too
become infected with the pro- j good.'

" The Garman Fleet stands then as below:—
"3 Steam Tugs;

" 4 Richmond steamers on the doctor's list;
" 1 Mud-dredging machine, mounted with a cannon ;
" 24 Wherries with 24 gun-barrels.

"Iam bound to state that several persons informed me that the
Garman Fleet had never been in sich an efficient state before."

perties of the soil, has com
mitted a vegetable bull, and
produced

1. An attack on the Cappo-
quin police-station.

2. A fatal party fight at DollyV
brae.

3. A dozen tenants and as

After the gratifying report of our Commissioner, we shall never
manyTanalords shot ms 'niggles doubt the existence of the German Fleet again,
to take and keep the crops.

4. A batch of new Secret
Societies.

5. And lastly, a fresh agitation
for Repeal by a new monster
party, formed out of the ignoble

parts of the Young Ireland faction and the tail of the Old One.

WANTED, A SPONSOR FOR A PALETOT.

A Talented Tailor, whose name may be found inscribed in the ad-
vertising columns of his country, informs the world that " A novelty is
in preparation for the approaching season, to which a distinguishing
name has not yet been given." Till this important discovery is made,
(the poor tailor is closeted twelve hours a day, we are told, with his
goose, sitting indefatigably upon the Peerage in order to hatch this
golden egg), we suggest that this new garment be called " The Cloak
of Mystery," for it seems to be the only Paletot that the tailors have
not registered yet.

Such an article, too, would be invaluable to many persons. We can
imagine the husband of Lola Montes would at times give any money
for a good cloak of mystery !

By-the-bye, if this unchristened Paletot is to assume at all the
features of a wrap-rascal, Haynau would not be a bad " distinguishing

A STORM IN A TEA-CUP.

The Germans are making a great noise about their Fleet. Now, we
were scarcely aware that Germany had a fleet, any more than the Great
Desert. We should as soon think of calling Stoke Pogis a maritime
power as Prussia, for what an inland country can want with men-of-war
to defend it, surpasses our nautical knowledge. However, the German
Fleet has been ordered info the Mediterranean, and this order has been
followed by such a fearful cry of " Shame," all through Germany, that
we have been prompted, out of curiosity, to look into the fact whether
the Germans have any boats or not, for we should be very sorry to sink,
(in the estimation of the world) their entire navy, by running it down
upon false grounds.

Accordingly we dispatched Waterman No. 101, to Hamburgh, and,
having furnished him with a microscope of the strongest power, gave
him full authority to inspect the German Fleet in any way he pleased,
and to send us the result of his observations.

This is bis report:—

" I never seed sich a Fleet! I'm blessed if our Thames Navy
would'nt shut, it up in Davy's locker, Admiral and all, any morning
before breakfast, and think no great guns of it either.

" This is what I sawed with my own eyes. First they showed me 3
little steam-tugs which they was purlite enough to tell me was " steam-
frigates." I thought they was making fun on me and so I looked into
their faces, but they moved no more than cheeses, so I admired their
steam-tugs as well as I could without laughing, and told 'em they was
remarkably Hansom tor their size.

"They 1hen pinted out to me 4 steam corvettes or covies, I think
they called 'em, and very rum covies they are. They are Richmond
steamers looking wherry poorly.

'' The next article was a guard-ship, which looks uncommonly like a
sand-dredging machine.

" The last bundle of firewood was 24-gun-boats which may be seen
any arternoon at Searle's, by a-picking out 24 of the ugliest wherries,
and giving each on 'em a long gun-barrel over the bows.

" Sich is the sum tottle of the Garman Fleet. If it isn't drowned

TRICKS UPON TRAYELLERS.

Our ingenious friend the Builder, who has been the unconscious
architect of many of our jokes—as well as of his own fortune—has sup-
plied us with a small lot of building materials in one of his recent
advertisements. We beg the attention of the public to the following:—

WANTED to Purchase, a TRAVELLER capable of lifting 10 to 12 tons.
One that has been already used would not be objected to if complete and fitted with
the modern improvements. Letters, with particulars, may be addresssd to, &c.

We confess ourselves somewhat puzzled by this announcement, for
though we know that a Traveller will pick up a great, deal in the course
of his travels, what can be meant by his being "capable of lifting 10 to
12 tons," is to us a thorough mystery. The intimation 1 hat the Traveller
is to be purchased, adds to our perplexity, nor can we see what is
intended, unless a regular sell of some sort is implied in the offer of a
purchase. There must be some allegory under the suggestion that the
Traveller is required to lift 10 or 12 tons, and perhaps, after all, it is
somebody with the power of raising a few hundred pounds that is
required. "One that has been already used would not," we are told,
" be objected to, if complete and fitted with the modern improvements."
We presume that this is an allusion to the beard, moustachios, imperials,
and other kindred adornments which seem to be regarded as " modern
improvements " by the ordinary run of Travellers.

The stipulation for a capacity to lilt 10 or 12 tons remains still
unexplained, and we can hazard no other suggestion but that it may
have reference to some "strongman," who may be required to travel
with a show, in the character of Hercules. It is now some time since
we have seen anything of the class of prodigies to which we allude, and
a gentleman who could revive the old practice of holding in his teeth an
arm-chair with an adult in the seat and six children clinging to the legs,
or who is possessed of the enviable power of bending a poker across the
bridge of his nose, holding up a Baker's Patent Mangle by the hair of
his head, and allowing a park of artillery to be let off on the top of his
chest, would no doubt prove a very attracive novelty.

THE BOARDING-SCHOOL PHILANTHROPISTS.

It has reached our ears that the principals of several highly respect-
able suburban boarding schools for young ladies have, in order to
cultivate a feeling of charity among their pupils, set them to work in
the cause of the distressed Dish. The design is excellent, but we can
scarcely venture to express an opinion as to the result, for we find from
inquiry, ihat the fair labourers in the philanthropic cause are chiefly
devoting their energies to the manufacture of pinafores. The idea is a
pretty one, and the saying that a stitch in time saves nine, will doubtless
be quoted to expedite the fingers of the youthful benefactors of
Hibernia, but unfortunately the sons of Hibernia will be rather puzzled
when the pinafores arrive, and are distributed among them by way of
succour.

A pinafore is a very useful article, and a supply of these domestic
wrappers might have been rather apropos to give the Irish people a tidy-
look at the time of the Queen's late auspicious visit, but a pile of
pinafores will be rather an absurd cargo to send out at this time of day
to the distressed sons or daughters of Erin. It is nearly as bad as
dispatching breeches to the Cherokees, and paletots to the Patagonians.

Railway Intelligence.

Such has been the mismanagement of their Railway by the Cale-
donian directors, that the concern is thoroughly scotched, if not quite

like so many kittens, long afore it reaches the Mediterranian, I'll eat' killed,
my breeches. _ _ j The Fife Bailway is to be dissolved, the shareholders having to pay

" I must tell you, the sailors looked wherry sea-sick when I sawed the piper.