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Punch — 18.1850

DOI issue:
January to June, 1850
DOI Page / Citation link:
https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16605#0021
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

CHIT-CHAT BY TELEGRAPH.

et us express the great delight with which
we learn that " t he right to establish an
electric telegraph line between France
and England, by a sub-marine communi-
cation across the Channel," has been offi-
cially conceded. By the aid of a single
wire, and of two persons only—one in
France and one in England—a message of
fifteen words, including address and signa-
ture, may be delivered in one minute!
These wires will, of course, communicate,
via Sout.h-Eastern and Boulogne railways,
with either capital: thus London and Paris
may, when they will, gossip with one
another. The amenides produced between
the two countries, by this practice, must
be of the most rapid growth and of the
widest influence. Let us give a few ex-
amples of the probable questions and answers put and answered by
parties, high and low, of both kingdoms :—

St. James's to the My see.
Q. How d' ye do ? Review or shoot this morning ?
A. Neither : got to be bothered with Normanby. Compliments to
Sa Majeste.

Foreign, Affairs to Foreign Affairs.

Q What says Russia ?
A. Muzzled

Q. All right. Translate in train, and give MS. to Captain of Princess
Helen.

These are a very few, and very meagre, samples of the international
information that will tremble along the wires through the domain of
Neptune ; who, by the way, according to the song, once tried Vul-
can's thunder, but afterwards—it being of no use to himself—made a
present of the bolts to Britannia. However Neptune may have
failed with the thunder, there is little doubt that he will succeed
admirably with the lightning.

THE THREATENED INUNDATION.

The alarmists of the public press succeeded, about a week ago, in
throwing us into a state of the most horrible consternation, at the
prospect of Father Thames being about to take a sort of Saturnine
turn, and gobble up a number of his children. We were told that his
swelling bosom was shortly to give way with a terrific burst of Nature ;
and those who did not consider themselves born to be hanged, began to
prepare very seriously for the popular alternative of drowning.

In the kitchens south of the river's banks, washing-tubs had been
launched, and tin foot-pans were lying at anchor, with a view to the
riding out of the inundation had it taken place ; and clothes-horses
were in readiness to enable the inhabitants of a house to mount the
high-horse in the event of such a mode of self-preservation having
been required. The kitchen-dressers had been laid out as a reef of
rocks, where small articles could be deposited high and dry, instead of
being left to take their chance on the ground, and every prudent house-
maid stowed away the contents of her work-basket.
To the relief of the expected Noyades and the discomfiture of the

0 Austria ?' I Penny"a-'mers> ^ inundation did not come off, and the whole thing

A Mum ' I remained alu.ost, as imaginary as a theatrical overflow. When we last

Q. Any arrival from Turkey ? mad,e our. Cf 9TJ,0n £he ?ubjecf> father Thames was reported to be

A. Yes : magnificent chibouque, and Circassian shawl for President. ; coniuied to his bed, where he is expected to remain for the present.
Q. We reduce our army estimates 10,000. M vous ?
A. Will think of it.

Wife in London to Husband in Pans.
Q. Smith—I say, Smith. Isn't this shameful — abominable —
wicked—
A. My life, what is the matter ?

Q. Oh, it's just like you men. Been gone [en days, and you said—
A. My dear, bus'ness. Do you think anything but bus'ness could—
Q. Don't talk to me ! I wonder you can show your face—I—
A. Now, my love—

Q. Don't " love" me, and the clerk here laughing—

A. Well, woman, what do you want ? This is the last I '11 listen to.

Q. Woman, indeed ! Want—well, I want—but you know what I want.

A. How can I tell ? Now, this is the last time.

Q. I want to know where's the key of the money-box ; here you've
gone and left me—

A. In my desk—spring-drawer—right. Don't, be extravagant,

Q. Extravagant! Here, you can go and spend—now, Smith—my
love—

A. Well: this is the last.

Q. Mind you 're not cheated, darling ; take care that the lace is real
Valenciennes.
A. All right.

Q. Make haste home. I blow you—you know what.

Tailor in London to Debtor in Paris.

Q. You call yourself a gentleman ?
A. Certainly. Gentleman at large. Ha ! ha !
Q. And I dare say, you think you've done me ?
A. Hope so. England expects every man to do his tailor.
Q. One word, do you ever intend to pay me ?
A. -■--(A line, but no answer.)

Lumber Trooper to a National Guard.
Q. I say, old chap, when are you coming over?
A. In de spring.

Q. Bring th^ old woman and the young uns ?
A. Certainement—oui.
Q. That's all right.—won't we be jolly ?

A. We shall. Adieu, bon enfant. Souvenirs a, madame. Vive rost bif
et botelporetur !

English Dramatist to Confidential Correspondent.

Q. How has the piece gone ?
A. Made quite a fureur.
Q. Do for us ? Anything available ?

A. Nothing better. ( )eleste—Wright—Woolgab—all can be
used. Funny bishop for Bedford—and conscience-stricken cats'-meat
man for 0. Smith.

\

the cow with the iron tail.

ODD RAT IT.

We may well say " Odd Rat i1"," when we hear how much better they
still manage some things in France, for we find the scavengers of Paris
have lately been dining together, to celebrate the destruction of 600,000
rats in the French capital. We wish the scavengers of London would
enter into a treaty to exterminate the rats, and we ourselves would see
it properly ratified. Mort aux rats was one of the toasts at the
banquet, which terminat ed with a grand chorus to the air of the cele-
brated Rat-a-plan in La Figlia. It is much to be regretted that the
British scavengers, as a body, do not unite their energies for the destruc-
tion of those vermin by whom we are so frequently undermined in a
political, as well as in a social sense, and there is no doubt we are called
upon by a ioud rat-a-tat at our doors to get rid of the evil.
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