Punch (18.1850)

31

PRETENTION BETTER THAN CURE.

N the days that we went floundering a short time ago, we thought we had used every
precaution to avoid the many a slip between the heel and the hip, which the frosty weather
|^=PGKa| I I I £ exposed us to. We never recollect to have seen such a perfect process of "holding a

•SoLES f J_ S — 4 jp mirror up to nature" as the streets exhibited, for the pavement was like glass, and every

Jj^fpp 3^ f ^J^N^i=^L one wn0 walked along could not only see himself in it, but felt himself on it rather too

frequently. Hoping to preserve our standing in society, we resorted to gutta percha
soles, but bitter was our disappointment after making them our sole reliance. The gutta
perchas gave us no purchase or hold upon the pavement, and our legs slipped away from
under us, in consequence of onr precautions having proved altogether bootless. It is
true that, after the frost had disappeared, the papers were good enough to tell us how
to get ourselves rough-shod for frosty weather. It seems we ought to have got a lot of
old iron, reduced it to filings, mixed it with emery scrubbings, &c. &c, and having madf
the whole mixture thoroughly red hot, we ought to have put our foot in it. A person
who could stand this might, we think, stand anything, as well as stand anywhere, and
so far there would appear to be virtue in such a remedy against slipping in frosty
weather.

i^^TxP^'T^ In the event of the return of the ice, it may be desirable for our skating readers to

d>-cuvw- y jje supplied with some means of maintaining that equilibrium which is so essential to true

dignity. A balancing pole,supported by two footmen, will furnish the aristocratic votaries
of that pleasure, which glides away faster than any other, with the means of pursuing it unalloyed by those casualties which prostrate the
best energies, and reduce the highest and the humblest to the same dumpy or bumpy level.

I met the waiter in his prime

At a magnificent hotel;
His hair, untinged by care or time,

Was oiled and brushed exceeding well.
When " waiter," was the impatient cry,

In accents growing stronger,
He seem'd to murmur, " By aud by,

Wait a little longer."

Within a year we met once more ;

'Twas in another part of town.
An humbler air the waiter wore,

I fancied he was going down.
Still when I shouted "Waiter, bread ! "

He came out rather stronger,
As if he'd s^y with toss of head,

" Wait a little longer."

THE WAITER.

Time takes us on through many a grade ;

Of " ups and downs " I've had my run,
Passing lull often through the shade

And sometimes loitering in the sun.
I and the waiter met agam

At a small inn at Ongar;
Still when I call'd, 'twas almost vain—

He made me wait the longer.

Another time—years since the last—

At eating-house I sought relief
Erom present care and troubles past,

In a small plate of round of beef.
" One beef, one taturs," was the cry,

In tones than mine much stronger ;
'Twas the old waiter standing by,

" Waiting a little longer."

I've mark'd him now for many a year ;

I've seen his coat more rusty grow ;
His linen is less bright and clear,

His polish'd pumps are on the go.
Torn are, alas ! his Berlin gloves—

They used to be much stronger ;
The waiter's whole appearauce proves

He cannot wait much longer.

I sometimes see the waiter still;

'Gainst want he wages feeble strife
He's at the bottom of the hill,

Downwards has been his path through life.
Of " waiter, waiter," there are cries,

Which louder grow and stronger ;
Tis to old Time he now replies,

" Wait a little longer."

Ice-bergs in the Thames.

Aiteb, the breaking up of the frost—which broke up just at the close
of every one else's holidays—the Thames was in such a state, that every
voyage between London Bridge and Chelsea was a sort of Arctic
Expedition in miniature. The Bachelor was ice-bound for some time
in trying to effect one of those passages which form the most eventful
passages in the life of a Thames mariner. Had the frost continued
much longer, we might have looked forward to the total freezing up
of the river, which would for a time have connected, in the bond of
union, the opposite and sometimes opposing shores of Southwark and
Blackiriars.

Nautical Swearing.

It was stated in the morning papers last week that in the Bail
Court—

11 Sir T.B. Martin took the oaths as Admiral of the Fleet. '

Taking oaths as an Admiral of the Eleet, it may be thought, is much
the same thing with swearing like a trooper; a practice which we
hoped had ceased in the British Navy. _ We trust that, the gallant
Admiral uttered no stronger an expression than the wish that his
timbers might be shivered; an imprecation, however, of which we
should lament the fulfilment.