DOI Heft:
January to June, 1850
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16605#0146
138
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE BACHELORS' LEAGUE.
Y many highly re-
spectable unmar-
ried men, it has
long been felt as
a great grievance,
that they should
be liable to certain
very heavy duties,
and in order to
release themselves
from these duties,
a league has been
formed by a batch
of bachelors. A
friend, whose sin-
gleness of purpose
consists of a pur-
pose to remain
single as long as
he can, has fa-
voured us with a
glance at a few of
the rules laid down
for the guidance
THE MILITARY BILLY TAILOR.
Billy Tailor was a poor young fellow,
Well nigh starved as he could be;
And his wrongs he did diskiver
To a Public fair and free.
Fiddeloldiday, Tiddeloldiday, &c
Several hundred clothiers' workmen,
Clad in tatters, thin array,
And they met, for Billy Tailor
To demand sufficient pay.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
Them to help their object arter,
Alderman Sidney took the chair,
The various causes countin' over,
Of their heavy grief and care.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
Ven as he corned to make that statement,
Vot he blamed above the rest,
Wos the uniform-trade, vitch he ripp'd open,
And diskiver'd how the troops are drest.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
Wen as t he Public corned for to hear on't,
Says they, "Wot kind of trade's this hereP"
Says Sidney, "'Tis the trade of a gallant warrior,
Who buys so cheap, and who sells so dear."
of the League of: Fiddeloldiday, &c.
Bachelors. I
1st. Pvery bachelor joining the League is to cancel all previous engagements. " If'tis the trade of a gallant warrior,
2nd. Every bachelor having subscribed for five years to the League, and who, by misfortune, Tell unto us his rank, we pray."
shall have incurred a matrimonial engagement shall be defended against any action for " His rank, kind friends, is that of Colonel,
breach of promise, and thus saved from the shame and misery of going through the Court of Who by clothing gets his pay."
Hymen, which is too frequently another name for the Insolvent Court. Piddeloldiday, &c.
3rd. Connected with the League it is intended to establish a Bachelors' Insurance <(-rf i , , • , ■
Office, to insure single men against marriage and flirtation, on the same principles as are "7pifsf, ^ j? P.ay y clot,J}1D£>
usually applied to death and fire. Any member having visited wilfully a house with more than 1 8 a, way bcT mean • near'
two marriageable daughters will, in the event of the calamity of marriage befalling ^et up early some fine morning,
him, be regarded in the same light as felo de se, and his policy will be vitiated on account of! Ana Upse^'j^'Si f^Y un£ur- .
the very bad policy that will have guided him._ Any bachelor falling—into matrimony—by Juaaelolaiaay, <xc.
his own hand, as in the case of a_written promise to wed, will be deprived of all the benefits The Chronicle got up one fine morning,
of his insurance, and every applicant proposing to be insured must answer the following ~ v °"
questions, among others that will be proposed to him:—
What is your age next birthday ?
At what age had your father the misfortune to marry your mother ?
Have you been afflicted with the Polka or other mania? are you subject to sentimental
fits ? have you been addicted to the writing of sonnets P or have you ever suffered from the
cacoethes scribendi in any shape, or at any time whatever ?
Have you at any time in your life been a victim to the flute, or any other deadly-lively
instrument ?
Have any of your near relations fallen in love at any time, and if so, have they recovered,
or have their cases ended fatally ?
If these questions are all answered in a sa'isfactory manner, any member of the
Bachelors' League may insure any amount under £5000, 1o be paid within three months of
the melancholy termination of his single career, on proof of wedlock having actually
overtaken him.
The Insurance against flirtation or fire cannot be effected where the applicant is more than
ordinarily inflammable, and watering-places in the season, balls, and pic-nic parties must be
considered as doubly or trebly hazardous, and charged accordingly.
A great moral engine will be kept on the premises, so Mia4-, in case of an alarm of fire, any
member may have cold water thrown upon him without extra premium.
MEANNESS REWARDED.
"A Mechanic," describing himself as a foreman in an extensive establishment, related,
in a letter^ which appeared last week in the Times, the following satisfactory instance of
proper spirit on the part of his fellow-workmen. He and they, whose numbers amounted to
nearly 200 men, had raised a general subscription for the purpose of taking their wives
and families a trip by railway to the sea-coast on Grood Priday, and returning on Easter
Monday or Tuesday. The railway directors, it might have been supposed, would have
been willing to enlarge their usual accommodation of return tickets to these poor people,
if but as apiece of seasonable benevolence,—an Easter offering of charity. Porgetling, how-
ever, all such Easter dues, those gentlemen contracted instead of extending their ordinary
liberality in this respect, and made the return tickets available for one day only. The men
indignantly "revolted" at this "shameful imposition," and their excursion scheme was
abandoned; a circumstance to be regretted only on account of the good folks' loss of a
holiday. A weightier loss, we rejoice to say, was sustained by the railway companies, who
were the losers of about £75 from " A Mechanic's " shop alone. By this system of " quick
returns," then, the railway companies are likely to make appropriately " small profifs," and
we hope that a continually decreasing income will bs the reward of their perseverance in so
mean a line.
Early as by break of day,
And he saw poor Billy Tailok,
Working life and soul awav.
Fiddeloldiday, &c".
Then he call'd for Hume and Cobden,
Vitch did come at his command;
And he snatch'd poor Billy Tailor
Prom the clothing Colonel's hand.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
Ven as the Public corned for to hear on't,
Werry much applauded the shut-up shop,
Kept so fong as free life-tenant,
By the gallant Colonel Slop.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
VICES OP SPEECH.
The contemplated abolition of the Irish Vice-
royalty has furnished a fruitful theme for com-
ment in the would-be jocular circles. Some do
not scruple to affirm that the Government will
rival Father Mathew in the glory of having
suppressed the National Vice of Ireland. Others
go so far as to say that the Irish will be no
longer able to complain of being impoverished
by this country when they cease to be under the
screw of an English Vice. Some, again, are
rash enough to predict that, when Ireland has
no longer a Viceroy, her present lamentable con-
dition will be quite vice versa. A few have
had the desperation to affirm, that the " golden
round" of Irish Vice-Sovereignty has been
nothing else than a vicious circle._ Justice, how-
ever, compels us to state, that, in none of these
playful liberties taken with words, has anything
been intended in disparagement of the present
Lord-Lieutenant, whose vice-regal career, during
the most trying vicissitudes, is allowed on all
hands to have been perfectly unvitiated.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE BACHELORS' LEAGUE.
Y many highly re-
spectable unmar-
ried men, it has
long been felt as
a great grievance,
that they should
be liable to certain
very heavy duties,
and in order to
release themselves
from these duties,
a league has been
formed by a batch
of bachelors. A
friend, whose sin-
gleness of purpose
consists of a pur-
pose to remain
single as long as
he can, has fa-
voured us with a
glance at a few of
the rules laid down
for the guidance
THE MILITARY BILLY TAILOR.
Billy Tailor was a poor young fellow,
Well nigh starved as he could be;
And his wrongs he did diskiver
To a Public fair and free.
Fiddeloldiday, Tiddeloldiday, &c
Several hundred clothiers' workmen,
Clad in tatters, thin array,
And they met, for Billy Tailor
To demand sufficient pay.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
Them to help their object arter,
Alderman Sidney took the chair,
The various causes countin' over,
Of their heavy grief and care.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
Ven as he corned to make that statement,
Vot he blamed above the rest,
Wos the uniform-trade, vitch he ripp'd open,
And diskiver'd how the troops are drest.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
Wen as t he Public corned for to hear on't,
Says they, "Wot kind of trade's this hereP"
Says Sidney, "'Tis the trade of a gallant warrior,
Who buys so cheap, and who sells so dear."
of the League of: Fiddeloldiday, &c.
Bachelors. I
1st. Pvery bachelor joining the League is to cancel all previous engagements. " If'tis the trade of a gallant warrior,
2nd. Every bachelor having subscribed for five years to the League, and who, by misfortune, Tell unto us his rank, we pray."
shall have incurred a matrimonial engagement shall be defended against any action for " His rank, kind friends, is that of Colonel,
breach of promise, and thus saved from the shame and misery of going through the Court of Who by clothing gets his pay."
Hymen, which is too frequently another name for the Insolvent Court. Piddeloldiday, &c.
3rd. Connected with the League it is intended to establish a Bachelors' Insurance <(-rf i , , • , ■
Office, to insure single men against marriage and flirtation, on the same principles as are "7pifsf, ^ j? P.ay y clot,J}1D£>
usually applied to death and fire. Any member having visited wilfully a house with more than 1 8 a, way bcT mean • near'
two marriageable daughters will, in the event of the calamity of marriage befalling ^et up early some fine morning,
him, be regarded in the same light as felo de se, and his policy will be vitiated on account of! Ana Upse^'j^'Si f^Y un£ur- .
the very bad policy that will have guided him._ Any bachelor falling—into matrimony—by Juaaelolaiaay, <xc.
his own hand, as in the case of a_written promise to wed, will be deprived of all the benefits The Chronicle got up one fine morning,
of his insurance, and every applicant proposing to be insured must answer the following ~ v °"
questions, among others that will be proposed to him:—
What is your age next birthday ?
At what age had your father the misfortune to marry your mother ?
Have you been afflicted with the Polka or other mania? are you subject to sentimental
fits ? have you been addicted to the writing of sonnets P or have you ever suffered from the
cacoethes scribendi in any shape, or at any time whatever ?
Have you at any time in your life been a victim to the flute, or any other deadly-lively
instrument ?
Have any of your near relations fallen in love at any time, and if so, have they recovered,
or have their cases ended fatally ?
If these questions are all answered in a sa'isfactory manner, any member of the
Bachelors' League may insure any amount under £5000, 1o be paid within three months of
the melancholy termination of his single career, on proof of wedlock having actually
overtaken him.
The Insurance against flirtation or fire cannot be effected where the applicant is more than
ordinarily inflammable, and watering-places in the season, balls, and pic-nic parties must be
considered as doubly or trebly hazardous, and charged accordingly.
A great moral engine will be kept on the premises, so Mia4-, in case of an alarm of fire, any
member may have cold water thrown upon him without extra premium.
MEANNESS REWARDED.
"A Mechanic," describing himself as a foreman in an extensive establishment, related,
in a letter^ which appeared last week in the Times, the following satisfactory instance of
proper spirit on the part of his fellow-workmen. He and they, whose numbers amounted to
nearly 200 men, had raised a general subscription for the purpose of taking their wives
and families a trip by railway to the sea-coast on Grood Priday, and returning on Easter
Monday or Tuesday. The railway directors, it might have been supposed, would have
been willing to enlarge their usual accommodation of return tickets to these poor people,
if but as apiece of seasonable benevolence,—an Easter offering of charity. Porgetling, how-
ever, all such Easter dues, those gentlemen contracted instead of extending their ordinary
liberality in this respect, and made the return tickets available for one day only. The men
indignantly "revolted" at this "shameful imposition," and their excursion scheme was
abandoned; a circumstance to be regretted only on account of the good folks' loss of a
holiday. A weightier loss, we rejoice to say, was sustained by the railway companies, who
were the losers of about £75 from " A Mechanic's " shop alone. By this system of " quick
returns," then, the railway companies are likely to make appropriately " small profifs," and
we hope that a continually decreasing income will bs the reward of their perseverance in so
mean a line.
Early as by break of day,
And he saw poor Billy Tailok,
Working life and soul awav.
Fiddeloldiday, &c".
Then he call'd for Hume and Cobden,
Vitch did come at his command;
And he snatch'd poor Billy Tailor
Prom the clothing Colonel's hand.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
Ven as the Public corned for to hear on't,
Werry much applauded the shut-up shop,
Kept so fong as free life-tenant,
By the gallant Colonel Slop.
Piddeloldiday, &c.
VICES OP SPEECH.
The contemplated abolition of the Irish Vice-
royalty has furnished a fruitful theme for com-
ment in the would-be jocular circles. Some do
not scruple to affirm that the Government will
rival Father Mathew in the glory of having
suppressed the National Vice of Ireland. Others
go so far as to say that the Irish will be no
longer able to complain of being impoverished
by this country when they cease to be under the
screw of an English Vice. Some, again, are
rash enough to predict that, when Ireland has
no longer a Viceroy, her present lamentable con-
dition will be quite vice versa. A few have
had the desperation to affirm, that the " golden
round" of Irish Vice-Sovereignty has been
nothing else than a vicious circle._ Justice, how-
ever, compels us to state, that, in none of these
playful liberties taken with words, has anything
been intended in disparagement of the present
Lord-Lieutenant, whose vice-regal career, during
the most trying vicissitudes, is allowed on all
hands to have been perfectly unvitiated.