DOI issue:
January to June, 1850
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16605#0200
192
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
about the fields, and down the groves, burning the grass with his foot-
steps, and singeing the leaves with his cloak—Mm. Wiggins bounced
forward, and said he had but a very few words to treat 'em with; and,
as I thought, all the better; for the words he did say, every one of 'em
dropped from his mouth like a red-hot cannon-ball; and—I couldn't help
it—1 saw all England in a blaze, and London taken by the Cart-Horse
xleavy Dragoons, and the Reaping-Hook Artillery, and the Light Flail
Volunteers,—and me, and Motjseb, and the children hidden in the
beer cellar while the sack went on,—and Mr. Cobden's head off on
Tower Hill, and Mb. Bbight—with Mb. Febkand riding as Sheriff—
on his way to Tyburn. All this I saw, and who could help it ? for
Wiggins, with a terrible look, and a voice like a clap of thunder, called
upon Government; and he said if Government didu't choose to answer
to the call, why, then, he and all of them were ready for a scramble.
" Up with wheat," cried Wiggins, "or we'll fight for the rise ! " And,
certainly, he looked as if he meant it; for he flourished his arms about,
as though giving the meeting a sample of his muscles; and the meeting
—every man in it—jumped up, and gave such a shout—I'm sure there
wasn't a quartern loaf, between us and Charing Cross, that didn't leap
again upon the baker's shelf, at the very sound.
And to see that Dube of Richmond, and to fancy him with his
coronet—" with his pearls upon his brow," as the song says—as meek
and mild in his chair as any two-year baby with sugared bread-and-
butter—to see him with not a pucker in his face, listening to such
cannon-balls in syllables, did, I must say it, cause astonishment, if not
admiration, in the breast of
Yours truly, Mr. Punch,
The Honeysuckles. Amelia Mouses.
"HOUSEHOLD WORDS."
Botheb.—A word in great use when a stupid visitor has called, or a
dress has not come home, or the hair will not curl, or the pen will not
write, or the shoe will not come on, or any other little domestic
annoyance.
Fiddlestick.—A word strongly expressive of contempt. It crushes
all reply. When a lady once says " Fiddlestick," he must be a bold
man who ventures to say another word.
Flddle-de-dee.—The same as " Fiddlestick," only a degree milder.
Ducky.—A term of endearment, applied indiscriminately when a
favour is to be asked.
Indeed !—An ejaculation, " strongly recommended for family use."
It implies doubt, a contemptuous denial, a gentle refusal, and saves an
infinity of useless explanation. Much may be said with that word
" Indeed ! " It all depends upon the way in which it is pronounced.
" Dbat it ! "—Yery emphatic, almost amounting to an oath. It
should be used very sparingly, even by ladies.
Delicious.—A word that", coming from a young lady's lips, conveys
the highest possible amount of praise. It is applied equally to Mario's
singing, Gunteb's ices, Holbigant's gloves, Fbank Stone's pictures,
Febbaris' dancing, and means perfection in each instance.
Spooney.—A young man who cannot dance or talk, or talks no
belter than he dances, or vice versa. A young man who wears clogs
and mittens, and sings sentimental songs wir,h a lisp, and has turned-
down collars, and a miniature which he always carries in his waistcoat-
pocket, on the side nearest his heart, would take rank in household
estimation as a "spooney."
Dumpy.—Unhappy, miserable, Any one who has a cold, or is dis-
agreeable, or has been disappointed, or has received bad news, or an
unpleasant truth, is said to look "Dumpy."
Lateness of the Season.
We saw last week, in the Park, a pair of Ducks, of the most spotless
white, but the cold was so intense that they instantly ran in, and we
have not seen them since. The London Ducks—for they are always i
observed in pairs—are an extremely chilly bird. The least drop of
water sends them flying, and they do not stop till they get under J
shelter. This is most extraordinary in this bird, for it is well known to
naturalists, that the Duck is, generally speaking, very fond of the rain,
and, instead of running away frorn water, takes it as naturally as a tee-
totaller. The London Ducks, which are the surest signs of an early
summer, are very late indeed this season.
i am not what i seem.
The above would be an excellent motto for some trowsers recently-
made by a Manchester operative, who has just turned out a complete
pair of "continuations" without a single-seam. Such garments cannot
be considered unseemly, notwithstanding the peculiarity of their con-
struction; but it may be said that, if his plan should be generally
adopted, needles would become needless, and the population would be
curtailed of its tailors.
THE HOUSELESS COMMONS.
It is not generally known that the representatives of the people are
only in lodgings at the present time; for until their own House is com-
pleted, they are occupying " genteel apartments," the rent of which is
paid from the public Treasury.
We are therefore interested in knowing how the building for their
permanent occupation is going on; and we are glad to hear that,
' weather permitting," the Commons are to go into their new House
forthwith; but if the evenings should become cold, the Commons must
keep on for a week or two longer in their present lodgings. We cannot
see that there need be any want of warmth, for there are always
members ready to make the House almost too hot to hold anything.
Much curiosity has been excited in the minds of several M.P.'s, by
the presence of nine enormous boilers which are standing in the
quadrangle, and the intended uses of which boilers are rather dubious.
There is surely enough of " Bubble, bubble, Toil and trouble," in the
House without the introduction of nine tremendous boilers, which it is
said by some are designed for the express purpose of enabling those
who make a display of their indignation to boil over with it. The wags
of the lobby_ were the other night very active on the subject of these
vast reservoirs of hot water; and a Parliamentary wit, one of whose
jokes was once permitted to appear by courtesy in the pages of Punch,
was heard to remark, that the nine boilers looked as if the Commons
intended boiling themselves to prevent others from roasting them.
The MP. who perpetrated this deserves, in our opinion, not simply a
roasting but a basting also, for his atrocity.
"jack of all tbades, and masteb op none."
FAMILY METAPHYSICS.
Among the recent literary births, we observe that of a Magazine
called the British Controversialist. Our new-born contemporary has
mooted the following points of controversy :—
Is beauty a quality inherent in objects ?
Is an hereditary monarchy preferable to an elective one ? and, Ought
capital punishments to be abolished ?
It has been determined by the most profound female philosophers—
the best judges, of course, in all questions about beauty—that so far
from beauty being inherent in any object, the very nature of all objects,
or that which causes an object to be an object, is downright ugliness.
That an hereditary monarchy is preferable, is clear from the well-known
circumstance that an elective sovereign very seldom succeeds. As to the
abolition of capital punishments, we really must say that we wonder at
the presumption of anybody who can raise such a question alter it has
been so satisfactorily disposed of by—our innate modesty forbids us to,
say whom.___
Civic Inconsistency.
The Metropolitan Interments Bill is complained of in the City as
part of a system of centralisation. This is a strange objection, coining
from those who mav be truly said to go the whole hog m centralising,
by keeping up their Smithfield in the middle of London.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
about the fields, and down the groves, burning the grass with his foot-
steps, and singeing the leaves with his cloak—Mm. Wiggins bounced
forward, and said he had but a very few words to treat 'em with; and,
as I thought, all the better; for the words he did say, every one of 'em
dropped from his mouth like a red-hot cannon-ball; and—I couldn't help
it—1 saw all England in a blaze, and London taken by the Cart-Horse
xleavy Dragoons, and the Reaping-Hook Artillery, and the Light Flail
Volunteers,—and me, and Motjseb, and the children hidden in the
beer cellar while the sack went on,—and Mr. Cobden's head off on
Tower Hill, and Mb. Bbight—with Mb. Febkand riding as Sheriff—
on his way to Tyburn. All this I saw, and who could help it ? for
Wiggins, with a terrible look, and a voice like a clap of thunder, called
upon Government; and he said if Government didu't choose to answer
to the call, why, then, he and all of them were ready for a scramble.
" Up with wheat," cried Wiggins, "or we'll fight for the rise ! " And,
certainly, he looked as if he meant it; for he flourished his arms about,
as though giving the meeting a sample of his muscles; and the meeting
—every man in it—jumped up, and gave such a shout—I'm sure there
wasn't a quartern loaf, between us and Charing Cross, that didn't leap
again upon the baker's shelf, at the very sound.
And to see that Dube of Richmond, and to fancy him with his
coronet—" with his pearls upon his brow," as the song says—as meek
and mild in his chair as any two-year baby with sugared bread-and-
butter—to see him with not a pucker in his face, listening to such
cannon-balls in syllables, did, I must say it, cause astonishment, if not
admiration, in the breast of
Yours truly, Mr. Punch,
The Honeysuckles. Amelia Mouses.
"HOUSEHOLD WORDS."
Botheb.—A word in great use when a stupid visitor has called, or a
dress has not come home, or the hair will not curl, or the pen will not
write, or the shoe will not come on, or any other little domestic
annoyance.
Fiddlestick.—A word strongly expressive of contempt. It crushes
all reply. When a lady once says " Fiddlestick," he must be a bold
man who ventures to say another word.
Flddle-de-dee.—The same as " Fiddlestick," only a degree milder.
Ducky.—A term of endearment, applied indiscriminately when a
favour is to be asked.
Indeed !—An ejaculation, " strongly recommended for family use."
It implies doubt, a contemptuous denial, a gentle refusal, and saves an
infinity of useless explanation. Much may be said with that word
" Indeed ! " It all depends upon the way in which it is pronounced.
" Dbat it ! "—Yery emphatic, almost amounting to an oath. It
should be used very sparingly, even by ladies.
Delicious.—A word that", coming from a young lady's lips, conveys
the highest possible amount of praise. It is applied equally to Mario's
singing, Gunteb's ices, Holbigant's gloves, Fbank Stone's pictures,
Febbaris' dancing, and means perfection in each instance.
Spooney.—A young man who cannot dance or talk, or talks no
belter than he dances, or vice versa. A young man who wears clogs
and mittens, and sings sentimental songs wir,h a lisp, and has turned-
down collars, and a miniature which he always carries in his waistcoat-
pocket, on the side nearest his heart, would take rank in household
estimation as a "spooney."
Dumpy.—Unhappy, miserable, Any one who has a cold, or is dis-
agreeable, or has been disappointed, or has received bad news, or an
unpleasant truth, is said to look "Dumpy."
Lateness of the Season.
We saw last week, in the Park, a pair of Ducks, of the most spotless
white, but the cold was so intense that they instantly ran in, and we
have not seen them since. The London Ducks—for they are always i
observed in pairs—are an extremely chilly bird. The least drop of
water sends them flying, and they do not stop till they get under J
shelter. This is most extraordinary in this bird, for it is well known to
naturalists, that the Duck is, generally speaking, very fond of the rain,
and, instead of running away frorn water, takes it as naturally as a tee-
totaller. The London Ducks, which are the surest signs of an early
summer, are very late indeed this season.
i am not what i seem.
The above would be an excellent motto for some trowsers recently-
made by a Manchester operative, who has just turned out a complete
pair of "continuations" without a single-seam. Such garments cannot
be considered unseemly, notwithstanding the peculiarity of their con-
struction; but it may be said that, if his plan should be generally
adopted, needles would become needless, and the population would be
curtailed of its tailors.
THE HOUSELESS COMMONS.
It is not generally known that the representatives of the people are
only in lodgings at the present time; for until their own House is com-
pleted, they are occupying " genteel apartments," the rent of which is
paid from the public Treasury.
We are therefore interested in knowing how the building for their
permanent occupation is going on; and we are glad to hear that,
' weather permitting," the Commons are to go into their new House
forthwith; but if the evenings should become cold, the Commons must
keep on for a week or two longer in their present lodgings. We cannot
see that there need be any want of warmth, for there are always
members ready to make the House almost too hot to hold anything.
Much curiosity has been excited in the minds of several M.P.'s, by
the presence of nine enormous boilers which are standing in the
quadrangle, and the intended uses of which boilers are rather dubious.
There is surely enough of " Bubble, bubble, Toil and trouble," in the
House without the introduction of nine tremendous boilers, which it is
said by some are designed for the express purpose of enabling those
who make a display of their indignation to boil over with it. The wags
of the lobby_ were the other night very active on the subject of these
vast reservoirs of hot water; and a Parliamentary wit, one of whose
jokes was once permitted to appear by courtesy in the pages of Punch,
was heard to remark, that the nine boilers looked as if the Commons
intended boiling themselves to prevent others from roasting them.
The MP. who perpetrated this deserves, in our opinion, not simply a
roasting but a basting also, for his atrocity.
"jack of all tbades, and masteb op none."
FAMILY METAPHYSICS.
Among the recent literary births, we observe that of a Magazine
called the British Controversialist. Our new-born contemporary has
mooted the following points of controversy :—
Is beauty a quality inherent in objects ?
Is an hereditary monarchy preferable to an elective one ? and, Ought
capital punishments to be abolished ?
It has been determined by the most profound female philosophers—
the best judges, of course, in all questions about beauty—that so far
from beauty being inherent in any object, the very nature of all objects,
or that which causes an object to be an object, is downright ugliness.
That an hereditary monarchy is preferable, is clear from the well-known
circumstance that an elective sovereign very seldom succeeds. As to the
abolition of capital punishments, we really must say that we wonder at
the presumption of anybody who can raise such a question alter it has
been so satisfactorily disposed of by—our innate modesty forbids us to,
say whom.___
Civic Inconsistency.
The Metropolitan Interments Bill is complained of in the City as
part of a system of centralisation. This is a strange objection, coining
from those who mav be truly said to go the whole hog m centralising,
by keeping up their Smithfield in the middle of London.