Punch (18.1850)

PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

199

PUNCH'S HAND-BOOK TO HER MAJESTY'S THEATRE

The Operatic department of Her
Majesty's Theatre we have
already described as a mo-
narchy presided over by a
reigning Queen of Song, but.
the sovereignty of the Ballet
is usually disputed by two
or three candidates. These
contests may, in some degree,
be compared to the Wars of
the Roses, for the emblems
of victory are frequently floral

bright idea of their all appearing at once in a group, and descending
toge'her from the same pedestal. The difficulty of the premier pas was
thus got over, but this is not the only pas qui coute in such a very
momentous affair as &pas de trois, where not a step must be taken that,
is not properly weighed, and its exact, weight dis<ributed in exactly
equal proportions among the Three Graces. If Euphrosyne has a
movement of the music to herself, consisting of so many bars, Thalia
and Egie must be allowed to have their feet on the bars separately for
the same period. If Euphrosyne occupies for a moment the centre
place between her sister Graces, Thalia and Egie feel it to be the
centre of attraction, and would murmur on both sides, or grumble right
and left, if they did not in their turn take the coveted position. If
Thalia is supported for an instant by the hand of Euphrosyne at the
waist, enabling the former Grace to maintain a horizontal line betweev)
the tip of her toe and the tip of her nose, at an altitude of three feet,
Thalia will be expected _ to serve as a temporary prop, while

and consist of bouquets ™ « expected to serve as a temporary prop, wiuK

thrown at the feet of the -^UPHfi0STNE forms herself into an arch, of which her head, bent back
conaueror. Homage is thus Jfxdl f° the utmoTst Possible extent, seems to be nearly forming one of
paid where it is due, since • 16 buttre.sses. If Egie has been standing neglected during these
the feet are the arms chiefly [ngenious feats of what may be termed the civil engineering of the
employed in the great strug-1 h?™&u frfie^she wlU exPrec,fc m her tu™ to h,a.ve the assistance of one
gle for ascendancy in the ?t^r sister Graces as a fulcrum or lever, while she arranges herself
ballet ' 0 some mathema'ical figure that would astonish a senior wrangler by

Those who contemplate the irs application of the best, rules of art, to the attractions of nature. It
delicious sof ness of the' sPeaks for the equanimity of the Queens of the Ballet that, with

sc-nery with its canvas bowers of profiled bliss, its woodwork woods, j a/lya[ m th,eir ,lland^' they have never been known to let that rival drop
sc.nery, wm us .^yas uowei s oi piuuieu , . ■ at a moment when the victim, if left to herse f, wou d scarce y have had

its groves to which the pamf. pots ot art have supplied tne verdancy ot i , , , ,
nature; those who have looked on those pictures of peace—forgetting for ,„<? u , V"H-

The agony of upholding a competitor for public applause can only be
understood by one who, with jealousy raised to its highest pitch by a
whirlwind of delight and a hurricane of bravas at the achievements of a
rival, and with muscular strength taxed to its utmost, pitch by that
rival's weight, can still sustain that rival in her enviable position, and
look down upon her with a smile of benignity, unruffled by the pangs of
jealousy, or the hard work of bearing a load under which a porter might

a moment that they are merely carpenter's piece-work—would little sus
pect the turbulent feelings that, agitate the groups inhabiting these appa-
rently happy valleys. Secluded from the world by an impassable barrier
of ever-burning gas-lights, nymphs are seen sporting round fountains
gushing with a material that, sparkles but never splashes. A happy pea-
santry gambols in white satin slippers on a Yllla^gee^£0^gipn° j

moisture arises to damp their shoes or their 'P^'j™^ wince, without much imputation on his porterhood.

the scenery is celestial, and goddesses repose on clouds, Having none or | v *

the unpleasant density of vapour, but being substantial enough to sit
upon. Looking on such scenes as these, the poet, might fairly hope to see
nothing but tranquillity in the bosoms of the inhabitants, but the
philosopher, rudely knocking the hat over the poet's _ e> es, proceeds
with the spectacles of fact to look into matters on his own account,
and the poet, hailing imagination's cab, starts for the realms of fancy,
which are always to be found within a very short fare of sad and sober
reality.

Hand in hand with the philosopher, who, with the Turk s-head of
materialism, is for ever brushing down the cobwebs of idealism that
overhang the romantic passages of life, we proceed to test the bliss-
fulness of i he ballet.

The difficulty of getting two suns to shine in the same hemisphere
has been suggested bv astronomers; but the excessive trouble of Far from living men s habitations

getting two or more stars of the ballet, to exhibit their brilliance in the i Let me harmlessly decompose ;

same pas has never been thought of by the savans, whose subjects of: N°1?e,?t. my checiical emanations

contemplation are at all events guided by fixed laws, while the dazzling I Shall injure a soul, or offend a nose

bodies that float before the eyes of him who would read the stars of
Her Majesty's Theatre are with difficulty subjected to any rule what-
ever. Nevertheless, the apparently impossible result has occasionally
been accomplished, though we might almost as soon expect to see
Sagittarius hand in hand with Virgo, executing a pas to the band
of Orion, as hope to witness the conjunction of three stars of the
ballet without a convulsion of the most serious character. We do not
wonder that Her Majesty's Theatre requires the constant services of
an Aquarius, who, with watering-pot in hand, is perpetually cooling
the ground that must be impregnated with all the materials for a vol-
cano, by the heat of so many contests.

The astronomer may well turn away baffled from the stars of the
oallet, for the diplomatist is the only magician who can read or regulate
their occasionally combined movements. Men practised in the most
subtle regulations of Court etiquette, and skilled in deciding points of
precedence as fine as the point of a needle—men who could bundle up
together gold, silver, and half-a-dozen other sticks without giving
offence to either—men who could satisfy the claims of every degree ol
knighthood, take the relative measures of any pair of garters, and deal
with a couple of Baths without getting into hot water; even such men
as these would find the points of precedence in a pas de deux, trois, or
quatre, far more difficult of adjustment than the matters above alluded
to. The achievement of the production of Les Graces, presenting
together Carlotta Grisi, Marie Taglioni, and Amaiia Ferraris,
Terpsichore's three favourite daughters, and their pas or grand pa, has
indeed called forth the cunningest diplomacy of all concerned m a com-
bina'ion which seemed too good to be true, and which at one time
would have been pronounced impossible.

We can imagine the numerous consultations that must have been
held by the Cabinet of Her Majesty's Theatre on this momentous
question. Which of the fair trio should commence was, no doubt, the
subject of anxious deliberation, which was at last put an end to by the

THE SANITARY REFORMER TO HIS EXECUTOR.

When in earth I shall calm recline,

Let no dwellings my couch be near ;
Let not an atom that once was mine

Contribute to poison the atmosphere.
Bid them not lay me where churchyard railing

Encloses a narrow and crowded site,
Against my will and desire exhaling
Pestiferous vapours from morn till night.

Eree-blowmg bretzes, bad gas dispelling,

Shall f ragrance derive from the various bloom
Of the shrubs and the flowers, so freshly smelling, '
Adorning my ex'ra-mural tomb.

EXPENSIVE PROSELYTISM.

At the late annual meeting of the British Society for Promoting
Christianity among the Jews, it was stated that—

" During the past year six individuals, who had been under instruction by the Mis-
sionaries of the Society, had been baptised."

If this well-meaning Society made no more than half-a-dozen converts
among the Israelites in one year, it certainly takes a great deal to con-
vert a Jew. Eor, according to the Secretary's report,—

" The balance-sheet showed the total receipts (including a balance from the last
report) to be £4034 0s. 5d., and the expenditure, £3687 17s. Sd."

The conversion of these Hebrews, then, cost upwards of £600 a head;
money well laid out, truly, but, considering the educational and other des-
titution existing around us, we think it might have been laid out, a little
better. Besides, there is a mode of Christianising the Children of
Israel, at very small expense. The least costly and most effectual way
of promoting Christianity among the Jews would be that of getting it
practised among Christians.

a duke out of place.

The exclamation of _ all on hearing that the Duke op Richmond
took the chair at the disaffected farmers' meeting in a place of such
radical celebrity as the Crown and Anchor, is " My Stars and Garters!"