Punch (18.1850)

202

LINES ON THE ADDITION TO THE ROY*AL FAMILY.

ey a disinterested poet.

nother princely flower (ahem!
The Poet Laureat's place,
I hear,

Is good three hundred pounds
a year)—
Buds forth on Brunswick's
royal stem.

Some, aiming at the courtly
bays,—
(A very comfortable thing ;
Would that my pen as much
could bring!)—
May tune their harps to ful-
some lays.

From mine be adulation far—
('Tis for the certainty I

pant)—
Men do not play the syco-
phant

Unto a new-discover'd star.

And, as astronomer might see,
Another planet in the sky ;
(Snug little income!)—so
do 1,

Young Arthur Patrick Al-
bert, thee.

I '11 not predict, with flattering lips,
The glories of the Table Bound—
(Fancy, my bucks, three hundred pound !)—

That thou art destined to eclipse.

Thee, youthful Prince, I will not paint,
Winning a name of more renown—
(They've changed the sack for stumpy down)—

Than that of old Hibernia's Saint.

But thou wilt higher fame acquire,

If worthy—(ah! the berth, I fear, .

Will go before these lines appear)—
Of thine august Mamma and Sire.

THE WINDOW-TAX—THE GREATEST ABSORBENT
OF LIGHT.

Since Government is so particular in charging for light, we wonder
it has never thought of putting a tax upon spectacles, eye-glasses, and
opera-glasses, which are all media lor conveying light to the eye, just
as much as a pane of glass. The same with the windows in a carriage,
or an omnibus, or a bathing machine. Why should they not pay the
window-tax to the same monstrous extent as the windows in a house F
These are shameful inequalities, which betray a partiality which should
exist in no tax, particularly in one which should be framed with the
strictest eye to accuracy, as the larger the frame, 'he larger the pay-
ment for it. It is strange that Government should institute itself the
Great Purveyor of Light, in opposition to the Sun; with this difference,
however, that Government charges for every pane of light it lays on,
and cuts it off pretty quickly if it is not paid up exactly to the quarter,
and the Sun gives its light for nothing. Of all monopolies, the
monopoly of light is the most cruel, and is a measure only worthy of
The dark ages. To carry out the cruelty consistently, every man who
has two eyes should be taxed for light doubly, men with only one eye
should be let off with one payment, and none should be exempt from
the tax. but blind persons.

Police the Best Policy.

The best sugges'ion—by Jar—that we have heard for the settlement
of the Greek question is, that the whole affair should be resolved into
a mere matter of police, and that by way of preventing further disputes,
England should be bound over to keep the Pacifico—which will be
equivalent to keeping the peace.

OUR FOREIGN POLICY AND FOREIGN BLUSTER.

Discussed by the British Lion and American Eagle.

American Eagle, {meeting British Lion.) Good mornin to you,
old feller. You're a lookin spry. And so you ort. You feel proud of
yourself, don't you ? Oh! in course you du. _ The thought that we've
bin a behavin brave, and noble, and ginnerus, is a pleasant one to chaw
upon, ain't it ? Oh! you're a magnanimus beast, you are, and have just
bin showin yourself such—that's a fact. There's none of the cur in
your natur, is there ? Oh, no! Not the least mixtur in you of the
coward and the bully-

British Lion. What the deuce do you mean?

American Eagle. Oh, you've bin actin a fine part toward Greece,
han'r, you ?—goin to war amost with that air great andpeowerful nation,
for little more but to recover a debt for that sorter British subject,
sorter Portuguese, kinder Jew, Don Pacifico.

British Lion. Come, none of your chaffing. The honour of England
demands that the smallest wrong, offered by whomsoever, to the
humblest of Her Majesty's subjects, shall be redressed.

American Eagle. Now, you cantin, braggin, ontrutbful old loafer,
have you got the face to tell me that air ? When I know, and you
know, and know that I know, that let the worst injuries be done to any
on 'em, by them as you think you can't afford to quarrel with, and
you' 11 pocket the affront like dollars, and eat humble pie as fast as
buffalo-hump,

British Lion. You are speaking in joke, of course; but really I
cannot allow you to continue to use this language. It won't do.

American Eagle I in joke ? I never was more serious at a camp-
meetin, I tell you. You can't allow me to talk so ! I should like to
know how you are to hinder me, you blusterin old quadruped. Won't
do !J It will do, every word on it, and I '11 prove it, and make you
swaller it, in spite of your teeth, as easy as I'd give my old mare a
hoss-ball.

British Lion. Well, well—I shan't let you put me in a passion.

American Eagle. No, I expect you won't; or if you do, you'll
shut up your feelins in your own buzzum tight. You '11 tie the valve
down, you will, and keep your steam in, and I hope it won't bust you.
And now, as all your Queen's subjects is to have their part took agin
the world, how about that air nigger of yourn, as was hauled out of one
of your merchant ships, only because he was a nigger, and for no other
reason on airth, by our free and independent citizens, and locked up in
the common gaol whilst the vessel stopped in port, accordin to law in
such case made and provided, at Charleston, South Carolina, U. S. ?

British Lion. Diplomatic negotiations are now in contemplation,
with a view to remove an anomaly which, I trust, will not continue to
exist much longer in the relations between Great Britain and the
American Republic.

American Eagle. And if your diplomatic negotiations fail, you'11
send Admiral Pabker and a fleet, to blockade New York, won't you?
You'll seize all the craft you can catch off Long Island, till such time
as we lam to respect the persons of your blessed niggers. But
wouldn't you have done all this long afore, if New York had been
Athens, and Pacifico the nigger imprisoned at Charleston ? Oh, you
are an awful Lion to the weak, you are; but there ain't a lamb milder
to them that is likely to show you the smallest fight!

MILK, OH! OH! OH! MILK!

Some recent accounts of the Milky Ways of the London milkmen
have filled us with a desire to have the good old days of chalk and
water back again. We knew that under the old system our insides
were simply whitewashed with a clean if not a very wholesome prepa-
ration ; but we shudder at the thought of what the London milk is
now declared to be.

It is said that the rich creamy look of the mixture is obtained by the
use of starch, sugar of lead, and brains. Oh ! that we could "dash out
our desperate brains" from our milk-jugs, and imbibe the thinnest of
decoctions that the pump and the chalk-pit ever contributed. We
might not, perhaps, object to a dash of starch to enable us to get
what might be termed a stiff glass of milk—but there is something so
awful in the idea of brains, particularly as it is said they come from
the knacker's yard—that our own brain reels, swims, and performs
various other cerebral eccentricities that we know not how to describe.
We feel almost resolved to forswear the lacteal liquid altogether, and
take for our motto, as a direction to our children, " Lac milk."

Giving it a good Hiding.

__ j—__________Many jokes—many complaints—have been made upon a certain

the man that won t move on. portraifc J the ^ ^ DV>nshire in this year's Exhibition. If

The Austrian Government has offered a large sum of money for a the Portrait was not m a fit state to meet the public eye, the best thing
Prize Locomotive. If it had been for a Prize Slow-coach, Lord John would have been to put it in the Octagon Room, for there no one could
Russell would have stood the strongest chance of winning it. I possibly have been offended by it, for no one would have seen it.