DOI issue:
July to December, 1850
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16606#0111
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
103
A RACE FOR AN EMPIRE.
ONSIDERING the extreme
smalluess of the qualification
necessary to constitute a can-
didate for the head of the
State in France, we are sur-
an equal chance with the
Count de Chambord (Henry
the Fifth) and Louis Napo-
leon. We are sure that every
English heart will ask, at this
charity. Poor, good Duke ! What a shame it is,
that a man—because a Duke—cannot have passed
decently and good-naturedly through life, eating
the fattest thereof, and chinking of the richest
and rarest — without being monstered into a
philanthropist, hardly second to Prometheus !
If these matters are known in the shades, the
Duke—with all his sublimated good-temper, can
prised that others have not I hm'dly take it as a compliment that his proposed
rushed into the field to take monument is to be little other than a sort of
card-tray to hold the names ot the Chairmen
and the Secretaries" of money-begging Com-
mittees.
Reader, you may have seen a busy fellow in-
tent upon a statue—the figure of Eame, Hope, or
ercntful""moment,C"wnere I Parity. Was he rapt by the beauty of the statue
Gomers \l 2 The accounts of i111 * e abstract—was he touched by reverence
the proceedings of the other! for,, ^ ^ity it figured ? And now he has
individuals aspiring to give a ™ed away, and you walk, and then, close to
dynasty to France are sum- Phe statu^ ,Pa^se U1 ^ footsteps; when, look-
cient to show that everything ™S> ?;ou behold scrawled on the garment hem of
lately done bv them is of a! Charity- John Gubbins, Gent." Now, Gub-
purelv theatrical kind, and BINS 1S *he chairman or _ secretary to a Cam-
therefore it could all be done j BEEDGE Monument Committee,
much more effectually by our
old friend Gomersal. He
has been familiar all his life
with the Coulises, while the
THE RENOVATION OF THE THAMES.
Thames, King of Streams—at last, it seems-
performers that have recently j Thy bosom's to be drained of
been acting their parts—the That perilous stuff of din-v buff
one at Wiesbaden, the other: -Which we've so long complained of;
at Besancon, Lyons, &c &c, And putrid loam and filthy foam
—are evidently new to the, n0 more snaii ciog the river,
sort of thing, and consequently j Where darts shall not be longer shot
fail m giving due_ effect to the ; yrom feu Miasma's quiver.
a?iatlC.P?™ts 7! Its wave? 110 more shall, reeking, pour,
Too thick almost to ripple,
With what, right sure, makes good manure,
Put very nasty tipple.
Vivacious all, the eels shall crawl
The fresh and wholesome sludge on,
Whose present stench would e'en kill tench,
And has destroyed the gudgeon.
The swans shall glide upon a tide
Sweet as a nut—or sweeter—
Swan-hoppers, too, shall swans pursue,
'Mid fragrance 'stead of fetor.
In pleasure-bark, the gladsome lark
are intent upon making
For instance, who can read the report of the scene enacted by the Count de Chambord,
when he called the ouvriers round him and insisted on their drawing close enough to_ him to
enable him to hear their hearts beat? Who, we ask, can read this without seeing the
figure of Gomersal, with the foot-lights before it, and feeling that the situation was just the
kind of thing for him to have done justice to ? Amateurs are always awkward, and the
Count de Chambord cannot have been as much at home in this part of_ the performance
as a man like Gomersal would have been, who has been accustomed all his life to beat his
own bosom, rush into all sorts of arms, cling round all kinds of necks, and turn back the hair
from all sorts of foreheads, with every species of shriek, from the high soprano of joy to the
double-bass of the deepest misery.
Where then, we again ask, is Gomersal ? There seems to be an empire awaiting him,
if he will only pack "up his carpet-bag, pay his fare by the boat, and take with him, as an; Tne pure stream will" admit on,
old adherent to the Empire (at Astley's), the evergreen Widdicomb. The latter will only; Off Rotherhithe, as fresh and blithe
be required to place his hand on his heart, and illustrate les doux souvenirs, while Gomersal , As_ opposite Thames Ditton.
has only to run his eye over the prompt-book of the Amphitheatre; refresh his recollection
about the different cues ; look at his dictionary of dates with reference to Austerlitz, and all
that sort of thing; get his nose into good snuff-taking order; borrow a pair of imperial
eagles from Astley's property-man; take a few lessons hi French pronunciation ; stuff
his pockets with a few of the old crosses of the Legion of Honour which he used to
distribute among the supernumeraries; and, thus prepared, we will back him against any-
one for creating a favourable impression among Frenchmen at the present moment.
Widdicomb must, of course, equip himself as a French Field-Marshal; but as there is, no
doubt, a pair of Ney's breeches, a coat of Kellerman's, and a cocked-hat of Mortier's, in
the wardrobe of the Theatre, there will be no difficulty in rigging out the veteran according
to the traditions si touchantes of la grande armee. If Widdicomb's cocked-hat and feather
should not go directly home to every Frenchman's heart, and if Gomersal's redingote does
not appear rampante in every Frenchman's eye, we are no judges of the Gallic character.
THE CAMBRIDGE BUBBLE.
Off Puddledock—the early cock
His sprightly clarion blowing—
Shall bathers dive, like fun alive,
'Mid waters crystal-flowing;
Which, now too queer for making beer
At Chelsea Pleach, by Jingo !
Shall, at Elackwall, brew strong or small;
The best of swipes, or stingo.
And tea to make shall housewives take
The stream as low as Deptford,
Now running there, corrupt as e'er
Was Stockbridge, or East Retford.
The town first named for trout is famed,
Good three or four pound lumpers;
The trout there seU almost as well
As whilom sold the plumpers;
And London trout—the Thames cleaned out—
As hard shall strain our tackle:
What is the true srau°-e of " feelings ? " Is it, in the case before us, the breeches'-pocket ? , And Bridge below the angler throw
The Committee for the "Cambridge Monument in smoke (for it will be of no more enduring j Deftly the killing hackle
material than that which puffs and rolls from the kitchen chimney of the London Tavern) Nay, as for fish—exclaim not "Pish ''
—the Committee, speaking through E. F. Leeks (name of congenial greenness), Hon. Sec, Reply not "Stuff!" or "Gammon1
assure the placid public that they "are anxious to collect" money enough "to raise rf^; Just caught, hard by, yourself and I
description of monument which will do equal justice to their own feelings, and," &c. &c. Does aj- Greenwich shad eat salmon
not this leave the style of monument a matter of profound mystery ? Who is to judge of the
architectural order best illustrative of the feelings of a Committee? Why do they not
at once publish specimens that we might judge of, and, if possible, sympathise with the
architectural symbol of human emotions as living in the breasts of Committee men, many of
whose "names," it is elsewhere promised as a pleasant bribe, "will be inscribed upon the
pedestal."
The plate will serve as an ample tablet for the names of the Chairmen and Secretaries of
the Committees, whilst at the same time it will illustrate the persevering means employed
hob and nob.
" The Hebrew mind," said Hob, in his short
hammer-upon-nad way, " as developed with us,
has no notion of wit, no regard for humour."
"Nevertheless," said the good-natured Nob,
to coUect subscriptions. The knife and fork wfil stand keenly and pointedly epigrammatic j " you must adow this much—the Jew has a won-
of not a few of the unwearied services of the late Duke of Cambridge in the cause of [ derful sense of interest."
103
A RACE FOR AN EMPIRE.
ONSIDERING the extreme
smalluess of the qualification
necessary to constitute a can-
didate for the head of the
State in France, we are sur-
an equal chance with the
Count de Chambord (Henry
the Fifth) and Louis Napo-
leon. We are sure that every
English heart will ask, at this
charity. Poor, good Duke ! What a shame it is,
that a man—because a Duke—cannot have passed
decently and good-naturedly through life, eating
the fattest thereof, and chinking of the richest
and rarest — without being monstered into a
philanthropist, hardly second to Prometheus !
If these matters are known in the shades, the
Duke—with all his sublimated good-temper, can
prised that others have not I hm'dly take it as a compliment that his proposed
rushed into the field to take monument is to be little other than a sort of
card-tray to hold the names ot the Chairmen
and the Secretaries" of money-begging Com-
mittees.
Reader, you may have seen a busy fellow in-
tent upon a statue—the figure of Eame, Hope, or
ercntful""moment,C"wnere I Parity. Was he rapt by the beauty of the statue
Gomers \l 2 The accounts of i111 * e abstract—was he touched by reverence
the proceedings of the other! for,, ^ ^ity it figured ? And now he has
individuals aspiring to give a ™ed away, and you walk, and then, close to
dynasty to France are sum- Phe statu^ ,Pa^se U1 ^ footsteps; when, look-
cient to show that everything ™S> ?;ou behold scrawled on the garment hem of
lately done bv them is of a! Charity- John Gubbins, Gent." Now, Gub-
purelv theatrical kind, and BINS 1S *he chairman or _ secretary to a Cam-
therefore it could all be done j BEEDGE Monument Committee,
much more effectually by our
old friend Gomersal. He
has been familiar all his life
with the Coulises, while the
THE RENOVATION OF THE THAMES.
Thames, King of Streams—at last, it seems-
performers that have recently j Thy bosom's to be drained of
been acting their parts—the That perilous stuff of din-v buff
one at Wiesbaden, the other: -Which we've so long complained of;
at Besancon, Lyons, &c &c, And putrid loam and filthy foam
—are evidently new to the, n0 more snaii ciog the river,
sort of thing, and consequently j Where darts shall not be longer shot
fail m giving due_ effect to the ; yrom feu Miasma's quiver.
a?iatlC.P?™ts 7! Its wave? 110 more shall, reeking, pour,
Too thick almost to ripple,
With what, right sure, makes good manure,
Put very nasty tipple.
Vivacious all, the eels shall crawl
The fresh and wholesome sludge on,
Whose present stench would e'en kill tench,
And has destroyed the gudgeon.
The swans shall glide upon a tide
Sweet as a nut—or sweeter—
Swan-hoppers, too, shall swans pursue,
'Mid fragrance 'stead of fetor.
In pleasure-bark, the gladsome lark
are intent upon making
For instance, who can read the report of the scene enacted by the Count de Chambord,
when he called the ouvriers round him and insisted on their drawing close enough to_ him to
enable him to hear their hearts beat? Who, we ask, can read this without seeing the
figure of Gomersal, with the foot-lights before it, and feeling that the situation was just the
kind of thing for him to have done justice to ? Amateurs are always awkward, and the
Count de Chambord cannot have been as much at home in this part of_ the performance
as a man like Gomersal would have been, who has been accustomed all his life to beat his
own bosom, rush into all sorts of arms, cling round all kinds of necks, and turn back the hair
from all sorts of foreheads, with every species of shriek, from the high soprano of joy to the
double-bass of the deepest misery.
Where then, we again ask, is Gomersal ? There seems to be an empire awaiting him,
if he will only pack "up his carpet-bag, pay his fare by the boat, and take with him, as an; Tne pure stream will" admit on,
old adherent to the Empire (at Astley's), the evergreen Widdicomb. The latter will only; Off Rotherhithe, as fresh and blithe
be required to place his hand on his heart, and illustrate les doux souvenirs, while Gomersal , As_ opposite Thames Ditton.
has only to run his eye over the prompt-book of the Amphitheatre; refresh his recollection
about the different cues ; look at his dictionary of dates with reference to Austerlitz, and all
that sort of thing; get his nose into good snuff-taking order; borrow a pair of imperial
eagles from Astley's property-man; take a few lessons hi French pronunciation ; stuff
his pockets with a few of the old crosses of the Legion of Honour which he used to
distribute among the supernumeraries; and, thus prepared, we will back him against any-
one for creating a favourable impression among Frenchmen at the present moment.
Widdicomb must, of course, equip himself as a French Field-Marshal; but as there is, no
doubt, a pair of Ney's breeches, a coat of Kellerman's, and a cocked-hat of Mortier's, in
the wardrobe of the Theatre, there will be no difficulty in rigging out the veteran according
to the traditions si touchantes of la grande armee. If Widdicomb's cocked-hat and feather
should not go directly home to every Frenchman's heart, and if Gomersal's redingote does
not appear rampante in every Frenchman's eye, we are no judges of the Gallic character.
THE CAMBRIDGE BUBBLE.
Off Puddledock—the early cock
His sprightly clarion blowing—
Shall bathers dive, like fun alive,
'Mid waters crystal-flowing;
Which, now too queer for making beer
At Chelsea Pleach, by Jingo !
Shall, at Elackwall, brew strong or small;
The best of swipes, or stingo.
And tea to make shall housewives take
The stream as low as Deptford,
Now running there, corrupt as e'er
Was Stockbridge, or East Retford.
The town first named for trout is famed,
Good three or four pound lumpers;
The trout there seU almost as well
As whilom sold the plumpers;
And London trout—the Thames cleaned out—
As hard shall strain our tackle:
What is the true srau°-e of " feelings ? " Is it, in the case before us, the breeches'-pocket ? , And Bridge below the angler throw
The Committee for the "Cambridge Monument in smoke (for it will be of no more enduring j Deftly the killing hackle
material than that which puffs and rolls from the kitchen chimney of the London Tavern) Nay, as for fish—exclaim not "Pish ''
—the Committee, speaking through E. F. Leeks (name of congenial greenness), Hon. Sec, Reply not "Stuff!" or "Gammon1
assure the placid public that they "are anxious to collect" money enough "to raise rf^; Just caught, hard by, yourself and I
description of monument which will do equal justice to their own feelings, and," &c. &c. Does aj- Greenwich shad eat salmon
not this leave the style of monument a matter of profound mystery ? Who is to judge of the
architectural order best illustrative of the feelings of a Committee? Why do they not
at once publish specimens that we might judge of, and, if possible, sympathise with the
architectural symbol of human emotions as living in the breasts of Committee men, many of
whose "names," it is elsewhere promised as a pleasant bribe, "will be inscribed upon the
pedestal."
The plate will serve as an ample tablet for the names of the Chairmen and Secretaries of
the Committees, whilst at the same time it will illustrate the persevering means employed
hob and nob.
" The Hebrew mind," said Hob, in his short
hammer-upon-nad way, " as developed with us,
has no notion of wit, no regard for humour."
"Nevertheless," said the good-natured Nob,
to coUect subscriptions. The knife and fork wfil stand keenly and pointedly epigrammatic j " you must adow this much—the Jew has a won-
of not a few of the unwearied services of the late Duke of Cambridge in the cause of [ derful sense of interest."