DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0037
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
25
Dabster, R.A., or Flimsy, A.R.A., now-a-days, be assured, that what
the picture is to be, depends on what the artist is; that the work rises
or sinks with the man; and thus thinking, devote yourself rather to
the infernal gods, than to the fatal fortune which now wreathes with
artificial flowers the paltry and untruthful palettes of the Dabsters
and the Flimsys.
WHAT'S IN AN (ARISTOCRATIC) NAME?
.number of persons delight
in paying their few shillings
to figure iu the advertising
paragraphs of the " fashion-
able " papers as givers of
ikes, and other milk-and-
waterv decoctions, but who
find all their efforts to pur-
chase distinction vain, by
the cognominal curse of
Smith, or Jones, which all
the paragraphs in the world
cannot elevate into aristo-
cracy. Some ingenious de-
vices are, however, resorted
to, for the purpose of
dragging the plebeian pa-
tronymic out of the Shop
Directory into the Court
Guide, and poor Smith has
had his i knocked about in
the most reckless style, for
the sake of redeeming him,
if possible, from the vulgar
association with his old
friends Jones and Robin-
son. We have had the
Smiths struggling into
Smythes, or contorting
themselves into Smythies,
although the effort is
vain; for
" You may torture and tangle the
name as you will,
But the odour of Smith-hood will
cling to it still."
A more desperate effort has been made by the Joneses to redeem
themselves from the horrors of their nominal position by describing
themselves as "of" some place or thing of which one never heard
before, and never wishes to hear again. For example, there is our
^'-giving friend, who advertises herself as " Mrs. Jones of Plate Glass,"
who would be just as respectable, in our eyes, if she were " Mrs. Jones
of Window Sill;" for one distinction is not a bit more silly than the
other. When will people be contented to found their claims to respect
on what they really are, instead of upon the absurd claims to fashion or
title, which they attempt to purchase in the columns of the fashionable
newspapers ?
THE SUN TO PUNCH.
" Friend Punch,—Don't start, that I write this upon your study
walls with my best diamond-pointed beam.
" Well, haven't I done the handsome thing this summer of 1851 ?
Haven't I sent a magnificent specimen of an English summer to the
Great Exhibition ? Shall foreigners henceforth flout at your summer;
when I have seen thousands of them scorched as they never were
scorched before r
" Mr. Paxton himself—who, as a gardener, must know the true
value of my power—Mr. Paxton must feel that I have done his Crystal
Palace great honour, having daily illuminated it with my brightest.
" As Phcebus and Punch are equally engaged in enlightening the
world, I have thought that this brief communication—written in sun-
light on your study walls of 85, Fleet Street—would, whilst doing you no
more than a rightful courtesy, be also pleasant to the allowable self-
esteem of your fellow-labourer, Mr. Punch,
" Phcebus."
ECCLESIASTICAL GROAKINGS.
On the motion of Sir Benjamin Hall we have another " blue book "
on Ecclesiastical matters, in which the croaking of the Bishops, lest
their incomes should not come up to the mark, contrasts with the easy
nonchalance with which they pocket the difference when they happen to
be above it. The exertions of the Secretary to make " things pleasant"
is very commendable.
First among the croakers is poor Dunelm. He seems to have con-
tracted for Durham on a vacancy in 1836. He was then Bishop op
Chichester, with some £3500 a year; notwithstanding which, he cannot
cope with this coaly see without a "clear unembarrassed income of
£8000." " In the very numerous and large subscriptions and charities,"
he writes, " if I diminish one half, it may appear mean, and I must do
so, and yet incur a considerable outlay. For instance, the late Bishop
gave fifty pounds or guineas per annum to the Sons of the Clergy here,
including what he gave to the Anniversary. I believe he gave the same
to the Newcastle Infirmary."
It seems that it was first of all proposed that his Lordship should
have his clear unembarrassed £8000 a year, and pay over the surplus of
the See to the Commissioners. On second thoughts, however, they
negotiate for a fixed annual payment from the Bishop; and he thus
instructs his agent:
" I shall not object to any sum that they (the Commissioners) may
determine upon, not exceeding £12,000. I confess I think it ought not
to exceed £11,000. Ever since I have been compelled to think upon
this subject, it has appeared to me £10,000, under all the circumstances,
was a reasonable sum to pay."
After such disinterested liberality, it is satisfactory to add that his
Lordship, after paying £11,200, had above £27,000—"pounds, not
guineas "—last year for himself. Well done, Dunelm !
Poor Worcester has been done in his wood. " My predecessor,"
he writes, " having been induced by his pecuniary difficulties to cut
down every available stick of timber upon the Ecclesiastical Estates,"
amounting to £5000 in two years: "by which excessive and illegal
fall the bishoprick is damnified to the extent of £600 a year " wants to
be allowed a set-off to that extent, the Commissioners having been cruel
enough to require him to reduce himself to his £5000 a year; though,
as he feelingly observes, other Bishops are getting more than their fixed
incomes. " More, but not less," seems to be their motto.
Chichester has been done out of £500 a-year. He expected £1500.
" It is not pleasing," he says, " to compare his situation with that of any
other Bishop; but having learnt that the Bishop op Ripon has £4500,
he is compelled, in justice to himself, to press for more." He says,
" If Ripon is farther from London than Chichester, the expense of
living is less." Dunelm does not seem to have allowed for this in
his calculations.
Ripon has been desperately done. He has had to create an entire
new place—new pleasure-grounds, gardens, plantations, roads, walks,
fencing, draining, and hopes the Commissioners will assist him. Instead
of that, they reduce him £200 a year, hinting that it ought to be £100.
His Lordship then sends the Secretary a balance-sheet, which he
pleasantly calls " Conscience v. Purse," to show that he ought not to be
mulcted;—and as there the matter seems to rest, why, we will rest too—
feeling, as we must all do, that such extracts require no comment.
A CALL ON MR. CANTELO.
Extraordinary Liberality in a Prelate.
The Westmoreland Gazette has published the fact that the Bishop
of Durham has subscribed £15 towards an Independent chapel in
Newcastle-upon-Tyne. With the farthest intention possible from
impeaching the Bishop's churchmanship, Punch will say that he is an
independent Bishop.
Certain " gentlemen " belonging to the 15th Hussars and the 16th
Lancers, who lately distinguished themselves in so eggs-traordinary a
manner, paid Mr. Cantelo's Hydro-Incubator, the other day, the
"honour" of a visit. It was observed that they wore ^//-jackets, a
peculiarity in the uniform of those particular officers, prescribed, by
command, to commemorate their celebrated achievement at Tooting and
South Lambeth Gate. The gallant heroes appeared to take much
interest in the exhibition, evidently regarding with wonder, as sources
of animal life, objects which they had hitherto been accustomed to view
principally in the light of ammunition. They requested that any eggs
on which Mr. Cantelo's process might prove inoperative, might be
sent to their quarters.
Chemists and Druggists.
The Member for St. Alban's introduced a bill—afterwards withdrawn
until next Session—requiring an examination of chemists and druggists.
Mr. Bernal said—
" There were but too many persons employed as chemists' assistants who did not
comprehend the difference between oxalic acid and Epsom salts."
We believe this to be true. We also believe that with better educa-
tion must come a better reward: that whereas many assistants at
present know not the difference between acids and salts, so do they
not now know the distinction between their own salaries and the wages
of grooms and footmen.
25
Dabster, R.A., or Flimsy, A.R.A., now-a-days, be assured, that what
the picture is to be, depends on what the artist is; that the work rises
or sinks with the man; and thus thinking, devote yourself rather to
the infernal gods, than to the fatal fortune which now wreathes with
artificial flowers the paltry and untruthful palettes of the Dabsters
and the Flimsys.
WHAT'S IN AN (ARISTOCRATIC) NAME?
.number of persons delight
in paying their few shillings
to figure iu the advertising
paragraphs of the " fashion-
able " papers as givers of
ikes, and other milk-and-
waterv decoctions, but who
find all their efforts to pur-
chase distinction vain, by
the cognominal curse of
Smith, or Jones, which all
the paragraphs in the world
cannot elevate into aristo-
cracy. Some ingenious de-
vices are, however, resorted
to, for the purpose of
dragging the plebeian pa-
tronymic out of the Shop
Directory into the Court
Guide, and poor Smith has
had his i knocked about in
the most reckless style, for
the sake of redeeming him,
if possible, from the vulgar
association with his old
friends Jones and Robin-
son. We have had the
Smiths struggling into
Smythes, or contorting
themselves into Smythies,
although the effort is
vain; for
" You may torture and tangle the
name as you will,
But the odour of Smith-hood will
cling to it still."
A more desperate effort has been made by the Joneses to redeem
themselves from the horrors of their nominal position by describing
themselves as "of" some place or thing of which one never heard
before, and never wishes to hear again. For example, there is our
^'-giving friend, who advertises herself as " Mrs. Jones of Plate Glass,"
who would be just as respectable, in our eyes, if she were " Mrs. Jones
of Window Sill;" for one distinction is not a bit more silly than the
other. When will people be contented to found their claims to respect
on what they really are, instead of upon the absurd claims to fashion or
title, which they attempt to purchase in the columns of the fashionable
newspapers ?
THE SUN TO PUNCH.
" Friend Punch,—Don't start, that I write this upon your study
walls with my best diamond-pointed beam.
" Well, haven't I done the handsome thing this summer of 1851 ?
Haven't I sent a magnificent specimen of an English summer to the
Great Exhibition ? Shall foreigners henceforth flout at your summer;
when I have seen thousands of them scorched as they never were
scorched before r
" Mr. Paxton himself—who, as a gardener, must know the true
value of my power—Mr. Paxton must feel that I have done his Crystal
Palace great honour, having daily illuminated it with my brightest.
" As Phcebus and Punch are equally engaged in enlightening the
world, I have thought that this brief communication—written in sun-
light on your study walls of 85, Fleet Street—would, whilst doing you no
more than a rightful courtesy, be also pleasant to the allowable self-
esteem of your fellow-labourer, Mr. Punch,
" Phcebus."
ECCLESIASTICAL GROAKINGS.
On the motion of Sir Benjamin Hall we have another " blue book "
on Ecclesiastical matters, in which the croaking of the Bishops, lest
their incomes should not come up to the mark, contrasts with the easy
nonchalance with which they pocket the difference when they happen to
be above it. The exertions of the Secretary to make " things pleasant"
is very commendable.
First among the croakers is poor Dunelm. He seems to have con-
tracted for Durham on a vacancy in 1836. He was then Bishop op
Chichester, with some £3500 a year; notwithstanding which, he cannot
cope with this coaly see without a "clear unembarrassed income of
£8000." " In the very numerous and large subscriptions and charities,"
he writes, " if I diminish one half, it may appear mean, and I must do
so, and yet incur a considerable outlay. For instance, the late Bishop
gave fifty pounds or guineas per annum to the Sons of the Clergy here,
including what he gave to the Anniversary. I believe he gave the same
to the Newcastle Infirmary."
It seems that it was first of all proposed that his Lordship should
have his clear unembarrassed £8000 a year, and pay over the surplus of
the See to the Commissioners. On second thoughts, however, they
negotiate for a fixed annual payment from the Bishop; and he thus
instructs his agent:
" I shall not object to any sum that they (the Commissioners) may
determine upon, not exceeding £12,000. I confess I think it ought not
to exceed £11,000. Ever since I have been compelled to think upon
this subject, it has appeared to me £10,000, under all the circumstances,
was a reasonable sum to pay."
After such disinterested liberality, it is satisfactory to add that his
Lordship, after paying £11,200, had above £27,000—"pounds, not
guineas "—last year for himself. Well done, Dunelm !
Poor Worcester has been done in his wood. " My predecessor,"
he writes, " having been induced by his pecuniary difficulties to cut
down every available stick of timber upon the Ecclesiastical Estates,"
amounting to £5000 in two years: "by which excessive and illegal
fall the bishoprick is damnified to the extent of £600 a year " wants to
be allowed a set-off to that extent, the Commissioners having been cruel
enough to require him to reduce himself to his £5000 a year; though,
as he feelingly observes, other Bishops are getting more than their fixed
incomes. " More, but not less," seems to be their motto.
Chichester has been done out of £500 a-year. He expected £1500.
" It is not pleasing," he says, " to compare his situation with that of any
other Bishop; but having learnt that the Bishop op Ripon has £4500,
he is compelled, in justice to himself, to press for more." He says,
" If Ripon is farther from London than Chichester, the expense of
living is less." Dunelm does not seem to have allowed for this in
his calculations.
Ripon has been desperately done. He has had to create an entire
new place—new pleasure-grounds, gardens, plantations, roads, walks,
fencing, draining, and hopes the Commissioners will assist him. Instead
of that, they reduce him £200 a year, hinting that it ought to be £100.
His Lordship then sends the Secretary a balance-sheet, which he
pleasantly calls " Conscience v. Purse," to show that he ought not to be
mulcted;—and as there the matter seems to rest, why, we will rest too—
feeling, as we must all do, that such extracts require no comment.
A CALL ON MR. CANTELO.
Extraordinary Liberality in a Prelate.
The Westmoreland Gazette has published the fact that the Bishop
of Durham has subscribed £15 towards an Independent chapel in
Newcastle-upon-Tyne. With the farthest intention possible from
impeaching the Bishop's churchmanship, Punch will say that he is an
independent Bishop.
Certain " gentlemen " belonging to the 15th Hussars and the 16th
Lancers, who lately distinguished themselves in so eggs-traordinary a
manner, paid Mr. Cantelo's Hydro-Incubator, the other day, the
"honour" of a visit. It was observed that they wore ^//-jackets, a
peculiarity in the uniform of those particular officers, prescribed, by
command, to commemorate their celebrated achievement at Tooting and
South Lambeth Gate. The gallant heroes appeared to take much
interest in the exhibition, evidently regarding with wonder, as sources
of animal life, objects which they had hitherto been accustomed to view
principally in the light of ammunition. They requested that any eggs
on which Mr. Cantelo's process might prove inoperative, might be
sent to their quarters.
Chemists and Druggists.
The Member for St. Alban's introduced a bill—afterwards withdrawn
until next Session—requiring an examination of chemists and druggists.
Mr. Bernal said—
" There were but too many persons employed as chemists' assistants who did not
comprehend the difference between oxalic acid and Epsom salts."
We believe this to be true. We also believe that with better educa-
tion must come a better reward: that whereas many assistants at
present know not the difference between acids and salts, so do they
not now know the distinction between their own salaries and the wages
of grooms and footmen.