DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0042
30
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
RETIREMENT.
MORE ABOUT CABS.
" Sir,—The Hansoms of the present day are nothing to what they
used to be. I had a whole day's experience lately in a Hansom Cab
in Epping Forest; so I think I can tell what there is in a Hansom, and
what there isn't.
" First of all, there isn't room enough. They are not built wider than
an arm-chair. Eormerly a Hansom would hold two people ; but now,
if two persons wish to ride together, they must each take a separate
Hansom.
" Secondly, the entrance is not high enough. "You can't get in
without knocking your hat, and it is the same if you wish to get
out.
" Thirdly, the roof is not high enough. You cannot sit inside with
your hat on, unless you wish to have it jolted over your face till the
brim rests on your shoulders. To save your hat, you take it off, and
the consequence is you catch cold.
" Fourthly, the splashboard is not strong enough. As a general rule,
I have found that Hansom horses are more given to kicking than any
other breed of cab-horse. I have sat behind Hansom horses that have
kicked through everything. I can assure you, Sir, that the worst thing
that you can have flying in your face (next to your wife), is a pair of
horse's legs. I have been for two hours in that awful predicament—
curled up in the corner of a Hansom, with no possibility of getting
out, and afraid to move lest my nose—which, from its extreme length,
is particularly unadapted for Hansom travelling—should come in
contact with a big hoof. They say it is lucky to fling an old shoe after
one on a journey, but still I do not like a horse to be the person to
fling it, especially when you are sitting not the distance of the hair of
a whisker behind him.
" Fifthly, the present race of Hansoms jolt too much. You not only
have your swing for your money in one of them, but rather too much of
a swing. You are knocked like a ball from side to side. If you were
not wedged in so tight, from the narrowness of the seat, you would be
bruised all over, like a bushel of Mary Wedlake's oats.
" And lastly ; I mean to say it is very un-hansom treatment to be
pinched for room; to have your hat injured; to be knocked about like
a cricket-ball; to sit in peril of losing all your teeth; to be jolted up
and down, as if you were in a churn; and then to be expected to pay
double fare—for no Hansom cabman is contented unless you pay him
twice as much as any ordinary cabman.
" Unless the above nuisances are remedied, I shall be driven to ride in
that infernal machine called ' Blatheranskatinski's Patent'—which
looks like a cab-stand of Hansom's that had been jammed up all together
—I may be stared at, but, at all events, I shall be safe.
"Yours, Sir—without another word—
" An Old Grumbler."
MESMERISM AT THE CUSTOM HOUSE.
To Dr. William Gregory, F.R.S.E., &c, Professot of Chemistry tn
the University of Edinburgh.
Learned Sir,
A lady, under the signature of "D." writes to the Times to
complain of the treatment which some packages of hers received in
passing through the Custom House. She declares that her boxes had
been broken open, although she had sent the keys; and her clothes and
other property thrown about as if they had been wholly worthless, and
then forced back into the boxes in a confused state, and covered with
the dirt of the warehouse-floor. Her dresses were valuable; none of her
property was chargeable with duty; and for having had it thus
scandalously damaged, she was forced to pay £413*.
In your lately published " Letters to a Candid Inquirer on Animal
Magnetism," which I take to be addressed exclusively to myself, who
am the only individual that inquires candidly into anything, you state
that Major Buckley—you believe—has produced in upwards of 140
persons a degree of clairvoyance enabling them to read, with almost
invariable accuracy, printed mottoes enclosed in boxes or nutshells.
Do you think Major Buckley could magnetise the Custom House
officials, so as to give them the ability to see inside of trunks ? You
have yourself known some persons in a state of " lucidity," you say,
describe the interior of the human trunk. If it is in the power of the
gallant Major to develop this faculty in the persons in question, it is
desirable that he should be employed by Government to enable them to
ascertain the contents of ladies' boxes, without rummaging the boxes
and spoiling the things. But I am afraid that, in order to obtain clair-
voyance, the Major would require subjects with a much more delicate
system than that of Custom House officers.
I am, Learned Sir, your recent reader,
THE SPIRIT OF EXCHANGE.
ertain newspapers adopt the system
amongst each other of "exchanging."
This does not consist with copies of
papers only, but frequently with long
articles and reports—though the ex-
change is too often all upon one side
for we have known articles of ours
repeatedly taken by newspapers,
without their giving us the slightest
chance of taking one in return. We
have been told of a person who is
so fond of "exchanging," that he
carries it out on every possible oc-
casion. If he goes to a public
dinner, and finds his name at the
bottom of the room, he does not in
the least scruple to " exchange " it
with one at the very top. If he is
travelling with a large party, and has a bad bed allotted to him, he
never hesitates a minute in "exchanging" it with a friend who has a
good one. If at a picnic he meets with anyone who has a silk
umbrella, he is always too ready to "exchange" his cotton one for
it. Again, if three persons, of whom he is one, are walking in a
pouring shower under one umbrella, he will not wait to be asked, but
with the greatest willingness will " exchange" his place outside the
umbrella for the one in the middle. He has been known to " exchange"
the leg of a beautiful fowl for a liver-wing ; and even to pass his iced
pudding on to the young lady sitting next to him, if there was only
a bit of game " to be got in " exchange."
Nor do his " exchanges " stop here—for at an evening-party he never
misses leaving his old hat behind him, and exchanging it, if he is
reduced to it, with a better one. Nor is this all—for it is really
believed, that, if he met with a handsome, amiable young lady, related
to the nobility, with something like £10,000 a year settled upon her,
and perhaps as much more at the death of an old aunt, he would
not object, if it was agreeable to her, to exchange names with her, and
to let her take his name simply in exchange for her property.
More Papal Bishops.
The Pope is manufacturing English bishops as fast as they make
buttons at Birmingham. He has, within a fortnight, made a Bishop of
Plymouth—a Bishop of Southwark—a Bishop of Salford—a Bishop of
Shrewsbury, and so forth. They will, we hear, enter upon the full
enjoyment of their dignities when the following other primates take
possession of their sees : namely, the Bishop of the Moon—the Bishop
of the Dogstar—the Bishop of the Great Bear, and the Bishop of
Saturn and his Ring.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
RETIREMENT.
MORE ABOUT CABS.
" Sir,—The Hansoms of the present day are nothing to what they
used to be. I had a whole day's experience lately in a Hansom Cab
in Epping Forest; so I think I can tell what there is in a Hansom, and
what there isn't.
" First of all, there isn't room enough. They are not built wider than
an arm-chair. Eormerly a Hansom would hold two people ; but now,
if two persons wish to ride together, they must each take a separate
Hansom.
" Secondly, the entrance is not high enough. "You can't get in
without knocking your hat, and it is the same if you wish to get
out.
" Thirdly, the roof is not high enough. You cannot sit inside with
your hat on, unless you wish to have it jolted over your face till the
brim rests on your shoulders. To save your hat, you take it off, and
the consequence is you catch cold.
" Fourthly, the splashboard is not strong enough. As a general rule,
I have found that Hansom horses are more given to kicking than any
other breed of cab-horse. I have sat behind Hansom horses that have
kicked through everything. I can assure you, Sir, that the worst thing
that you can have flying in your face (next to your wife), is a pair of
horse's legs. I have been for two hours in that awful predicament—
curled up in the corner of a Hansom, with no possibility of getting
out, and afraid to move lest my nose—which, from its extreme length,
is particularly unadapted for Hansom travelling—should come in
contact with a big hoof. They say it is lucky to fling an old shoe after
one on a journey, but still I do not like a horse to be the person to
fling it, especially when you are sitting not the distance of the hair of
a whisker behind him.
" Fifthly, the present race of Hansoms jolt too much. You not only
have your swing for your money in one of them, but rather too much of
a swing. You are knocked like a ball from side to side. If you were
not wedged in so tight, from the narrowness of the seat, you would be
bruised all over, like a bushel of Mary Wedlake's oats.
" And lastly ; I mean to say it is very un-hansom treatment to be
pinched for room; to have your hat injured; to be knocked about like
a cricket-ball; to sit in peril of losing all your teeth; to be jolted up
and down, as if you were in a churn; and then to be expected to pay
double fare—for no Hansom cabman is contented unless you pay him
twice as much as any ordinary cabman.
" Unless the above nuisances are remedied, I shall be driven to ride in
that infernal machine called ' Blatheranskatinski's Patent'—which
looks like a cab-stand of Hansom's that had been jammed up all together
—I may be stared at, but, at all events, I shall be safe.
"Yours, Sir—without another word—
" An Old Grumbler."
MESMERISM AT THE CUSTOM HOUSE.
To Dr. William Gregory, F.R.S.E., &c, Professot of Chemistry tn
the University of Edinburgh.
Learned Sir,
A lady, under the signature of "D." writes to the Times to
complain of the treatment which some packages of hers received in
passing through the Custom House. She declares that her boxes had
been broken open, although she had sent the keys; and her clothes and
other property thrown about as if they had been wholly worthless, and
then forced back into the boxes in a confused state, and covered with
the dirt of the warehouse-floor. Her dresses were valuable; none of her
property was chargeable with duty; and for having had it thus
scandalously damaged, she was forced to pay £413*.
In your lately published " Letters to a Candid Inquirer on Animal
Magnetism," which I take to be addressed exclusively to myself, who
am the only individual that inquires candidly into anything, you state
that Major Buckley—you believe—has produced in upwards of 140
persons a degree of clairvoyance enabling them to read, with almost
invariable accuracy, printed mottoes enclosed in boxes or nutshells.
Do you think Major Buckley could magnetise the Custom House
officials, so as to give them the ability to see inside of trunks ? You
have yourself known some persons in a state of " lucidity," you say,
describe the interior of the human trunk. If it is in the power of the
gallant Major to develop this faculty in the persons in question, it is
desirable that he should be employed by Government to enable them to
ascertain the contents of ladies' boxes, without rummaging the boxes
and spoiling the things. But I am afraid that, in order to obtain clair-
voyance, the Major would require subjects with a much more delicate
system than that of Custom House officers.
I am, Learned Sir, your recent reader,
THE SPIRIT OF EXCHANGE.
ertain newspapers adopt the system
amongst each other of "exchanging."
This does not consist with copies of
papers only, but frequently with long
articles and reports—though the ex-
change is too often all upon one side
for we have known articles of ours
repeatedly taken by newspapers,
without their giving us the slightest
chance of taking one in return. We
have been told of a person who is
so fond of "exchanging," that he
carries it out on every possible oc-
casion. If he goes to a public
dinner, and finds his name at the
bottom of the room, he does not in
the least scruple to " exchange " it
with one at the very top. If he is
travelling with a large party, and has a bad bed allotted to him, he
never hesitates a minute in "exchanging" it with a friend who has a
good one. If at a picnic he meets with anyone who has a silk
umbrella, he is always too ready to "exchange" his cotton one for
it. Again, if three persons, of whom he is one, are walking in a
pouring shower under one umbrella, he will not wait to be asked, but
with the greatest willingness will " exchange" his place outside the
umbrella for the one in the middle. He has been known to " exchange"
the leg of a beautiful fowl for a liver-wing ; and even to pass his iced
pudding on to the young lady sitting next to him, if there was only
a bit of game " to be got in " exchange."
Nor do his " exchanges " stop here—for at an evening-party he never
misses leaving his old hat behind him, and exchanging it, if he is
reduced to it, with a better one. Nor is this all—for it is really
believed, that, if he met with a handsome, amiable young lady, related
to the nobility, with something like £10,000 a year settled upon her,
and perhaps as much more at the death of an old aunt, he would
not object, if it was agreeable to her, to exchange names with her, and
to let her take his name simply in exchange for her property.
More Papal Bishops.
The Pope is manufacturing English bishops as fast as they make
buttons at Birmingham. He has, within a fortnight, made a Bishop of
Plymouth—a Bishop of Southwark—a Bishop of Salford—a Bishop of
Shrewsbury, and so forth. They will, we hear, enter upon the full
enjoyment of their dignities when the following other primates take
possession of their sees : namely, the Bishop of the Moon—the Bishop
of the Dogstar—the Bishop of the Great Bear, and the Bishop of
Saturn and his Ring.