DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0058
46
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
would be a summary nuisance to Stratheden House, in which I live,
and one or two houses opposite, who do not want it at all, and think it
a bore, which, in the words of a celebrated Alderman, whose opinion, I
rejoice to say, agrees with mine on this glass case, ought to be " put
down;" and 1 expect the moment it is stirred up, that it will fall to the
ground, as fiat as an omelette soufflee; and I hope, with the generous aid
of Sir Peter Laurie, never to be at a loss for a Spoon to stir it!
And these are Campbell's " Pleasures or Hope " ! !!
THE GREAT DOWAGER QUESTION.—THE WINTER
GARDEN.
lain John Campbell has made a
speech and presented a petition
against the Crystal Palace as a
Crystal Winter Garden. Plain
John Campbell — (after his
speech on the occasion, we should
rather call him highly-coloured
John)—assured the House of
Lords that the proposed garden
was objected to, not only by the
Dowager Countess of Claren-
don, but by—the sister of Lobd
Auckland ! Great are Dowagers,
and mighty the sisters of departed
aucklands!
But there is more than this.
The Winter Garden was not ap-
proved of by—" Mr. Justice
Cresswell, a lawyer, a scholar,
and a gentleman ! "
The Dowager smites the Crystal
Palace with her fan ; the lawyer,
scholar, and gentleman hurls his
wig at it, and it is vanished—
gone like an exhalation ! Tremen-
dous in its crushing effect is that
triplicity, "lawyer, scholar, and
gentleman!"
Once upon a time there was a
conduit of sweet, crystalline
water, that gave health and com-
fort to a certain quarter of an
Eastern city. And suddenly, the
conduit ceased to run; and men
were begrimed and athirst.
And after a despairing time,
there was long and diligent search
made for the cause that had
stopped that flowing water; and
the cause was discovered to be an
old slipper, the cast-off property
of neither lawyer, scholar, nor gen-
tleman, but of an old muckworm, choking the main-pipe of the conduit.
Oh, people of England! shall a Dowager's fan—shall the wig of
lawyer, scholar, and gentleman, be permitted to choke up and destroy
your expectations of your Crystal Winter Garden ?
TO BISHOPS OF NEGLECTED EDUCATION.
Cocker, the Younger, having opened a School of Arithmetic, in the
neighbourhood of Pulham, begs respectfully to address himself to the
Parents and Guardians of those Bishops whose apparent ignorance of
the First Principles of Arithmetic imparts to them a character of child-
like simplicity, in beautiful harmony with their mission, though—such
is the condition of a corrupt society—susceptible of the worst misre-
presentation by unscrupulous and unchristian men.
Cocker, the Younger, is a lineal descendant of the Cockeb, whose
name is immortalised in the hundreds of thousands of ledgers of this
great commercial and great shop-keeping nation. Therefore, it is with
a pardonable confidence, that—seeing the lamentable arithmetical mis-
takes committed for a series of years by certain dignitaries of the
Established Church—Cocker, the Younger, proposes to himself the
task of their Guide, Accountant, and Friend.
Extremes meet: an ignorance of arithmetic may be alike a distin-
guishing defect in the most benighted and savage as in the most pious
and simple-minded of men. It is well known that whole nations exist,
incapable of counting more than ten; that any higher number is ex-
pressed by a hopeless appeal to the hair of their heads. In like manner,
li has been proved that men may become so rapt and sublimated by the
continual contemplation and performance of their divine mission and
duties, that they are altogether at sea (or as it is sometimes spelt, see,)
in a matter of worldly figures. In the Romish Church, penance and
flagellation are often matters of wholesome self-discipline; and the Pro-
testant Bishop is not without his whip of thongs. Here it is :—
" Multiplication ia Vexation,
Division is as bad ;
The Rule of Three doth Puzzle me,
And Practice drives me mad."
Cocker, the Younger, ventures to analyze the emotions of a Bishop
of neglected Education, his brain ever haunted by this jingle; even as
we know a jig tune will, at times, possess itself of us whether we will
or not.
" Multiplication is Vexation."
This truth the Bishop of some £30,000 per annum of accruing leases
acknowledges, with a groan that must tear the very sanctuary of his
heart. Vexation, indeed, in banked and hoarded treasures, which his
very simplicity permits him not to count!
" Division is as bad."
Quite as bad—or worse; and so the Uneducated Bishop cannot
bear to think of it.
" The Rule of Three doth Puzzle me."
The Rule of Number One being the rule predominant in Episcopal
innocence.
" And Practice drives me mad."
Of course; and is therefore to be avoided, even as a rabid dog. For,
imagine a Bishop of £30,000 bitten by the Practice of Division! In
his insanity he might shower about him all the results of his Multiplica-
tion ! What a deluge of Loaves and Fishes !
In conclusion, Cockeb, the Youngeb, in dedicating himself-to the
service and improvement of Bishops of Neglected Education, and con-
sequently in Embarrassed Circumstances—for their arithmetical mis-
takes have not tended to strengthen their credit with the country at
large—pledges himself to enable any pupil, in only three lessons, to
strike a just balance between his own allowed income (according to the
Ecclesiastical Commission,) and the sum due to the Commissioners.
Cocker, the Younger, begs to assure all Parents and Guardians of
Bishops—for, considering Episcopal innocence in the ways of arithmetic,
he cannot look upon Bishops but as babes and sucklings—that every
attention will be given to their morals; especially to that morality
which is intimately connected with a just rendering of accounts.
Cocker, the Younger, proposes an early examination of his Pupils,
whom—he pledges himself to this—he undertakes to prepare for the
most satisfactory solution of the most difficult questions. (Mr. Hors-
man is invited to attend.)
Address, for terms, to Cocker, the Younger, Bishop's Walk,
Fulham.
INCIDENTS OF THE LAST WEEK AT THE EXHIBITION»
Cardinal Wiseman, much interested at the Statues in the Milan
Sculpture Room. He is evidently much rejoiced, as a clergyman, to
see that so many lay figures have taken the veil.
Widdicomb, very indignant at the Statue ofMazeppa, more especially
at the figures holding the horse. The noble Hero of a Thousand and
One Fights was heard to remark, that "Supers like those wouldn't
fetch sixpence a night at Astley's !"
Extreme simplicity of an Elderly Lady, who, when she arrived at
the United States, inquired "where she should see the American Sea-
Serpent ? " A mad wag, humouring the notion, pointed to a pile of
India-rubber.
Great consternation caused by Mazzini's card being found on
Radetski's Statue.
Wonderful liberality of a white-headed old gentleman, who carried a
couple of gold fish in a small bowl, and dropt them in the Crystal Foun-
tain. He is afterwards waited upon by a gentleman from Messrs.
Spicer and Clowes, " for the kind favour of his name, in order that
it might be inserted in the future editions of the Catalogue."
Two Ladies, calling for a Shilling and a Sixpenny Ice, are much sur-
prised to find that they are exactly the same size.
No little merriment created by a gentleman out-of-elbows (supposed
to be a ruined suitor) going up to Lords Eldon and Stowell, and
asking them for their signatures to a petition for Chancery Reform.
Infamous practical joke of a fast young man, who places on the
Refreshment-table, in the midst of all the tarts and pork-pies, a large
inscription, purloined from some other part of the Exhibition, and the
face of which is only displayed towards the customers. Explosive rage
of Mr. Younghdsband, who, when he turns the inscription round,
after the lapse of an hour—during which not even a penny bun had been
purchased—reads, that " Visitors are particularly requested not
to touch any of the Articles."
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
would be a summary nuisance to Stratheden House, in which I live,
and one or two houses opposite, who do not want it at all, and think it
a bore, which, in the words of a celebrated Alderman, whose opinion, I
rejoice to say, agrees with mine on this glass case, ought to be " put
down;" and 1 expect the moment it is stirred up, that it will fall to the
ground, as fiat as an omelette soufflee; and I hope, with the generous aid
of Sir Peter Laurie, never to be at a loss for a Spoon to stir it!
And these are Campbell's " Pleasures or Hope " ! !!
THE GREAT DOWAGER QUESTION.—THE WINTER
GARDEN.
lain John Campbell has made a
speech and presented a petition
against the Crystal Palace as a
Crystal Winter Garden. Plain
John Campbell — (after his
speech on the occasion, we should
rather call him highly-coloured
John)—assured the House of
Lords that the proposed garden
was objected to, not only by the
Dowager Countess of Claren-
don, but by—the sister of Lobd
Auckland ! Great are Dowagers,
and mighty the sisters of departed
aucklands!
But there is more than this.
The Winter Garden was not ap-
proved of by—" Mr. Justice
Cresswell, a lawyer, a scholar,
and a gentleman ! "
The Dowager smites the Crystal
Palace with her fan ; the lawyer,
scholar, and gentleman hurls his
wig at it, and it is vanished—
gone like an exhalation ! Tremen-
dous in its crushing effect is that
triplicity, "lawyer, scholar, and
gentleman!"
Once upon a time there was a
conduit of sweet, crystalline
water, that gave health and com-
fort to a certain quarter of an
Eastern city. And suddenly, the
conduit ceased to run; and men
were begrimed and athirst.
And after a despairing time,
there was long and diligent search
made for the cause that had
stopped that flowing water; and
the cause was discovered to be an
old slipper, the cast-off property
of neither lawyer, scholar, nor gen-
tleman, but of an old muckworm, choking the main-pipe of the conduit.
Oh, people of England! shall a Dowager's fan—shall the wig of
lawyer, scholar, and gentleman, be permitted to choke up and destroy
your expectations of your Crystal Winter Garden ?
TO BISHOPS OF NEGLECTED EDUCATION.
Cocker, the Younger, having opened a School of Arithmetic, in the
neighbourhood of Pulham, begs respectfully to address himself to the
Parents and Guardians of those Bishops whose apparent ignorance of
the First Principles of Arithmetic imparts to them a character of child-
like simplicity, in beautiful harmony with their mission, though—such
is the condition of a corrupt society—susceptible of the worst misre-
presentation by unscrupulous and unchristian men.
Cocker, the Younger, is a lineal descendant of the Cockeb, whose
name is immortalised in the hundreds of thousands of ledgers of this
great commercial and great shop-keeping nation. Therefore, it is with
a pardonable confidence, that—seeing the lamentable arithmetical mis-
takes committed for a series of years by certain dignitaries of the
Established Church—Cocker, the Younger, proposes to himself the
task of their Guide, Accountant, and Friend.
Extremes meet: an ignorance of arithmetic may be alike a distin-
guishing defect in the most benighted and savage as in the most pious
and simple-minded of men. It is well known that whole nations exist,
incapable of counting more than ten; that any higher number is ex-
pressed by a hopeless appeal to the hair of their heads. In like manner,
li has been proved that men may become so rapt and sublimated by the
continual contemplation and performance of their divine mission and
duties, that they are altogether at sea (or as it is sometimes spelt, see,)
in a matter of worldly figures. In the Romish Church, penance and
flagellation are often matters of wholesome self-discipline; and the Pro-
testant Bishop is not without his whip of thongs. Here it is :—
" Multiplication ia Vexation,
Division is as bad ;
The Rule of Three doth Puzzle me,
And Practice drives me mad."
Cocker, the Younger, ventures to analyze the emotions of a Bishop
of neglected Education, his brain ever haunted by this jingle; even as
we know a jig tune will, at times, possess itself of us whether we will
or not.
" Multiplication is Vexation."
This truth the Bishop of some £30,000 per annum of accruing leases
acknowledges, with a groan that must tear the very sanctuary of his
heart. Vexation, indeed, in banked and hoarded treasures, which his
very simplicity permits him not to count!
" Division is as bad."
Quite as bad—or worse; and so the Uneducated Bishop cannot
bear to think of it.
" The Rule of Three doth Puzzle me."
The Rule of Number One being the rule predominant in Episcopal
innocence.
" And Practice drives me mad."
Of course; and is therefore to be avoided, even as a rabid dog. For,
imagine a Bishop of £30,000 bitten by the Practice of Division! In
his insanity he might shower about him all the results of his Multiplica-
tion ! What a deluge of Loaves and Fishes !
In conclusion, Cockeb, the Youngeb, in dedicating himself-to the
service and improvement of Bishops of Neglected Education, and con-
sequently in Embarrassed Circumstances—for their arithmetical mis-
takes have not tended to strengthen their credit with the country at
large—pledges himself to enable any pupil, in only three lessons, to
strike a just balance between his own allowed income (according to the
Ecclesiastical Commission,) and the sum due to the Commissioners.
Cocker, the Younger, begs to assure all Parents and Guardians of
Bishops—for, considering Episcopal innocence in the ways of arithmetic,
he cannot look upon Bishops but as babes and sucklings—that every
attention will be given to their morals; especially to that morality
which is intimately connected with a just rendering of accounts.
Cocker, the Younger, proposes an early examination of his Pupils,
whom—he pledges himself to this—he undertakes to prepare for the
most satisfactory solution of the most difficult questions. (Mr. Hors-
man is invited to attend.)
Address, for terms, to Cocker, the Younger, Bishop's Walk,
Fulham.
INCIDENTS OF THE LAST WEEK AT THE EXHIBITION»
Cardinal Wiseman, much interested at the Statues in the Milan
Sculpture Room. He is evidently much rejoiced, as a clergyman, to
see that so many lay figures have taken the veil.
Widdicomb, very indignant at the Statue ofMazeppa, more especially
at the figures holding the horse. The noble Hero of a Thousand and
One Fights was heard to remark, that "Supers like those wouldn't
fetch sixpence a night at Astley's !"
Extreme simplicity of an Elderly Lady, who, when she arrived at
the United States, inquired "where she should see the American Sea-
Serpent ? " A mad wag, humouring the notion, pointed to a pile of
India-rubber.
Great consternation caused by Mazzini's card being found on
Radetski's Statue.
Wonderful liberality of a white-headed old gentleman, who carried a
couple of gold fish in a small bowl, and dropt them in the Crystal Foun-
tain. He is afterwards waited upon by a gentleman from Messrs.
Spicer and Clowes, " for the kind favour of his name, in order that
it might be inserted in the future editions of the Catalogue."
Two Ladies, calling for a Shilling and a Sixpenny Ice, are much sur-
prised to find that they are exactly the same size.
No little merriment created by a gentleman out-of-elbows (supposed
to be a ruined suitor) going up to Lords Eldon and Stowell, and
asking them for their signatures to a petition for Chancery Reform.
Infamous practical joke of a fast young man, who places on the
Refreshment-table, in the midst of all the tarts and pork-pies, a large
inscription, purloined from some other part of the Exhibition, and the
face of which is only displayed towards the customers. Explosive rage
of Mr. Younghdsband, who, when he turns the inscription round,
after the lapse of an hour—during which not even a penny bun had been
purchased—reads, that " Visitors are particularly requested not
to touch any of the Articles."