DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0064
52
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MANIACAL PAS DE TROIS,
danced by policeman MAC x. and two emends at vauxhall.
BOOK OF ETIQUETTE FOR THE CITY.
{To be consulted when the Queen attends another Ball.)
MRS. HICKS'S PETITION.
(See Times Police Report, Marlborough Street, July 17th.)
Pity the sorrows of a poor old soul,
That never asked your charity before,
Nor seeks it now—reserve your paltry dole—
Make her amends from your abundant store I
Thin, tatter'd clothes her poverty bespeak,
She, who a decent living earned for years,
Is ruined, and forbid her bread to seek,
By affluent gentlemen and wealthy peers.
She kept a stand in Hyde Park's royal ground,
A grant from Royalty for rescue owed ;
Her grandsire saved the King from being drowned,
Whose gratitude the privilege bestowed.
Hard is the usage of the helpless poor !
Had she a castle owned, entailed instead,
Official flunkeys had revered her door,
That now have driven her from her humble shed.
The Woods and Forests bid her quit her home ;
She begs them hard their cruel hands to hold;
And Seymour, to confirm the heartless doom,
Writes her an answer miserably cold.
Vainly she tells the story of her grief;
The Board has nothing like a human breast;
They grant a twelvemonth's trumpery relief,
And leave her to starvation for the rest.
She tries the Queen, who not a single line
Of her petition was allowed to see,
From Phipps's answer, if we may divine,
By Bell transmitted from Her Majesty.
Numbers prove respectability. So collect as many people together as you
can. If you can cram three thousand people into a Hall that will not contain
two thousand, all the better. Your Ball may not be so comfortable, but it will
be all the more respectable.
Dancing at a Ball is not necessary. If you have no room, it is better to
dispense with it. Let the band play the music—first a quadrille, then a polka
—and after that a waltz—varying each tune a little—and the forms of society
are quite complied with. People are tired of dancing, especially when there is no
clear space to dance in.
Talking of the forms of society, it is usual to stand upon them whenever the
Queen (that is to say, when you catch the Queen again) is coming in your
direction. If there is not a form, take a chair—or a table—do not stand upon
any ceremony, but upon the first thing that comes in your way. If you are not
quick in jumping up, the Queen will be out of sight, and you will miss seeing
her.
Should you miss seeing the Queen, run after her; do not lose heart or breath
—waylay her—lie in ambush for her, until you succeed in meeting her face
to face—and then take a good stare! Her Majesty cannot fail to be well Redress the wrongs, then, of this poor old soul
pleased with your earnestness.
If you see a number of persons hurrying in one particular direction, join them
by all means, for you may be sure they are running either after Prince
Albert or the Queen—and it may be both. The chance is too valuable to be
thrown away. The Queen may smile, the Prince may nod!
When supper is announced, all hurry down together. Press forward as much
as you can—or else the wings of all the chickens may have flown away before
your arrival, and have carried off everything with them.
At supper you must take care of yourself. Where there are so many mouths
to feed, you may be sure that every person's hand is raised against his neighbour's
Jdate ; so if you get anything on yours, you had better make the most of it as
ong as you can keep it. If you don't help yourself, you may depend upon it no
one else will.
It is customary at a City dinner sometimes to pass the bottle, when asked
"or it. But it is different at supper. It is laid down as a general rule, that if
you get a bottle, you had better keep it—that is to say, as long as there is any-
thing in it. If empty, of course you pass it on to your neighbour.
_ It is not necessary to preserve silence at supper—far from it. Noise is a loud
sign of gaiety—so be as noisy as you like. Laugh. Do not wait for something
Her little lodge, on her paternal lot,
Built with her all, away from her is torn;
They seized the very bricks that formed her cot,
Unpaid for which, she wanders forth forlorn.
Her child to keep, and hunger to assuage,
She bore a basket nigh the Crystal Dome ;
But stern policemen war against her wage;
Poor cake-women are there denied to roam.
They walk her off; to Marlborough Street they bear
This hapless victim of a hard decree,
To glorify the World's luxurious Fair,
Robbed of her right to live by industry.
Or never talk of " vested interests " more;
Ye who the Exhibition's funds control,
Repay Ann Hicks from your abundant store !
AN ARTFUL DODGK
unch has heard that the Alder-
men have been distressingly busy
in circulating, in the newspapers
and everywhere, the contradiction
to a report that the Queen was
going to visit Guildhall a second
time. They need not have dis-
tressed themselves so unneces-
sarily. The contradiction was
quite useless, for not a soul be-
lieved the rumour. When the
to make you laugh, but laugh at everything. If an Alderman attempts a wittf- ' ^ ^ recollection of the first Ball has
oism, laugh. If a Common Councilman ventures on a joke, and falls down
in the middle, and smothers it as flat as himself, never mind, laugh all the same
—laugh_ all through the supper—without knowing why or wherefore. A City
Supper is nothing without roars of laughter!
If there is a door to go in by, make a point of going out by it. On the same
principle, if there is a door to go out by, do not fail—as you love City regularity
—to go in by that very door.
As a general rule, every one invested with a little brief authority must
make himself, when the Queen visits the City, as big and as ridiculous as
he possibly can.
God save the Queen !
died away, then the Queen may
be induced to try a second,
but not before. The fact is,
Her Majesty had so much of
the last Ball, that, we should
say, it was highly probable to
last her all her life !
Hale-and-Hale.—Colonel Sibthorp constantly complains
that he can get no one to divide with him. We should be
glad to know what the Colonel has at his bankers.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MANIACAL PAS DE TROIS,
danced by policeman MAC x. and two emends at vauxhall.
BOOK OF ETIQUETTE FOR THE CITY.
{To be consulted when the Queen attends another Ball.)
MRS. HICKS'S PETITION.
(See Times Police Report, Marlborough Street, July 17th.)
Pity the sorrows of a poor old soul,
That never asked your charity before,
Nor seeks it now—reserve your paltry dole—
Make her amends from your abundant store I
Thin, tatter'd clothes her poverty bespeak,
She, who a decent living earned for years,
Is ruined, and forbid her bread to seek,
By affluent gentlemen and wealthy peers.
She kept a stand in Hyde Park's royal ground,
A grant from Royalty for rescue owed ;
Her grandsire saved the King from being drowned,
Whose gratitude the privilege bestowed.
Hard is the usage of the helpless poor !
Had she a castle owned, entailed instead,
Official flunkeys had revered her door,
That now have driven her from her humble shed.
The Woods and Forests bid her quit her home ;
She begs them hard their cruel hands to hold;
And Seymour, to confirm the heartless doom,
Writes her an answer miserably cold.
Vainly she tells the story of her grief;
The Board has nothing like a human breast;
They grant a twelvemonth's trumpery relief,
And leave her to starvation for the rest.
She tries the Queen, who not a single line
Of her petition was allowed to see,
From Phipps's answer, if we may divine,
By Bell transmitted from Her Majesty.
Numbers prove respectability. So collect as many people together as you
can. If you can cram three thousand people into a Hall that will not contain
two thousand, all the better. Your Ball may not be so comfortable, but it will
be all the more respectable.
Dancing at a Ball is not necessary. If you have no room, it is better to
dispense with it. Let the band play the music—first a quadrille, then a polka
—and after that a waltz—varying each tune a little—and the forms of society
are quite complied with. People are tired of dancing, especially when there is no
clear space to dance in.
Talking of the forms of society, it is usual to stand upon them whenever the
Queen (that is to say, when you catch the Queen again) is coming in your
direction. If there is not a form, take a chair—or a table—do not stand upon
any ceremony, but upon the first thing that comes in your way. If you are not
quick in jumping up, the Queen will be out of sight, and you will miss seeing
her.
Should you miss seeing the Queen, run after her; do not lose heart or breath
—waylay her—lie in ambush for her, until you succeed in meeting her face
to face—and then take a good stare! Her Majesty cannot fail to be well Redress the wrongs, then, of this poor old soul
pleased with your earnestness.
If you see a number of persons hurrying in one particular direction, join them
by all means, for you may be sure they are running either after Prince
Albert or the Queen—and it may be both. The chance is too valuable to be
thrown away. The Queen may smile, the Prince may nod!
When supper is announced, all hurry down together. Press forward as much
as you can—or else the wings of all the chickens may have flown away before
your arrival, and have carried off everything with them.
At supper you must take care of yourself. Where there are so many mouths
to feed, you may be sure that every person's hand is raised against his neighbour's
Jdate ; so if you get anything on yours, you had better make the most of it as
ong as you can keep it. If you don't help yourself, you may depend upon it no
one else will.
It is customary at a City dinner sometimes to pass the bottle, when asked
"or it. But it is different at supper. It is laid down as a general rule, that if
you get a bottle, you had better keep it—that is to say, as long as there is any-
thing in it. If empty, of course you pass it on to your neighbour.
_ It is not necessary to preserve silence at supper—far from it. Noise is a loud
sign of gaiety—so be as noisy as you like. Laugh. Do not wait for something
Her little lodge, on her paternal lot,
Built with her all, away from her is torn;
They seized the very bricks that formed her cot,
Unpaid for which, she wanders forth forlorn.
Her child to keep, and hunger to assuage,
She bore a basket nigh the Crystal Dome ;
But stern policemen war against her wage;
Poor cake-women are there denied to roam.
They walk her off; to Marlborough Street they bear
This hapless victim of a hard decree,
To glorify the World's luxurious Fair,
Robbed of her right to live by industry.
Or never talk of " vested interests " more;
Ye who the Exhibition's funds control,
Repay Ann Hicks from your abundant store !
AN ARTFUL DODGK
unch has heard that the Alder-
men have been distressingly busy
in circulating, in the newspapers
and everywhere, the contradiction
to a report that the Queen was
going to visit Guildhall a second
time. They need not have dis-
tressed themselves so unneces-
sarily. The contradiction was
quite useless, for not a soul be-
lieved the rumour. When the
to make you laugh, but laugh at everything. If an Alderman attempts a wittf- ' ^ ^ recollection of the first Ball has
oism, laugh. If a Common Councilman ventures on a joke, and falls down
in the middle, and smothers it as flat as himself, never mind, laugh all the same
—laugh_ all through the supper—without knowing why or wherefore. A City
Supper is nothing without roars of laughter!
If there is a door to go in by, make a point of going out by it. On the same
principle, if there is a door to go out by, do not fail—as you love City regularity
—to go in by that very door.
As a general rule, every one invested with a little brief authority must
make himself, when the Queen visits the City, as big and as ridiculous as
he possibly can.
God save the Queen !
died away, then the Queen may
be induced to try a second,
but not before. The fact is,
Her Majesty had so much of
the last Ball, that, we should
say, it was highly probable to
last her all her life !
Hale-and-Hale.—Colonel Sibthorp constantly complains
that he can get no one to divide with him. We should be
glad to know what the Colonel has at his bankers.