DOI Heft:
July to December, 1851
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0069
PUNCH, Oil THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
57
PUTTING THE BEST FACE ON TT.
tjr new House of Commons lias
been remodelled. We are
very glad to bear it. There
could only have been one
thing better:—to have built
it at first so as to have no
need of remodelling.
We are a highly practical
people. Everybody says so,
and therefore we believe it.
" A practical people," we
conclude from what we see,
means a people that disdains
theory.
The architect of the new
Houses of Parliament is an
uncommonly practical man.
He seems to have disdained
all theories, and above all,
the theory of acoustics.
Having to build a hall for
speaking in — a House of
Parliament—he built one in which it was impossible for any speaking
to be heard. The same architect having to build a Picture Gallery,
builds one in which you can't see the pictures. However, the house
has been remodelled.
There is a new roof which cuts off the tops of the windows ; so the
windows have to be cut down at the bottom. There are six hundred
and fifty-six members ; so accommodation is provided for four hundred
and sixty. The Division Lobbies have been made larger, the Strangers'
Gallery wider; the reporters have been put into stalls; the Speaker has
a private hot-water plate, and so have the Ministers ; as though these
were not often enough in hot water already. The House is bsing paved
—not with good intentions.
We certainly are a practical people. Our naval architects launch a
frigate. She floats too much by the head; so we cut down her stern.
Then she floats too much by the stern; so we take off her figure-head.
Then she is found to be over-masted, and we put in lighter masts.
Then it is found she can't carry eanvass enough, and we take them
out again. Then she rolls too much, and we increase her iron ballast.
Then her lower-deck ports are under water, and we plug them up.
Without her lower tier she doesn't carry metal enough; so we clap two
sixty-fours at her bows, and two sixty-fours at her stem. Then she
won't make any way at all, and we are forced to begin all over again;
and the account concludes with an awful bill to pay.
In very much the same way, our landsman architect builds us a
House of Commons. It is a beautiful building, only before it will do
it wants a new roof, and new windows, and new galleries, and new
lobbies, and new floors; and after all this we are warned that its
acoustic properties have been only partially tried.
To be sure, we have one building that answers its purpose admirably,
and that is the Crystal Palace. Therefore we are going to pull it down.
But it wasn't built by an architect. It wasn't at all like a practical
people to trust a gardener. They should have left it to the R.A.s,
and then we might have calculated on a great architectural master-
piece. _ To be sure, it would not have held the articles for exhibition,
or, if it had, there wouldn't have been room for the spectators : or,
if there had been room for both, it wouldn't have been built in the
time; or, if it had been built in time, the bricks and mortar wouldn't
have been dry; and if the bricks and mortar hadn't been dry, the
building would have tumbled down. Yes, certainly, the Exhibition
Commissioners were anything but practical men.
The Value of the Koh-i-noor.
There is a vast difference of opinion as to the precise value of the
Mountain of Light in the Great Exhibition. Many are inclined to
think we have been making a mountain of a molehill. A Spanish
jeweller of some experience has estimated it at upwards of a million
reals ; while an English friend of ours, so far from appreciating it by
reals, has set it down at one enormous sham.
Touching Liberalities.
The newspapers tell us that—
" At his recent rent audit, George Hudson, Esq., M.P., of Newby Park, liberally
returned to bis numerous tenantry 10 per cent, on their respective rentals."
When —may Punch be allowed the question—when does George
Hudson return to certain railway innocents 10 per cent, upon their
respective losses ?
THE TEACHER AND THE COOK.
Look here, reader, on this advertisement:—
TO GOVERNESSES.—WANTED, a LADY, not under 25 years of age,
of sound Church Principles, to conduct the Junior Department attached to a
Finishing Establishment for Young Ladies. She will be required to teach grammati-
cally the French Language, and constantly speak it, and have a knowltdge of Music
and Drawing. A good method in leaching indispensable. Salary £20. Address to-,
&c, &c.
and on this :—
TWO SISTERS WANTED, as good PLAIN COOK and HOUSEMAID,
A whete no other servant is kept, in a very quiet Private Family of only the Lady
and Gentleman. The Cook to do paitof the House-work : wages £21, including every-
thing. The Housemaid accustomed to wait well at table, able to do plain neediework,
and get up fine things: Wages £17, including extras. Ages from 25 to 30. Must be
healthy, acive, and respectable. a strict personal Chaiacter. A little way from the
Country not objected to. Those who have lived together in similar situations preferred.
Direct, stating truly, to-, &c, &c.
both extracted from the Times, and presented to Mr. Punch, together
with the following
LINES BY MOLLY.
Now as you've cooked the goose of your Popes and Cardinal Wise-
mants,
I dare say, Mr. Punch, you'll find room for these here two advertise-
ments.
What is your opinion about them as a candid man ?
Number two, you must know, concerns myself and Hann.
As to number one, I can't think who ever would answer that;
Nobody that takes care of number one, I should say, but some flat.
But only to think how very much improved the age is,
And what a rise has took place in poor servants' wages !
I don't mind the word, though it sounds rather more like the gabery
Than the boxes ; 21 pound wages is better than 20 pound salary.
But what i say is this, thof I own my situation is humble,
A good Plain Cook as gets more than a Governess has no call to grumble.
But Cookery seems to be getting into hestimation;
Leastways some folks thinks more of it than others does of heddication.
But then some folks is gentlefolks, and others the reverse.
20 pounds salary wouldn't leave much in the purse
Of a young lady, who in course would be expected to appear
As such, when her things was paid for at the end of the year.
20 pounds a year, and to be always speaking Erench—what a shame !
They couldn't get a parrot for less that could do the same.
What sitch people gives their servants I should very much like to know,
Seeing they pays their Governess so low.
I shouldn't think they wore out many pots and kittles.
Or had much to give away in the shape of broken vittles •
And getting their tooition so werry cheap, I should dread
That the scoliards of this establishment was about as well taught as fed.
A REGULAR STAND-STILL.
An astronomer, speaking of the effect of the last Eclipse of the Sun
in 1812, says, "that horses came to a stand-still, and neither whip nor
goad would induce them to move on." We know of some political
parties who seem to labour under the influence of a sort of moral eclipse ;
for, remaining in their darkness, they cannot be induced either by
goad or spur to move on. Among other remarkable phenomena, "oxen
arrayed themselves in a circle, as if for defence;" ana we are somewhat
surprised that in the absence of intellectual enlightenment, the oxen
have not gathered themselves into a circle in Smithfield, for the protec-
tion of their market.
The Enemy of Intolerance.
The most distasteful clause in the Ecclesiastical Titles Bill to the
Pope's hierarchy is that which renders theui liable to be proceeded
against, for infringement of its provisions, under the sanction of the
Attorney-General, by a common informer. No wonder. Erom the
conduct of the Popish Bishops in Ireland with respect to the Queen's
Colleges, it might have been expected that the papal prelates would,
under any circumstances, object to common information.
A taking title.
There is a spirited little Italian contemporary of ours, published
in London under the name of the Eco di Savonarola. We suppose
they call it the " Echo," because they think it likely to " answer."
The Astronomer Puzzled.
Little Boy. " What's the use of an Eclipse ? "
Astronomer. " Oh, I don't know! It gives the Sun time for
reflection."
57
PUTTING THE BEST FACE ON TT.
tjr new House of Commons lias
been remodelled. We are
very glad to bear it. There
could only have been one
thing better:—to have built
it at first so as to have no
need of remodelling.
We are a highly practical
people. Everybody says so,
and therefore we believe it.
" A practical people," we
conclude from what we see,
means a people that disdains
theory.
The architect of the new
Houses of Parliament is an
uncommonly practical man.
He seems to have disdained
all theories, and above all,
the theory of acoustics.
Having to build a hall for
speaking in — a House of
Parliament—he built one in which it was impossible for any speaking
to be heard. The same architect having to build a Picture Gallery,
builds one in which you can't see the pictures. However, the house
has been remodelled.
There is a new roof which cuts off the tops of the windows ; so the
windows have to be cut down at the bottom. There are six hundred
and fifty-six members ; so accommodation is provided for four hundred
and sixty. The Division Lobbies have been made larger, the Strangers'
Gallery wider; the reporters have been put into stalls; the Speaker has
a private hot-water plate, and so have the Ministers ; as though these
were not often enough in hot water already. The House is bsing paved
—not with good intentions.
We certainly are a practical people. Our naval architects launch a
frigate. She floats too much by the head; so we cut down her stern.
Then she floats too much by the stern; so we take off her figure-head.
Then she is found to be over-masted, and we put in lighter masts.
Then it is found she can't carry eanvass enough, and we take them
out again. Then she rolls too much, and we increase her iron ballast.
Then her lower-deck ports are under water, and we plug them up.
Without her lower tier she doesn't carry metal enough; so we clap two
sixty-fours at her bows, and two sixty-fours at her stem. Then she
won't make any way at all, and we are forced to begin all over again;
and the account concludes with an awful bill to pay.
In very much the same way, our landsman architect builds us a
House of Commons. It is a beautiful building, only before it will do
it wants a new roof, and new windows, and new galleries, and new
lobbies, and new floors; and after all this we are warned that its
acoustic properties have been only partially tried.
To be sure, we have one building that answers its purpose admirably,
and that is the Crystal Palace. Therefore we are going to pull it down.
But it wasn't built by an architect. It wasn't at all like a practical
people to trust a gardener. They should have left it to the R.A.s,
and then we might have calculated on a great architectural master-
piece. _ To be sure, it would not have held the articles for exhibition,
or, if it had, there wouldn't have been room for the spectators : or,
if there had been room for both, it wouldn't have been built in the
time; or, if it had been built in time, the bricks and mortar wouldn't
have been dry; and if the bricks and mortar hadn't been dry, the
building would have tumbled down. Yes, certainly, the Exhibition
Commissioners were anything but practical men.
The Value of the Koh-i-noor.
There is a vast difference of opinion as to the precise value of the
Mountain of Light in the Great Exhibition. Many are inclined to
think we have been making a mountain of a molehill. A Spanish
jeweller of some experience has estimated it at upwards of a million
reals ; while an English friend of ours, so far from appreciating it by
reals, has set it down at one enormous sham.
Touching Liberalities.
The newspapers tell us that—
" At his recent rent audit, George Hudson, Esq., M.P., of Newby Park, liberally
returned to bis numerous tenantry 10 per cent, on their respective rentals."
When —may Punch be allowed the question—when does George
Hudson return to certain railway innocents 10 per cent, upon their
respective losses ?
THE TEACHER AND THE COOK.
Look here, reader, on this advertisement:—
TO GOVERNESSES.—WANTED, a LADY, not under 25 years of age,
of sound Church Principles, to conduct the Junior Department attached to a
Finishing Establishment for Young Ladies. She will be required to teach grammati-
cally the French Language, and constantly speak it, and have a knowltdge of Music
and Drawing. A good method in leaching indispensable. Salary £20. Address to-,
&c, &c.
and on this :—
TWO SISTERS WANTED, as good PLAIN COOK and HOUSEMAID,
A whete no other servant is kept, in a very quiet Private Family of only the Lady
and Gentleman. The Cook to do paitof the House-work : wages £21, including every-
thing. The Housemaid accustomed to wait well at table, able to do plain neediework,
and get up fine things: Wages £17, including extras. Ages from 25 to 30. Must be
healthy, acive, and respectable. a strict personal Chaiacter. A little way from the
Country not objected to. Those who have lived together in similar situations preferred.
Direct, stating truly, to-, &c, &c.
both extracted from the Times, and presented to Mr. Punch, together
with the following
LINES BY MOLLY.
Now as you've cooked the goose of your Popes and Cardinal Wise-
mants,
I dare say, Mr. Punch, you'll find room for these here two advertise-
ments.
What is your opinion about them as a candid man ?
Number two, you must know, concerns myself and Hann.
As to number one, I can't think who ever would answer that;
Nobody that takes care of number one, I should say, but some flat.
But only to think how very much improved the age is,
And what a rise has took place in poor servants' wages !
I don't mind the word, though it sounds rather more like the gabery
Than the boxes ; 21 pound wages is better than 20 pound salary.
But what i say is this, thof I own my situation is humble,
A good Plain Cook as gets more than a Governess has no call to grumble.
But Cookery seems to be getting into hestimation;
Leastways some folks thinks more of it than others does of heddication.
But then some folks is gentlefolks, and others the reverse.
20 pounds salary wouldn't leave much in the purse
Of a young lady, who in course would be expected to appear
As such, when her things was paid for at the end of the year.
20 pounds a year, and to be always speaking Erench—what a shame !
They couldn't get a parrot for less that could do the same.
What sitch people gives their servants I should very much like to know,
Seeing they pays their Governess so low.
I shouldn't think they wore out many pots and kittles.
Or had much to give away in the shape of broken vittles •
And getting their tooition so werry cheap, I should dread
That the scoliards of this establishment was about as well taught as fed.
A REGULAR STAND-STILL.
An astronomer, speaking of the effect of the last Eclipse of the Sun
in 1812, says, "that horses came to a stand-still, and neither whip nor
goad would induce them to move on." We know of some political
parties who seem to labour under the influence of a sort of moral eclipse ;
for, remaining in their darkness, they cannot be induced either by
goad or spur to move on. Among other remarkable phenomena, "oxen
arrayed themselves in a circle, as if for defence;" ana we are somewhat
surprised that in the absence of intellectual enlightenment, the oxen
have not gathered themselves into a circle in Smithfield, for the protec-
tion of their market.
The Enemy of Intolerance.
The most distasteful clause in the Ecclesiastical Titles Bill to the
Pope's hierarchy is that which renders theui liable to be proceeded
against, for infringement of its provisions, under the sanction of the
Attorney-General, by a common informer. No wonder. Erom the
conduct of the Popish Bishops in Ireland with respect to the Queen's
Colleges, it might have been expected that the papal prelates would,
under any circumstances, object to common information.
A taking title.
There is a spirited little Italian contemporary of ours, published
in London under the name of the Eco di Savonarola. We suppose
they call it the " Echo," because they think it likely to " answer."
The Astronomer Puzzled.
Little Boy. " What's the use of an Eclipse ? "
Astronomer. " Oh, I don't know! It gives the Sun time for
reflection."