DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0075
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
63
have witnessed in a similar character. There were Races with female
charioteers—carrying off gold cups with immense ecstacy; but the
cup brought no pleasure to our lips, and we turned our heads away
with the peevishness of satiety. There were Races also with horses
with and without riders, and a heap of other Races. In fact, we do not
know when we had seen a greater mixture of Races.
The Great Exhibition was to have brought every member of the
human family together; but the only Exhibition that has effectually
done it, is Batty's Hippodrome. It has succeeded in doing what
civilisation, we suppose, will do some day—for it has brought all the
Races of Man into the same Circle!
SCENE-A GREENGROCER'S SHOP, LONDON.
Dramatis Persons—Greengrocer, and Old Lady.
Old Lady—(holding a very small Cabbage)—loquitw. " What ! 3d. for
buch a Small Cabbage ? Why, I never heerd o' such a thing !"
Greengrocer. " Werry sorry, Marm ; but it's all along o' that
Exhibition ! What with them Foreigners, and the Gents as
Smokes, Cabbages has riz."
Ann Hicks.
That great Pan of the Woods and Forests, Lord Seymour, will
next week lay the first brick of a small house dedicated to the matron
by the penanee of certain sylvan authorities. The house, in commemo-
ration of the woman's just pull upon Government, will be denominated
"Hicks's Haul!"
a form that wants reformimg.
The favourite objection with several Members against Alderman
Salomons taking his seat is, that there is "no form for it." The
objection is not a bsd one, for it stands to reason that if there is "no
form," the Honourable Member can hardly sit down upon it.
Idem per Idem.
Colonel Sibthorp presents his compliments to the Editor of Punch,
and begs to state, that the statutes of William and Mart, which im-
posed the Abjuration Oath, were clearly directed against the Jews.
The statutes were meant to exclude the Jacob-ites; but Israel and
Jacob are identical, therefore the statutes were meant to exclude the
Israel-ites. Q. E. D.
protectionist dramatics.
Protection recently got a little "draw" by the performance of
Mr. G. P. Young's Trip to Scarborough. By electing such a man, in
triumph. Protection shows her love for another play, too—She Stoops to
Conquer—with a vengeance !
THE CHURCH AND THE DEAD.
" Seeing that we are all equal before the throne of God "—such was
the tenor of the Queen Dowager's testament—" I desire that my
funeral may be conducted with as little ceremony as possible." Such
was the meaning of the Queen Dowager of England; but the Dean
and Chapter of Windsor—by virtue of their function—knew better.
Money—money—is a necessary consecration of the dead; and therefore
they demand of the Government the fee of £220 for opening St. George's
vault, that upon one of its shelves so much Royal dust may be deposited.
The Duke op Sussex sagaciously baulked the Dean and Chapter, and
chose a cheaper resting-place in Kensal Green.
But the dead seem to be the especial property of Churchmen; who
will turn the penny not only upon dead men's dust, but upon dead men's
memories. What is done in the Royal vaults of Windsor is imitated in
the churches of hamlets. Once upon a time—let us say a few months
ago—there died an excellent man in the historic village of Putney;
made historic by Wolsey, who, alighting from his mule, went upon his
knees, and blessed his royal tyrant; historic by Fairfax, who had
head-quarters there; historic by Samuel Pepys, who would eat his
dinner and chirrup his song at Barn Elms; historic by the birth of
Gibbon ; and still and still historic by the ecclesiastical ingenuity of a
fervid preacher; who brings us back to the death of our benevolent
deceased. Men, with a tender memory for his life of goodness, met to
take counsel how best to enshrine the recollection of his benevolence.
" Let it be something enduring—something that shall defy the
tooth of time. And, my friends, what better than a modest marble
tablet affixed to the walls of that church wherein our philanthropic
friend was wont to offer up his Sabbath prayers ? " Felicitous thought;
the laudatory lines were written; cut in marble; and the marble
placed for ever in the church, to delight the eyes and touch the hearts
of yet unborn congregations. And so the ceremony finished ?
Not quite. A few days afterwards and a demand was made for
certain lees. If you put up a tablet, no bigger than a door-plate, in a
church, you must pay the suggestive churchman. " Good people, fifteen
pounds, if you please : only fifteen."
In a small way, is not the church of Putney worthy of St. George's
Chapel, Windsor ? Churchmen—we doubt not—will be delighted by
that better system of things, surely arriving, that shall no longer make
the dead such a very marketable commodity. Beautiful is the figure of
the Christian dove! And otherwise than beautiful the unclean bird
that feeds on carcases.
THE VESTED INTERESTS OF OLD WOMEN.
The Lords' Committee on the Smithfield-market Removal Bill—in a
tenderness for vested interests which some of their Lordships have not
shown to poor Ann Hicks—have decided that, for the loss which the
Corporation of London will sustain by the abatement of their lucrative
nuisance,
" The City are entitled to compensation, to be calculated on an average of five years
of the tolls prior to its closing. Should the site become valuable, and built on, the tolls
to make up the deficiencies, as in Clause 50 of the Islington-market BUI."
To be calculated at what rate per cent ? Deficiencies in what ?
Really, there is more to be understood in this specimen of lordly
composition than we can possibly understand; except the general fact
that the City is to be indemnified for the loss of Smithfield out of the
tolls. Considering that the City has had the fullest warning of the
inevitable fate of its filthy cattle-mart, and might, had it chosen, easily
have made a fair arrangement with regard to the new market, we
should say, let the tolls out of which it is to be compensated be those
of the knell which has so long been tolling Smithfield's doom.
The Parliamentary Treadmill.
The failure of Mr. Herries's motion respecting the Navigation
Laws, suggests the question, Why are the Protectionists like a squirrel
in a cage ?—to which there can be but one answer—That they are always
moving, and never getting on.
property for pious uses.
Mr. Punch on being asked what was the meaning of " Cathedral
Trusts and their Fulfilment," answered—Deans and Chapters pocketing
all the money tliey are trusted with.
Evening Dress for Ladies in the City.
The Times states that at the Guildhall Ball many of the ladies'
dresses were ripped up the back. We do not doubt this—for to believe
Mr. Darin's statement—the Ball must have been " a perfect ripper."
—Bell's Life.
63
have witnessed in a similar character. There were Races with female
charioteers—carrying off gold cups with immense ecstacy; but the
cup brought no pleasure to our lips, and we turned our heads away
with the peevishness of satiety. There were Races also with horses
with and without riders, and a heap of other Races. In fact, we do not
know when we had seen a greater mixture of Races.
The Great Exhibition was to have brought every member of the
human family together; but the only Exhibition that has effectually
done it, is Batty's Hippodrome. It has succeeded in doing what
civilisation, we suppose, will do some day—for it has brought all the
Races of Man into the same Circle!
SCENE-A GREENGROCER'S SHOP, LONDON.
Dramatis Persons—Greengrocer, and Old Lady.
Old Lady—(holding a very small Cabbage)—loquitw. " What ! 3d. for
buch a Small Cabbage ? Why, I never heerd o' such a thing !"
Greengrocer. " Werry sorry, Marm ; but it's all along o' that
Exhibition ! What with them Foreigners, and the Gents as
Smokes, Cabbages has riz."
Ann Hicks.
That great Pan of the Woods and Forests, Lord Seymour, will
next week lay the first brick of a small house dedicated to the matron
by the penanee of certain sylvan authorities. The house, in commemo-
ration of the woman's just pull upon Government, will be denominated
"Hicks's Haul!"
a form that wants reformimg.
The favourite objection with several Members against Alderman
Salomons taking his seat is, that there is "no form for it." The
objection is not a bsd one, for it stands to reason that if there is "no
form," the Honourable Member can hardly sit down upon it.
Idem per Idem.
Colonel Sibthorp presents his compliments to the Editor of Punch,
and begs to state, that the statutes of William and Mart, which im-
posed the Abjuration Oath, were clearly directed against the Jews.
The statutes were meant to exclude the Jacob-ites; but Israel and
Jacob are identical, therefore the statutes were meant to exclude the
Israel-ites. Q. E. D.
protectionist dramatics.
Protection recently got a little "draw" by the performance of
Mr. G. P. Young's Trip to Scarborough. By electing such a man, in
triumph. Protection shows her love for another play, too—She Stoops to
Conquer—with a vengeance !
THE CHURCH AND THE DEAD.
" Seeing that we are all equal before the throne of God "—such was
the tenor of the Queen Dowager's testament—" I desire that my
funeral may be conducted with as little ceremony as possible." Such
was the meaning of the Queen Dowager of England; but the Dean
and Chapter of Windsor—by virtue of their function—knew better.
Money—money—is a necessary consecration of the dead; and therefore
they demand of the Government the fee of £220 for opening St. George's
vault, that upon one of its shelves so much Royal dust may be deposited.
The Duke op Sussex sagaciously baulked the Dean and Chapter, and
chose a cheaper resting-place in Kensal Green.
But the dead seem to be the especial property of Churchmen; who
will turn the penny not only upon dead men's dust, but upon dead men's
memories. What is done in the Royal vaults of Windsor is imitated in
the churches of hamlets. Once upon a time—let us say a few months
ago—there died an excellent man in the historic village of Putney;
made historic by Wolsey, who, alighting from his mule, went upon his
knees, and blessed his royal tyrant; historic by Fairfax, who had
head-quarters there; historic by Samuel Pepys, who would eat his
dinner and chirrup his song at Barn Elms; historic by the birth of
Gibbon ; and still and still historic by the ecclesiastical ingenuity of a
fervid preacher; who brings us back to the death of our benevolent
deceased. Men, with a tender memory for his life of goodness, met to
take counsel how best to enshrine the recollection of his benevolence.
" Let it be something enduring—something that shall defy the
tooth of time. And, my friends, what better than a modest marble
tablet affixed to the walls of that church wherein our philanthropic
friend was wont to offer up his Sabbath prayers ? " Felicitous thought;
the laudatory lines were written; cut in marble; and the marble
placed for ever in the church, to delight the eyes and touch the hearts
of yet unborn congregations. And so the ceremony finished ?
Not quite. A few days afterwards and a demand was made for
certain lees. If you put up a tablet, no bigger than a door-plate, in a
church, you must pay the suggestive churchman. " Good people, fifteen
pounds, if you please : only fifteen."
In a small way, is not the church of Putney worthy of St. George's
Chapel, Windsor ? Churchmen—we doubt not—will be delighted by
that better system of things, surely arriving, that shall no longer make
the dead such a very marketable commodity. Beautiful is the figure of
the Christian dove! And otherwise than beautiful the unclean bird
that feeds on carcases.
THE VESTED INTERESTS OF OLD WOMEN.
The Lords' Committee on the Smithfield-market Removal Bill—in a
tenderness for vested interests which some of their Lordships have not
shown to poor Ann Hicks—have decided that, for the loss which the
Corporation of London will sustain by the abatement of their lucrative
nuisance,
" The City are entitled to compensation, to be calculated on an average of five years
of the tolls prior to its closing. Should the site become valuable, and built on, the tolls
to make up the deficiencies, as in Clause 50 of the Islington-market BUI."
To be calculated at what rate per cent ? Deficiencies in what ?
Really, there is more to be understood in this specimen of lordly
composition than we can possibly understand; except the general fact
that the City is to be indemnified for the loss of Smithfield out of the
tolls. Considering that the City has had the fullest warning of the
inevitable fate of its filthy cattle-mart, and might, had it chosen, easily
have made a fair arrangement with regard to the new market, we
should say, let the tolls out of which it is to be compensated be those
of the knell which has so long been tolling Smithfield's doom.
The Parliamentary Treadmill.
The failure of Mr. Herries's motion respecting the Navigation
Laws, suggests the question, Why are the Protectionists like a squirrel
in a cage ?—to which there can be but one answer—That they are always
moving, and never getting on.
property for pious uses.
Mr. Punch on being asked what was the meaning of " Cathedral
Trusts and their Fulfilment," answered—Deans and Chapters pocketing
all the money tliey are trusted with.
Evening Dress for Ladies in the City.
The Times states that at the Guildhall Ball many of the ladies'
dresses were ripped up the back. We do not doubt this—for to believe
Mr. Darin's statement—the Ball must have been " a perfect ripper."
—Bell's Life.