DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0105
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
93
"-usiness it was to wait behind their chairs at dinner, and keep
replenishing their glasses and those of their pot companions with per-
nicious champagne ! The drunkenness of the lower orders was mainly
wing to the pattern afforded them by a boozing peerage and a gentry
of sots (Cheers).
Mb. Earsplit said, that alcohol was the principle of evil. It was
against that, in particular, that the idle, lazy, worthless Set of sensual
sinecurists, the clergy, had to contend. What had those clerical drones
done P The reverend impostors had done nothing. _ There ought to be
no Temperance societies. The parsons—those hireling shepherds—
were bound to have done the work. What was the use of those
hypocrites in canonicals preaching against drunkenness ? That was
mere cant. Why didn't they join the Teetotallers ? [Cheers.) Why,
because the wolves in sheep's clothing couldn't give up their glass
of " old crusted " after dinner. Let nobody talk to him of moderation.
It was much- better to get dead drunk every now and then, than take
one glass of wine every day. At public dinners the Church was drunk,
and a bishop would often respond to the toast. If the mitred swindler
did his duty, he would improve the occasion, by denouncing the deadly,
the diabolical, the execrable custom of drinking healths altogether.
(Tremendous cheering.)
Mr. Stunner inveighed furiously against the medical profession for
withholding their sanction from the principle of total abstinence, which
he imputed to a selfish interest, on their part, in disease and suffering.
He understood that these licensed quacks employed, in their practice,
wines of iron, aloes, and other medicinal substances, besides a variety
of tinctures; which were medicated grog; and he insisted that the
administration of such liquid poison amounted to murder.
The Army, the Navy, and the Bar were fiercely assailed by various
speakers for not discountenancing the use of fermented liquors, by
excluding them from their several messes. A Mb,. Letherhed also
ferociously abused the brewers, the distillers, and the publicans, whom
he appeared to confound with the class of persons who, under the
Roman empire, were so odious among the Jews.
After another Welsh song, followed by a renewed disturbance,
The Chairman, having proposed a resolution to the effect? that
Prince Albert should be requested to patronise the Total Abstinence
cause by taking the pledge,
Mr. Punch said, that though not quite a convert to total abstinence,
he believed that temperance was a necessary virtue. He would not go
so far as to object to everything strong; but there were some strong
things he did object to. He objected to strong language and intemperate
expressions, which, though among the worst effects of drunkenness, he
perceived could be produced without liquor.
Thi3 brief remark occasioned a general row, in the midst of which
the meeting separated.
THE SIEGE OE GIBRALTAR AT CREMORNE.
=S3 ll persons agree that the
Rock of Gibraltar is not very
high. Viewed from Batter-
sea Bridge, it cannot stand
higher than eight feet above
the surface of the Thames.
This is rather curious ; for
we recollect when we saw
the same view at the Surrey
Zoological Gardens, the Rock
was at least a hundred feet
high; so that, in less than
four years, Gibraltar has lost
more than nine-tenths of its
altitude. In another year we
suppose it will have disap-
peared altogether.
The Rock is exceedingly
perpendicular; so perpen-
dicular, that none but a cat
could possibly scale it. It
would be a question, however
if any one but a cat would
give himself that trouble, as
a vigorous push of the elbow
would pitch the entire Rock
with the greatest ease into
the water. We could not
help thinking, as we witnessed
the Siege, that it was con-
ducted with a tremendous
waste of gunpowder, when any two scene-shifters could have taken
Gibraltar at a moment's notice simply by carrying it off on their
Bnoulders.
The scenery about Gibraltar is exceedingly flat, reminding us ex-
tremely of one of the " wings " that shut in the Robber's Cave in the
Miller and his Men. We looked out for the monkeys that are said to
run about the topmost heights of the Rock, but not one did our eye—
experienced as it generally is in picking out a monkey—succeed in
catching. We immediately inferred all the monkeys had gone to dance
on the platform.
The thing that surprised us the most in the Siege was the introduc-
tion of steam. We never knew, before we went to Cremorne, that
Gibraltar was taken by the aid of steamers. This fact burst upon us,
the other evening, with all the brilliancy of a sky-rocket; and, as such,
we hand it over to Mr. Macaulay, that he may illumine his historical
pages with it.
The names of the steamers engaged in the action were the Bride, the
Bridesmaid, the Ghvom, the Wedding-Ring, assisted by the Parson, the
Beadle, and the Parish Clerk. There seems to be a strict intimacy
between the Naval and the Matrimonial Services on the Thames ; and,,
by way of parenthesis, we humbly hope that the engagements of the
one will always terminate as honourably as the engagements of the
other!
There was a reserve squadron of the Citizen Boats lying off in the
offing, with an extra stock of fireworks on board, in case the attendance
at the Gardens had been sufficiently large to have called in their
assistance. It would be invidious to mention names, but we plainly
distinguished the cotton pocket-handkerchief of Admiral Jinks flying
proudly from the mizen-mast of the Grocers, whilst the brave Admiral
himself was standing with the greatest unconcern on the paddle-box,
quietly smoking his pipe, as if nothing at all was going on ! We re-
marked to a bystander, "That is exactly like Jines ! "
The action began about 11 o'clock, p.m., by Commodore Jones
giving the signal to "Ease 'er." Immediately his flag-ship, the
Bridesmaid, advanced to the Rock as near as the shallowness of the
water would allow it, and discharged such a broadside of squibs as made
Battersea Bridge shiver again in every one of its timbers. All the
other ships followed, each of them firing, as they passed the Citadel,
with the most admirable precision. The firing was fearful, for, to judge
of great results by little causes, we know we had on a white waistcoat
at the'time, and in less than three minutes it was completely black. The
smoke, too, was so intense that we were obliged frequently to close our
eyes to the beauty of the scene. We regret we lost, in this way, a great
deal of the Siege. The consequence was, we heard a great deal more than
we saw. However, if we can trust everything in this world which we
hear, the Bombardment must have been one of the fiercest on record, for
we have not heard such a noise since the opera of Florinda. When we
opened our eyes again, a flag was being waved behind the battlements of
Gibraltar—an unanimous discharge of sky-rockets leapt up from the port-
holes of every ship, as if they wrant ed to set the sky on fire ; we heard a
voice (we think it was Jones's) crying "Stop 'er! "—the Thames turned
from red ink to black,—and we were told that the impregnable Rock
had surrendered. The Siege was over in about ten minutes, and it was
as pretty as fireworks shot right and left, and then left and right, and
then both together, could make it; but we registered a vow on the spot,
that until cannons and Roman candles could be taught, like chimneys,
and Palmer's "Compositions," to consume their own smoke, we neves
would witness another.
We afterwards strolled about the beautiful Gardens of Cremorne, and
as we listened to the music, that made us jump in a more agreeable
way than the cannon balls, and enjoyed a cigar, whose smoke was much
pleasanter in our eyes than the most dazzling fusillade of Catharine
Wheels, we puffed ourselves into a state of high philosophic enjoyment,
and rather startled the company by exclaiming, that " We would not
exchange a single one of the Arts of Peace for all the thundering Arts
of War!"
"WHICH IS THE BEST WAY OE TESTING A BLADE?"
We find in our friend, Notes and Queries, an article with the above
title. They recommend various plans—such as pressing him with all
your strength upon an iron block, and knocking him against the fire-
grate as hard as you can; and doubling him up by bringing a weight of
4001bs. to bear upon his side, and a multitude of other agreeable tests,
which we should be very sorry to apply to_ any "Blade" of our
acquaintance. There are various ways of testing a Blade. You can
ask him to stand security at a Loan Office. If he shrinks, he is not a
good Blade. The best way, however, is to try him with a good Bill.
If the Bill is a very heavy one, and you find that, without much pressing,
the Blade gives way quietly, and allows you to make a handle of him
by putting his name to the Bill, and moreover takes up the Bill when
it becomes due, you may consider it a very fair test indeed, and that
your Blade must be a first-rate one for not turning rusty, or snapping,
during the experiment. The softer your Blade, the better, of course,
he yields to the test. In fact, if your Blade is excessively soft, you
may bend rfrm to anything you please, and it becomes difficult to say
whether there is any test so severe that you may not safely venture to
"try it on " him!
93
"-usiness it was to wait behind their chairs at dinner, and keep
replenishing their glasses and those of their pot companions with per-
nicious champagne ! The drunkenness of the lower orders was mainly
wing to the pattern afforded them by a boozing peerage and a gentry
of sots (Cheers).
Mb. Earsplit said, that alcohol was the principle of evil. It was
against that, in particular, that the idle, lazy, worthless Set of sensual
sinecurists, the clergy, had to contend. What had those clerical drones
done P The reverend impostors had done nothing. _ There ought to be
no Temperance societies. The parsons—those hireling shepherds—
were bound to have done the work. What was the use of those
hypocrites in canonicals preaching against drunkenness ? That was
mere cant. Why didn't they join the Teetotallers ? [Cheers.) Why,
because the wolves in sheep's clothing couldn't give up their glass
of " old crusted " after dinner. Let nobody talk to him of moderation.
It was much- better to get dead drunk every now and then, than take
one glass of wine every day. At public dinners the Church was drunk,
and a bishop would often respond to the toast. If the mitred swindler
did his duty, he would improve the occasion, by denouncing the deadly,
the diabolical, the execrable custom of drinking healths altogether.
(Tremendous cheering.)
Mr. Stunner inveighed furiously against the medical profession for
withholding their sanction from the principle of total abstinence, which
he imputed to a selfish interest, on their part, in disease and suffering.
He understood that these licensed quacks employed, in their practice,
wines of iron, aloes, and other medicinal substances, besides a variety
of tinctures; which were medicated grog; and he insisted that the
administration of such liquid poison amounted to murder.
The Army, the Navy, and the Bar were fiercely assailed by various
speakers for not discountenancing the use of fermented liquors, by
excluding them from their several messes. A Mb,. Letherhed also
ferociously abused the brewers, the distillers, and the publicans, whom
he appeared to confound with the class of persons who, under the
Roman empire, were so odious among the Jews.
After another Welsh song, followed by a renewed disturbance,
The Chairman, having proposed a resolution to the effect? that
Prince Albert should be requested to patronise the Total Abstinence
cause by taking the pledge,
Mr. Punch said, that though not quite a convert to total abstinence,
he believed that temperance was a necessary virtue. He would not go
so far as to object to everything strong; but there were some strong
things he did object to. He objected to strong language and intemperate
expressions, which, though among the worst effects of drunkenness, he
perceived could be produced without liquor.
Thi3 brief remark occasioned a general row, in the midst of which
the meeting separated.
THE SIEGE OE GIBRALTAR AT CREMORNE.
=S3 ll persons agree that the
Rock of Gibraltar is not very
high. Viewed from Batter-
sea Bridge, it cannot stand
higher than eight feet above
the surface of the Thames.
This is rather curious ; for
we recollect when we saw
the same view at the Surrey
Zoological Gardens, the Rock
was at least a hundred feet
high; so that, in less than
four years, Gibraltar has lost
more than nine-tenths of its
altitude. In another year we
suppose it will have disap-
peared altogether.
The Rock is exceedingly
perpendicular; so perpen-
dicular, that none but a cat
could possibly scale it. It
would be a question, however
if any one but a cat would
give himself that trouble, as
a vigorous push of the elbow
would pitch the entire Rock
with the greatest ease into
the water. We could not
help thinking, as we witnessed
the Siege, that it was con-
ducted with a tremendous
waste of gunpowder, when any two scene-shifters could have taken
Gibraltar at a moment's notice simply by carrying it off on their
Bnoulders.
The scenery about Gibraltar is exceedingly flat, reminding us ex-
tremely of one of the " wings " that shut in the Robber's Cave in the
Miller and his Men. We looked out for the monkeys that are said to
run about the topmost heights of the Rock, but not one did our eye—
experienced as it generally is in picking out a monkey—succeed in
catching. We immediately inferred all the monkeys had gone to dance
on the platform.
The thing that surprised us the most in the Siege was the introduc-
tion of steam. We never knew, before we went to Cremorne, that
Gibraltar was taken by the aid of steamers. This fact burst upon us,
the other evening, with all the brilliancy of a sky-rocket; and, as such,
we hand it over to Mr. Macaulay, that he may illumine his historical
pages with it.
The names of the steamers engaged in the action were the Bride, the
Bridesmaid, the Ghvom, the Wedding-Ring, assisted by the Parson, the
Beadle, and the Parish Clerk. There seems to be a strict intimacy
between the Naval and the Matrimonial Services on the Thames ; and,,
by way of parenthesis, we humbly hope that the engagements of the
one will always terminate as honourably as the engagements of the
other!
There was a reserve squadron of the Citizen Boats lying off in the
offing, with an extra stock of fireworks on board, in case the attendance
at the Gardens had been sufficiently large to have called in their
assistance. It would be invidious to mention names, but we plainly
distinguished the cotton pocket-handkerchief of Admiral Jinks flying
proudly from the mizen-mast of the Grocers, whilst the brave Admiral
himself was standing with the greatest unconcern on the paddle-box,
quietly smoking his pipe, as if nothing at all was going on ! We re-
marked to a bystander, "That is exactly like Jines ! "
The action began about 11 o'clock, p.m., by Commodore Jones
giving the signal to "Ease 'er." Immediately his flag-ship, the
Bridesmaid, advanced to the Rock as near as the shallowness of the
water would allow it, and discharged such a broadside of squibs as made
Battersea Bridge shiver again in every one of its timbers. All the
other ships followed, each of them firing, as they passed the Citadel,
with the most admirable precision. The firing was fearful, for, to judge
of great results by little causes, we know we had on a white waistcoat
at the'time, and in less than three minutes it was completely black. The
smoke, too, was so intense that we were obliged frequently to close our
eyes to the beauty of the scene. We regret we lost, in this way, a great
deal of the Siege. The consequence was, we heard a great deal more than
we saw. However, if we can trust everything in this world which we
hear, the Bombardment must have been one of the fiercest on record, for
we have not heard such a noise since the opera of Florinda. When we
opened our eyes again, a flag was being waved behind the battlements of
Gibraltar—an unanimous discharge of sky-rockets leapt up from the port-
holes of every ship, as if they wrant ed to set the sky on fire ; we heard a
voice (we think it was Jones's) crying "Stop 'er! "—the Thames turned
from red ink to black,—and we were told that the impregnable Rock
had surrendered. The Siege was over in about ten minutes, and it was
as pretty as fireworks shot right and left, and then left and right, and
then both together, could make it; but we registered a vow on the spot,
that until cannons and Roman candles could be taught, like chimneys,
and Palmer's "Compositions," to consume their own smoke, we neves
would witness another.
We afterwards strolled about the beautiful Gardens of Cremorne, and
as we listened to the music, that made us jump in a more agreeable
way than the cannon balls, and enjoyed a cigar, whose smoke was much
pleasanter in our eyes than the most dazzling fusillade of Catharine
Wheels, we puffed ourselves into a state of high philosophic enjoyment,
and rather startled the company by exclaiming, that " We would not
exchange a single one of the Arts of Peace for all the thundering Arts
of War!"
"WHICH IS THE BEST WAY OE TESTING A BLADE?"
We find in our friend, Notes and Queries, an article with the above
title. They recommend various plans—such as pressing him with all
your strength upon an iron block, and knocking him against the fire-
grate as hard as you can; and doubling him up by bringing a weight of
4001bs. to bear upon his side, and a multitude of other agreeable tests,
which we should be very sorry to apply to_ any "Blade" of our
acquaintance. There are various ways of testing a Blade. You can
ask him to stand security at a Loan Office. If he shrinks, he is not a
good Blade. The best way, however, is to try him with a good Bill.
If the Bill is a very heavy one, and you find that, without much pressing,
the Blade gives way quietly, and allows you to make a handle of him
by putting his name to the Bill, and moreover takes up the Bill when
it becomes due, you may consider it a very fair test indeed, and that
your Blade must be a first-rate one for not turning rusty, or snapping,
during the experiment. The softer your Blade, the better, of course,
he yields to the test. In fact, if your Blade is excessively soft, you
may bend rfrm to anything you please, and it becomes difficult to say
whether there is any test so severe that you may not safely venture to
"try it on " him!