Punch: Punch (21.1851)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 145

SMOKE-COMMUNICATION WITH AUSTRALIA.

The ears of the delicate are
sometimes shocked by a cer-
tain vulgar, but expressive
phrase, namely, "to choke
off." It is a metaphorical form
of speech, evidently borrowed
from the vocabulary of the
sport called "canine:" and, in
its primary sense, denotes the
act by which a dog, in fight-
ing or badger-baiting, is com-
pelled to let, go his hold.

Such being the etymologi-
cal fact, the Admiralty issues
an advertisement for tenders
for a steam communication to
Sydney, at intervals of two
months, by the Cape of Good
Hope, at a speed of eight-
and-a-half knots per hour;
which advertisement, accord-
ing to the civic correspond-
ent of the Times, " is looked
upon in the City as simply
ridiculous," as, probably, this
paragraph will be by those
who see a want of connexion
in it, and will not read on
for the explanation thereof.
But what act of the Admi-
ralty's is not, and has not
been for some time, simply
ridiculous, and ridiculously
simple ? Did they not build
war-steamers of cast-iron, without trying whether their rusty inven-
tions would stand shot ? and is it not notorious that their expe-
rience of irony has alone deterred them from applying to the con-
struction of line-of-battle ships the materials of the Crystal Palace ?
Nay, did they not, at one time, contemplate establishing a dockyard in
Staffordshire, and building vessels of crockery ?

To proceed, however—still keeping in view the point in etymology.
Facts and figures are not wanted here to prove the commercial
importance of the Australian colonies, and the necessity of a proper
steam communication with them • so that it will, of course, be under-
stood that the absurdity of the Admiralty's advertisement only consists
in proposing a plan which would not at all answer the purpose. _ That
the wishes of the colonists ought to be consulted, must also be evident;
and, because the Antipodes are beneath our feet, there is no reason
why they should be trampled on. Whereas—the Times tells us—

" The public meetings of the colonists, which were almost confined to petitioning for
steam communication, and protesting against convict immigration, were answered by
steady obstruction in the former case, and, in the litter, by the introduction into Van
Diemen's Land, during the past year, of no less than 2894 criminals."

This brings us back to the etymology of the phrase "To choke off,"
which, though derived from the inferior classes of society, evidently
expresses the intentions of Government towards our Australian colonies.

HERALDIC FRAGMENTS.

A few incidental heraldic points are the fragments of this week's
article—crumbs from our heraldic table. Our memory is semee of
certain little facts, which we now bestow with due commentary on the
reader.

There are a few things used as " changes " very rarely ; odd articles
of strange appearance—rarely "borne"—and, by-the-by, rather un-
bearable. Such are gal-traps, for example. The Drumkonds wear
" a mound semee with gal-traps." One would fancy, from the name, that
these were a kind of fortune-hunting implements—devised to ensnare
incautious young ladies. Not so. They are, or, rather, were—for they
are now oniy known in Heraldry—weapons scattered about the field of

Enhaunced, is a term used when any ordinaries are raised above their
usual position. Byron bore " argent, three bendlets, enhaunced, gules "
—and very considerably he enhanced his family honours accordingly.

The reader will be surprised to hear that the homely " hedgehog " is
borne in this noble science of armorie. Old Guillim, who, to do him
justice, is uncommonly ingenious in devising reasons for everything—
and who loved heraldic animals as an Arab does his horse—says, that
" the hedgehog signifies a man expert in gathering of substance," If
this be true, the hedgehog ought to be borne a great deal more exten-
sively in this country—and, we may add, that the prickles of the animal
ought to be very distinctly defined—to signify how difficult it is to get
at the " substance " which our " expert" men gather.

A Cap of Maintenance is an honourable cap, of crimson velvet
generally. But a fool's cap might with propriety be called so, if it
maintained him as part of the furniture of his buffoonery. The cap of
maintenance is worn by nobility, and if the cap fits, of course they have
a right to wear it.

Js the public aware that "a cardinal's hat, with strings, pendant and
plaited in true-love knots, the ends meeting in base, gules"—are the arms of
Sclavonia?—Happy country—so honoured—well known to be the
happiest and most enlightened in the world! Why does a miller wear a
white hat ? is a question familiar to us from the pages of Joe. But why
a cardinal wears a red one—is not, perhaps, so well known. The
miller does it, we are aware, to keep his head warm, and nowadays it
would seem as if the cardinal did it to keep the country warm—i. e., in
hot water. But the orthodox answer is not so profane. No. The
cardinal wears the red hat to signify that he "ought to shed his blood,
if required, in the defence of ecclesiastical liberty."—Beautiful idea! Of
course, the red colour never typifies the blood of other people—never
symbolises the episcopal claret. We have rarely seen a more tender
touch in all our experiences of blazoning, than the sweet notion of the
strings "plaited in true-love knots" (for which see Clark's Heraldrv,
p. 105). It was positively the last notion that a cardinal's hat, could
nave suggested to us—or to anybody else, we fancy. How deliciously
the strings intertwine, like the tresses of the Babylonian lady ! To be
sure, there are people—incapable of sentiment—people fresh from the
dungeons of Italy, and other fabulous places, who would believe rather
that they better symbolise—the ropes of the hangman and the knots of
whips. This would be too absurd. As well ask us to believe Gladstone !

THE SCHOOLMASTER AT ST. ALBAN'S.

reatly have we been delighted witl
the intelligence from St. Alban's.
Mr. Jacob Bell is an example to
M.P.s. He does not stalk his
recess in the Highlands; or throw
away himself at Baden-Baden. No :
he goes down to his own borough—
(whatever a man pays for ought to
be his own) — and, busy in the
interests of education, he examines
school-children: the little ones who,
some day, will have the borough
at their own disposal. We hear
that many of the youngsters dis-
played a marvellous precocity. Babes
and sucklings picked out from
gingerbread alphabets the letters BRIBE BY AND COR-
RUPTION, eating the letters with a relish that delighted the hearts
of their parents. It was remarkable, too, that the letters thickest gilt
were soonest swallowed.

The "Court Newsman" Corrected.

The Court Newsman tells us that "the Prince of Wales took his
usual exercise, attended by Mr. Birch." We have authority for
adding that study is not altogether sacrificed to recreation, but that, at
a fitting period of the day, "the Prince of Wales did his usual
exercise, superintended by Mr. Birch."

the duke of atholl's shilling.

The North British Mail assures us that the Duke of Atholl exacts

battle to wound horses It is clear that they were very dangerously one shmi a head from person taking a walk in his ground at
aselul. lhe enemies who came galloping up suddenly, found that they t^„_i„ij V:. ___u.„_ j„,.t. i™+ ;™™0t wmlrl ha ™0,,™mfohi»

had put their foot in it, with a vengeance!

The griffin, the heralds tell us with a very amusing candour, is a
" chimerical" creature. He is described " with large ears and^ no
wings." But we are far from being sure that he is so very chimerical,
after all—if these be his proper distinctive characteristics. Poets and
politicians of the description are still found in Europe. And perhaps it
is some real modesty that induces people who have no right to arms, to
assume griffins, as they not unfrequently do. Pray be particular about
the ears, prentlemen! Punch begs it of you, as a favour.

Dunkeld. This is rather dear ; but the impost would be insupportable
if his Grace insisted upon also shewing himself for the money.

An Express Train for Ladies.

The charms of English ladies were formerly so irresistible, that
they enjoyed what is called " an European reputation " for sweeping
everything before them; but, at present, the only European reputation
which English ladies enjoy, is—thanks to their long dresses—of
sweeping everything behind them.