DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0165
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
153
A SCHOOL TO FORM SCOLLARDS
--SCHOOL, con.
ducted by--, M. A,
Member of St. John's, Cambridge,
and Eight able and experienced
Masters. Members limited and
select. Term divides on the 29th
inst. The best parts of public
education are retained, and the
objectionable discarded. Three
young Gentlemen finish their edu-
cation this Michaelmas : one the
Nephew of a Solicitor holding a
high appointment under the Corporation of London, and Cousin to an eminent Queen's
Counsel; the other, son of an eminent Stock-broker; the third, a Merchant. He has
two of the Vacancies filled by the Son of a Physician, who places his Son because he
is acquainted with a late Pupil of--'s, who is about to take honours at the London
Univeisity; and the other by a Clergyman's Son, who is a Rector. References to a
French Gentleman in Paris, whose Son will also leave b- for France shortly.
These Parties the Principal will cheerfully refer any parent or Guardian to as to
their Education, Domestic Comforts, Sound Health, Principles, and the formation of
Character and Disposition, which cannot be done wiih large and indiscriminate numbers.
Terms moderate.
The inquiring mind may be exercised by this wonderful piece of com-
position. " Members limited and select." Members of what ? Of
St. John's, Cambridge, or Blank School ? What are the objectionable
parts of public education that are discarded ? The parts of speech, in
grammatical arrangement, seem rather likely to be discarded by the
Card who conducl s the school at Blank. Of the three young gentlemen
who finish their education this Michaelmas, is the first mentioned nephew
of a solicitor, and also cousin to a Queen's Counsel; or is it the solicitor
who is the Queen's Counsel's cousin ? Is the third really a merchant ?
—this must be a commercial school indeed, if so. Has ;the merchant
—that is to say, the young gentleman, if the young gentleman is a
merchant—two of the vacancies filled by a physician's son ? How can
the physician's son fill two vacancies ? How can the merchant have
even one of the vacancies filled by the physician's son, if it is the physi-
cian who places his son? Does the physician place his son because his
son is acquainted with a late pupil of Dr. Blank's, or because he
himself has that advantage ? If two of the vacancies are filled—no
matter how—by the physician's son, is the other, apparently described
as filled by a clergyman's son, the third; and are there only three ? Is
it true that the clergyman's son is a rector ? Of how many parties does
the French gentleman, to whom we are referred, consist ? And is it
for information touching their own education, &c, simply, that we are
referred to the parties constituting the French gentleman? Lastly,
what is it that cannot be done with large and indiscriminate numbers ?
—the whole business of education as conducted at Blank School, or the
formation of character and disposition ?
The terms of the Blank Schoolmaster are stated to be moderate—
considered in the relation which forms language, they may rather be
described as low. They certainly make very imperfect English, if they
do not, indeed, make perfect nonsense. Yet Dr. Blank's style is not
exactly foreign; on the whole, it would seem to be Irish; that is to
say, such Irish as might be expected from a successor to the original
Irish Tutor.
Testimonial, No. 2.
' Mr. Dunup presents his compliments to the Inventor of the Hydro-
unch thought he should Electric Chain, and begs to thank him for—what he never enjoyed
never hear a^ain of the edu-; before—a pleasant interview with a creditor. Mr. Dunup, having
observed his tailor coming up the court, felt one of his usual attacks of
nervous depression coming on, and was about to shut his outer door,
when he was induced to try the effect of the Hydro-Electric Chain,
^ which he found so marvellous, that he was not only able to face, but
turned up once more^how- even ^° threaten to kick down stairs his unfortunate creditor. As
ever. The subjoined adver-' Dunup has several bills coming due very shortly, he will feel
tisement, at least, can hardly obliged by a dozen of the Hydro-Electric Chains, to enable him to
relate to any other Aca- meep ^e "ills—or rather the presenters of the bills—with becoming
demy:_ fortitude."
B"
cational establishment at
which instruction in " man-
ners" formed an extra of
'tuppuns moor." It has
NO MORE LOW SPIRITS.
Somebody has invented an article called " a Hydro-Electric Chain,"
to be worn by nervous individuals. It is to be worn round the neck,
and is to have the instantaneous effect of raising the spirits, dissipating
depression, and neutralising every feeling of nervousness.
•We have no doubt we shall soon be inundated with Testimonials after
the following fashion:—
Testimonial, No. 1.
" Sir,—Having a motion of course to make in the Court of Queen's
Bench, I suffered so severely from nervousness, that I could not utter a
word. Happily the Usher observing my distress, lent me one of your
Hydro-Electric Chains, which was no sooner round my neck than my
utterance, which had been previously choked, began to flow so freely, that
I spoke with the utmost boldness for upwards of an hour. I think your
Chain ought to be round the neck of every Barrister.
"Your obedient Servant,
" J. Briefless."
SONG TOR HARVEST-HOME.
Adapted to the Improved System of Agriculture.
Now harvest is carried and hous-ed at last,
And we 're met to partake our accustomed repast;
There's all hands of us here that's employed on the farm,
And a cup of good liquor wun't do us no harm.
Tol de rol, &c.
Here's a health to our master, the founder of our feast,
Two pound of fat bacon a head at the least;
Likewise for each man half a gal'n of strong beer;
Yet our harvest-home wun't ruin master this year.
Tol de rol, &c.
Though many's the labourers that he entertains,
There's very few on 'em as ever complains ;
More work and less grumbling I never did know ;
So let's drink to our master, and mistress also.
Tol de rol, &c.
The like of our ploughmen you never see before,
Doing ten times in one day what took three, or more;
Just to keep their pot bilin' is all they requires—
Works from morning till night—yet not one ever tires.
Tol de rol, &c.
There's our sowers, and thrashers, and winnowers likewise;
I warrant our mowers would also surprise ;
But what, most of all, would a stranger confound,
Is to see how our reapers gets over the ground.
Tol de rol, &c.
One reaper of ourn, mun, will rip e'er a field,
And the largest of crops it can possible yield;
He cuts, and he binds, and he pitches the sheaves:
And here is confusion to them that deceives.
Tol de rol, &c.
But scarce would folks credit the tale I relates,
If I told 'em how little we drinks and we ates ;
Six pound of fat bacon, six quarts of strong beer,
Though we've all had enough, is the whole of our cheer.
Tol de rol, &c.
We mates, that our master maintains in employ,
Amounts to no more than two men and a boy;
The rest is Machines, strange although it may seem,
And the chief of his servants is osses and steam.
Tol de rol, &c.
When the gentlefolks dined at the fat cattle show,
They once used to drink to the Labourer, you know;
But, since such a vast alteration there's been,
I suppose that henceforward they '11 drink the Machine.
Tol de rol, &c.
Success unto farming !—come pledge me, you two;
For I can't say, all round ; and I likes to spake true.
And to think I should ever a harvest-home see
Where the whole of the party is Engines but we !
Tol de rol, &c.
I Wish I did Know a Bank.
Some of the Proprietors of Bank Stock are very angry with the
Directors for their prudent determination to keep in hand a large
amount of "rest." The agitators, however, are so noisy at every
meeting, that in one sense they are determined the Directors shall have
no rest at all. ____
A Rising in the London Streets.—To prove how unpopular the
Wood-pavement is, we need only mention that, wherever it has been
laid down, the very stones have risen again !
153
A SCHOOL TO FORM SCOLLARDS
--SCHOOL, con.
ducted by--, M. A,
Member of St. John's, Cambridge,
and Eight able and experienced
Masters. Members limited and
select. Term divides on the 29th
inst. The best parts of public
education are retained, and the
objectionable discarded. Three
young Gentlemen finish their edu-
cation this Michaelmas : one the
Nephew of a Solicitor holding a
high appointment under the Corporation of London, and Cousin to an eminent Queen's
Counsel; the other, son of an eminent Stock-broker; the third, a Merchant. He has
two of the Vacancies filled by the Son of a Physician, who places his Son because he
is acquainted with a late Pupil of--'s, who is about to take honours at the London
Univeisity; and the other by a Clergyman's Son, who is a Rector. References to a
French Gentleman in Paris, whose Son will also leave b- for France shortly.
These Parties the Principal will cheerfully refer any parent or Guardian to as to
their Education, Domestic Comforts, Sound Health, Principles, and the formation of
Character and Disposition, which cannot be done wiih large and indiscriminate numbers.
Terms moderate.
The inquiring mind may be exercised by this wonderful piece of com-
position. " Members limited and select." Members of what ? Of
St. John's, Cambridge, or Blank School ? What are the objectionable
parts of public education that are discarded ? The parts of speech, in
grammatical arrangement, seem rather likely to be discarded by the
Card who conducl s the school at Blank. Of the three young gentlemen
who finish their education this Michaelmas, is the first mentioned nephew
of a solicitor, and also cousin to a Queen's Counsel; or is it the solicitor
who is the Queen's Counsel's cousin ? Is the third really a merchant ?
—this must be a commercial school indeed, if so. Has ;the merchant
—that is to say, the young gentleman, if the young gentleman is a
merchant—two of the vacancies filled by a physician's son ? How can
the physician's son fill two vacancies ? How can the merchant have
even one of the vacancies filled by the physician's son, if it is the physi-
cian who places his son? Does the physician place his son because his
son is acquainted with a late pupil of Dr. Blank's, or because he
himself has that advantage ? If two of the vacancies are filled—no
matter how—by the physician's son, is the other, apparently described
as filled by a clergyman's son, the third; and are there only three ? Is
it true that the clergyman's son is a rector ? Of how many parties does
the French gentleman, to whom we are referred, consist ? And is it
for information touching their own education, &c, simply, that we are
referred to the parties constituting the French gentleman? Lastly,
what is it that cannot be done with large and indiscriminate numbers ?
—the whole business of education as conducted at Blank School, or the
formation of character and disposition ?
The terms of the Blank Schoolmaster are stated to be moderate—
considered in the relation which forms language, they may rather be
described as low. They certainly make very imperfect English, if they
do not, indeed, make perfect nonsense. Yet Dr. Blank's style is not
exactly foreign; on the whole, it would seem to be Irish; that is to
say, such Irish as might be expected from a successor to the original
Irish Tutor.
Testimonial, No. 2.
' Mr. Dunup presents his compliments to the Inventor of the Hydro-
unch thought he should Electric Chain, and begs to thank him for—what he never enjoyed
never hear a^ain of the edu-; before—a pleasant interview with a creditor. Mr. Dunup, having
observed his tailor coming up the court, felt one of his usual attacks of
nervous depression coming on, and was about to shut his outer door,
when he was induced to try the effect of the Hydro-Electric Chain,
^ which he found so marvellous, that he was not only able to face, but
turned up once more^how- even ^° threaten to kick down stairs his unfortunate creditor. As
ever. The subjoined adver-' Dunup has several bills coming due very shortly, he will feel
tisement, at least, can hardly obliged by a dozen of the Hydro-Electric Chains, to enable him to
relate to any other Aca- meep ^e "ills—or rather the presenters of the bills—with becoming
demy:_ fortitude."
B"
cational establishment at
which instruction in " man-
ners" formed an extra of
'tuppuns moor." It has
NO MORE LOW SPIRITS.
Somebody has invented an article called " a Hydro-Electric Chain,"
to be worn by nervous individuals. It is to be worn round the neck,
and is to have the instantaneous effect of raising the spirits, dissipating
depression, and neutralising every feeling of nervousness.
•We have no doubt we shall soon be inundated with Testimonials after
the following fashion:—
Testimonial, No. 1.
" Sir,—Having a motion of course to make in the Court of Queen's
Bench, I suffered so severely from nervousness, that I could not utter a
word. Happily the Usher observing my distress, lent me one of your
Hydro-Electric Chains, which was no sooner round my neck than my
utterance, which had been previously choked, began to flow so freely, that
I spoke with the utmost boldness for upwards of an hour. I think your
Chain ought to be round the neck of every Barrister.
"Your obedient Servant,
" J. Briefless."
SONG TOR HARVEST-HOME.
Adapted to the Improved System of Agriculture.
Now harvest is carried and hous-ed at last,
And we 're met to partake our accustomed repast;
There's all hands of us here that's employed on the farm,
And a cup of good liquor wun't do us no harm.
Tol de rol, &c.
Here's a health to our master, the founder of our feast,
Two pound of fat bacon a head at the least;
Likewise for each man half a gal'n of strong beer;
Yet our harvest-home wun't ruin master this year.
Tol de rol, &c.
Though many's the labourers that he entertains,
There's very few on 'em as ever complains ;
More work and less grumbling I never did know ;
So let's drink to our master, and mistress also.
Tol de rol, &c.
The like of our ploughmen you never see before,
Doing ten times in one day what took three, or more;
Just to keep their pot bilin' is all they requires—
Works from morning till night—yet not one ever tires.
Tol de rol, &c.
There's our sowers, and thrashers, and winnowers likewise;
I warrant our mowers would also surprise ;
But what, most of all, would a stranger confound,
Is to see how our reapers gets over the ground.
Tol de rol, &c.
One reaper of ourn, mun, will rip e'er a field,
And the largest of crops it can possible yield;
He cuts, and he binds, and he pitches the sheaves:
And here is confusion to them that deceives.
Tol de rol, &c.
But scarce would folks credit the tale I relates,
If I told 'em how little we drinks and we ates ;
Six pound of fat bacon, six quarts of strong beer,
Though we've all had enough, is the whole of our cheer.
Tol de rol, &c.
We mates, that our master maintains in employ,
Amounts to no more than two men and a boy;
The rest is Machines, strange although it may seem,
And the chief of his servants is osses and steam.
Tol de rol, &c.
When the gentlefolks dined at the fat cattle show,
They once used to drink to the Labourer, you know;
But, since such a vast alteration there's been,
I suppose that henceforward they '11 drink the Machine.
Tol de rol, &c.
Success unto farming !—come pledge me, you two;
For I can't say, all round ; and I likes to spake true.
And to think I should ever a harvest-home see
Where the whole of the party is Engines but we !
Tol de rol, &c.
I Wish I did Know a Bank.
Some of the Proprietors of Bank Stock are very angry with the
Directors for their prudent determination to keep in hand a large
amount of "rest." The agitators, however, are so noisy at every
meeting, that in one sense they are determined the Directors shall have
no rest at all. ____
A Rising in the London Streets.—To prove how unpopular the
Wood-pavement is, we need only mention that, wherever it has been
laid down, the very stones have risen again !