DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0259
248
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MRS. BAKER'S PET.
Scene 2.—The Pet's First Night in his New Home.
piace—The Dining-Room at No. 6, Blossom Terrace, Bays-water. Time—5, p.m.
come to me, Marm, Jem Chiffins, Kensal New Town,
Padd'nston; and I dessay I shall find him for yer, someows
or another.
[As Mr. Chiffins retires, Scamp makes a violent rush
after him. Mr. Chiffins kicks him back into the
Lining room. Scamp indulges in a prolonged howl
of blended grief and pain-
Mrs. Baker {much moved by this display of feeling in the
animal). Poor fellow! did it cry after its master? There,
then—here, good dog!
[Scamp retreats under a, remote article of furniture,
and howls in a subdued manner, obstinately refusing
to meet Mrs. Baker's advances. Mrs. Baker
consoles herself by the reflection, that he certainly is
a dog of very strong affections, and commences a
vigorous course of endearment, to which Scamp ma&ei;
no response beyond alternate whining and growling.
The clock in the Lobby strikes half-past five.
Mrs. Baker. Half-past. Baker will be home directly.
[Rings the Bell.
Enter Mary.
Mrs. Baker. You may tell Cook to dish the dinner.
[Exit Mary, leaving Hie door open behind her.
Mr. Baker's latch-key is heard in the lock, followed
by his step in the Lobby. As he closes the door
behind him, Scamp rushes out from his retreat, and
planting himself in the Dining-room doorway, com-
mences an infuriated assault of barks and springs,
meant for the inoffensive and astonished Baker, but
which have all the appearance of being directed
against Mary, who is entering at the moment with
the dinner-plates. Mary drops the plates, smash-
ing two, and begins screaming. Scamp excited by
the row, redoubles his barks, and bounds to and fro
upon the door-mat.
Mr. Baker {faintly heard through the tumult). What the
devil's all this? Whose is that dog ? _
Mrs. Baker {to Scamp). Be quiet, Sir—lie down, there's
a pood dog ! How dare you, Scamp ! lie down this instant
Mr. Baker {seizing an umbrella from the stand, makes a
wild blow at Scamp, who retires terror-stricken under his
remote article of furniture). What the deuce is that dog?
{To M ary, sharply.) What are you shaking at, you silly goose?
Two of the white dinner-plates gone!
Mary {agitated). Oh! it was the dog jump at me—
and I can't a-bear 'em.
Mrs. Baker. It's the new dog, my dear, that I bought
to-day. You know you said it was very unsafe, with the
buildings going on all about, and that fair near Notting Hill,
and I thought we had better have a house-dog.
Mr. Baker {impatiently). Well! well! have a house-dog ;
but let him be kept in the yard.
Mrs. Baker. Oh! he 's strange, yet, but he'll soon know
us, and then he '11 be quite a companion for me while you're
in the City.
Mr. Baker {who is of a peace-loving disposition and punctual
habits, cashier to a City bank, and usually submissive in his
home). Very well, my dear, I've no objection ; only i must
protest against being worried in this way, every time I come
into my own house.
Mrs. Baker. Oh ! that won't occur again, I'm sure. Here,
Enter Mr. Chiffins, bringing in with him a strong smell of dog, and anise-seed. Re j S0Ara'0^^<^^a^ri!s^fo8i£^4ifcfl/;j gradually
carries Scamp under his arm. Re pauses on the door-mat, and touches his
forelock respectfully.
Mrs Baker. Oh! you've brought the dog. It was to be twenty-five shillings,
I think. _ [Produces her purse, and pays the money, j emboldens him to walk round Mr. Bailer, and smell
Mr. Chiffins. Thankee, Marm. It's giving on him away. his boots very curiously, to the great delight of
[Releases Scamp, who instantly takes refuge between his legs, and growls at \ ,„ 71M7RS-?,fKEU- j , , e ■ ji
Mrs. B. in the most unprovoked and bitter manner. L Mrs,- Ba^,ef- ^ here—you see, my_dear, he s quite friendly
Mrs. Baker. Good dog, good dog ! Here, Scamp, Scampy ! poor fellow! poor
le—11—ow ! [Insinuatingly. Scamp continues his hostile demonstration.
Mr Chiffins. E's strange, Marm; but they 're a werry affectionate dawg where
they takes, spannels is. Now, then, a'done, will yer—and go to the lady, can't yer ?
[Introduces him to Mrs. B. by a sharp kick, which Mrs. B. feels keenly.
Ifrjs. Baker. How can you, man ? Here, poor fellow ! poor fellow ! {Sternly to to us first before we put him out.
Mr. Chiffins) I did mean to have ordered you some beer, but I shall not do so, in i Mr. Baker. Very well, my dear; and now do let's have
consequence of your brutality. ' I dinner, for it's getting on for six, and I can't bear to wait,
Mr. Chiffins Bless you, Marm, one must be sharp with them, nows and thens.
He couldn t abide to part with me, if I made much on 'im, pretty cretur 1
Mrs Baker {appeased). Well, that's true. Here, Mary, give this good man a
glass of ale. y[rs Baker {who has been assiduously putting aside bones
_ Mr. Chiffins {touching his forelock again). Thankee, Marm, and I wish you joy on and scraps during her meal, now adds potatoes and bread).
'im. And if ever e \ lost, Marm, wich it ain't likelv—but one never knows—you I'll thank yon for a little gravy, my dear B. (Mr. Baker ii
Mrs. Baker is awaiting the arrival of Scamp from Regent Street, and of Mr. B.
from the City—with more anxiety, it must be confessed, for the dog than the
husband. The table is laid for dinner. A ring is heard at the back door.
Enter Mary.
Mary. Please, 'M, it's a man with a dog ; he says he's to wait.
Mrs. Baker Oh yes ! it's a dog 1 bought to-day. Ask him to bring it in.
Mary {at the door, to Mr. Chiffins, outside). If you'll step this way.
ventures the fore part of his person from under th>
article of furniture, and begins a close and suspicious
observation of Mr. and Mrs. Baker, which, at last,
already. What a very intelligent eye he has !
Mr. Baker {who is not quite sure whether Scamp may not
have a design on his calves—uneasily). Yes, yes! bat I must
say I think he would be better in the yard.
Mrs. Baker. Oh ! when once he knows us, we may keep
him anywhere; but I think we'd better let him get used
you know.
[Mrs. Baker rings for dinner. The meal is placed on
the table, and proceeds in the usual way.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MRS. BAKER'S PET.
Scene 2.—The Pet's First Night in his New Home.
piace—The Dining-Room at No. 6, Blossom Terrace, Bays-water. Time—5, p.m.
come to me, Marm, Jem Chiffins, Kensal New Town,
Padd'nston; and I dessay I shall find him for yer, someows
or another.
[As Mr. Chiffins retires, Scamp makes a violent rush
after him. Mr. Chiffins kicks him back into the
Lining room. Scamp indulges in a prolonged howl
of blended grief and pain-
Mrs. Baker {much moved by this display of feeling in the
animal). Poor fellow! did it cry after its master? There,
then—here, good dog!
[Scamp retreats under a, remote article of furniture,
and howls in a subdued manner, obstinately refusing
to meet Mrs. Baker's advances. Mrs. Baker
consoles herself by the reflection, that he certainly is
a dog of very strong affections, and commences a
vigorous course of endearment, to which Scamp ma&ei;
no response beyond alternate whining and growling.
The clock in the Lobby strikes half-past five.
Mrs. Baker. Half-past. Baker will be home directly.
[Rings the Bell.
Enter Mary.
Mrs. Baker. You may tell Cook to dish the dinner.
[Exit Mary, leaving Hie door open behind her.
Mr. Baker's latch-key is heard in the lock, followed
by his step in the Lobby. As he closes the door
behind him, Scamp rushes out from his retreat, and
planting himself in the Dining-room doorway, com-
mences an infuriated assault of barks and springs,
meant for the inoffensive and astonished Baker, but
which have all the appearance of being directed
against Mary, who is entering at the moment with
the dinner-plates. Mary drops the plates, smash-
ing two, and begins screaming. Scamp excited by
the row, redoubles his barks, and bounds to and fro
upon the door-mat.
Mr. Baker {faintly heard through the tumult). What the
devil's all this? Whose is that dog ? _
Mrs. Baker {to Scamp). Be quiet, Sir—lie down, there's
a pood dog ! How dare you, Scamp ! lie down this instant
Mr. Baker {seizing an umbrella from the stand, makes a
wild blow at Scamp, who retires terror-stricken under his
remote article of furniture). What the deuce is that dog?
{To M ary, sharply.) What are you shaking at, you silly goose?
Two of the white dinner-plates gone!
Mary {agitated). Oh! it was the dog jump at me—
and I can't a-bear 'em.
Mrs. Baker. It's the new dog, my dear, that I bought
to-day. You know you said it was very unsafe, with the
buildings going on all about, and that fair near Notting Hill,
and I thought we had better have a house-dog.
Mr. Baker {impatiently). Well! well! have a house-dog ;
but let him be kept in the yard.
Mrs. Baker. Oh! he 's strange, yet, but he'll soon know
us, and then he '11 be quite a companion for me while you're
in the City.
Mr. Baker {who is of a peace-loving disposition and punctual
habits, cashier to a City bank, and usually submissive in his
home). Very well, my dear, I've no objection ; only i must
protest against being worried in this way, every time I come
into my own house.
Mrs. Baker. Oh ! that won't occur again, I'm sure. Here,
Enter Mr. Chiffins, bringing in with him a strong smell of dog, and anise-seed. Re j S0Ara'0^^<^^a^ri!s^fo8i£^4ifcfl/;j gradually
carries Scamp under his arm. Re pauses on the door-mat, and touches his
forelock respectfully.
Mrs Baker. Oh! you've brought the dog. It was to be twenty-five shillings,
I think. _ [Produces her purse, and pays the money, j emboldens him to walk round Mr. Bailer, and smell
Mr. Chiffins. Thankee, Marm. It's giving on him away. his boots very curiously, to the great delight of
[Releases Scamp, who instantly takes refuge between his legs, and growls at \ ,„ 71M7RS-?,fKEU- j , , e ■ ji
Mrs. B. in the most unprovoked and bitter manner. L Mrs,- Ba^,ef- ^ here—you see, my_dear, he s quite friendly
Mrs. Baker. Good dog, good dog ! Here, Scamp, Scampy ! poor fellow! poor
le—11—ow ! [Insinuatingly. Scamp continues his hostile demonstration.
Mr Chiffins. E's strange, Marm; but they 're a werry affectionate dawg where
they takes, spannels is. Now, then, a'done, will yer—and go to the lady, can't yer ?
[Introduces him to Mrs. B. by a sharp kick, which Mrs. B. feels keenly.
Ifrjs. Baker. How can you, man ? Here, poor fellow ! poor fellow ! {Sternly to to us first before we put him out.
Mr. Chiffins) I did mean to have ordered you some beer, but I shall not do so, in i Mr. Baker. Very well, my dear; and now do let's have
consequence of your brutality. ' I dinner, for it's getting on for six, and I can't bear to wait,
Mr. Chiffins Bless you, Marm, one must be sharp with them, nows and thens.
He couldn t abide to part with me, if I made much on 'im, pretty cretur 1
Mrs Baker {appeased). Well, that's true. Here, Mary, give this good man a
glass of ale. y[rs Baker {who has been assiduously putting aside bones
_ Mr. Chiffins {touching his forelock again). Thankee, Marm, and I wish you joy on and scraps during her meal, now adds potatoes and bread).
'im. And if ever e \ lost, Marm, wich it ain't likelv—but one never knows—you I'll thank yon for a little gravy, my dear B. (Mr. Baker ii
Mrs. Baker is awaiting the arrival of Scamp from Regent Street, and of Mr. B.
from the City—with more anxiety, it must be confessed, for the dog than the
husband. The table is laid for dinner. A ring is heard at the back door.
Enter Mary.
Mary. Please, 'M, it's a man with a dog ; he says he's to wait.
Mrs. Baker Oh yes ! it's a dog 1 bought to-day. Ask him to bring it in.
Mary {at the door, to Mr. Chiffins, outside). If you'll step this way.
ventures the fore part of his person from under th>
article of furniture, and begins a close and suspicious
observation of Mr. and Mrs. Baker, which, at last,
already. What a very intelligent eye he has !
Mr. Baker {who is not quite sure whether Scamp may not
have a design on his calves—uneasily). Yes, yes! bat I must
say I think he would be better in the yard.
Mrs. Baker. Oh ! when once he knows us, we may keep
him anywhere; but I think we'd better let him get used
you know.
[Mrs. Baker rings for dinner. The meal is placed on
the table, and proceeds in the usual way.