DOI issue:
July to December, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0278
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
267
THE FRENCH DICTATOR TO HIS ARMY,
IN PLAIN TERMS.
ur contemporaries the news-
papers sometimes, though
seldom, translate French
very badly. Strange to say,
not one of them correctly
rendered that very per-
spicuous document, the
French Dictator's Address
to his Army; which, done
into honest English, runs
simply thus :—
Soldiers!
The nour of tri-
umph has at last arrived.
For the accomplishment of
my design, so long che-
rished, of overthrowing the
Republic, and seizing on
the reins of despotic
power, I feel that I can
count upon you.
You will not have for-
gotten the plain of Satory
THE CONVENT BELLS OE CLAPHAM ;
OR, SOLTAU v. DE HELD.
Oh, Mb. Soltau ! what are you about,
Against the Saints an action to be bringing ?
Mind Dunstan doesn't catch you by the snout,
Because you strove to stop De Held from ringing.
How he served one Old Gentleman you know :
Take care he doesn't also serve you so!
Know you what sort of fellows you provoke ?
I scarcely can imagine that you do, man.
Why, Sir, they cross the sea upon a cloak,
And shine, like glow-worms in the dark (ask Newman,
In case you won't believe my friendly rhyme)—
They 're seen in several places at a time.
They've power, dear Sir, to knock you into fits,
T"< put you in a state of catalepsy •
To drive you wild, or take away your wits;
Plague you with colic, phthisic, gout, dyspepsy ;
Cause you, in short, more ailments to endure
Than Babbage could compute, or physic cure.
Why, don't you know that when his head was off,
The good St. Denis was observed to toddle,
Holding beneath his arm—although you scoff—
Holding, I say, beneath his arm, his noddle ?
the flavour of my sausages;
your ideas still dance, en-
livened by my champagne. You will not cease to taste the sausages ; the
spirit of the champagne will not escape from your heads, till you have
rendered me the service for which I stuffed you with the one, and
drenched you with the other.
Soldiers ! I turn you loose upon the people. Bayonet—shoot down
—all who resist you. Fire at the windows of private houses ; hesitate
not to cannonade the dwellings of your fellow-citizens. Strike terror
into the hearts of your countrymen ; show yourselves more formidable
to them than you ever were to the enemy. It is you who, for me, must
awe into submission the people of France.
Do my work, soldiers, and you shall not miss your reward. You
shall have more sausages, more champagne. Every fellow-citizen you
shoot, a sausage; every brother-republican you run through the body,
a bottle of champagne; small Germans and pints for the blouses; for
the rest, saveloys and quarts. Cram me down the throat of the nation,
and I will return the obligation with sausages and champagne.
Forward—to never-ending glory—to perpetual lunch. Remember
glory: remember champagne and sausages !!
No. II. Emperor.
Your palates yet tingle with j Nor how it rained like mad to please St. Swithun ?
WANTED A FOG.
It is lucky a good thick English November Fog did not fall upon
Paris at the commencement of the present outbreak. The troops
might have found it very different work than firing at the balconies, and
windows, and partes cocheres, and the -idlers in the streets; and even
storming a barricade might have been attended with a different result,
when a soldier couldn't have seen the distance of his musket before
him. Who knows, whether the progress of the revolution, and the
career of Louis Napoleon (and we do not think we should have gone
into mourning if such an event had taken place), might have been
suddenly cut short, as was too often the case with the French Telegraph,
by the old familiar amusement of " Interrompu par le Brouillard;'
The Great Peace-maker.
The quartern loaf—a hard truth for the Protectionists !—is the
great peace-maker when, labelled 5d., and, it is said, in some parts of
London, ^\d. Very significant, that monetary notice ! The Advertizer
says—
" The average price of bread during the present winter will not exceed 5d. for good
family bread, and best 6a!. to tyd., or at most Id. per loaf. There is an excellent
stock of flour and wheat in the metropolis, both British and foreign."
Whilst the quartern loaf cries " 5d.," it cries peace and content
throughout the kingdom. That " 5d." is, in truth, the voice of the
turtle heard in the land. With what a "merry Christmas" does the
cheap loaf greet the poor!
Peace, as the Saints' own townsfolk say, be with 'un!
You would repent, if Swithun turned his spout
Upon your pleasure-grounds, and swamped your flowers:
Or Denis were to make you walk about
Without your pate, soused by the other's showers,
That you had ventured to indict the usance
Of ringing in Saints' honour as a nuisance ?
What, it the bells keep jingling all the day ?
What, if you can't sleep, read, converse, or write ?
If you don't like the noise, you needn't stay
At Park Lane, Clapbam; but don't tempt the spite
Of Saints who—as St. Alban's case will settle—
So dearly love the music of bell-metal.
'Tis very true the law's relentless spell
Has hush'd the muffin-vendor's little tinkle ;
Also, that the Redemptorists' big bell
To that, is as a lobster to a winkle:
But monks, exempi from every statute's compass,
Expect permission to create a rumpus.
Unless you'd have the Saints about your ears,
Those ears you still must suffer to be split;
Although a grievous hardship it appears,
To such a dire infliction to submit.
So—if your worthy neighbours in their cells
Wear caps—why leave them to their caps and bells !
French News.—It is certainly a curious fact, and highly charac-
teristic of the country, that the first important fact which the Sub-
marine Telegraph had to transmit from France should have been a
Revolution!
TIGER SENSIBILITY.
Louis Napoleon visited the wounded soldiers at the hospital of the
Gros Caillou. The wounded were in ecstacies to behold him ! It is said,
preparatory to shooting down peaceable citizens in the streets of Paris,
and firing info drawing-rooms amidst women and children, every soldier
received a five franc piece; the human machine fired with a silver
bullet! And the President at the Hospital decorated the maimed. " All
the men," says the Advertizer correspondent, "on receiving their
crosses, kissed them till their eyes moistened." And, we further learn,
" tears filled the eyes of the President." Creature of sensibility ! If he
can weep over the wounded, how shall he sorrow and howl over the
dead?—Over the murdered of the families who had received their
" crosses," after a different fashion, in the loss of father and husband,
son and brother? How many has the President " decorated" with the
"cross " of an agonized heart?
m
One of the Wrongheads,
Sir Francis Bond Head has to keep up a reputation for the
arvellous and eccentric. Therefore, the French President, reeking
with civil glory, is an object of especial interest to the auttior of a Bundle
of French Sticks—and—(it may be added in a second edition)— Bayonets.
But Louis-Napoleon has no need of a Head ; what the Tiger-
Monkey wanted is—Heart.
267
THE FRENCH DICTATOR TO HIS ARMY,
IN PLAIN TERMS.
ur contemporaries the news-
papers sometimes, though
seldom, translate French
very badly. Strange to say,
not one of them correctly
rendered that very per-
spicuous document, the
French Dictator's Address
to his Army; which, done
into honest English, runs
simply thus :—
Soldiers!
The nour of tri-
umph has at last arrived.
For the accomplishment of
my design, so long che-
rished, of overthrowing the
Republic, and seizing on
the reins of despotic
power, I feel that I can
count upon you.
You will not have for-
gotten the plain of Satory
THE CONVENT BELLS OE CLAPHAM ;
OR, SOLTAU v. DE HELD.
Oh, Mb. Soltau ! what are you about,
Against the Saints an action to be bringing ?
Mind Dunstan doesn't catch you by the snout,
Because you strove to stop De Held from ringing.
How he served one Old Gentleman you know :
Take care he doesn't also serve you so!
Know you what sort of fellows you provoke ?
I scarcely can imagine that you do, man.
Why, Sir, they cross the sea upon a cloak,
And shine, like glow-worms in the dark (ask Newman,
In case you won't believe my friendly rhyme)—
They 're seen in several places at a time.
They've power, dear Sir, to knock you into fits,
T"< put you in a state of catalepsy •
To drive you wild, or take away your wits;
Plague you with colic, phthisic, gout, dyspepsy ;
Cause you, in short, more ailments to endure
Than Babbage could compute, or physic cure.
Why, don't you know that when his head was off,
The good St. Denis was observed to toddle,
Holding beneath his arm—although you scoff—
Holding, I say, beneath his arm, his noddle ?
the flavour of my sausages;
your ideas still dance, en-
livened by my champagne. You will not cease to taste the sausages ; the
spirit of the champagne will not escape from your heads, till you have
rendered me the service for which I stuffed you with the one, and
drenched you with the other.
Soldiers ! I turn you loose upon the people. Bayonet—shoot down
—all who resist you. Fire at the windows of private houses ; hesitate
not to cannonade the dwellings of your fellow-citizens. Strike terror
into the hearts of your countrymen ; show yourselves more formidable
to them than you ever were to the enemy. It is you who, for me, must
awe into submission the people of France.
Do my work, soldiers, and you shall not miss your reward. You
shall have more sausages, more champagne. Every fellow-citizen you
shoot, a sausage; every brother-republican you run through the body,
a bottle of champagne; small Germans and pints for the blouses; for
the rest, saveloys and quarts. Cram me down the throat of the nation,
and I will return the obligation with sausages and champagne.
Forward—to never-ending glory—to perpetual lunch. Remember
glory: remember champagne and sausages !!
No. II. Emperor.
Your palates yet tingle with j Nor how it rained like mad to please St. Swithun ?
WANTED A FOG.
It is lucky a good thick English November Fog did not fall upon
Paris at the commencement of the present outbreak. The troops
might have found it very different work than firing at the balconies, and
windows, and partes cocheres, and the -idlers in the streets; and even
storming a barricade might have been attended with a different result,
when a soldier couldn't have seen the distance of his musket before
him. Who knows, whether the progress of the revolution, and the
career of Louis Napoleon (and we do not think we should have gone
into mourning if such an event had taken place), might have been
suddenly cut short, as was too often the case with the French Telegraph,
by the old familiar amusement of " Interrompu par le Brouillard;'
The Great Peace-maker.
The quartern loaf—a hard truth for the Protectionists !—is the
great peace-maker when, labelled 5d., and, it is said, in some parts of
London, ^\d. Very significant, that monetary notice ! The Advertizer
says—
" The average price of bread during the present winter will not exceed 5d. for good
family bread, and best 6a!. to tyd., or at most Id. per loaf. There is an excellent
stock of flour and wheat in the metropolis, both British and foreign."
Whilst the quartern loaf cries " 5d.," it cries peace and content
throughout the kingdom. That " 5d." is, in truth, the voice of the
turtle heard in the land. With what a "merry Christmas" does the
cheap loaf greet the poor!
Peace, as the Saints' own townsfolk say, be with 'un!
You would repent, if Swithun turned his spout
Upon your pleasure-grounds, and swamped your flowers:
Or Denis were to make you walk about
Without your pate, soused by the other's showers,
That you had ventured to indict the usance
Of ringing in Saints' honour as a nuisance ?
What, it the bells keep jingling all the day ?
What, if you can't sleep, read, converse, or write ?
If you don't like the noise, you needn't stay
At Park Lane, Clapbam; but don't tempt the spite
Of Saints who—as St. Alban's case will settle—
So dearly love the music of bell-metal.
'Tis very true the law's relentless spell
Has hush'd the muffin-vendor's little tinkle ;
Also, that the Redemptorists' big bell
To that, is as a lobster to a winkle:
But monks, exempi from every statute's compass,
Expect permission to create a rumpus.
Unless you'd have the Saints about your ears,
Those ears you still must suffer to be split;
Although a grievous hardship it appears,
To such a dire infliction to submit.
So—if your worthy neighbours in their cells
Wear caps—why leave them to their caps and bells !
French News.—It is certainly a curious fact, and highly charac-
teristic of the country, that the first important fact which the Sub-
marine Telegraph had to transmit from France should have been a
Revolution!
TIGER SENSIBILITY.
Louis Napoleon visited the wounded soldiers at the hospital of the
Gros Caillou. The wounded were in ecstacies to behold him ! It is said,
preparatory to shooting down peaceable citizens in the streets of Paris,
and firing info drawing-rooms amidst women and children, every soldier
received a five franc piece; the human machine fired with a silver
bullet! And the President at the Hospital decorated the maimed. " All
the men," says the Advertizer correspondent, "on receiving their
crosses, kissed them till their eyes moistened." And, we further learn,
" tears filled the eyes of the President." Creature of sensibility ! If he
can weep over the wounded, how shall he sorrow and howl over the
dead?—Over the murdered of the families who had received their
" crosses," after a different fashion, in the loss of father and husband,
son and brother? How many has the President " decorated" with the
"cross " of an agonized heart?
m
One of the Wrongheads,
Sir Francis Bond Head has to keep up a reputation for the
arvellous and eccentric. Therefore, the French President, reeking
with civil glory, is an object of especial interest to the auttior of a Bundle
of French Sticks—and—(it may be added in a second edition)— Bayonets.
But Louis-Napoleon has no need of a Head ; what the Tiger-
Monkey wanted is—Heart.