DOI issue:
Punch's essence of parliament
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16615#0016
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
SYMPTOMS OF A LONG WINTER.
(YOUNG LADY FKOM THE COUNTRY COMES TO CHRISTMAS WITH HER
FRIENDS IN TOWN.)
Polite Railway Official. “ Now then 1 Claim yer Luggage, ’ere ! ”
Young Lady, who is provided against all emergencies. “ Three Boxes, a Carpet-
Bag, some Game, Packet of Music Books, and a Bough of Mistletoe. And please to he
very careful with the Mistletoe.”
SAYINGS TOR CIRCULATION.
The Czar of Russia is our common Foe,
A Monster Nuisance to the human race.
This is an old and stale remark, I know :
Alas ! yes—’tis extremely common-place,
But though that is, unhappily, the case,
Pass it on!
This fact, to you and me that seems so trite,
That its mere mention makes us gape and yawn.
On many a slave’s mind, like the newborn light
Of Truth, if whispered in his ear, would dawn,
To exterminate a Pest our swords are drawn.
Pass it on!
A common Murderer for his crime we hang;
A savage maniac, dealing death, cut down:
The Czar is but the master of a gang
Of many bravoes : let them fear his frown:
To you what is it that he wears a Crown F
Pass it on!
Ah! why should brave men cut their brothers’.throats
To glorify this Fiend in human shape,
Who on their mutual carnage safely gloats ?
W ho, whilst they perish, safe from scratch or scrape,
Grins at their misery, like a giant ape.
Pass it on !
O fools to break each other’s bones ! 0 blind !
0 dolts to blow out one another’s brains!
What wretched simpletons are we, mankind,
That our best blood Earth’s reeking bosom stains
Because one cruel Tyrant lives and reigns!
Pass it on!
Yes, pass it on ; this to your neighbour pass :
One bad man’s will maintains this wicked wrar,
And that one is the devilish Nicholas.
A word from mouth to mouth will travel far.
Down, by the shortest method, with the Czar !
Pass it on!
“The Lady of the Woods.”
Coleridge calls—“The birch the lady of the woods.”
We learn from The Englishwoman in Russia (let all English-
men and all Englishwomen consult its teeming pages)
that, under the gallant sway of Nicholas, Coleridge’s
“ladies of the woods” and ladies of the Court of St. Peters-
burg are, at times, very unceremoniously made known to
one another.
A PHILOSOPHIC SLASHER.
We were lately rather amused by receiving a notice dated from the
Royal Marionnette Theatre, and headed
PHILOSOPHY!
We can understand a good deal of Philosophy being required by a
manager, even of Marionnettes, and we therefore perused with some
curiosity the note which follows :—
“Sir,—M. Coyteux has the honour to announce that he intends giving Four
Public Lectures, to which the admission will be gratuitous, upon a New System of
Philosophy, of which he is the Author, and which overthrows ali the different Systems
which have hitherto been brought before the Public attention. These Lectures will
he delivered in French, and be translated during their Progress into English.”
We have not the pleasure of the acquaintance of M. Coyteux, but
we can perceive in him some of the elements of true Philosophy, for by
making bis Lectures gratuitous, he shows that he either despises
lucre, or sets his Philosophy down at its true value, or acts on the
conviction that Philosophy is an article without a price in the market.
Various Philosophers have had various titles, such as the Peripatetic,
the Epicurean, and a hundred others; but as M. Coyteux undertakes
to overthrow all other schools, and smash every blessed Sage that
ever ventured to open his mouth, we have given to the Marionnette
Philosopher the title of “ the Slasher.”
We regret we were not able to be present at anyone of the four
turns-up between the Adelaide Gallery Pet and Plato who might be
termed on this occasion the Athenian Snob, or Paxey, whom we may be
justified in alluding to as the Cambridge Chicken. We should like to
have been present to have seen Socrates, Locke, Hobjbes, and a few
others set up as skittles for Coyteux to bowl them all down, in fulfilment
of his pledge to effect an indiscriminate overthrow of “ all the different
systems of philosophy which have hitherto occupied the public atten-
tion.” It must have been a treat to have witnessed the philosophic
Slasher among the intellectual giants of every age, weight, and size,
though we cannot conceive bow be could have polished the whole of
them off almost at one brush in four evenings. We should have
thought that an hour at least would have been required for his “little
affair” with Locke, while his onslaught on Socrates might have
occupied a whole night as a “ Set-to with the Big’un.”
When we remember how many “ philosophers ” there are in the
world just now, we wonder the Slasher does not get up a “ Benefit ” in
Leicester Square, and exhibit bis “noble art” by putting on the
gloves with some of the numerous “chickens,” “pets,” and “ snobs,”
who represent the various schools of native and foreign philosophy.
Epitaph upon a Prize Pig, died from over-feeding,
Christmas, 1854.
Here rests his head upon a lump of earth
A pig to cattle-shows and prize-lists known :
The candle-maker only knew his worth,
And apoplexy marked him for her own.
Change for Spanish.
It is said that we are to have a Spanish legion as a reinforcement
for the Crimea. We propose that if such be the case, their pay should
be made over to British holders of Spanish bonds. They having bled
in the cause of Spain, it is only fair that they should have the price of
Spanish blood in return.
SYMPTOMS OF A LONG WINTER.
(YOUNG LADY FKOM THE COUNTRY COMES TO CHRISTMAS WITH HER
FRIENDS IN TOWN.)
Polite Railway Official. “ Now then 1 Claim yer Luggage, ’ere ! ”
Young Lady, who is provided against all emergencies. “ Three Boxes, a Carpet-
Bag, some Game, Packet of Music Books, and a Bough of Mistletoe. And please to he
very careful with the Mistletoe.”
SAYINGS TOR CIRCULATION.
The Czar of Russia is our common Foe,
A Monster Nuisance to the human race.
This is an old and stale remark, I know :
Alas ! yes—’tis extremely common-place,
But though that is, unhappily, the case,
Pass it on!
This fact, to you and me that seems so trite,
That its mere mention makes us gape and yawn.
On many a slave’s mind, like the newborn light
Of Truth, if whispered in his ear, would dawn,
To exterminate a Pest our swords are drawn.
Pass it on!
A common Murderer for his crime we hang;
A savage maniac, dealing death, cut down:
The Czar is but the master of a gang
Of many bravoes : let them fear his frown:
To you what is it that he wears a Crown F
Pass it on!
Ah! why should brave men cut their brothers’.throats
To glorify this Fiend in human shape,
Who on their mutual carnage safely gloats ?
W ho, whilst they perish, safe from scratch or scrape,
Grins at their misery, like a giant ape.
Pass it on !
O fools to break each other’s bones ! 0 blind !
0 dolts to blow out one another’s brains!
What wretched simpletons are we, mankind,
That our best blood Earth’s reeking bosom stains
Because one cruel Tyrant lives and reigns!
Pass it on!
Yes, pass it on ; this to your neighbour pass :
One bad man’s will maintains this wicked wrar,
And that one is the devilish Nicholas.
A word from mouth to mouth will travel far.
Down, by the shortest method, with the Czar !
Pass it on!
“The Lady of the Woods.”
Coleridge calls—“The birch the lady of the woods.”
We learn from The Englishwoman in Russia (let all English-
men and all Englishwomen consult its teeming pages)
that, under the gallant sway of Nicholas, Coleridge’s
“ladies of the woods” and ladies of the Court of St. Peters-
burg are, at times, very unceremoniously made known to
one another.
A PHILOSOPHIC SLASHER.
We were lately rather amused by receiving a notice dated from the
Royal Marionnette Theatre, and headed
PHILOSOPHY!
We can understand a good deal of Philosophy being required by a
manager, even of Marionnettes, and we therefore perused with some
curiosity the note which follows :—
“Sir,—M. Coyteux has the honour to announce that he intends giving Four
Public Lectures, to which the admission will be gratuitous, upon a New System of
Philosophy, of which he is the Author, and which overthrows ali the different Systems
which have hitherto been brought before the Public attention. These Lectures will
he delivered in French, and be translated during their Progress into English.”
We have not the pleasure of the acquaintance of M. Coyteux, but
we can perceive in him some of the elements of true Philosophy, for by
making bis Lectures gratuitous, he shows that he either despises
lucre, or sets his Philosophy down at its true value, or acts on the
conviction that Philosophy is an article without a price in the market.
Various Philosophers have had various titles, such as the Peripatetic,
the Epicurean, and a hundred others; but as M. Coyteux undertakes
to overthrow all other schools, and smash every blessed Sage that
ever ventured to open his mouth, we have given to the Marionnette
Philosopher the title of “ the Slasher.”
We regret we were not able to be present at anyone of the four
turns-up between the Adelaide Gallery Pet and Plato who might be
termed on this occasion the Athenian Snob, or Paxey, whom we may be
justified in alluding to as the Cambridge Chicken. We should like to
have been present to have seen Socrates, Locke, Hobjbes, and a few
others set up as skittles for Coyteux to bowl them all down, in fulfilment
of his pledge to effect an indiscriminate overthrow of “ all the different
systems of philosophy which have hitherto occupied the public atten-
tion.” It must have been a treat to have witnessed the philosophic
Slasher among the intellectual giants of every age, weight, and size,
though we cannot conceive bow be could have polished the whole of
them off almost at one brush in four evenings. We should have
thought that an hour at least would have been required for his “little
affair” with Locke, while his onslaught on Socrates might have
occupied a whole night as a “ Set-to with the Big’un.”
When we remember how many “ philosophers ” there are in the
world just now, we wonder the Slasher does not get up a “ Benefit ” in
Leicester Square, and exhibit bis “noble art” by putting on the
gloves with some of the numerous “chickens,” “pets,” and “ snobs,”
who represent the various schools of native and foreign philosophy.
Epitaph upon a Prize Pig, died from over-feeding,
Christmas, 1854.
Here rests his head upon a lump of earth
A pig to cattle-shows and prize-lists known :
The candle-maker only knew his worth,
And apoplexy marked him for her own.
Change for Spanish.
It is said that we are to have a Spanish legion as a reinforcement
for the Crimea. We propose that if such be the case, their pay should
be made over to British holders of Spanish bonds. They having bled
in the cause of Spain, it is only fair that they should have the price of
Spanish blood in return.