DOI Heft:
Punch's essence of parliament
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16615#0071
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
63
and Government leader in the Lords, made a spirited little speech on
reporting himself to their lordships, and declared that the paramount
object for Parliament and Government was the vigorous and active
prosecution of the war. Mr. Punch, who was sitting on the steps of
the throne, observed condescendingly, “Bravo! Granny,” and upon
Lord Cranworth looking round indignantly, was pleased to add, “ I
didn’t say Cranny.” (Shouts of Laughter.)
Lord Derby, encouraged by the good nature of the House, tres-
passed upon it most awfully by a long statement as to why the
Conservatives had not brought in a motion of censure, and why he
could not make a Government, and so forth. The points of his speech
were these: 1st, That as the opposition muster only 280 men in the
Commons, they are not a majority, and therefore can’t keep office.
Here he might as well have stopped, as his other explanations savoured
of the nineteen reasons why the Governor did not fire a salute, the first
being that he had no guns. However, he alleged, 2ndly, That if he had
taken office Lord Ellenborough would have joined him. 3rdly.
That Sir Bulwer Lytton would have done the same, notwith-
standing Mr. Paul Cliepord’s irreverent references to the above
lord. 4thly, That Lord Palmerston was a very popular man.
5thly, That he had called upon Lord Palmerston, and offered to
make a new Coalition with his lordship, Gladstone, and Sidney
Herbert, and promised that Disraeli should be done out of the
leadership of the Commons, (to which, if the Tories came in, he has
an equitable and almost a legal title) if Palmerston would join.
6thly, That Lord Palmerston was very polite to him. 7thly, That
Lord Palmerston agreed with him on certain points on which no
two sensible men differ. 8thly, That Lord Palmerston and the other
two gentlemen wrote to him that they really could not coalesce. 9thly,
That in his opinion the Conservative party should not rashly and pre-
maturely undertake the Government of the country. The rest of his
speech was an apology to his own men for not ramming them into
office against the feeling of the country which would have marched them
out again in double quick time.
Lord Lansdowne said that he had advised the Queen to send in
succession for Derby, Bussell, and Palmerston. He also, very
politely, entreated “that noble institu!ion, the Public Press,” to be
cautious, at the present crisis.
Lord Malmesbury next got up, and showed his extreme fitness for
the office for which he is so eager, by prolonged and dreary blundering
over one of the simplest matters in the world. Mr. Punch, and
some other, aud inferior journalists, have long argued that the
aristocratic system of the army is an exceedingly bad one. Dull
Lord Malmesbury supposed that the complaint, instead of referring
to the rank, wealth, and influence generally, which place the army
in the hands of the upper classes, meant that nearly all the officers
were sons, or nephews, or cousins of peers, and the stupid man had
been getting an Army List, and a Peerage, and counting on his
fingers, to disprove the supposed charge. As it was, he showed a
great array of aristocratic names in the list, and Mr. Punch would
be heartily glad of it (for the young nobility are very gallant fellows),
if the owners of those names had made their way upwards by sheer
merit, and that Brown, Jones, aud Robinson could do the same.
Malmesbury also complim' nted the press by showing that it never
stooped to his capacity. Lord Panmure, the new War Minister,
then made his initiatory speech, and promised to be valiant, as became
an ex-officer of the 79 th Highlanders, and also to employ nobody
except those who merited employment. Their Lordships then
adjourned for a week.
in the Commons, Lord John Russell, as a private member,
brought in an Education Bill. Some members spoke of the condition of
the army, and Lord John proceeded to educate them rather severely.
He declared that we had 28,000 men in the Crimea, though there were
only 12,000 rank and file actually on duty. Gladstone had ventured
on a similar statement. There is evident juggling with phrases and
figures, but the subject is too solemn to be treated a« Mr. Punch treats
most Parliamentary nonsense. Lord John then talked ot the attacks
of “a ribald press,” but it would be unkind to an unfortunate little
man, whose political character has been so miserably tarnished of late,
to be hard upon him while smarting under complicated humiliation.
Friday.—Admiral Berkeley explained that all that Sir Charles
Napier had said at the Mansion House dinner was untrue, and that
his old friend was a most indiscreet old man, which was probably the
reason why he had been appointed to command the noblest fleet that
ever left England.
The House adjourned for a week, to re-assemble when Tiverton has
re-elected Palmerston, the People’s Premier.
A Violin’t Joke.
DRAMATIC INTELLIGENCE.
R. SLAP, a retired
Clown, on whom
the mantle of Gri-
maldi fell some
years ago, contem-
plates the reading
of Mother Goose
and some other cele-
brated pantomimes.
It is understood
that Hungerford
Hall will be taken
for the occasion,
and an orchestra
will be engaged to
accompany the vo-
cal portions of
the entertainment,
which will include
Hot Codlins and
Tippity wit diet. The
score of the former
has been long in
the hands of an
eminent maestro
for revision, and
Tvppitywit diet will
be produced with a
double brass band,
strengthened by
six additional ophi-
cleides. If the reading of Mother Goose should answer the expectations
that have been formed by the retired Clown, he will probably read
the Drury Lane Pantomime, Jack and Jill, when the run is over.
“ CURIOSITIES OF LONDON.”
“Mr. Punch,
“I am a citizen of the United States, located here in your bit
of a metropolis, with no letters of introduction, which I don’t
need, for haven’t I my own card, and here it is, which I send in by
any serf in livery—(Uncle Toms in plush and powder I guess)—wher-
ever I may determine to drop a call—
JONATHAN I1ICC0BYNUT
MANKIND ARE MY BROTHERS,
AND MY HOME IS THE WORLD.
Now that we have got rid of the Scotch Fiddle, we hope we shall not
have to complain of any more hitches in the Government. That a
Scotch premier should have exhibited a reluctance to carry on the War
with spirit, or at all events to come vigorously to the scratch, is rather
remarkable.
“ Well, wishing to know everything—and to take no time in doing
it—about your bit of a metropolis, I yesterday bought a spick-span-
new book, just out, called Curiosities of London, by John Timbs, F.S.A
I’m bound to say it, the book is a good meaty book; thick and streaky
with fat and lean, like a wedge of bacon,—but there’s no use in hiding
the fact; the book doesn’t do what’s right towards the United States.
—And here it is.
“The Aztecs are American citizens. The citizen who brought
’em to England for the edification of the Britishers is — as
he told me himself — under a bail-bond to the President at
Washington, to the amount of one million of dollars, to return the
critters to the soil of Colombia. Well, Mr. Timbs doesn’t say a word
about ’em in his new book, which I consider is an insult to the stars
and stripes. But that’s nothing to what’s to follow. There’s Miss
Charlotte Cushman—she’s American property, too, and of the
right grit. Well, there isn’t a letter of her name in Mr. Timbs’s work,
more than of the Aztecs. Now, is this the right thing to heaven-born
American genius? When we supply the greatest curiosities to
London, is it ‘cutting the right line, and never minding into whose
faces the chips fly’ (as that sweet, honey-mowhed virgin, Fanny
Fern, declares)—not to say a word about ’em in a book that should
brim over with ’em ?
“ Still, Mr. Punch, I am no friend of the Emperor oe Russia—
however good a customer he might be to us—and I’ve no wish to be
hard upon Mr. Timbs. All I want of him, then, is this. Let him in
his second edition do the right thing, and among his Curiosities in
London, give a proper place to the Aztecs and Miss Charlotte Cush-
man’s Romeo For ain’t they all Curiosities, tho’ which is the bigger
it is not my determination to say. All I want is, justice to Colombia,
, and am yours, “ Jonathan Hiccorynut.”
63
and Government leader in the Lords, made a spirited little speech on
reporting himself to their lordships, and declared that the paramount
object for Parliament and Government was the vigorous and active
prosecution of the war. Mr. Punch, who was sitting on the steps of
the throne, observed condescendingly, “Bravo! Granny,” and upon
Lord Cranworth looking round indignantly, was pleased to add, “ I
didn’t say Cranny.” (Shouts of Laughter.)
Lord Derby, encouraged by the good nature of the House, tres-
passed upon it most awfully by a long statement as to why the
Conservatives had not brought in a motion of censure, and why he
could not make a Government, and so forth. The points of his speech
were these: 1st, That as the opposition muster only 280 men in the
Commons, they are not a majority, and therefore can’t keep office.
Here he might as well have stopped, as his other explanations savoured
of the nineteen reasons why the Governor did not fire a salute, the first
being that he had no guns. However, he alleged, 2ndly, That if he had
taken office Lord Ellenborough would have joined him. 3rdly.
That Sir Bulwer Lytton would have done the same, notwith-
standing Mr. Paul Cliepord’s irreverent references to the above
lord. 4thly, That Lord Palmerston was a very popular man.
5thly, That he had called upon Lord Palmerston, and offered to
make a new Coalition with his lordship, Gladstone, and Sidney
Herbert, and promised that Disraeli should be done out of the
leadership of the Commons, (to which, if the Tories came in, he has
an equitable and almost a legal title) if Palmerston would join.
6thly, That Lord Palmerston was very polite to him. 7thly, That
Lord Palmerston agreed with him on certain points on which no
two sensible men differ. 8thly, That Lord Palmerston and the other
two gentlemen wrote to him that they really could not coalesce. 9thly,
That in his opinion the Conservative party should not rashly and pre-
maturely undertake the Government of the country. The rest of his
speech was an apology to his own men for not ramming them into
office against the feeling of the country which would have marched them
out again in double quick time.
Lord Lansdowne said that he had advised the Queen to send in
succession for Derby, Bussell, and Palmerston. He also, very
politely, entreated “that noble institu!ion, the Public Press,” to be
cautious, at the present crisis.
Lord Malmesbury next got up, and showed his extreme fitness for
the office for which he is so eager, by prolonged and dreary blundering
over one of the simplest matters in the world. Mr. Punch, and
some other, aud inferior journalists, have long argued that the
aristocratic system of the army is an exceedingly bad one. Dull
Lord Malmesbury supposed that the complaint, instead of referring
to the rank, wealth, and influence generally, which place the army
in the hands of the upper classes, meant that nearly all the officers
were sons, or nephews, or cousins of peers, and the stupid man had
been getting an Army List, and a Peerage, and counting on his
fingers, to disprove the supposed charge. As it was, he showed a
great array of aristocratic names in the list, and Mr. Punch would
be heartily glad of it (for the young nobility are very gallant fellows),
if the owners of those names had made their way upwards by sheer
merit, and that Brown, Jones, aud Robinson could do the same.
Malmesbury also complim' nted the press by showing that it never
stooped to his capacity. Lord Panmure, the new War Minister,
then made his initiatory speech, and promised to be valiant, as became
an ex-officer of the 79 th Highlanders, and also to employ nobody
except those who merited employment. Their Lordships then
adjourned for a week.
in the Commons, Lord John Russell, as a private member,
brought in an Education Bill. Some members spoke of the condition of
the army, and Lord John proceeded to educate them rather severely.
He declared that we had 28,000 men in the Crimea, though there were
only 12,000 rank and file actually on duty. Gladstone had ventured
on a similar statement. There is evident juggling with phrases and
figures, but the subject is too solemn to be treated a« Mr. Punch treats
most Parliamentary nonsense. Lord John then talked ot the attacks
of “a ribald press,” but it would be unkind to an unfortunate little
man, whose political character has been so miserably tarnished of late,
to be hard upon him while smarting under complicated humiliation.
Friday.—Admiral Berkeley explained that all that Sir Charles
Napier had said at the Mansion House dinner was untrue, and that
his old friend was a most indiscreet old man, which was probably the
reason why he had been appointed to command the noblest fleet that
ever left England.
The House adjourned for a week, to re-assemble when Tiverton has
re-elected Palmerston, the People’s Premier.
A Violin’t Joke.
DRAMATIC INTELLIGENCE.
R. SLAP, a retired
Clown, on whom
the mantle of Gri-
maldi fell some
years ago, contem-
plates the reading
of Mother Goose
and some other cele-
brated pantomimes.
It is understood
that Hungerford
Hall will be taken
for the occasion,
and an orchestra
will be engaged to
accompany the vo-
cal portions of
the entertainment,
which will include
Hot Codlins and
Tippity wit diet. The
score of the former
has been long in
the hands of an
eminent maestro
for revision, and
Tvppitywit diet will
be produced with a
double brass band,
strengthened by
six additional ophi-
cleides. If the reading of Mother Goose should answer the expectations
that have been formed by the retired Clown, he will probably read
the Drury Lane Pantomime, Jack and Jill, when the run is over.
“ CURIOSITIES OF LONDON.”
“Mr. Punch,
“I am a citizen of the United States, located here in your bit
of a metropolis, with no letters of introduction, which I don’t
need, for haven’t I my own card, and here it is, which I send in by
any serf in livery—(Uncle Toms in plush and powder I guess)—wher-
ever I may determine to drop a call—
JONATHAN I1ICC0BYNUT
MANKIND ARE MY BROTHERS,
AND MY HOME IS THE WORLD.
Now that we have got rid of the Scotch Fiddle, we hope we shall not
have to complain of any more hitches in the Government. That a
Scotch premier should have exhibited a reluctance to carry on the War
with spirit, or at all events to come vigorously to the scratch, is rather
remarkable.
“ Well, wishing to know everything—and to take no time in doing
it—about your bit of a metropolis, I yesterday bought a spick-span-
new book, just out, called Curiosities of London, by John Timbs, F.S.A
I’m bound to say it, the book is a good meaty book; thick and streaky
with fat and lean, like a wedge of bacon,—but there’s no use in hiding
the fact; the book doesn’t do what’s right towards the United States.
—And here it is.
“The Aztecs are American citizens. The citizen who brought
’em to England for the edification of the Britishers is — as
he told me himself — under a bail-bond to the President at
Washington, to the amount of one million of dollars, to return the
critters to the soil of Colombia. Well, Mr. Timbs doesn’t say a word
about ’em in his new book, which I consider is an insult to the stars
and stripes. But that’s nothing to what’s to follow. There’s Miss
Charlotte Cushman—she’s American property, too, and of the
right grit. Well, there isn’t a letter of her name in Mr. Timbs’s work,
more than of the Aztecs. Now, is this the right thing to heaven-born
American genius? When we supply the greatest curiosities to
London, is it ‘cutting the right line, and never minding into whose
faces the chips fly’ (as that sweet, honey-mowhed virgin, Fanny
Fern, declares)—not to say a word about ’em in a book that should
brim over with ’em ?
“ Still, Mr. Punch, I am no friend of the Emperor oe Russia—
however good a customer he might be to us—and I’ve no wish to be
hard upon Mr. Timbs. All I want of him, then, is this. Let him in
his second edition do the right thing, and among his Curiosities in
London, give a proper place to the Aztecs and Miss Charlotte Cush-
man’s Romeo For ain’t they all Curiosities, tho’ which is the bigger
it is not my determination to say. All I want is, justice to Colombia,
, and am yours, “ Jonathan Hiccorynut.”