DOI issue:
Punch's essence of parliament
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16615#0110
101
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
thought it
was safer to do
have been attacked, whereas the valiant Charles
nothing of the kind.
Friday. Lord St. Leonards brought up the Ticket of Leave System, and exposed
its wretched working. The Government admitted that it really was a subject they
ought to know something about, and promised to make some inquiries. Lord
Derby begged to know bow the Fifty Colonies were to be managed while Lord
John Russell was away. Though it was very well for Sir George Grey to say
that he would just see to these little matters, having. only a Home Secretary’s
work to do, Sir George himself was not very well, and, in short, the Colonies ought
to be looked after. The Government said that Lord John would come home at
Easter.
The Commons discussed items of war estimates, and finished off pleasantly
with Irish Lunatics, about whom there was a slight row, the Irish members justly
saying that the question was far too comprehensive to be disposed of in a hurry.
However, their pardonable egotism gave way to Lord Palmekston’s persuasion.
THE MYSTERIOUS SNOW-MARKS.
Extraordinary marks in the snow—when the snow lay
the thickest—were observable for a long continuous dis-
tance not far from the Bishop of Exeter’s Palace, in
Devonshire. Some folks, with awful looks, avowed the
foot-prints had a certain cloven shape ; whilst others, the
stronger minded, suggested that, perhaps the Bishop of
Exeter had himself been walking in his sleep. Science,
however, has resolved the mystery, to the great satisfaction
of the household of Bishopstowe. Professor Owen, having
examined the foot-prints, declares them to be the auto-
graph of—nothing wmrse than a badger! Whether the
badger was on his way to visit a church-mouse, even
Professor Owen cannot decide.
Our Russian Prisoners.
A MONUMENT TO JOSEPH HUME.
Let us not in the crash and smother of war forget the man to whom
we owe so much, in what he has saved us. “Joseph Hume,” said
Lord Raglan once upon a time, shaking his head at the ominous
syllables, and wishing to imply thereby that Joseph’s array of figures
continually menaced and oppressed the efficiency of the English army.
Iu this way would the soldier Lord try to put the red tape
about the political neck of the arithmetical statesman. But
Joseph had too well learned the rightful dues of an army to neglect them.
It. is proposed that the people should erect a statue to Joseph Hume ; a
statue bought by popular pennies. Could all the pennies he has saved
us—we say nought of what he would have saved us, had he prospered
in half of his divisions—be piled one upon another, who shall say they
Would not overtop Mont Blanc, even granting to it the additional alti-
tude of a statue of Albert himself ?
However, as this is impossible, let the people give as many pennies
as they may, that they may, iu a manner, do double homage to the
memory of Joseph Hume. The Government have upon its hands tons
ot useless, unsightly bronze, which the people, we doubt not, ivould be
willing to purchase at a fair market price, that the metal might be
duly melted into a statue, of the people’sWatcher of thePeople’s purse.
We will name merely two statues,—the statue of the Duke of
York, as high iu the clouds as he still remains deep in debt; and the
statue of George the Fourth, whose memory is now of no more value
and account than one ot his old wigs. These two statues, bought and
paid for by the people, would,—when run together—make a fine
colossal statue of Joseph Hume. There would, moreover, be a fitness
in the adaptation of such old, despised metal, to such a new and edifying
service. Eor consider it. How valiantly did Joseph Hume fight
against the old^Tory corruption that granted thousands per annum to
the Duke oe York, for making his monthly visit to Windsor, to
report officially, and ot course filially, on the health of George the
Ihird, the King and Lather! In those days, such attempts of
Joseph Hume were considered as nothing less than penny-wise disaf-
iecfion and pound-foolish treason. Joseph Hume was little other than
a rebel against the second son of the Lord’s anointed; and now he is
lauded as the saviour of . the moneys pf his country. Would not the
York bronze be very fitting metal liquidated and hardened into at least
halt or Joseph Hume ?
Next, how many were the amendments, the forlorn hope divisions led
by plain Josefh against Sybarite George ? Why Joseph’s band was
ever tracing writings on the walls of Buckingham Palace; on the walls
ot the Pavilion ol the Brighton Belshazzar—writing those terrible
letters: letters, fateful, prophetic as the three witches, the letters—
L. o. D But m those days Joseph Hume was voted the vulgar dis-
turber of the peace ot the first gentleman ol Europe. And now where
and what is the memory of the gentleman aforesaid ? It is at the best
dormant m old and ugly metaL
Let Mr. Williams, therefore, move that the Government be em-
powered to sell the Duke and the King at so much a pound—(if York
only gets a pennv per pound, it will be much more than be lias paid)—
and let the two bronze spendthrifts be duly melted into one honest
man and true patriot. We bold the Duke and King so cheap that we
are content to take them for a single “Joe.”
A GOVERNMENT'S EAST.
A proclamation, by punch.
©Uljcrra^, a Proclamation has been issued at the recommendation
of the late Government, appointing a Day of National Fast and Humi-
liation on account of the calamities which have befallen our Army in
the Crimea, as if those calamities were owing to. a supernatural cause,
instead of being the natural consequences of mismanagement and in-
capacity on the part of the said Government and its subordinates; and
the Observance of such East Day will inflict on the majority of the
Labouring Population the Loss of a day’s Earnings ; whereby the
Government aforesaid will punish them, their wives, and families, for
its own Misdeeds, and sacrifice the Wages of the Workpeople for its
own Stupidity, whilst the members of it, the aforesaid Government,
and all other persons of Independent Property, or in official employ-
ment, individuals of the Classes called Superior, will sustain no loss or
damage whatever through the said East Day’s Observance, which will
thereby be rendered a cruel imposition, and an impious mockery.
Now, we, by and with the advice of our Council, in deliberation
assembled, do hereby, with a view to prevent so great a wickedness,
ordain and decree that each and every member of the late Government,
aforesaid, and all and sundry other Persons concerned in the Misma-
nagement of the War, and exhorting, persuading, or assenting to the
Appointment of the aforesaid East Day, shall, on that Day, set apart,
ana contribute, severally and respectively, one entire day’s Income, and
as much more as in their conscience they shall deem due, in aid of the
National Patriotic Fund for the Belief of the Soldiers’ Widows and
Orphans: to the end that the Fast and Humiliation, on their behalf,
shall be a Truth and Reality, and not a Pretence, a Hypocrisy, and a
Sham.
Given at our Court in St. Bride’s, Elect Street, this 15th day of
March, 1855.
Honti lltbr HJr. }3imrl).
The Truth Without Being Axed eor it.—Peter the Great
is said to have “ ruled by the hatchet,” and Nicholas may be said
to have ruled by throwing it; for it was by the enormous imposition he
practised over the minds of his people that his great power was acquired.
Russian prisoners at Lewes have a pound of meat daily,
the Sussex Artillery three-quarters of a pound. We further
hear that ou the fast-day, the prisoners will be regaled at
the private expense ot the Earl of Aberdeen with the old
national fare of roast beef and plum-pudding. Messrs.
Bright and Sturge have sent in a few bear bams for the
banquet._
The Reading of the Will.
IF the EARL OF ABERDEEN will attend the Winter
L Palace at St. Petersburg, on the Kirstof April, to hear the Reading
of the Will of the late Empkkor of All thk Russtas, it is very probable
that the Noble Earl may hear something to his advantage.
Pokinfuninkoff, Chamberlain.
By Electric Telegraph.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
thought it
was safer to do
have been attacked, whereas the valiant Charles
nothing of the kind.
Friday. Lord St. Leonards brought up the Ticket of Leave System, and exposed
its wretched working. The Government admitted that it really was a subject they
ought to know something about, and promised to make some inquiries. Lord
Derby begged to know bow the Fifty Colonies were to be managed while Lord
John Russell was away. Though it was very well for Sir George Grey to say
that he would just see to these little matters, having. only a Home Secretary’s
work to do, Sir George himself was not very well, and, in short, the Colonies ought
to be looked after. The Government said that Lord John would come home at
Easter.
The Commons discussed items of war estimates, and finished off pleasantly
with Irish Lunatics, about whom there was a slight row, the Irish members justly
saying that the question was far too comprehensive to be disposed of in a hurry.
However, their pardonable egotism gave way to Lord Palmekston’s persuasion.
THE MYSTERIOUS SNOW-MARKS.
Extraordinary marks in the snow—when the snow lay
the thickest—were observable for a long continuous dis-
tance not far from the Bishop of Exeter’s Palace, in
Devonshire. Some folks, with awful looks, avowed the
foot-prints had a certain cloven shape ; whilst others, the
stronger minded, suggested that, perhaps the Bishop of
Exeter had himself been walking in his sleep. Science,
however, has resolved the mystery, to the great satisfaction
of the household of Bishopstowe. Professor Owen, having
examined the foot-prints, declares them to be the auto-
graph of—nothing wmrse than a badger! Whether the
badger was on his way to visit a church-mouse, even
Professor Owen cannot decide.
Our Russian Prisoners.
A MONUMENT TO JOSEPH HUME.
Let us not in the crash and smother of war forget the man to whom
we owe so much, in what he has saved us. “Joseph Hume,” said
Lord Raglan once upon a time, shaking his head at the ominous
syllables, and wishing to imply thereby that Joseph’s array of figures
continually menaced and oppressed the efficiency of the English army.
Iu this way would the soldier Lord try to put the red tape
about the political neck of the arithmetical statesman. But
Joseph had too well learned the rightful dues of an army to neglect them.
It. is proposed that the people should erect a statue to Joseph Hume ; a
statue bought by popular pennies. Could all the pennies he has saved
us—we say nought of what he would have saved us, had he prospered
in half of his divisions—be piled one upon another, who shall say they
Would not overtop Mont Blanc, even granting to it the additional alti-
tude of a statue of Albert himself ?
However, as this is impossible, let the people give as many pennies
as they may, that they may, iu a manner, do double homage to the
memory of Joseph Hume. The Government have upon its hands tons
ot useless, unsightly bronze, which the people, we doubt not, ivould be
willing to purchase at a fair market price, that the metal might be
duly melted into a statue, of the people’sWatcher of thePeople’s purse.
We will name merely two statues,—the statue of the Duke of
York, as high iu the clouds as he still remains deep in debt; and the
statue of George the Fourth, whose memory is now of no more value
and account than one ot his old wigs. These two statues, bought and
paid for by the people, would,—when run together—make a fine
colossal statue of Joseph Hume. There would, moreover, be a fitness
in the adaptation of such old, despised metal, to such a new and edifying
service. Eor consider it. How valiantly did Joseph Hume fight
against the old^Tory corruption that granted thousands per annum to
the Duke oe York, for making his monthly visit to Windsor, to
report officially, and ot course filially, on the health of George the
Ihird, the King and Lather! In those days, such attempts of
Joseph Hume were considered as nothing less than penny-wise disaf-
iecfion and pound-foolish treason. Joseph Hume was little other than
a rebel against the second son of the Lord’s anointed; and now he is
lauded as the saviour of . the moneys pf his country. Would not the
York bronze be very fitting metal liquidated and hardened into at least
halt or Joseph Hume ?
Next, how many were the amendments, the forlorn hope divisions led
by plain Josefh against Sybarite George ? Why Joseph’s band was
ever tracing writings on the walls of Buckingham Palace; on the walls
ot the Pavilion ol the Brighton Belshazzar—writing those terrible
letters: letters, fateful, prophetic as the three witches, the letters—
L. o. D But m those days Joseph Hume was voted the vulgar dis-
turber of the peace ot the first gentleman ol Europe. And now where
and what is the memory of the gentleman aforesaid ? It is at the best
dormant m old and ugly metaL
Let Mr. Williams, therefore, move that the Government be em-
powered to sell the Duke and the King at so much a pound—(if York
only gets a pennv per pound, it will be much more than be lias paid)—
and let the two bronze spendthrifts be duly melted into one honest
man and true patriot. We bold the Duke and King so cheap that we
are content to take them for a single “Joe.”
A GOVERNMENT'S EAST.
A proclamation, by punch.
©Uljcrra^, a Proclamation has been issued at the recommendation
of the late Government, appointing a Day of National Fast and Humi-
liation on account of the calamities which have befallen our Army in
the Crimea, as if those calamities were owing to. a supernatural cause,
instead of being the natural consequences of mismanagement and in-
capacity on the part of the said Government and its subordinates; and
the Observance of such East Day will inflict on the majority of the
Labouring Population the Loss of a day’s Earnings ; whereby the
Government aforesaid will punish them, their wives, and families, for
its own Misdeeds, and sacrifice the Wages of the Workpeople for its
own Stupidity, whilst the members of it, the aforesaid Government,
and all other persons of Independent Property, or in official employ-
ment, individuals of the Classes called Superior, will sustain no loss or
damage whatever through the said East Day’s Observance, which will
thereby be rendered a cruel imposition, and an impious mockery.
Now, we, by and with the advice of our Council, in deliberation
assembled, do hereby, with a view to prevent so great a wickedness,
ordain and decree that each and every member of the late Government,
aforesaid, and all and sundry other Persons concerned in the Misma-
nagement of the War, and exhorting, persuading, or assenting to the
Appointment of the aforesaid East Day, shall, on that Day, set apart,
ana contribute, severally and respectively, one entire day’s Income, and
as much more as in their conscience they shall deem due, in aid of the
National Patriotic Fund for the Belief of the Soldiers’ Widows and
Orphans: to the end that the Fast and Humiliation, on their behalf,
shall be a Truth and Reality, and not a Pretence, a Hypocrisy, and a
Sham.
Given at our Court in St. Bride’s, Elect Street, this 15th day of
March, 1855.
Honti lltbr HJr. }3imrl).
The Truth Without Being Axed eor it.—Peter the Great
is said to have “ ruled by the hatchet,” and Nicholas may be said
to have ruled by throwing it; for it was by the enormous imposition he
practised over the minds of his people that his great power was acquired.
Russian prisoners at Lewes have a pound of meat daily,
the Sussex Artillery three-quarters of a pound. We further
hear that ou the fast-day, the prisoners will be regaled at
the private expense ot the Earl of Aberdeen with the old
national fare of roast beef and plum-pudding. Messrs.
Bright and Sturge have sent in a few bear bams for the
banquet._
The Reading of the Will.
IF the EARL OF ABERDEEN will attend the Winter
L Palace at St. Petersburg, on the Kirstof April, to hear the Reading
of the Will of the late Empkkor of All thk Russtas, it is very probable
that the Noble Earl may hear something to his advantage.
Pokinfuninkoff, Chamberlain.
By Electric Telegraph.