Punch (28.1855)

182

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

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BEWARE OF THE DOG!

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HAT does the reader think of
the following paragraph, which
is not as might be naturally
supposed an invention of our
own, but is a literal copy of a
recent advertisement F

A LADY, who is leaving
-'-A. England, wishes to PLACE in a
gentleman's family, in the country, a
handsome and useful DOG, of three
years of age. A comfortable home,
good treatment, an airy situation,
with the range of a large yard would
be suitable. No remuneration is re-
quired. Dog sellers need not apply.
Address to B. (J., &c.

It is satisfactory at all events
to know that the “lady” is
“leaving England,” for her
tastes are evidently more
suited to any country than
our own, where we are not in
the habit of introducing our
dogs as members of “ gentle-
men’s families.” There must
be a fearful amount of offen-
sive puppyism about this dog,
for whom a commercial home
is evidently considered low,
and who requires a “com-
fortable home” with “a large
yard ”—in other words a house
and grounds for his especial
convenience. It is strange
that the advertiser has not stipulated for a China dinner-set on which the brute is to be served
with his meals, but this is probably implied in the intimation that he is to be located in “a gentleman’s
family.” The “lady” seems to have a high appreciation of the social qualities of the dog, for she
considerately adds that “no remuneration will be required.” This intimation seems to imply that in
the opinion of the lady advertiser the privilege of making a canine acquaintance is not only worth
having but worth paying for. It is possible that every advertisement meets with some response, but

we confess we should think it doubtful
whether any one of sound mind, would
be ready to receive a dog on a visit,
and permit the brute to make himself
at home, as one of the domestic circle.
It this sort of thing is encouraged
we shall have people advertising
“Cheerful Homes for Sad Dogs,”
with “ Lively Society for Melancholy
Dogs,” or “A Vacancy for a Select
Dog where a few only are received as
Inmates.”

A DOUBTEUL POSITION.

The Vienna Correspondent of the
Daily News informs us

“ I believe I do not misstate the opinions of
those who represent Prussia here, in saying
they affect to believe that, whether the issue be
peace or war, the King will still be able to
maintain himself in the same high position he
has hitherto maintained, and that if the war
continues he will succeed in preserving his
neutrality in spite of all Europe.”

To talk of King Clicquot being in
a “high position” just at present
seems to us only a high joke : unless
indeed the term be used in reference
to his present daily habit of getting
rather elevated. Even in that case,
however, we cannot but consider the
expression an ill-chosen one; for we
can scarcely regard that as a “high
position” where, by the practice we
refer to, the personage in question so
completely lowers himself.

A Derby Sweep.—What does he
sweep F Why, he generally sweeps the
pocket clean.

WHERE IS LORD CLARENDON?

It seems to be a good deal like searching for a needle in a bottle
of hay, to look for Lord Clarendon. In fact the latter process is
more difficult, for though it might be possible, with great acuteness,
to catch the needle’s eye, there is no catching the eye of the Foreign
Alinister. If we are asked to prove our words, we refer to a report
of a little scene in the House of Lords the other night as furnished by
the Morning Chronicle. We give a few extracts which will be sufficient
to bear out our statement:—

“ The Earl of Derby said he had seen the Noble Earl the Foreign Secretary on
two or three occasions that evening flitting through the House {a laugh), but he had
been unable to find any occasion to put a question.

“ The Marquis of Lanbdowne had spoken to his Noble Friend (the Earl of Cla-
rendon a few minutes before, aud he had only just left the House. (A laugh.)

“ The Earl of Derby. I understood from the Noble Marquis yesterday that the
Noble Earl would he here to-day.

“ The Marquis of Lansdowne. I did not use the word ‘ to-day.V I cannot under-
take to say where my Noble Friend is at this moment. (A laugh.) " 1

It must really be as good as a visit to Houdin or any other illus-
trious conjuror, to see and not to see the Earl of Clarendon
popping up and popping down, appearing and disappearing in the House
of Lords; absent in places where he is looked for, and present for an
instant in a spot where he is not exppcted. The exhibition or non-
exhibition seems to have been very effective, and to have given rise
to a series of those “ laughs ” which are now general in both Houses
of Parliament. We remember a very good trick that used to be
played called INEscamotage (Dune Dame, which is done by placing a lady
under a sort of extinguisher, on the removal of which the lady has dis-
appeared in some unaccountable manner. We should be most happy
to place an extinguisher at the service of Lord Clarendon if he
would like to try the trick, or perhaps the fun would be increased, and
the legislative laughter would be still more general if he were to get a
colleague to assist in the Dscamotage of a Minister.

A Meteorological Truth.

They say “ it’s an ill wind that blows nobody good ”; but really we
cannot see that the wind, which has been blowing from the East, ever
since the war began, has blown any one any particular good; and we
are afraid we shall have to whistle for a long time, before we shall be
able t,o record any improvement.

THE HOUSE OE LAUGHTER.

[E following is an ex- '
tract from a recent Par-
liamentary report in the
Times:—

“ Lord Palmerston. If the
Honourable Member had been in
the House yesterday he would
have heard the question he has
now put satisfactorily answered.
{Laughter.)"

Laughter at what F The
joke requires explanation.
All that can be given, how-
ever, is simply this. The
bon. member alluded to was
Mr. Bright ; his question
was directed to ascertain
the precise facts in regard
to the late Conferences, and
he prefaced it by observing
that he was not in the house on the previous evening when a similar
question had been answered by the Premier. The reply of Lord
Palmerston is that if he had been there, he would have heard it
answered satisfactorily. Where’s the wit F The answer ot tire noble
Lord was not a retort or a repartee. It may have been correct, but
it was not funny or humorous. But then, to be sure, it may have been
incorrect: and the House may have laughed at its incongruity with
fact; but in that case the laughter would have had a wisdom in it
which most people will consider a deeper wisdom than the present
“ collective.”

To Dust-Contractors, Scavengers, and Others.

Mr. Punch hereby gives notice of his intention shortly to advertise for
Tenders from persons who are willing to contract for the removal of
the dust which is now nightly being thrown by certain Members of
the Government in the eyes of any Member for the People who may be
bold enough to venture any question as to the shortcomings of the
1 public service.