PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
j
PALMERSTON’S NIGHTMARE
SWABBING CRITICS.
“ If you have only a plank to swab,” Cap-
tain Swosser used to say, “ swab it as if
Davy Jones was after you.” Good advice,
which the Morning Herald has borne in
mind. Noticing a book, ot which we will
say more when we can hear of anybody who
has read it, the Herald observes
u The Author possesses no c >mmon mind or attain-
ments. The dignity and eloquence of a sage speak forth
in every page, and the result is a novel that Scott or
Bulweb may have equalled, but never surpassed.”
That’s the way to swab planks. That’s the,
way to promote an author’s reputation and
the interests of a book. These are the gems
that make the “ opinions of the press ” so in-
valuable—these specimens of scholarly recog-
nition and discriminating euiogium. And
how intellect advances too. We will be bound
that the very “Scott” thus carelessly named
for the sake of heightening a successor’s glory
never deserved—staj', we mean never received
such laudation.
We propose that a new order of critical
merit be founded, its members to be called
the “ S vabbers,” and the first Knight Com-
panion to be the Herald reviewer. No such
service is rendered to literature as is paid by
the devoted and faithful Swabbers.
The Problem of the Times.—The Money
Market may sometimes be easy, but does one
man in a hundred ever understand it ?
HONOUR DEFERRED.
In the House of Lords the other evening—
“ Lord Vivian begged to ask the Noble Lord the Minister for War how it happened
that the honours usually bestowed on our soldiers for good conduct in the field had
been so long withheld. The fortune of war had already carried to their last account
many of the gallant men who had helped to gain the victories won in the Crimea, and
he hoped therefore that the medals intended to be bestowed upon them would no longer
be delayed.”
The striking of these medals affords, we think, another striking proof
of the way onr Ministers now manage matters. Probably by the time
they are ready for distributing, there will be no one left alive to receive
them. National comparisons are odious, of course ; but that it would
be well for ns to take a leaf from the Russian book occasionally, we
think may be inferred from the Earl of Malmesbury’s statement, in
the debate which followed, that —
“ There were, it was well known, at the present moment in London medals taken
from dead Russians, which were inscribed with the name of Inkermann.”
Fas est et ab hoste doceri is a maxim not sufficiently acknowledged
yet in Downing Street, and we think in this case it might be fitly
studied. As far as money goes, John Bull has always had the cha-
racter of being a prompt paymaster; but in paying off bis debts of
honour, he has been too commonly allowed, we think, too long a credit.
It was but yesterday that the Peninsula veterans were decorated, and
it seems as if the old. Peninsula precedent will be followed now in this
respect as in every other. If we might propose a design in future for
our.army medals, we would suggest the figure of “Hope deferred,”
encitcled with the motto “ Never see Die.”
Patriotism and Perspicuity.
The letter of “A Conservative” to the Morning Herald thus
commences: —
“ Sir, Conservatives are reluctant to incur the charge of faction, even without
cause.”
They ^ould rather, then, incur the charge of faction without cause
than with. How very good and patriotic! But did not the “ Con-
servative ” write rather the worse for old port, and should not “ even ”
have been “ especially ? ”
THE SEA-SERPENT WITHIN HAIL.
OT only does the following paragraph
occur in the Morning Post's American
news:—
The New York Herald states that the re-
nowned Sea-Serpent, after an absence of f>evcral
years, has turned up off the Capes of Delaware.
He is reported to be 100 feet in length.”
But it also asserts that
“ During a storm at Corning, hailstones fell
that measured nine inches in circumference,
and weighing eight ounces or thereabouts.”
It is lucky for the Sea-Serpent that
the hail-storm was confined to Corn-
ing; for if it had occurred off the j
Capes of Delaware when he turned
up, the eight-ounce hail-stones would
certainly have killed him.
THE ENGLISHMAN’S (PUBLIC) HOUSE IS HIS CASTLE.
The Morning Advertiser is wrath with the Times for inserting letters
from a correspondent who signs himself “An Englishman.” The great
organ of the half-and-half interest declares that the “ only real English-
man” confines his contributions to the columns of that journal. Is it to
be inferred that every other writer for every other portion of the news-
paper press is a foreigner, and that the Advertiser is the only paper
supported by “native talent ?” L >oking at the signatures to some of
the correspondence of that foaming journal, we should have imagined
that in the material of which it is composed there is a good sprinkling
of what—instead of being pure British spirit—is evidently some foreign
compound.
We cannot suppose that there is only one Englishman who writes in
the newspapers, and that all the other contributors to the public press are
representatives of some outlandish part of the world, and adherents of
what are called separate “nationalities.” It is not very politic on the
part of the Advertiser to claim the Englishman as the writer of
particular portions only of the journal, for it naturally makes rather
doubtful English of all the other articles.
How to Cook, your Dinner without Coals, Gas, or Euel !—
Have three Removes, for we all know that “ three removes are as good Oxensttern at St. Stephen’s.—Behold, my son, by how small a
as a Eire.” joke the House of Commons is moved to laughter!
j
PALMERSTON’S NIGHTMARE
SWABBING CRITICS.
“ If you have only a plank to swab,” Cap-
tain Swosser used to say, “ swab it as if
Davy Jones was after you.” Good advice,
which the Morning Herald has borne in
mind. Noticing a book, ot which we will
say more when we can hear of anybody who
has read it, the Herald observes
u The Author possesses no c >mmon mind or attain-
ments. The dignity and eloquence of a sage speak forth
in every page, and the result is a novel that Scott or
Bulweb may have equalled, but never surpassed.”
That’s the way to swab planks. That’s the,
way to promote an author’s reputation and
the interests of a book. These are the gems
that make the “ opinions of the press ” so in-
valuable—these specimens of scholarly recog-
nition and discriminating euiogium. And
how intellect advances too. We will be bound
that the very “Scott” thus carelessly named
for the sake of heightening a successor’s glory
never deserved—staj', we mean never received
such laudation.
We propose that a new order of critical
merit be founded, its members to be called
the “ S vabbers,” and the first Knight Com-
panion to be the Herald reviewer. No such
service is rendered to literature as is paid by
the devoted and faithful Swabbers.
The Problem of the Times.—The Money
Market may sometimes be easy, but does one
man in a hundred ever understand it ?
HONOUR DEFERRED.
In the House of Lords the other evening—
“ Lord Vivian begged to ask the Noble Lord the Minister for War how it happened
that the honours usually bestowed on our soldiers for good conduct in the field had
been so long withheld. The fortune of war had already carried to their last account
many of the gallant men who had helped to gain the victories won in the Crimea, and
he hoped therefore that the medals intended to be bestowed upon them would no longer
be delayed.”
The striking of these medals affords, we think, another striking proof
of the way onr Ministers now manage matters. Probably by the time
they are ready for distributing, there will be no one left alive to receive
them. National comparisons are odious, of course ; but that it would
be well for ns to take a leaf from the Russian book occasionally, we
think may be inferred from the Earl of Malmesbury’s statement, in
the debate which followed, that —
“ There were, it was well known, at the present moment in London medals taken
from dead Russians, which were inscribed with the name of Inkermann.”
Fas est et ab hoste doceri is a maxim not sufficiently acknowledged
yet in Downing Street, and we think in this case it might be fitly
studied. As far as money goes, John Bull has always had the cha-
racter of being a prompt paymaster; but in paying off bis debts of
honour, he has been too commonly allowed, we think, too long a credit.
It was but yesterday that the Peninsula veterans were decorated, and
it seems as if the old. Peninsula precedent will be followed now in this
respect as in every other. If we might propose a design in future for
our.army medals, we would suggest the figure of “Hope deferred,”
encitcled with the motto “ Never see Die.”
Patriotism and Perspicuity.
The letter of “A Conservative” to the Morning Herald thus
commences: —
“ Sir, Conservatives are reluctant to incur the charge of faction, even without
cause.”
They ^ould rather, then, incur the charge of faction without cause
than with. How very good and patriotic! But did not the “ Con-
servative ” write rather the worse for old port, and should not “ even ”
have been “ especially ? ”
THE SEA-SERPENT WITHIN HAIL.
OT only does the following paragraph
occur in the Morning Post's American
news:—
The New York Herald states that the re-
nowned Sea-Serpent, after an absence of f>evcral
years, has turned up off the Capes of Delaware.
He is reported to be 100 feet in length.”
But it also asserts that
“ During a storm at Corning, hailstones fell
that measured nine inches in circumference,
and weighing eight ounces or thereabouts.”
It is lucky for the Sea-Serpent that
the hail-storm was confined to Corn-
ing; for if it had occurred off the j
Capes of Delaware when he turned
up, the eight-ounce hail-stones would
certainly have killed him.
THE ENGLISHMAN’S (PUBLIC) HOUSE IS HIS CASTLE.
The Morning Advertiser is wrath with the Times for inserting letters
from a correspondent who signs himself “An Englishman.” The great
organ of the half-and-half interest declares that the “ only real English-
man” confines his contributions to the columns of that journal. Is it to
be inferred that every other writer for every other portion of the news-
paper press is a foreigner, and that the Advertiser is the only paper
supported by “native talent ?” L >oking at the signatures to some of
the correspondence of that foaming journal, we should have imagined
that in the material of which it is composed there is a good sprinkling
of what—instead of being pure British spirit—is evidently some foreign
compound.
We cannot suppose that there is only one Englishman who writes in
the newspapers, and that all the other contributors to the public press are
representatives of some outlandish part of the world, and adherents of
what are called separate “nationalities.” It is not very politic on the
part of the Advertiser to claim the Englishman as the writer of
particular portions only of the journal, for it naturally makes rather
doubtful English of all the other articles.
How to Cook, your Dinner without Coals, Gas, or Euel !—
Have three Removes, for we all know that “ three removes are as good Oxensttern at St. Stephen’s.—Behold, my son, by how small a
as a Eire.” joke the House of Commons is moved to laughter!