DOI issue:
Punch's essence of parliament
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16615#0228
220
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
RARING BRAVERY OE AN ALDERMAN.
.’B joined is an interesting paragraph
extracted from a weekly contem-
porary :—
“ We are told that the most conspicuous
figure at the opening of the Parisian Ex-
position was one of our London Aldermen,
who appeared in his scarlet robe of office.
The French could not make out who or
what he was.”
It was mentioned the other day
in the Times that our Allies in the
Crimea have an idea that the Lord
Mayor of London is to come
there in person, as the British
equivalent to the Emperor Louis
Napoleon. The figure of the
Alderman, as he appeared at the
Palace of Industry, could hardly
have been regarded by the French
as the type of an Order whose
Chief would he likely to attempt
so perilous an enterprise; and yet
our worshipful dignitary must have
had immense courage to have
afforded, in his own person and
scarlet gown, so very remarkable
a contribution to the Paris Exhibition.
laces, whether in flowers, berthes, caps, or collars ; recherche sleeves,
parasol-covers, jieurs, plumes, rubans, perles, fantaisies, bijouteries, and
gimcracks, the new and extensive stock of Messrs. Tbimmins and Co.
All these are intoxicating and infatuating superfluities of apparel; let
us have a sumptuary, if we are to have a Maine, Law ; no more Opera
Beauties, Flowers of the Season, and Belles of the Ball; indeed not
any Ball, nor Opera, nor Elegance, nor Fashion whatever, if we are to
behold the public-house abolished, and the occupation of Barclay and
Perkins gone.
LAIMES’ DRESSES.
The ladies’ dresses are ballooning out to such an enormous size, that
we are informed that the following colloquy took place in the gardens
of the Tuilleries, where it is the custom to charge a sou for every chair
that is used.
Chairwoman. Madame has made a mistake—she has paid me only
one sou.
Lady. Yes, my good woman—I have occupied only one chair.
Chairwoman. That is true—but there were two other chairs—one on
each side of Madame, for the accommodation of Madame’s dress, and
that makes three sous.
Lady. Three sous! But it’s scandalous!
Chairwoman. Ear from that, I can assure Madame that a lady only
yesterday paid five sous for the use of five chairs—and her dress I am
sure was by no means so fashionable as Madame’s.
[The three sous are paid contentedly, and Madame rises, displaying
as she retires, the utmost breadth of her dress, which may be
described, without any exaggeration, as being quite as broad as
it is long.
UNIVERSAL MAINE LAW.
If a movement which has been for some time past in progress shall
continue much longer, we shall, what with Sunday-hills, and such-like
enacunenls for the curtailment of personal liberty, have arrived at the
pleasant and enviable consummation of having put one another gene-
rally under restraint. We are to reform ourselves by a mutual agree-
ment to submit to be disabled from being vicious. As an evidence of
this point of not very masculine perfection to which we are tending,
take the following paragraph from the Times:—
“ Maine Ltquor Law.—Last night a public meeting respectably attended was held
in St. Martin’s Hall, convened by the ‘ United Kingdom Association for the total
Suppression of the Traffic in Intoxicating Liquors throughout the United Kingdom’
in aid of their movement. Alderman Sir R. Garden occupied ^the chair. The Rev.
J.IIamson, the Rev. Jabez Burns, D.D., and other gentlemen having addressed the
meeting, a resolu'ion in furtherance of the objects of the meeting was adopted, and also
a petition to both Houses of Parliament praying for the enactment of a law absolutely
prohibiting the sale of intoxicating liquors in this country.”
Well, but if it be a right principle that we should have ourselves
divested of the means of doing wrong, that method of getting prevented
! from the commission of excess ought not merely to be applied to the
desire of drink. Gluttony is equally a vice with drunkenness, and if
men do not commit ferocious assaults, and other crimes of excitement,
in states of simple repletion, they are probably guilty of more deliberate
evils, under depraved conditions of bodily health, producing mental
ditto, and consisting in biliousness and superabundance of blood con-
tracted through cramming and stufiing. If, then, we prohibit the sale
of intoxicating liquors, why not also put a stop to the supply of stimu-
lating foods ; of all dishes and esculents of a provocative quality causing
increase of appetite to grow with what it feeds on—to literalise what
Hamlet says ? Why not put ducks and green peas, especially with sage
and onions, into an index expurgatorius of forbidden articles of diet;
! together with fried ham, bloaters, poached eggs, stewed and devilled
kidneys, Welsh rabbit, and all and sundry entrees, fricassees, kickshaws,
hors cVoeuvres, and works of culinary supererogation? Why not enact,
among other regulations for Civic reform, that Spartan black-broth shall
henceforth be substituted for turtle soup by the Lord Mayor ? Why
not declare that all the jam and jelly already eaten in this realm shall
be jam satis—no additional quantity to be consumed under a certain
penalty, to be in that case made and provided; that there shall be no
more cakes as well as no more ale, that ginger shall not be hot in the
mouth, except medicinally: that custards also shall cease to be com-
pounded, and that, for the more wholesome nurture and education of
youth, there shall be an end to lollipops, and Everton toffee and
elecampane ?
Besides, it is absurd to prohibit intoxicating liquors alone. There
are other intoxicating things. Honours, titles, will intoxicate. Do
away, therefore, likewise with coronets, peerages, Orders of ihe Bath
and Garter, and gold-laced hats. A new and elegant bonnet, shawl,
corsage, frock, slip, and so forth, will intoxicate the wearer—and the
beholder too, sometimes. Lt was not in the intoxication of liquor that
George Barnwell slew his uncle. Forbid the sale of intoxicating
drink, and yon should no longer permit the sale of rich brocaded, black
glace, and lavender silks ; Irish, Brussels, Guipure, and Spanish point
THE GAYEST MAN IN TOWN.—YOU MEET HIM AT ALL
THE EVENING PARTIES.
PHINN-IS CORONAT OPUS.
Mr. Phinn, a very promising member of the Liberal party, has just
been appointed Permanent Secretary to the Admiralty. His absence
from Parliament will be a disappointment, for which his appointment
will hardly compensate. He may be wanted at the Admiralty, but he
can be ill spared from the House of Commons. As fish steer by the
Fin, it is to be hoped those odd fishes who manage our naval affairs—
and who are some of them never at sea until they get into office—will
consent to be guided by the Phinn that is now sent to them Though
we congratulate ability and liberality on having obtained their reward,
we cannot help regretting that, as far as his Parliamentary usefulness
is concerned, Phinn has been brought to a finish.
The Beleaguered City.
The Allied Armies have been so long before Sebastopol, that some
change or other must surely now soon take place in their position. We
hope that the change will not he such 111 at, instead of being simply
before Sebastopol, they wTill have Sebastopol after them.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
RARING BRAVERY OE AN ALDERMAN.
.’B joined is an interesting paragraph
extracted from a weekly contem-
porary :—
“ We are told that the most conspicuous
figure at the opening of the Parisian Ex-
position was one of our London Aldermen,
who appeared in his scarlet robe of office.
The French could not make out who or
what he was.”
It was mentioned the other day
in the Times that our Allies in the
Crimea have an idea that the Lord
Mayor of London is to come
there in person, as the British
equivalent to the Emperor Louis
Napoleon. The figure of the
Alderman, as he appeared at the
Palace of Industry, could hardly
have been regarded by the French
as the type of an Order whose
Chief would he likely to attempt
so perilous an enterprise; and yet
our worshipful dignitary must have
had immense courage to have
afforded, in his own person and
scarlet gown, so very remarkable
a contribution to the Paris Exhibition.
laces, whether in flowers, berthes, caps, or collars ; recherche sleeves,
parasol-covers, jieurs, plumes, rubans, perles, fantaisies, bijouteries, and
gimcracks, the new and extensive stock of Messrs. Tbimmins and Co.
All these are intoxicating and infatuating superfluities of apparel; let
us have a sumptuary, if we are to have a Maine, Law ; no more Opera
Beauties, Flowers of the Season, and Belles of the Ball; indeed not
any Ball, nor Opera, nor Elegance, nor Fashion whatever, if we are to
behold the public-house abolished, and the occupation of Barclay and
Perkins gone.
LAIMES’ DRESSES.
The ladies’ dresses are ballooning out to such an enormous size, that
we are informed that the following colloquy took place in the gardens
of the Tuilleries, where it is the custom to charge a sou for every chair
that is used.
Chairwoman. Madame has made a mistake—she has paid me only
one sou.
Lady. Yes, my good woman—I have occupied only one chair.
Chairwoman. That is true—but there were two other chairs—one on
each side of Madame, for the accommodation of Madame’s dress, and
that makes three sous.
Lady. Three sous! But it’s scandalous!
Chairwoman. Ear from that, I can assure Madame that a lady only
yesterday paid five sous for the use of five chairs—and her dress I am
sure was by no means so fashionable as Madame’s.
[The three sous are paid contentedly, and Madame rises, displaying
as she retires, the utmost breadth of her dress, which may be
described, without any exaggeration, as being quite as broad as
it is long.
UNIVERSAL MAINE LAW.
If a movement which has been for some time past in progress shall
continue much longer, we shall, what with Sunday-hills, and such-like
enacunenls for the curtailment of personal liberty, have arrived at the
pleasant and enviable consummation of having put one another gene-
rally under restraint. We are to reform ourselves by a mutual agree-
ment to submit to be disabled from being vicious. As an evidence of
this point of not very masculine perfection to which we are tending,
take the following paragraph from the Times:—
“ Maine Ltquor Law.—Last night a public meeting respectably attended was held
in St. Martin’s Hall, convened by the ‘ United Kingdom Association for the total
Suppression of the Traffic in Intoxicating Liquors throughout the United Kingdom’
in aid of their movement. Alderman Sir R. Garden occupied ^the chair. The Rev.
J.IIamson, the Rev. Jabez Burns, D.D., and other gentlemen having addressed the
meeting, a resolu'ion in furtherance of the objects of the meeting was adopted, and also
a petition to both Houses of Parliament praying for the enactment of a law absolutely
prohibiting the sale of intoxicating liquors in this country.”
Well, but if it be a right principle that we should have ourselves
divested of the means of doing wrong, that method of getting prevented
! from the commission of excess ought not merely to be applied to the
desire of drink. Gluttony is equally a vice with drunkenness, and if
men do not commit ferocious assaults, and other crimes of excitement,
in states of simple repletion, they are probably guilty of more deliberate
evils, under depraved conditions of bodily health, producing mental
ditto, and consisting in biliousness and superabundance of blood con-
tracted through cramming and stufiing. If, then, we prohibit the sale
of intoxicating liquors, why not also put a stop to the supply of stimu-
lating foods ; of all dishes and esculents of a provocative quality causing
increase of appetite to grow with what it feeds on—to literalise what
Hamlet says ? Why not put ducks and green peas, especially with sage
and onions, into an index expurgatorius of forbidden articles of diet;
! together with fried ham, bloaters, poached eggs, stewed and devilled
kidneys, Welsh rabbit, and all and sundry entrees, fricassees, kickshaws,
hors cVoeuvres, and works of culinary supererogation? Why not enact,
among other regulations for Civic reform, that Spartan black-broth shall
henceforth be substituted for turtle soup by the Lord Mayor ? Why
not declare that all the jam and jelly already eaten in this realm shall
be jam satis—no additional quantity to be consumed under a certain
penalty, to be in that case made and provided; that there shall be no
more cakes as well as no more ale, that ginger shall not be hot in the
mouth, except medicinally: that custards also shall cease to be com-
pounded, and that, for the more wholesome nurture and education of
youth, there shall be an end to lollipops, and Everton toffee and
elecampane ?
Besides, it is absurd to prohibit intoxicating liquors alone. There
are other intoxicating things. Honours, titles, will intoxicate. Do
away, therefore, likewise with coronets, peerages, Orders of ihe Bath
and Garter, and gold-laced hats. A new and elegant bonnet, shawl,
corsage, frock, slip, and so forth, will intoxicate the wearer—and the
beholder too, sometimes. Lt was not in the intoxication of liquor that
George Barnwell slew his uncle. Forbid the sale of intoxicating
drink, and yon should no longer permit the sale of rich brocaded, black
glace, and lavender silks ; Irish, Brussels, Guipure, and Spanish point
THE GAYEST MAN IN TOWN.—YOU MEET HIM AT ALL
THE EVENING PARTIES.
PHINN-IS CORONAT OPUS.
Mr. Phinn, a very promising member of the Liberal party, has just
been appointed Permanent Secretary to the Admiralty. His absence
from Parliament will be a disappointment, for which his appointment
will hardly compensate. He may be wanted at the Admiralty, but he
can be ill spared from the House of Commons. As fish steer by the
Fin, it is to be hoped those odd fishes who manage our naval affairs—
and who are some of them never at sea until they get into office—will
consent to be guided by the Phinn that is now sent to them Though
we congratulate ability and liberality on having obtained their reward,
we cannot help regretting that, as far as his Parliamentary usefulness
is concerned, Phinn has been brought to a finish.
The Beleaguered City.
The Allied Armies have been so long before Sebastopol, that some
change or other must surely now soon take place in their position. We
hope that the change will not he such 111 at, instead of being simply
before Sebastopol, they wTill have Sebastopol after them.