DOI issue:
September 28, 1861
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16868#0142
130
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 28, 1861.
Old Girl. “ I should like Thick Braids in front, and Curls and a Loop at the back l
NEWDEGATE IN A NEW CHARACTER.
A Thousand thanks will be given to anybody who
shall succeed in explaining the annexed passage from
a^ discourse at the late meeting of the Sparkenhoe
Earners’ Club, reported as having been delivered by
Mr. Newdegate :—
‘ ‘ Wlien so many complaints were made of long speeches in
the House of Commons, had it never occurred to those who heard
or read them that these complaints might be attributable to the
fact that during these discussions new ideas were developed,
and that this was thought by some a waste of capital which
might be turned to more profitable account ? {Hear, hear.) ”
In what, sense the development of ideas during dis-
cussions in the House of Commons can be regarded as
a waste of capital, Mr. Newdegate can perhaps explain,
but, it may be feared, is much more likely not to have
the least idea of the meaning of bis own statement to
that effect. Breath is wasted in the long speeches
to which the Hon. gentleman alluded; so is the patience
of the House and the public, and so is valuable time.
If new ideas were developed, they might be capital, or
might be worthless; but, instead of new ideas, those
long-winded orations for which Mr. Newdegate
apologises contain, for the most part, nothing but old
truisms, and, in greater proportion, old fallacies, old
platitudes, and venerable jokes. The above quotation
from Mr. Newdegate’s speech suggests a resemblance
between him and Juliet, which we never expected to
discover. Respecting that heroine, Romeo remarks :—
“ She speaks, yet sbe says nothing,”
which is precisely what the above-quoted remarks of
the Hon. Member for North Warwickshire appear to
amount to.
The American Editor’s Lament.
A Conscientious American Editor (there is about
one left) thus pathetically says :—“ The symbol of the
Union, I have always been told, was Stars and Stripes :
but as far as my painful experience goes, it’s Tar ana
Eeathers.”
One who Reads the “ Times ” carefully as they
Go.—Would yon call a Steward who passes his time
perpetually on board a steampacket the inhabitant of
any place? Why, yes, I should call him a “ Habit am
m Sicco ! ”
THAT’S THE WAY THE MONEY GOES.
Who is it that pouches the fees of the House of Commons ? He
must have vastly pretty pickings, judging by this statement, which we
copy from the Times:—
“ High Fees in High Places.—The House of Commons has published its
‘ Standing Orders,’ corrected to the close of the Session. The table of fees would
surprise persons unacquainted with Parliamentary business. The rate varies ac-
cording to the sum intended to be laid out upon the undertaking to be sanctioned.
If a town determine on a great public improvement, on which a million and a half
of money is to be laid out, the first step is to deposit a petition for leave to bring in
a Bill before the House; but the House cannot see the petition unless there is a
£50 note in it. On the first reading of the Bill, on the second reading, on the report
from the select committee on the Bill, and, even after approval by the select com-
mittee, on the third reading, too, down to the time when the House has to part
with the Bill, it can see no merit in it unless on each of these steps £150 be paid
before the Bill is put to the vote. These are parts of the price which ‘ the powers
that be ’ charge for an Act of Parliament.”
Everybody now, we are told, is out of town, or we should certainly
ask somebody where all this money goes. Is there some official whose
office is a sinecure, except the pleasant labour of pocketing these fees ?
or do they constitute a fund to pay the gas and water rates, and. other
incidental expenses of the House ? If the latter be the case, which we
would fain believe it is, we should think the House must have a tidy
sum in hand, and might devote the yearly surplus, after clearing all
expenses, to paying off a large proportion of the National Debt. . Or
j the House might vote supplies out of its fee-fund to pay the nation’s
Income-Tax, or to pension Mr. Punch. Either of these steps, and
I especially the latter, would certainly be received with approbation by
I the public; for, besides the gratification of seeing Virtue so rewarded,
the public would be greatly the gainers by a grant, conferring annually
; the surplus fees on Mr. Punch. If that gentleman were thus pecu-
niarily interested in the number of “ great public improvements ” to be
made, human nature would, of course, impel him to do all within his
power to assist them, and to offer his suggestion where best they might
take place. The consequence would be, that petitions would pour in
for all such necessary works as clearing away Holywell Street, throwing
open all the bridges, widening Cheapside, and de-sewerising the Thames;
and, as Mr. Punch would have a pecuniary interest in each stage of the
Acts, of course he would not rest till he had seen them safely passed.
Something More than a Mere Flea-Bite.
We read that the Leech monopoly at Tangieis was sold four years
ago for not less than £14,000. We should say that the above was the
largest amount ever received by a nation under the head of “ Blood-
money.” The profits, too, most probably will be Cent, per Cent., or,
as a Erenchman would say, Sang pour Sang !
SPORTS AND PASTIMES OF THE AMERICANS
It seems to be a favourite pursuit of the Americans to get hold of a
poor Editor, who has the courage to differ with them, and to tar and
feather him. If asked what kind of a nation America was, we should
feel inclined, after hearing of the above blackguard propensity, to
exclaim “ Tar-nation ! ”
Golden Sands in Time’s Hour Glass.
A Strong-minded Lady (a very light “blue”) was asked what an
“Educational Minute” was like? when she replied, “I have pot the
smallest notion, my dear, but I conjecture that every ‘Hour of
Progress ’ must be composed of nothing but Educational Minutes.”
A POEM ON PORTLAND.
“ I say, Bill, for a Breakwater wot’s the occasion ? ”
“ Why, you stoopid, to roll back the tide of inwasion ? ”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 28, 1861.
Old Girl. “ I should like Thick Braids in front, and Curls and a Loop at the back l
NEWDEGATE IN A NEW CHARACTER.
A Thousand thanks will be given to anybody who
shall succeed in explaining the annexed passage from
a^ discourse at the late meeting of the Sparkenhoe
Earners’ Club, reported as having been delivered by
Mr. Newdegate :—
‘ ‘ Wlien so many complaints were made of long speeches in
the House of Commons, had it never occurred to those who heard
or read them that these complaints might be attributable to the
fact that during these discussions new ideas were developed,
and that this was thought by some a waste of capital which
might be turned to more profitable account ? {Hear, hear.) ”
In what, sense the development of ideas during dis-
cussions in the House of Commons can be regarded as
a waste of capital, Mr. Newdegate can perhaps explain,
but, it may be feared, is much more likely not to have
the least idea of the meaning of bis own statement to
that effect. Breath is wasted in the long speeches
to which the Hon. gentleman alluded; so is the patience
of the House and the public, and so is valuable time.
If new ideas were developed, they might be capital, or
might be worthless; but, instead of new ideas, those
long-winded orations for which Mr. Newdegate
apologises contain, for the most part, nothing but old
truisms, and, in greater proportion, old fallacies, old
platitudes, and venerable jokes. The above quotation
from Mr. Newdegate’s speech suggests a resemblance
between him and Juliet, which we never expected to
discover. Respecting that heroine, Romeo remarks :—
“ She speaks, yet sbe says nothing,”
which is precisely what the above-quoted remarks of
the Hon. Member for North Warwickshire appear to
amount to.
The American Editor’s Lament.
A Conscientious American Editor (there is about
one left) thus pathetically says :—“ The symbol of the
Union, I have always been told, was Stars and Stripes :
but as far as my painful experience goes, it’s Tar ana
Eeathers.”
One who Reads the “ Times ” carefully as they
Go.—Would yon call a Steward who passes his time
perpetually on board a steampacket the inhabitant of
any place? Why, yes, I should call him a “ Habit am
m Sicco ! ”
THAT’S THE WAY THE MONEY GOES.
Who is it that pouches the fees of the House of Commons ? He
must have vastly pretty pickings, judging by this statement, which we
copy from the Times:—
“ High Fees in High Places.—The House of Commons has published its
‘ Standing Orders,’ corrected to the close of the Session. The table of fees would
surprise persons unacquainted with Parliamentary business. The rate varies ac-
cording to the sum intended to be laid out upon the undertaking to be sanctioned.
If a town determine on a great public improvement, on which a million and a half
of money is to be laid out, the first step is to deposit a petition for leave to bring in
a Bill before the House; but the House cannot see the petition unless there is a
£50 note in it. On the first reading of the Bill, on the second reading, on the report
from the select committee on the Bill, and, even after approval by the select com-
mittee, on the third reading, too, down to the time when the House has to part
with the Bill, it can see no merit in it unless on each of these steps £150 be paid
before the Bill is put to the vote. These are parts of the price which ‘ the powers
that be ’ charge for an Act of Parliament.”
Everybody now, we are told, is out of town, or we should certainly
ask somebody where all this money goes. Is there some official whose
office is a sinecure, except the pleasant labour of pocketing these fees ?
or do they constitute a fund to pay the gas and water rates, and. other
incidental expenses of the House ? If the latter be the case, which we
would fain believe it is, we should think the House must have a tidy
sum in hand, and might devote the yearly surplus, after clearing all
expenses, to paying off a large proportion of the National Debt. . Or
j the House might vote supplies out of its fee-fund to pay the nation’s
Income-Tax, or to pension Mr. Punch. Either of these steps, and
I especially the latter, would certainly be received with approbation by
I the public; for, besides the gratification of seeing Virtue so rewarded,
the public would be greatly the gainers by a grant, conferring annually
; the surplus fees on Mr. Punch. If that gentleman were thus pecu-
niarily interested in the number of “ great public improvements ” to be
made, human nature would, of course, impel him to do all within his
power to assist them, and to offer his suggestion where best they might
take place. The consequence would be, that petitions would pour in
for all such necessary works as clearing away Holywell Street, throwing
open all the bridges, widening Cheapside, and de-sewerising the Thames;
and, as Mr. Punch would have a pecuniary interest in each stage of the
Acts, of course he would not rest till he had seen them safely passed.
Something More than a Mere Flea-Bite.
We read that the Leech monopoly at Tangieis was sold four years
ago for not less than £14,000. We should say that the above was the
largest amount ever received by a nation under the head of “ Blood-
money.” The profits, too, most probably will be Cent, per Cent., or,
as a Erenchman would say, Sang pour Sang !
SPORTS AND PASTIMES OF THE AMERICANS
It seems to be a favourite pursuit of the Americans to get hold of a
poor Editor, who has the courage to differ with them, and to tar and
feather him. If asked what kind of a nation America was, we should
feel inclined, after hearing of the above blackguard propensity, to
exclaim “ Tar-nation ! ”
Golden Sands in Time’s Hour Glass.
A Strong-minded Lady (a very light “blue”) was asked what an
“Educational Minute” was like? when she replied, “I have pot the
smallest notion, my dear, but I conjecture that every ‘Hour of
Progress ’ must be composed of nothing but Educational Minutes.”
A POEM ON PORTLAND.
“ I say, Bill, for a Breakwater wot’s the occasion ? ”
“ Why, you stoopid, to roll back the tide of inwasion ? ”