DOI issue:
October 26, 1861
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16868#0177
October 26, 1861.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
16fl
THE EESPECT PAID TO PROPERTY.
In a statistical paper, we read tliat “the National Museums, the
Palaces, the Tower, Greenwich Hospital, and Kew Gardens, were
visited, in the course of last year, by nearly 3,000,000 people.” Will
any fine prejudiced Tory, of the good old school, who delights in harping
upon the mischievous propensities of the lower classes, oblige us with
the information as to the exact amount of damage committed within
that period by those 3,000,000 people ? He must be surprised to learn
that there is a single picture, or curiosity, or work of art, or tree, or
shrub, or flower, or the smallest thing of value, left in any of those
PAINTING THE LILY.
We read that a short time back a Erenchwoman made her appear-
ance at the Insolvent Debtors’ Court, who described herself as “ an
Enameller of Ladies’ Paces.” It is a source of congratulation that the
business was not a profitable one, for it would have grieved us exces-
sively to learn that our beautiful countrywomen lent their countenances
to any process that tended to make them smooth-faced in the finished
manner that Continental ladies frequently are. Enamel may do very
well for the laces in a pack of cards, but then English beauties need not
enter into competition with painted Queens of Hearts; for they are
winning enough of themselves without resorting to any such superficial
advantage as bismuth, or arsenic, or any similar poisonous ingredient.
Moreover, a lace that was enamelled would be liable to chip, and we
have serious doubts whether a lady’s nose, that was in that flawed con-
dition, would stand out to the best advantage, even though it were set
off, in the way of tasteful uniformity, by the most beautiful of chip
boimets. Then, think of the vulgar remarks that would infallibly be
made. Pancy a heavy dragsman saying with the most languid contempt,
as though he were expatiating on a rare specimen of damaged crockery :
‘ Yes, she certainly is one of Nature’s finest bits of porcelain, but what
a pity she is chipped! ”
Specimens of a North-American Examination.
Schoolmaster. What do you call the Cotton Tree ?
Patriotic Pupil. A branch of Treason.
Schoolmaster. Has it any root ?
Patriotic Pupil. Slavery.
Schoolmaster. What is its seed like ?
Patriotic Pupil. Sedition.
[.The Pupil is patted on the head, and presented with a hundred-
hladed bowie-knife by way of prize.
A TRULY ENORMOUS NUISANCE.
The following statement is made by Musicus in the Times. Musicus
had applied for some reserved seats at Exeter Hall for the oratorio of
Elijah, and there were none to be had:—
“ On inquiry I ascertained, tlie somewhat amusing fact that nearly 400 seats have
been sacrificed to—Crinoline ! The Hall holds 3,000 seats, of 16 inches each; but
the present fashion requires 18, and reduces the number of sittings by 370 or 375.”
The above statement being a brief and eloquent expression of a
deplorable state of things, there are only two words in it for which
Musicus might have been judiciously advised to substitute others—
“ somewhat amusing.” Instead of “ somewhat amusing,” he should
have written “ very disgusting.” If civilisation is indicated by dress,
that of the present, day is receding, and has in a great measure receded
to the degree which it stood at in the Bellaston era. Musicus con-
tinues :—
“ When Handel produced his Messiah for the benefit of a charity in Dublin, the
managers are reported to have requested the ladies to dispense with hoops for the
occasion.”
All womanhood is fortified with hoops again. At the same time, all
Europe is armed. As it was in the old times of ferocity and frivolity,
so it is now. Disaffection to the reign of Peace coincides with rebellion
against the rule of Taste; and Prance is at the bottom of both cala-
.mities. When Prance sleeps, Europe is tranquil; when Prance is
agitated, Europe is in convulsions. So Prance glories in saying. To
these boasts she can add another brag. When Prance masquerades in
the old clothes of preposterous vanity, Europe also wears Crinoline.
Place aux dames ! our neighbours may well exclaim. We too have also
some cause to cry “ Room for the ladies! ” when 400 seats in Exeter
Hall are sacrificed to hoops. What a mean contemptible nation we
shall be, male and female, if we cannot somehow agree to reject that
edict of imperial petticoat government, dictated by Prance, which not
only disfigures the women of England, but also incommodes them, and
not only incommodes them, but likewise those who pay for their un-
comfortable excess of apparel, which encumbers, and crowds, and
crushes us, and pushes them off our stools.
There only wants some sensible heroine to bell, or rather to disbell,
the cat, and lead her sex in shaking off the yoke which absolute French
absurdity has imposed on their corporeal circumference
GLORIOUS GALAXY OP TALENT.
Roth Prince Napoleon and Tom Thumb have been stopping at
that magnificent Hotel, the St. Lawrence Hall, in Montreal, at the same
time. Roth were tiemendous favourites: in fact, it would be difficult
to say which of the two stood the higher in the public estimation. If
it were to be measured by kisses, we should decidedly say that the
General was more popular with the ladies. Ry a private arrangement,
so as not to clash, the Prince and the General received on different
nights. It was reported that the General had challenged the Prince to
give a series of representations, d la Napoleon Ronaparte, in cos-
tume, and everything complete, but we can only say that? at all events
the challenge, if offered, was never accepted; and we think the Prince
displayed unusually good taste in declining it.
THE ANGELIC DOCTOR.
Our friend and contributor, Dr. Cumming, has delivered a lecture
at Manchester on the old subject. He sticks to it that 1867 will see the
world out, in some way, and will, at least, be the end of all chronology;
and if we exist, it will be in an unchronological period. We have not the
least idea what this sort of living will be, or whether it will hurt much;
but one thing is quite certain, namely, that if there is no more time,
preachers will not be able to waste time in talking intolerable nonsense.
Further, Dr. Cumming declares that, whatever change may be
wrought in us, he, for one, does not desire to be an angel. Dr. Cum-
ming, for shame. Sir ! Mock modesty is a mark of bad breeding. As
if you did not know that you are an angel already ! Ask the ladies of
your flock, ye ould dissembler! Flap yer wings, ye ould deluder, and
stop that sort of thing!
A Vicious Court Circular.
The Times said a very xude thing, we hope unconsciously, in a leading
article on the interview between the King of Prussia and the Emperor
of the French. It said that the two sovereigns “had got into a
vicious circle.” Now who knows everything, knows that the
phrase is one of dialectics. Rut people who don’t know everything
may remember what Mirabeaij said, when an oratorical opponent
announced that he should now shut up M. Miraeeau in a vicious
circle. “ What ? Is the honour-able member going to embrace me ? ”
Did the two Sovereigns embrace ?
public buildings!
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
16fl
THE EESPECT PAID TO PROPERTY.
In a statistical paper, we read tliat “the National Museums, the
Palaces, the Tower, Greenwich Hospital, and Kew Gardens, were
visited, in the course of last year, by nearly 3,000,000 people.” Will
any fine prejudiced Tory, of the good old school, who delights in harping
upon the mischievous propensities of the lower classes, oblige us with
the information as to the exact amount of damage committed within
that period by those 3,000,000 people ? He must be surprised to learn
that there is a single picture, or curiosity, or work of art, or tree, or
shrub, or flower, or the smallest thing of value, left in any of those
PAINTING THE LILY.
We read that a short time back a Erenchwoman made her appear-
ance at the Insolvent Debtors’ Court, who described herself as “ an
Enameller of Ladies’ Paces.” It is a source of congratulation that the
business was not a profitable one, for it would have grieved us exces-
sively to learn that our beautiful countrywomen lent their countenances
to any process that tended to make them smooth-faced in the finished
manner that Continental ladies frequently are. Enamel may do very
well for the laces in a pack of cards, but then English beauties need not
enter into competition with painted Queens of Hearts; for they are
winning enough of themselves without resorting to any such superficial
advantage as bismuth, or arsenic, or any similar poisonous ingredient.
Moreover, a lace that was enamelled would be liable to chip, and we
have serious doubts whether a lady’s nose, that was in that flawed con-
dition, would stand out to the best advantage, even though it were set
off, in the way of tasteful uniformity, by the most beautiful of chip
boimets. Then, think of the vulgar remarks that would infallibly be
made. Pancy a heavy dragsman saying with the most languid contempt,
as though he were expatiating on a rare specimen of damaged crockery :
‘ Yes, she certainly is one of Nature’s finest bits of porcelain, but what
a pity she is chipped! ”
Specimens of a North-American Examination.
Schoolmaster. What do you call the Cotton Tree ?
Patriotic Pupil. A branch of Treason.
Schoolmaster. Has it any root ?
Patriotic Pupil. Slavery.
Schoolmaster. What is its seed like ?
Patriotic Pupil. Sedition.
[.The Pupil is patted on the head, and presented with a hundred-
hladed bowie-knife by way of prize.
A TRULY ENORMOUS NUISANCE.
The following statement is made by Musicus in the Times. Musicus
had applied for some reserved seats at Exeter Hall for the oratorio of
Elijah, and there were none to be had:—
“ On inquiry I ascertained, tlie somewhat amusing fact that nearly 400 seats have
been sacrificed to—Crinoline ! The Hall holds 3,000 seats, of 16 inches each; but
the present fashion requires 18, and reduces the number of sittings by 370 or 375.”
The above statement being a brief and eloquent expression of a
deplorable state of things, there are only two words in it for which
Musicus might have been judiciously advised to substitute others—
“ somewhat amusing.” Instead of “ somewhat amusing,” he should
have written “ very disgusting.” If civilisation is indicated by dress,
that of the present, day is receding, and has in a great measure receded
to the degree which it stood at in the Bellaston era. Musicus con-
tinues :—
“ When Handel produced his Messiah for the benefit of a charity in Dublin, the
managers are reported to have requested the ladies to dispense with hoops for the
occasion.”
All womanhood is fortified with hoops again. At the same time, all
Europe is armed. As it was in the old times of ferocity and frivolity,
so it is now. Disaffection to the reign of Peace coincides with rebellion
against the rule of Taste; and Prance is at the bottom of both cala-
.mities. When Prance sleeps, Europe is tranquil; when Prance is
agitated, Europe is in convulsions. So Prance glories in saying. To
these boasts she can add another brag. When Prance masquerades in
the old clothes of preposterous vanity, Europe also wears Crinoline.
Place aux dames ! our neighbours may well exclaim. We too have also
some cause to cry “ Room for the ladies! ” when 400 seats in Exeter
Hall are sacrificed to hoops. What a mean contemptible nation we
shall be, male and female, if we cannot somehow agree to reject that
edict of imperial petticoat government, dictated by Prance, which not
only disfigures the women of England, but also incommodes them, and
not only incommodes them, but likewise those who pay for their un-
comfortable excess of apparel, which encumbers, and crowds, and
crushes us, and pushes them off our stools.
There only wants some sensible heroine to bell, or rather to disbell,
the cat, and lead her sex in shaking off the yoke which absolute French
absurdity has imposed on their corporeal circumference
GLORIOUS GALAXY OP TALENT.
Roth Prince Napoleon and Tom Thumb have been stopping at
that magnificent Hotel, the St. Lawrence Hall, in Montreal, at the same
time. Roth were tiemendous favourites: in fact, it would be difficult
to say which of the two stood the higher in the public estimation. If
it were to be measured by kisses, we should decidedly say that the
General was more popular with the ladies. Ry a private arrangement,
so as not to clash, the Prince and the General received on different
nights. It was reported that the General had challenged the Prince to
give a series of representations, d la Napoleon Ronaparte, in cos-
tume, and everything complete, but we can only say that? at all events
the challenge, if offered, was never accepted; and we think the Prince
displayed unusually good taste in declining it.
THE ANGELIC DOCTOR.
Our friend and contributor, Dr. Cumming, has delivered a lecture
at Manchester on the old subject. He sticks to it that 1867 will see the
world out, in some way, and will, at least, be the end of all chronology;
and if we exist, it will be in an unchronological period. We have not the
least idea what this sort of living will be, or whether it will hurt much;
but one thing is quite certain, namely, that if there is no more time,
preachers will not be able to waste time in talking intolerable nonsense.
Further, Dr. Cumming declares that, whatever change may be
wrought in us, he, for one, does not desire to be an angel. Dr. Cum-
ming, for shame. Sir ! Mock modesty is a mark of bad breeding. As
if you did not know that you are an angel already ! Ask the ladies of
your flock, ye ould dissembler! Flap yer wings, ye ould deluder, and
stop that sort of thing!
A Vicious Court Circular.
The Times said a very xude thing, we hope unconsciously, in a leading
article on the interview between the King of Prussia and the Emperor
of the French. It said that the two sovereigns “had got into a
vicious circle.” Now who knows everything, knows that the
phrase is one of dialectics. Rut people who don’t know everything
may remember what Mirabeaij said, when an oratorical opponent
announced that he should now shut up M. Miraeeau in a vicious
circle. “ What ? Is the honour-able member going to embrace me ? ”
Did the two Sovereigns embrace ?
public buildings!