DOI issue:
September 12, 1863
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16872#0123
112
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 12, 1863.
Model. “ Fine day, Sir.”
Painter (aghast). “ Fine-Good heavens, Man ! Where’s your beard ? What
have you done to your face 1 ”
Model. “ Me, Sir ? Naethin, but just made my whiskers a wee thing decent wi' the
shears.”
Painter. “ Then you’re an utterly ruined Man, Sir! and I’m very sorry for you.
You ’re not worth twopence. Good morning.”
THE LIBERTY OF PRIESTCRAFT.
M. de Montalembert has lately been exerting his
admirable eloquence at Malines in the attempt to expound
his favourite idea of “ a free Church in a free State.”
Like most eminent Frenchmen, the excellent M. de Mon-
talembert is possessed with an idea which he employs
himself in cherishing. By the bye, if the Uncle of Napoleon
III., who hated ideologues, were now in his Nephew’s
place, how disgusted he would be with the most intelligent
of his subjects! To be sure, he would perhaps not
altogether disapprove of the saying, that France goes to
war for an idea; because “for an idea” is a much more
specious phrase than “ under a pretence,” and formerly
when France went to war, the real idea which she contem-
plated in so doing was that very practical one, the idea of
aggrandisement; which however, of course, she had relin-
quished before engaging in the Italian campaign that
ended in the annexation of Savoy and Nice.
M. de Montalembert has an idea of the Free Papal
Church. So M. Auguste Comte had an idea of Positive
Religion; which, to the British understanding, seems
positive nonsense. The amiable and liberal Popery of
M. de Montalembert, though more respectable, is hardly
less visionary than the Atheism or Pantheism of M.
Comte. His idea of “ a free Church in a free State ” is
evidently a fixed one. There can be no such thing in the
world; except as it exists in the United Kingdom; if
M. de Montalembert is satisfied with that, in which
case we.beg his pardon. Fancy what tricks the Church would
play if it were free to do whatever it thought right. There
would not be a pin to choose between Peter and Jack,
and even Martin would be troublesome. As for Jack,
only think what the Free Kirk of Scotland would do if it
enjoyed the freedom of being at liberty to punish people
for breaking the Scotch Sabbath. Any free Church in a
free State would soon create an explosion. M. de Mon-
talembert’s would be like a red hot poker in a barrel of
gunpowder.
Health of the Metropolis.
We hear of a new Disease. One gentleman was talking
to another at the corner of Oxford Street. A third in
perfect health was passing by them at the moment, and
caught what the first was saying. Whatever may have
been the ill-nature of the remark, it has been ascertained
that the unfortunate auditor has not recovered from the
effects.
KIND AND CANNY.
Mr. Punch was amused with something he saw in a Glasgow paper
the other day. He was pleased to observe that a recognition of the
merits of Mr. Lambeth, the distinguished Glasgow organist, and one
of the half-dozen British who know what conducting means, had taken
place. If you could get an organist like Mr. Lambeth at the three choir
festivals, there would not be so much foolscap in the quires. When
he is tired of his Glasgow organs let him come south. Or as the gen-
tleman in Midas sings:—
“ If so Be you wants'an organ,
Come to us, you jolly Mr. L.
And you shall say, with Lady Morgan,
Those Cockneys pay a Talent well.”
However, let Glasgow flourish, and if she flourishes enough about
Mr. Lambeth, well and good. What amused Mr. Punch was, that at
the Presentation to this gentleman of a splendid silver something, and
what was described as One Hundred and Fifty Sovereigns, the silver
was duly given, but the gold had been put away to Mr. Lambeth’s
account in the bank, and he was presented with the bank receipt. Now
this is eminently Scottish. It is inculcating a lesson of prudence in
the very moment of doing a generous thing. Suppose in the excitement
of the hour, Mr. Lambeth, receiving gold, had rushed off to Lang’s
and spent a lot of money in a hundred or so of the luncheon tit-bits,
and then a lot more in a dinner in George Square, and then treated
himself to a concert at a music hall. Not that he is in the least likely
to do anything of the kind; but suppose he had been a man of ill-
regulated mind, and had desired to do such things. Well—he is
instantly brought up to his moorings. A bank receipt, and the bank
won’t be open till to-morrow. To-morrow the excitement would be over.
The idea was worthy the cautious Scottish intellect—but the idea of
the presentation was worthy the warmhearted Glaswegians who thus
honoured an eminent artist whom Mr. Punch is also happy to honour.
A NEW WATERING-PLACE WANTED.
We are a strange people, we English. Our social laws and customs
are chokefull of anomalies. We brag about our being strict observers
of our Sunday, yet in certain of our streets there is more business done
on Sunday than in all the week besides : and. while we think it wrong
on Sunday for people to admire the Holy Family of Titian, we let them
go to Hampton Court and see the unchaste nymphs of Lely. So too,
we brag about, our modesty, and, as compared with that of foreigners,
our superior morality. Yet we suffer things in England which would
nowhere else be sanctioned, and we calmly look at sights which abroad
would not be tolerated. Passing over here our streets, which are a
shame and a disgrace to us, let us instance for example the bathing at
our watering-places. A lot of girls half draped stand bobbing up and
down in half a yard or so of water, and, within an easy eyeshot, a lot
of men stark naked disport themselves in any way it pleases taste to
move them. At times a bolder brute than common will float past the
women’s bathing-place, if that be kept apart, but in very many cases the
bathing is promiscuous. Meanwhile, Gorillas on the shore, with tele-
scopes and opera-glasses survey the bathing nymphs, as coolly and as
closely as they would the semi-undressed dancers in a ballet.
Will any one defend this system of indecency ? or say that people are
the better for enjoying these indelicacies of the seaside season? We
don’t have common bath-rooms for our daughters and our sons, yet we
apparently think nothing of their having common bathing-places. Town
Mayors and corporations and the like so-called “authorities,” have
power to interfere, and put a stop to this immodesty: but such people
of course have little notion of propriety, and think it a good lark when
a girls’ legs become visible. Let a watering-place be started where tke
bathing shall be placed under proner supervision, and where girls may
learn to swim without being suamed or stared at, and Punch will
advertise that place to all the corners of the kingdom, and render it
imperative for every one to visit it. Brighton has made some approaches
to this desideratum.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 12, 1863.
Model. “ Fine day, Sir.”
Painter (aghast). “ Fine-Good heavens, Man ! Where’s your beard ? What
have you done to your face 1 ”
Model. “ Me, Sir ? Naethin, but just made my whiskers a wee thing decent wi' the
shears.”
Painter. “ Then you’re an utterly ruined Man, Sir! and I’m very sorry for you.
You ’re not worth twopence. Good morning.”
THE LIBERTY OF PRIESTCRAFT.
M. de Montalembert has lately been exerting his
admirable eloquence at Malines in the attempt to expound
his favourite idea of “ a free Church in a free State.”
Like most eminent Frenchmen, the excellent M. de Mon-
talembert is possessed with an idea which he employs
himself in cherishing. By the bye, if the Uncle of Napoleon
III., who hated ideologues, were now in his Nephew’s
place, how disgusted he would be with the most intelligent
of his subjects! To be sure, he would perhaps not
altogether disapprove of the saying, that France goes to
war for an idea; because “for an idea” is a much more
specious phrase than “ under a pretence,” and formerly
when France went to war, the real idea which she contem-
plated in so doing was that very practical one, the idea of
aggrandisement; which however, of course, she had relin-
quished before engaging in the Italian campaign that
ended in the annexation of Savoy and Nice.
M. de Montalembert has an idea of the Free Papal
Church. So M. Auguste Comte had an idea of Positive
Religion; which, to the British understanding, seems
positive nonsense. The amiable and liberal Popery of
M. de Montalembert, though more respectable, is hardly
less visionary than the Atheism or Pantheism of M.
Comte. His idea of “ a free Church in a free State ” is
evidently a fixed one. There can be no such thing in the
world; except as it exists in the United Kingdom; if
M. de Montalembert is satisfied with that, in which
case we.beg his pardon. Fancy what tricks the Church would
play if it were free to do whatever it thought right. There
would not be a pin to choose between Peter and Jack,
and even Martin would be troublesome. As for Jack,
only think what the Free Kirk of Scotland would do if it
enjoyed the freedom of being at liberty to punish people
for breaking the Scotch Sabbath. Any free Church in a
free State would soon create an explosion. M. de Mon-
talembert’s would be like a red hot poker in a barrel of
gunpowder.
Health of the Metropolis.
We hear of a new Disease. One gentleman was talking
to another at the corner of Oxford Street. A third in
perfect health was passing by them at the moment, and
caught what the first was saying. Whatever may have
been the ill-nature of the remark, it has been ascertained
that the unfortunate auditor has not recovered from the
effects.
KIND AND CANNY.
Mr. Punch was amused with something he saw in a Glasgow paper
the other day. He was pleased to observe that a recognition of the
merits of Mr. Lambeth, the distinguished Glasgow organist, and one
of the half-dozen British who know what conducting means, had taken
place. If you could get an organist like Mr. Lambeth at the three choir
festivals, there would not be so much foolscap in the quires. When
he is tired of his Glasgow organs let him come south. Or as the gen-
tleman in Midas sings:—
“ If so Be you wants'an organ,
Come to us, you jolly Mr. L.
And you shall say, with Lady Morgan,
Those Cockneys pay a Talent well.”
However, let Glasgow flourish, and if she flourishes enough about
Mr. Lambeth, well and good. What amused Mr. Punch was, that at
the Presentation to this gentleman of a splendid silver something, and
what was described as One Hundred and Fifty Sovereigns, the silver
was duly given, but the gold had been put away to Mr. Lambeth’s
account in the bank, and he was presented with the bank receipt. Now
this is eminently Scottish. It is inculcating a lesson of prudence in
the very moment of doing a generous thing. Suppose in the excitement
of the hour, Mr. Lambeth, receiving gold, had rushed off to Lang’s
and spent a lot of money in a hundred or so of the luncheon tit-bits,
and then a lot more in a dinner in George Square, and then treated
himself to a concert at a music hall. Not that he is in the least likely
to do anything of the kind; but suppose he had been a man of ill-
regulated mind, and had desired to do such things. Well—he is
instantly brought up to his moorings. A bank receipt, and the bank
won’t be open till to-morrow. To-morrow the excitement would be over.
The idea was worthy the cautious Scottish intellect—but the idea of
the presentation was worthy the warmhearted Glaswegians who thus
honoured an eminent artist whom Mr. Punch is also happy to honour.
A NEW WATERING-PLACE WANTED.
We are a strange people, we English. Our social laws and customs
are chokefull of anomalies. We brag about our being strict observers
of our Sunday, yet in certain of our streets there is more business done
on Sunday than in all the week besides : and. while we think it wrong
on Sunday for people to admire the Holy Family of Titian, we let them
go to Hampton Court and see the unchaste nymphs of Lely. So too,
we brag about, our modesty, and, as compared with that of foreigners,
our superior morality. Yet we suffer things in England which would
nowhere else be sanctioned, and we calmly look at sights which abroad
would not be tolerated. Passing over here our streets, which are a
shame and a disgrace to us, let us instance for example the bathing at
our watering-places. A lot of girls half draped stand bobbing up and
down in half a yard or so of water, and, within an easy eyeshot, a lot
of men stark naked disport themselves in any way it pleases taste to
move them. At times a bolder brute than common will float past the
women’s bathing-place, if that be kept apart, but in very many cases the
bathing is promiscuous. Meanwhile, Gorillas on the shore, with tele-
scopes and opera-glasses survey the bathing nymphs, as coolly and as
closely as they would the semi-undressed dancers in a ballet.
Will any one defend this system of indecency ? or say that people are
the better for enjoying these indelicacies of the seaside season? We
don’t have common bath-rooms for our daughters and our sons, yet we
apparently think nothing of their having common bathing-places. Town
Mayors and corporations and the like so-called “authorities,” have
power to interfere, and put a stop to this immodesty: but such people
of course have little notion of propriety, and think it a good lark when
a girls’ legs become visible. Let a watering-place be started where tke
bathing shall be placed under proner supervision, and where girls may
learn to swim without being suamed or stared at, and Punch will
advertise that place to all the corners of the kingdom, and render it
imperative for every one to visit it. Brighton has made some approaches
to this desideratum.