DOI issue:
November 30, 1867
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16880#0229
218
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[November 30, 1867.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
other Theodore, King of
Abyssinia,who,himselfa sa-
vage, has made the British
Parliament savage also,
for it has had to assemble
at an unwonted time, in
order to provide the means
of castigating His Majesty.
So, on
Tuesday, November Yjth,
1867, commenced the
Abissinian Session.
Our Qoeen, with a gra-
cious apology for calling
us together at an unusual
time (Mr. Punch begs that
his Sovereign will not men-
tion it—what does he live
for but to do her service ?)
caused the following Re-
marks to be made, via
Lord Chelmsford:—
1. An expedition for
the purpose of obtaining
the liberation of several
of the Queen’s subjects,
now Theodore’s cap-
tives, has been sent out—and for that purpose alone.
[Well remarked, Loud Stanley. The last words mean that you have no
intention of annexing Abyssinia, or of making a present of it to Egypt. But
if anything happens to the captives, we presume that “alone ” wiU be held to
mean the hanging of the ferocious king.]
2. All powers express friendly feelings towards us, and there is no
reason to apprehend the disturbance of the general peace.
[Is not this second statement a glorious proof of the advance of civilisation?
After 1S66 years of Christianity, we just venture to say that there is no imme-
diate dread that the great Christian nations are anxious to be cutting throats.
Hooray !]
3. Italian volunteers, without authority from their own Sovereign,
have attacked the Pope, and have been beaten by the French. It is
hoped that Napoleon, by speedily withdrawing his soldiers, now not
wanted in Italy, will “remove any possible ground” of misunder-
standing between himself and Victor-Emmanuel.
[Beckon them to a more removed ground, in fact. They have made ghosts
enough. This paragraph is highly proper. England practises non-interference
with the domestic affairs of other nations, and has a right to preach it. Her
own fight with the first Napoleon is not to the purpose, as Napoleon, of whom
Professor Goldwin Smith well says, that there is no Viler Name In history,
was a pestilence, and therefore an enemy of the whole human race.]
4. The treasonable conspiracy called Penianism, repressed in Ire-
land, has assumed in England the form of organised violence and
assassination. These outrages require to be rigorously put down.
[Most true, your Majesty, and your loyal subjects rely upon the vigour of the
Government. The example which it was unhappily necessary to make at Man-
chester on Saturday last, when three Fenian murderers died for slaying a
constable in the discharge of his duty, was made with the approval of all classes
worthy of consideration.]
5. The Estimates will in due course, and so on.
[Madam, nothing can be done without money. While Mr. Disraeli is taxing,
couldn’t a penny stamp be enacted for Photographic Portraits? The revenue
arising from the sale of Mr. Punch’s alone, would pay for the Abyssinian
Expedition.]
6. Irish and Scottish Reform Bills.
[Mr. Punch foresees some dreary material for the Essence, but he will do his
best, and not even Mr. Punch can do more. But, O’Boo darling, bonnie
McWhosky, life is short, don’t make speeches long.]
7. The English Electoral Boundaries Commissioners have been
hard at work, and we shall have their Report as soon as possible.
[The Boundaring Brothers have been out in pairs, a lawyer and a soldier
together, starring all over the country. Theymust have had some fun with
the local folk, who have tried to humbug them awfully. But we fancy an
officer of Engineers and a barrister ought to be a match for most.]
8. We are to have a Bill for the prevention of bribery and cor-
ruption.
[We almost fancy we have heard something like this before. Does the Bill
re-enact the pillory for the bribed, and will the Law ask the briber to lend her
his ears ?]
9. And the Public Schools Bill again.
[Will Mr. Bob Lowe do Mr. Punch the great favour to appoint a day for
delivering to the House of Commons the thundering good speech which he
made at Edinburgh, on Education. Meantime, let anybody with fourteen-
pence send thirteen of them to Messrs. Edmonston and Douglas, Auld Reekie,
N.B., for the author’s edition.]
10. The general question of the Education of the People requires
our most serious attention.
[Rather. To adopt one of the wisest and most brilliant things ever said (of
course it was in Punch) Educate the Masses, or they will educate you in a school
that gives no holidays.]
11. Measures will be submitted for the benefit of the Mercantile
Marine.
[Who is he ? We never heard of him, but if he is as gallant a fellow as bis
namesake in the Queen’s service, (to whom one is always referred when one
wants a simple-minded listener) we shall rejoice in anything that does him
good.]
12. We are to relieve the Home Cattle Trade from vexatious
restrictions, and to facilitate the introduction of Foreign Cattle.
[The latter shall be welcome, down to the poor Papal Bull, for men must
laugh, as well as eat.]
13. Measures for the Amendment of the Law will be submitted.
[Uncommonly general, but there is unlimited room for indefinue improve-
ment in every department of the law.]
14. Other questions, apparently calling for legislative action, have
been referred to Commissioners, whose reports shall be presented.
[Whose English is “ apparently calling” ? Not the Queen’s. Apparent means
visible to the eye, which we do not think a call is, unless it is a cat-call. The
promise refers to Ritualism, inter alia, we suppose. Certainly that is visible to
the eye, whence its professors may be called the Eye Church.]
15. The usual proper and pioas paragraph.
[To which Mr. Punch heartily responds “ God Save the Queen !”]
In the Senate, the Address was moved by the new Earl Brownlow,
lately the Hon. Adelbert Wellington Brownlow-Cust, of the
British Grenadiers ; and seconded by the first Lord Hylton, who was
created last year out of Sir William George Hylton-Jolliefe.
The Earl Russell said that both had done their work with great
judgment and propriety : so we hope they are happy.
That Earl himself then proceeded to comment on the Speech. It
was proper to summon Parliament. Theodore’s conduct was
outrageous, and a case of war had been made out. He hoped that due
judgment had been used as to the best means of waging it. Was
sorry that an expedition had been sent to Rome in order to test the
Chassepot Rifle. The Emperor had violated international law. A
Conference would be useless unless the Pope and the King of Italy
agreed to submit. Were we going into one? Are the Scotch and
Irish Reform Bills to be two more Leaps in the Dark ? He should
submit his own views about Education.
Lord Hardwicke said that much clap-trap was talked about
Education. All the working-man wanted was to read and write, so
that he might read his Bible, and begin to understand the principles of
his religion. The gallant Admiral evidently thinks that England is a
Quarter-deck, on which he can give orders. Also, taking his view,
what is the use of the writing ? unless he means that the working-man
is to write to his bishop, requesting theological light.
Lord Carnarvon was not sure that there was no other course open
than fighting Theodore. We might have dazzled him with an Indian
officer and an escort.
Lord Houghton did not see evidence that the Romans now
thought strongly that Rome ought to be the Italian capital.
The Earl of Derby, Premier, explained fully and regretted duly
the Abyssinian necessity. Parliament had received the earliest
possible intimation. The extra-Indian expenses will be borne by
the Imperial Revenue. Abyssinia is 160 miles from the Red Sea.
[We have acquired that knowledge, at all events, by the war.] The
Emperor Napoleon’s sentiments agree with the Queen’s. We have
neither consented nor declined to attend a Conference, but it will
be a waste of diplomatic time if His Holiness and His Majesty will not
submit. But for the Catholic Bishops, the question of Irish Education
would long have been settled, and the late Lord Rosse [a word of
honour to the memory of the maker of the grandest of telescopes]
would have been at the head of a commission for the purpose. Address
agreed to.
In the House of Representatives whatever inclination there might
have been to attack the Government was dispelled by affliction in the
house of Mr. Disraeli. As was certain, Mr. Gladstone’s reference
to this was of the most delicate character, and was becomingly acknow-
ledged. Mr. Gladstone reserved opinions, and Mr. Disraeli gave
fitting assurances. Mr. Horsman and Lord Stanley fenced over
Italy, and some Catholics and Protestants contradicted one another
about the Garibaldi business. But the opening evening, here, was
a flat one, and over before VIII.
Wednesday. Nothing worth note, except an anti-Garibaldian speech
from Mr. Maguire, who exultingly declared that the Church of
Rome was multiplying and increasing in America. Lord Stanley
quietly replied that the staunchest Protestant would not object to her
occupying in Italy the same position as she holds in the United
States.
Thursday. Mr. Maguire (not the gentleman last mentioned, but the
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[November 30, 1867.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
other Theodore, King of
Abyssinia,who,himselfa sa-
vage, has made the British
Parliament savage also,
for it has had to assemble
at an unwonted time, in
order to provide the means
of castigating His Majesty.
So, on
Tuesday, November Yjth,
1867, commenced the
Abissinian Session.
Our Qoeen, with a gra-
cious apology for calling
us together at an unusual
time (Mr. Punch begs that
his Sovereign will not men-
tion it—what does he live
for but to do her service ?)
caused the following Re-
marks to be made, via
Lord Chelmsford:—
1. An expedition for
the purpose of obtaining
the liberation of several
of the Queen’s subjects,
now Theodore’s cap-
tives, has been sent out—and for that purpose alone.
[Well remarked, Loud Stanley. The last words mean that you have no
intention of annexing Abyssinia, or of making a present of it to Egypt. But
if anything happens to the captives, we presume that “alone ” wiU be held to
mean the hanging of the ferocious king.]
2. All powers express friendly feelings towards us, and there is no
reason to apprehend the disturbance of the general peace.
[Is not this second statement a glorious proof of the advance of civilisation?
After 1S66 years of Christianity, we just venture to say that there is no imme-
diate dread that the great Christian nations are anxious to be cutting throats.
Hooray !]
3. Italian volunteers, without authority from their own Sovereign,
have attacked the Pope, and have been beaten by the French. It is
hoped that Napoleon, by speedily withdrawing his soldiers, now not
wanted in Italy, will “remove any possible ground” of misunder-
standing between himself and Victor-Emmanuel.
[Beckon them to a more removed ground, in fact. They have made ghosts
enough. This paragraph is highly proper. England practises non-interference
with the domestic affairs of other nations, and has a right to preach it. Her
own fight with the first Napoleon is not to the purpose, as Napoleon, of whom
Professor Goldwin Smith well says, that there is no Viler Name In history,
was a pestilence, and therefore an enemy of the whole human race.]
4. The treasonable conspiracy called Penianism, repressed in Ire-
land, has assumed in England the form of organised violence and
assassination. These outrages require to be rigorously put down.
[Most true, your Majesty, and your loyal subjects rely upon the vigour of the
Government. The example which it was unhappily necessary to make at Man-
chester on Saturday last, when three Fenian murderers died for slaying a
constable in the discharge of his duty, was made with the approval of all classes
worthy of consideration.]
5. The Estimates will in due course, and so on.
[Madam, nothing can be done without money. While Mr. Disraeli is taxing,
couldn’t a penny stamp be enacted for Photographic Portraits? The revenue
arising from the sale of Mr. Punch’s alone, would pay for the Abyssinian
Expedition.]
6. Irish and Scottish Reform Bills.
[Mr. Punch foresees some dreary material for the Essence, but he will do his
best, and not even Mr. Punch can do more. But, O’Boo darling, bonnie
McWhosky, life is short, don’t make speeches long.]
7. The English Electoral Boundaries Commissioners have been
hard at work, and we shall have their Report as soon as possible.
[The Boundaring Brothers have been out in pairs, a lawyer and a soldier
together, starring all over the country. Theymust have had some fun with
the local folk, who have tried to humbug them awfully. But we fancy an
officer of Engineers and a barrister ought to be a match for most.]
8. We are to have a Bill for the prevention of bribery and cor-
ruption.
[We almost fancy we have heard something like this before. Does the Bill
re-enact the pillory for the bribed, and will the Law ask the briber to lend her
his ears ?]
9. And the Public Schools Bill again.
[Will Mr. Bob Lowe do Mr. Punch the great favour to appoint a day for
delivering to the House of Commons the thundering good speech which he
made at Edinburgh, on Education. Meantime, let anybody with fourteen-
pence send thirteen of them to Messrs. Edmonston and Douglas, Auld Reekie,
N.B., for the author’s edition.]
10. The general question of the Education of the People requires
our most serious attention.
[Rather. To adopt one of the wisest and most brilliant things ever said (of
course it was in Punch) Educate the Masses, or they will educate you in a school
that gives no holidays.]
11. Measures will be submitted for the benefit of the Mercantile
Marine.
[Who is he ? We never heard of him, but if he is as gallant a fellow as bis
namesake in the Queen’s service, (to whom one is always referred when one
wants a simple-minded listener) we shall rejoice in anything that does him
good.]
12. We are to relieve the Home Cattle Trade from vexatious
restrictions, and to facilitate the introduction of Foreign Cattle.
[The latter shall be welcome, down to the poor Papal Bull, for men must
laugh, as well as eat.]
13. Measures for the Amendment of the Law will be submitted.
[Uncommonly general, but there is unlimited room for indefinue improve-
ment in every department of the law.]
14. Other questions, apparently calling for legislative action, have
been referred to Commissioners, whose reports shall be presented.
[Whose English is “ apparently calling” ? Not the Queen’s. Apparent means
visible to the eye, which we do not think a call is, unless it is a cat-call. The
promise refers to Ritualism, inter alia, we suppose. Certainly that is visible to
the eye, whence its professors may be called the Eye Church.]
15. The usual proper and pioas paragraph.
[To which Mr. Punch heartily responds “ God Save the Queen !”]
In the Senate, the Address was moved by the new Earl Brownlow,
lately the Hon. Adelbert Wellington Brownlow-Cust, of the
British Grenadiers ; and seconded by the first Lord Hylton, who was
created last year out of Sir William George Hylton-Jolliefe.
The Earl Russell said that both had done their work with great
judgment and propriety : so we hope they are happy.
That Earl himself then proceeded to comment on the Speech. It
was proper to summon Parliament. Theodore’s conduct was
outrageous, and a case of war had been made out. He hoped that due
judgment had been used as to the best means of waging it. Was
sorry that an expedition had been sent to Rome in order to test the
Chassepot Rifle. The Emperor had violated international law. A
Conference would be useless unless the Pope and the King of Italy
agreed to submit. Were we going into one? Are the Scotch and
Irish Reform Bills to be two more Leaps in the Dark ? He should
submit his own views about Education.
Lord Hardwicke said that much clap-trap was talked about
Education. All the working-man wanted was to read and write, so
that he might read his Bible, and begin to understand the principles of
his religion. The gallant Admiral evidently thinks that England is a
Quarter-deck, on which he can give orders. Also, taking his view,
what is the use of the writing ? unless he means that the working-man
is to write to his bishop, requesting theological light.
Lord Carnarvon was not sure that there was no other course open
than fighting Theodore. We might have dazzled him with an Indian
officer and an escort.
Lord Houghton did not see evidence that the Romans now
thought strongly that Rome ought to be the Italian capital.
The Earl of Derby, Premier, explained fully and regretted duly
the Abyssinian necessity. Parliament had received the earliest
possible intimation. The extra-Indian expenses will be borne by
the Imperial Revenue. Abyssinia is 160 miles from the Red Sea.
[We have acquired that knowledge, at all events, by the war.] The
Emperor Napoleon’s sentiments agree with the Queen’s. We have
neither consented nor declined to attend a Conference, but it will
be a waste of diplomatic time if His Holiness and His Majesty will not
submit. But for the Catholic Bishops, the question of Irish Education
would long have been settled, and the late Lord Rosse [a word of
honour to the memory of the maker of the grandest of telescopes]
would have been at the head of a commission for the purpose. Address
agreed to.
In the House of Representatives whatever inclination there might
have been to attack the Government was dispelled by affliction in the
house of Mr. Disraeli. As was certain, Mr. Gladstone’s reference
to this was of the most delicate character, and was becomingly acknow-
ledged. Mr. Gladstone reserved opinions, and Mr. Disraeli gave
fitting assurances. Mr. Horsman and Lord Stanley fenced over
Italy, and some Catholics and Protestants contradicted one another
about the Garibaldi business. But the opening evening, here, was
a flat one, and over before VIII.
Wednesday. Nothing worth note, except an anti-Garibaldian speech
from Mr. Maguire, who exultingly declared that the Church of
Rome was multiplying and increasing in America. Lord Stanley
quietly replied that the staunchest Protestant would not object to her
occupying in Italy the same position as she holds in the United
States.
Thursday. Mr. Maguire (not the gentleman last mentioned, but the